tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7069373519036587582024-03-14T05:56:05.546-04:00The Horror DigestThe Horror Digest... (Plus Other Stuff)Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.comBlogger761125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-87934041436878038272017-05-23T10:30:00.001-04:002017-05-23T10:30:28.779-04:00Large Marge Sent UsGuys, I've been MIA longer than my usual year or so hiatus. The reason is more than needing adequate snuggle time with my cat, or needing additional time to eat more sandwiches than usual. The reason is, I've caught the podcasting bug. That's right, in August my Sister Emily and I finally made our dreams come true and we started our own podcast, <a href="http://largemargesentus.libsyn.com/podcast">Large Marge Sent Us</a>. We've been having a blast and if you enjoy revisiting your favorite flicks from your childhood, hopefully you will too!<br />
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So join us! Listen! We'll love you forever and ever!<br />
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Visit our Podcast site <a href="http://largemargesentus.libsyn.com/podcast">here</a><br />
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And subscribe on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play and other places you listen to your podcasts!<br />
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We sing. We laugh. We ask important questions. We pretend we know things.<br />
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In no particular order here are just some of the movies and things we've covered:<br />
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Jurassic Park<br />
Star Wars<br />
Raiders of the Lost Ark<br />
E.T.<br />
Weekend at Bernie's<br />
Overboard<br />
Teen Witch<br />
Mr. Boogedy<br />
Monster Squad<br />
The Goonies<br />
Wayne's World<br />
Ace Ventura Pet Detective<br />
American Gladiators<br />
Supermarket Sweep<br />
Are You Afraid of the Dark? (TV show)<br />
The Worst Witch<br />
Mary Poppins<br />
The Sandlot<br />
Return to Oz<br />
Back to the Future<br />
Beetlejuice<br />
Gremlins<br />
The Witches<br />
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AND MORE!!!!<br />
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Hooray!<br />
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Follow us on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/TheSweetieClub">@TheSweetieClub</a> and Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/largemargesentus/?hl=en">@LargeMargeSentUs</a><br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-58063393852948861582016-10-09T14:58:00.001-04:002016-10-09T14:58:18.281-04:00The Witch: People Are Talking. Talking BOUT WITCHES. <br />
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Last year, all anyone could talk about was The Witch.<br />
<i>“Oh my God you guys, The Witch is EVERYTHING”</i><br />
<i>“The Witch scared the crap out of me”</i><br />
<i>“Black Phillip for President” </i><br />
<i>“Holy crapping crap holy crap scary”</i><br />
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That’s in a nutshell what the general chatter surrounding The Witch was like. So what was I to do while listening to this endless chatter, lonely and removed from any and all new horror movies? Sit in a corner and sulk until it became available to watch instantly obviously. Which brings me to now—or rather last night when I snuggled in to finally watch The Witch. The following is based on true events.<br />
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Until about 15 minutes after I finished the movie I didn’t think much of it. My initial thoughts were as follows:<br />
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1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Wait, what are they saying?<br />
2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Crazy Aunt Lysa it’s you, you crazy bitch.<br />
3.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>That knit hat looks awkwardly modern<br />
4.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Black Phillip real or imaginary?<br />
5.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Seriously though, can ANYONE understand what they are saying?<br />
6.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Oh OK I guess Black Phillip does exist and is also a rapist.<br />
7.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The end…..wait what just happened?<br />
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And then that was it. I turned off the TV, shrugged at my lack of reaction/emotional reaction and went to the bathroom. Now here’s where it gets interesting. Whilst taking a pee, I suddenly became overwhelmed by an inexplicable burden of unease. It was like my brain finally dozed off and my SOUL awakened and grabbed me by the throat and was like, “SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!”<br />
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It’s hard to explain. The Witch is neither overwhelmingly scary or suspenseful yet it creates such a strong atmosphere of unease and latent terror that it’s almost shocking. Sure, at times the film feels a bit slow and painstakingly olden days-ish, complete with so many “Thou art a witch” proclamations I thought for a minute I was back rehearsing my high school production of the Crucible-----but in true witch fashion, The Witch really sneaks up on you. I believe this is where the film truly excels. It scares you without you realizing it.<br />
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I blame this mostly on the 2001: A Space Odyssey-like track of terrifying choral screams and also too many goats. Oh plus levitation and things left eerily unexplained. It wasn't what I was expecting and I still feel like maybe I missed a crucial part of why this left people so terrified but then again---no, no I think I'm right. It terrified people because it stayed with them. Right? RIGHT?!<br />
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There may be a lot of questions. People may have needed things explained better. But fuck those guys. Sometimes you just want feel a sense of horror, not have it shoved in your face. Sure, we got to see the Witch in the flesh (not counting the Witch's backside) only once, but is that the part everyone will remember? I don't think so. For me it was the agonizing choral screaming and the creepy levitation at the film's conclusion. It will likely be different for you and for everyone and that I think is the mark of a truly terrifying film.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-14401074567527203982016-02-04T15:07:00.000-05:002016-02-04T15:07:15.038-05:00UMM TEEN WITCH YOU GUYS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'll have you know that nothing is better than Teen Witch. I know this because:<br />
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A. Its soundtrack predominately features a Jazz Saxophone.<br />
B. Its musical numbers are <u><b>topped</b></u> by nothing in existence (see what I did there?)<br />
C. It's an 80s explosion of endless, nonstop awesomeness in your face over and over and over again.<br />
D. BRAD<br />
E. Shut up I'm always right about everything except when I thought 'too much cheese' wasn't a thing.<br />
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Teen Witch is one of those movies that makes me feel instantly better about myself, my non-existent love life and the fact that I didn't have a gross little brother who ate cake under my bed while I was sleeping.<br />
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And then got his gross cake fingers stuck to my love letters about Brad.<br />
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There's just so much to love. But since we're all busy and stuff here are just 5 key things.<br />
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<b>1. Fashion.</b><br />
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Nothing says 'these characters are nerds' more than the early fashion sense of Louise and Polly.<br />
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The hobo biker look is <i>in</i> you guys. I swear. </div>
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<b>2. Rap Posse</b><br />
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Like most high schools---this one has an official Rap group compromised of white guys wearing their grandfather's old coats. We are still unsure of whether these are original rap numbers or if they are just lip syncing.<br />
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<b>3. Musical numbers</b><br />
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God I miss the days of dancing around in my purple leotard in the locker room.</div>
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I also love when they awkwardly stick the actresses who can't dance into these group dance scenes.<br />
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\"What? You say you can't dance? OK well just stand on the side and hop around a bit, no one will notice!"</div>
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Hey guys, what do you feel like doing today?</div>
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Oh, I don't know let's stand outside my car and rap. Good thing none of you can top my tank top that accidentally shrunk in the dryer. Oh wait...that vest is KILLING IT. </div>
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<b>4. Mr. Weaver</b><br />
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Things I love about the Mr. Weaver scenes:<br />
--No other teachers seem to think it's alarming that a pervert, asshole possible 2nd coming of the devil and/or Hitler is teaching these kids English.<br />
--Louise somehow uses her witch powers to know not only what exact clothes Mr. Weaver would be wearing in class but also the color of his underwear.<br />
--Speaking of which. No one seems to notice Louise is disrobing a doll in the classroom. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP-ytDjaJ3IoKh67yNIXbXngtrYvsHzwnO199pnFhTHptJoqw9b2ddX2liWO2wytUMp8mq43jDsljexpwqT1A6E2P4lDxAxMmR8CuJAiPWdPI-DbS8HLd6L9K89ggtNL-13xUUZp5wHrkn/s1600/teen+witch+17.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP-ytDjaJ3IoKh67yNIXbXngtrYvsHzwnO199pnFhTHptJoqw9b2ddX2liWO2wytUMp8mq43jDsljexpwqT1A6E2P4lDxAxMmR8CuJAiPWdPI-DbS8HLd6L9K89ggtNL-13xUUZp5wHrkn/s400/teen+witch+17.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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--Why does the class think their perverted, asshole teacher stripping his clothes off is funny? Why aren't people horrified and crying?<br />
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"HAH I'M GOING TO SEE OLD MAN BALLS. BEST DAY EVER"</div>
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5. <b>BRAD</b></div>
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Rejected photo from Tiger Beat shoot circa 1988</div>
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Oh wait no that was this one--editors deemed it too sexy for the centerfold. Jokes on them--I already blew this photo up and taped it to my ceiling.</div>
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Sigh.</div>
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Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-52189873793856497132015-12-06T10:53:00.000-05:002015-12-06T10:53:06.261-05:00Goodnight Mommy: Nevermind, I Don't Want Kids Anymore.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjikebuOE3PMYeHoGK1w0p1_tqzgXP_cfzwa6RocBDgDhtFmm9LzZwnWKubMwIXtvVKsnV7CK4ZUAb0rG2CZbDM6g89GO-FZRiNUq0ebxETt-ceUysPzeoFJmPD1CIZdfyaftEHLyybzNgU/s1600/goodnight+mommy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjikebuOE3PMYeHoGK1w0p1_tqzgXP_cfzwa6RocBDgDhtFmm9LzZwnWKubMwIXtvVKsnV7CK4ZUAb0rG2CZbDM6g89GO-FZRiNUq0ebxETt-ceUysPzeoFJmPD1CIZdfyaftEHLyybzNgU/s400/goodnight+mommy.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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Goodnight Mommy has been recommended to me by at least 2 people. Of those 2 people, 1 is famous and the other one I've never met in person. Those of you bad at math this equals= must see in my book. But honestly, I'm just really looking for a good movie you know? Unfortunately, I could only watch Goodnight Mommy on Amazon which means I can't take fun screenshots which is a shame because I had some really good ones in mind---and also this post probably won't be as funny now without them. Poo.<br />
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Goodnight Mommy is an Austrian 'Psychological Thriller' which in layman's terms means that the movie is not what you think it is about and also probably there is a twist. It's important to know what these genre tags really mean you know. SO, the movie is about twin boys who live in a secluded Austrian arty house and who get into shenanigans on a daily basis. One day their mother returns having just had plastic surgery and to them she seems different. Soon their suspicions escalate into dangerous and terrifying territories.<br />
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First of all---the BEST thing about this movie is how it brings me back to <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2009/11/eyes-without-face-you-could-take-few.html">Eyes Without a Face</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTeoEhrsIDrivicVe_63GP4yhRVSap3-cj9D56wlE6QcJdrJ0W5C-xWuBv_p0Tk84kEuQZS5qnPg6GWHxZCiuDWPrnlDYJ1XMMVgqcLaaOUI3zvEHNGTy5h6gL9nVnc9Qdx2CqMTcha5zH/s1600/eyes1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTeoEhrsIDrivicVe_63GP4yhRVSap3-cj9D56wlE6QcJdrJ0W5C-xWuBv_p0Tk84kEuQZS5qnPg6GWHxZCiuDWPrnlDYJ1XMMVgqcLaaOUI3zvEHNGTy5h6gL9nVnc9Qdx2CqMTcha5zH/s400/eyes1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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There is nothing better and I repeat NOTHING BETTER than a creepy bandage mask that distorts an actor or actress' face. There is something so simplistically creepy about this that makes my insides squirm with excitement. I love it because it's not some otherworldly mask or some ingenious special makeup effect. It's bandages.<br />
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Second of all---I love me some psychological horror. Unfortunately this means that I can guess 'twists' within seconds of watching a movie and then I spend the whole movie checking off points in my theory that continue to be correct. Good news I won. The thing is though--knowing the twist right away doesn't ruin the movie. What happens as the movie progresses is terrifying whether you know the twist or not.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQTuE0ASUvTunNEUIZrviVEEK-J1kWUiX_y8Er5RfpHP5Lnv_LVj4wfAmt62OHD1NJAis8NXUzBSKmgfyk3g7Qw2tKGofofg8PtnVhJ9kN4tOSnMgZqeC6LxfuJy_EqI7NGnsn_JZanARj/s1600/mommy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQTuE0ASUvTunNEUIZrviVEEK-J1kWUiX_y8Er5RfpHP5Lnv_LVj4wfAmt62OHD1NJAis8NXUzBSKmgfyk3g7Qw2tKGofofg8PtnVhJ9kN4tOSnMgZqeC6LxfuJy_EqI7NGnsn_JZanARj/s400/mommy2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Also notable here is how our loyalties change throughout. In the beginning part of the film, we are made to be on the boys' side. 'Playing along' so to speak and questioning at least on some level that their suspicions may have some truth to them after all. But the really great part of this is that even if we trust their suspicions at least to some extent---what ends up happening is so off-putting and horrifying that we come away being on the mother's side by the end. Actually, maybe we are never meant to be on the side of the boys. I mean......little boys that fill an entire fish tank with cockroaches are no friend of mine OK? What the fuck.<br />
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Here are some other thoughts about this movie.<br />
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<b>Gross. </b><br />
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I continue to be amazed at how good foreign movies are at gore. This is not gore as we know it-- this is gore done with a steady hand that knows <i>exactly</i> what will make you cringe without being too over the top. There is a scene here involving superglue and scissors that made me climb out of my skin and cower in the corner, weeping. I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about it.<br />
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<b>The Red Cross</b><br />
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I don't know how they do things over in Austria, but if solicitors come a knocking and you don't answer apparently they just fucking come in? What the hell. If you can't pretend that you aren't home when the Jehovah's Witnesses come---what safety is left in this world? Ooh....that might just be a fantastic idea for a horror movie. Don't steal it.<br />
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<b>Cat</b><br />
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Yes there is a cat in this and yes it ends up dead. <br />
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<b>Holy Shit Balls</b><br />
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By the end, this movie becomes so unsettling that it's difficult to digest all at once. It kind of sadly reminded me of that movie where the kids lock their parents in the basement so that they won't get a divorce...what was that called..,OH yeah House Arrest.<br />
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What a shitty movie. The entire time you are thinking---'Well, I guess they can never let their parents out because then their parents will probably kill them'. And also, 'Wow this movie really sucks.' The same is true (except for the shitty part) of Goodnight Mommy in that at one point you determine that the boys have definitely gone too far and when that happens you come to the horrific realization that there is no turning back.<br />
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Overall, I was mostly impressed with Goodnight Mommy. It's very quiet in how it delivers its horror and it kind of sneaks up on you. You really need to stay with it I think in order to become affected here. It's the building up of the madness that really seals the deal. Sure, I came away with a few questions but they weren't deal breakers. Knowing more about certain aspects of the film won't make it any more or less great and that is important to note. It has some superb shots happening and I find overall that it's very understated in its attack but dang, does it sneak up on you in the end.<br />
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Feel free to discuss fun spoilery stuff in the comments!Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-6091405714774491262015-11-22T15:50:00.000-05:002015-11-22T15:50:33.305-05:00The Taking of Deborah Logan: Your Inspiration is Showing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm not 100% certain, but I think that there's been a lot of talk about The Taking of Deborah Logan. Probably good talk but then again I find it difficult to keep up with these things while trying to remain vigilant about watching Teen Mom 2 so who knows. What I <i>do</i> know is what I think about it and what I think is well.....I don't know--- let's talk it out.<br />
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The Taking of Deborah Logan is essentially a student film about an Alzheimer's patient named Deborah Logan. When we first meet Deborah and her daughter Sarah, things haven't gone completely south yet.<br />
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Soon, her condition worsens and eventually we come to the conclusion that this is probably more than just Alzheimer's. It's probably the devil.<br />
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OK, Deborah Logan gets major points for not just being an exorcism movie. Instead of relying on the expected exorcism tropes it does take the movie to several new and unexplored places....well places that haven't all been combined into one film at least. What I mean by that is that The Taking of Deborah Logan seems to make a list of all the films that have scared us over the past few decades or so and then used the high points of said films to its advantage. Let's do a quick recap of 'inspirations'<br />
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<b>The Exorcist III </b><br />
--The concept of mentally ill elderly people being possessed was never more fantastic than it was in the Exorcist III. Old ladies crawling on the ceiling is something we as horror viewers will never forget--but also the concept of the elderly and more importantly the elderly suffering from Dementia or Alzheimer's being sound passageways for demons and their shenanigans is brilliant. So although I applaud Deborah Logan for recognizing that--I don't find the film's overall concept too groundbreaking. Also not enough old ladies walking on ceilings.<br />
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<b>Paranormal Activity</b><br />
When I first began watching, I was pleased to see that the video taping was A. explained and B. not accented by loud amplified sounds and lame night vision cameras. However, then the cameraman begins installing motion capture cameras in the house which immediately made my excitement fizzle. These cameras are installed way before there's any inkling that something nefarious is afoot, so their early presence makes you question their necessity. Also, it immediately brings us back to the Paranormal Activity hey-day of night vision scenes and replaying moments that we already saw so that we can hear the characters in the film discuss how crazy it is that it happened. Hey, at least <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2010/10/second-chance-paranormal-acitvity.html">Micah Sloat</a> was not in this.<br />
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<b>The Blair Witch Project</b><br />
Old town legends, creepy old cabins/mines in the woods, disappearing children....you wouldn't immediately think of Deborah Logan having all these tropes (especially because it's supposed to be a documentary about Alzheimer's. But lo and behold, there they are. And then it's not too long before we see our main characters running in the woods while holding their camera and being scared or people's backs being used at ultimate moments of terror.<br />
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<b>The Descent</b><br />
When I saw Sarah start crawling through the claustrophobic mine opening, I had a feeling we'd be seeing some Descent nods.. And here we do---quick startling glimpses not of cave dwellers but of Deborah Logan looking very scary is enough for me to remember how great The Descent is.<br />
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Sure, there are probably more I'm missing, but these stuck out to me the most. It's not that I feel like Deborah Logan stole these scare tactics but more of a feeling that I wish it would have made some scare tactics on its own. The film tries to bring some of its own special brand of scares but by the time we get to that point--it has all suddenly become too ridiculous to swallow. Pun intended....mwahaha.<br />
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Look---it has its strong points but unfortunately all those strong points owe their strengths to better, more well done movies. Also, I wish it hadn't relied on the jump scares noises...! I was so excited that we'd be missing those, since it's you know....a documentary and everything but nope, there they were. I felt actually a lot like I did when I saw Paranormal Activity---that the real 'scares' are the noises and that those noises really only work if blasted into your ears at the movie theater. Yes, there are some gross moments of skin trauma, some fun spewing of earthworms, and some naked switchboard action but overall I think the film suffers from just wanting to do and BE too many things.<br />
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Oh and serious serious bonus points for casting Anne Ramsay aka Helen Haley ('Has anyone seen my new red hat? Oh, piss on your hat) from A League of Their Own. She is fantastic.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-50775287496613720702015-11-16T11:19:00.000-05:002015-11-16T11:19:53.540-05:00Creep: Indecision 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm not good at making decisions. When faced with a menu of several delicious things, I experience an inner turmoil that typically ends in tears. I once sat staring at my TV for 20 minutes trying to decide whether to watch a show on Hulu or Netflix (in the end I ate a piece of cake instead and fell asleep). Which brings me now to my latest indecision. Creep: Yea or Nay?<br />
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I DON'T KNOW YOU GUYS<br />
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On the one hand--Creep has some fairly good things going for it. </div>
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1. Mark Duplass--- funny guy also very creepy</div>
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2. Simple plot/vehicle = minimal story shenanigans</div>
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3. Well placed jump scares</div>
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4. Well placed creepiness</div>
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on the other hand.</div>
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1. Is Mark Duplass just creepy all the time? Probably. </div>
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2. Simple plot= boring</div>
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3. Well placed jump scares= predictable</div>
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4. Creepiness turns into silliness?</div>
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This is my struggle. Mark Duplass is so funny in this other roles that this felt like a continuation of his funny character which therefore made me take the entirety of the movie less seriously. I know it's supposed to be a dark comedy but ultimately I feel like the comedy far outweighed the darkness. Also---every time he was being 'creepy' I mostly got 'funny' so I didn't feel nearly as creeped out as I should have.</div>
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The jump scares were very unkind to my heart, but does that warrant a gold star in fear factor? Probably not. I will say even after you notice when those jumps are coming they still get you every time which I suppose <i>does</i> say something however much my nerves of steel don't want to admit.</div>
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And sure---some of it was very creepy but nothing felt very unexpected to me. You have to know going in that the guy's 'story' seems weird right? And that his enthusiasm about hugging and willingness to share 'tubby time' with a stranger does not mean good things ahead. </div>
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So when we do get that.... dun dun dun realization, we're not pulling out our hair in anguish or anything. We're more like... ummmm yeah? </div>
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So then I guess my question is. What is left? What else do we have here that instills this film as something you should be watching? I don't know. Creepy wolf masks? </div>
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Good ending special effect? I guess I turned my indecision into a decision after all.</div>
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Creep: Meh. </div>
<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-42066109416026285922015-11-09T21:25:00.000-05:002015-11-09T23:32:21.413-05:00Last Shift: Bring Extra Underwear<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well. And then that happened.<br />
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That's what I've managed to come up with after staring at my computer screen for 20 minutes after Last Shift ended. It's not that I'm in awe by what I just saw but more like ummm what the fuck just happened? Also I need to change my underwear. Also seriously what just happened? Oh right THAT.<br />
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Hot tip: If you're <i>not</i> into shitting your pants every 5 seconds, maybe stay away from this one.<br />
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Last Shift is about a rookie cop whose very first assignment is to sit in a vacated police station all night and wait for some hazmat guys to arrive--who in typical fashion give a time window of soon-never. Pretty soon, she starts realizing that her first assignment pretty much sucks. A lot.<br />
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Alright so let's start by saying that half of this movie is pretty brilliant. It's set up in a way that really makes you (or at least me) appreciate the intelligence of the story choice. The key to making a great scary movie on a low budget is the concept. Abandoned police station means that you can basically just use an empty office building and boom you have your creepy atmosphere. Who needs props, when everything is supposed to be gone? See? genius. Secondly, it truly again utilizes the less is more tactic by injecting some very decent scares pretty early on. Simple things that we see time and time again somehow come off feeling like new. How did they do it? I'm not sure. But then again I'm still not really sure how airplanes work so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.<br />
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The point is---there is a lot of good happening in this...at least for a long while. Creepy phone calls, haywire lights, suspicious shoeless homeless men (also the name of my new band), and inklings of some Manson like clan people whose souls haven't been put to rest. What more can one ask for? The whole first half of the movie is infact both a lot of fun and insanely terrifying. There are a lot of dark doorways that have the ability to make one very uneasy.<br />
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And sure--music cues provide jump scares now and again, but it's done fairly smartly and doesn't use up all its cliches at once which I respect.<br />
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Now I would liken this movie to a pot of boiling milk. In the beginning, the heat is fairly low yet constant. The heat is good and we need it. Then you look away for a minute and all of a sudden the milk is out of control and boiling all over your stove probably causing a fire. All this seems to happen when there is about 30 minutes left in the movie. It's like the volume gets turned up to 1,000 and there's all these like bloody faced people in your face, and some guy's got pointy devil teeth and he just keeps popping up and yelling at you...dead Dad's are phoning you and then there's all these hooligans running around and you're like what the fuck is happeninggggg my head ahhhhh. It feels like you're in a really really mean haunted house--where your heart just never gets to recover. But also it's not very fun because you're like...OK I GET IT YOU ARE SCARY JESUS CHRIST I JUST WANT TO DRINK MY HOT APPLE CIDER IN PEACE YOU ASSHOLE. You know?<br />
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I guess ultimately this movie is still fun. If you want to have some fun with your friends and scream and then laugh then yes watch this right away. I did maybe mute the sound at a couple points throughout and I'm probably going to suffer the unfortunate consequence of punching anyone who decides to whisper around me anytime soon but hey that's life. There are enough good things happening to mostly remove that last part--and keep in mind that could just be me. Maybe I've got it all wrong and the last half of the movie IS awesome and genius--I currently own about 5 different kinds of slipper socks in the pattern of various animals so I'm really the wrong person to be asking. Watch it for yourself and decide. Don't forget to bring an extra change of underwear along just in case.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-41898488967043839832015-11-05T15:15:00.002-05:002015-11-05T15:15:22.493-05:00A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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At some point in life, probably when lamenting about the fact that I'm so bad at watching sequels..I remember people actively telling me <i>not</i> to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and to just skip on to Dream Warriors. I see where they were coming from. Dream Warriors is exquisite and Freddy's Revenge is maybe well.....not. BUT that doesn't mean that it's not awesome in its own special way. Plus do you people know me at all? If someone told me there was a bedroom dance sequence set to Touch Me (All Night Long) I would have watched this immediately. I mean come onnnn!<br />
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I would also like to point out that I have seen the first scene in this before and I now realize why every time my bus driver seems to be acting a little kooky or driving too fast I suddenly am paralyzed with fear. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I'm whisked away to a random desert somewhere and get stuck on a teetering piece of pointy rock.<br />
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So anyways---Freddy's Revenge has its issues yes, let's get that out there before we go any further. A ton of it doesn't make sense. It's edited weirdly at spots which I assume was an attempt to capture that 'am I still dreaming?" feel of the first film but instead just makes you feel like you missed an important 5 minutes of some scene. For instance, the scene where Jesse is just all of a sudden standing over his sister's bed after saying creepy Freddy things is very sudden and comes from nowhere. I'm also confused by Freddy's new found ability to possess someone AND his ability to be real in the eyes of everyone else AND how he can disappear and reappear at will using said body of someone else. Granted, I understand the laws of pedophile supernatural beings may not apply to regular laws of physics but it still leaves me scratching my head.<br />
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I also am confused by the nighttime gym scene. Was the coach on his way to being a creepy child molester as well? Is that what he was going to use the jump rope for? Why does Jesse not seem the least bit worried that he's being forced to 'hit the showers' in the middle of the night by his S&M clad gym teacher? Was Freddy like, 'umm there can only be one pedophile here I'm afraid'? That scene is like 10,000 levels of confusion for me. OH, and why don't the police think it's odd that he was found wandering naked near the site of where someone was just murdered?<br />
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Aside from that and all the other 5 billion things that don't make sense. I still greatly enjoyed this. I loved the hidden homoerotic undertones and I feel like it gives this movie way more depth than people give it credit for. I mean there is some <u>heavy</u> commentary here hidden beneath all the weird rabid parrots and those weird dogs (?) with weird faces. I also give this tons of credit for being a sequel that does something different. It's not Friday the 13th, where the only difference between the sequels seems to be what Jason will use as a mask this time around. It actually took a completely different standpoint---using the idea of Freddy possessing a teenage boy and still sticking to the mythos of Freddy AND gives nice nods to Nancy even without her being there. It's just so creative I suppose, and I dig that man.<br />
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Sure it has it's problems----but I still can't help but love how creative the Nightmare on Elm Street movies are. Is it scary? No, not really. But it's fun to watch and really what more can I ask for?<br />
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OH RIGHT, more bedroom dance scenes.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-54846034617336390042015-11-02T15:10:00.000-05:002015-11-02T15:10:52.860-05:00A Few Words About 2001: A Space Odyssey.........GOD DAMN THOSE APES<br />
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It took me the better part of 10 years to watch 2001 the whole way through. Every time I tried to vocalize to someone what made me stop watching it I would seize up with an indescribable knot of dread and worry. Apparently something so awful had caused my brain to malfunction every time I tried to watch it and eventually rendered me incapable of articulating why I couldn't watch it all the way through. What was this demonic force?<br />
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Well, on Sunday November the 1st 2015, taking full advantage of Daylight Savings Time, I decided to put the film to bed once and for all. And within minutes I knew exactly what that demonic force was.<br />
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Real people in ape suits.<br />
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What the fuuuuck these things are the worst. I now remember it as clear as day. Frickin apes, doing ape things...who look basically like normal apes for a little while and then all of a sudden... oh hell no hell NOOOOOOOOOOOO! This face happens and then everything is ruined.<br />
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The ape scene lasts about 25 minutes which perfectly explains why I could never get very far in watching this. Luckily now that I'm like old and stuff... :/ I can look past the apes (or play games on my phone while I wait for them to go away).<br />
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Looking back now after having watched the entirety of the film though, I think it's safe to say that the actual root of my inability to watch it all the way through was that I was not prepared for its epic silence. Talking is not a thing that happens for awhile and then later talking stops again and again and then there's a psychedelic trip and a weird baby in a bubble and my head explodes. The film takes that silence and thrives on it. It also uses music to push your buttons to extreme places.<br />
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Every time the monolith came on screen and that chorus of what I suppose was created by a group of possessed monks filled my ears, I wanted to crawl under the sofa and die a little. It's so jarring and upsetting. And sure, we might not know what the hell is happening most of the time, but damn it again, 2001 is simply just beautiful.<br />
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I'm glad I finally got all the way through it and that I can now wallow in agony over my inability to understand it. I still wish the apes had never come. But then I guess humanity would have been lost. So damn it. Damn you................................... apes.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-42855720838017140372015-11-02T12:06:00.001-05:002015-11-02T12:08:40.775-05:00I Want to Believe<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b>NOTE: Whilst looking through my Drafts folder I found this unpublished article about the X-files. This is from about forever ago---maybe 4 years ago? When I still blogged a lot. And it makes me sad that I used to believe laziness wouldn't overtake my willingness to blog. Also as one discovers from The Thing--it's probably best not to dig up old things. But whatever I like this post, why didn't I publish it?</b><br />
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Winter is the pits. Am I really the only person in the world who does not look forward to the evil snow that lurks in the early moments of March? What is wrong with people? Snow is the worst because it's cold and sometimes when you're walking to work, you slip on black ice right in front of some mexican snow shovelers (this is not a racist comment as their snow shoveler van had a Mexican flag on it okay?)who laugh at you and then you bruise your tailbone which doesn't stop hurting for 6 months. Not that I would know or anything... the point here friends is that winter sucks. So much so that I don't write anymore---I just sit around and sulk and then pet my cat, sulk some more and if I'm lucky I'll eat some food. And if I'm REALLY lucky, I'll watch the X-files.</div>
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I've realized so far on my journey of the X-files, that it's a perfect metaphor for how I feel about my current situation of laziness and winter blues. I want to believe that I will bust out of these doldrums. I have to believe this--otherwise......what do I have to live for? Well OKAY fine real life things maybe, but honestly, blogging is like a creative breath of fresh air that I almost feel like I need to stay sane. So no matter how lazy I get, no matter how many times the government interferes with my work, no matter how many times my stubborn unbelieving partner uses "science" to explain something---I still have to believe that I will always be able to blog. </div>
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Other than that the X-files is also kind of just really the best. It's a smart horror fan's dream, a Law and Order fan's sexual fantasy and douche bag's least favorite show. Funnily enough, since I'm now late to two games---horror movies and the X-files, I have found during my recent journey that the X-files is pretty much just a repeated nod to all of my favorite horror movies. </div>
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Naturally this is expected, since Chris Carter was influenced by several different horror and sci-fi mediums but really when you sit down and watch episode after episode...the horror inspirations truly stand out. Which is why I'm going to revisit some of the most exciting nods I've seen thus far. Please note I am currently only in the middle of season 3. DON'T RUIN ANYTHING for me like the DVD box cover shown on Netflix did. </div>
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<b>Season 1, Episode 8: Ice </b></div>
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<b>Original Title: The Thing </b></div>
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Clearly if one were to gain inspiration from any horror film--The Thing is a fine, fine specimen to use. How can anyone not love an episode of the X-files that is really The Thing minus a few beards plus some women? </div>
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In Ice, Mulder and Scully travel to the ice planet Hoth in order to investigate a team of Arctic researchers that inexplicably killed each other and in some cases, themselves. They find that the arctic research team had been drilling in the ice deeper than anyone had ever done, allowing them to discover a very curious organism. An organism that worms its way into other living organisms and begins taking control over their emotions and making them all crazy and shit. </div>
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Okay, so it's not <i>exactly</i> like The Thing but let's examine the facts...</div>
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Similarities</div>
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The first victim we meet is a dog.</div>
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This dog is infected.</div>
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People die in curious ways.</div>
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Everyone gets suspicious of everyone else.</div>
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There is a test to determine who is "infected"</div>
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There are trust issues</div>
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It is cold</div>
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Differences</div>
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No black people</div>
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The dog lives</div>
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You can be cured</div>
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There are no Norwegian scientists around to ruin everything.</div>
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No chess games played with computers.</div>
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Alright whatever. This episode completely kicks butt. I just love when episodes really challenge your own feelings and psyche. I mean I knew Mulder was probably telling the truth but how WOULD I know? You know? But let's get real, if you can't trust Mulder who can you trust? That's right NOBODY. </div>
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Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-6413997419469755362015-10-29T09:58:00.001-04:002015-10-29T09:58:41.817-04:00Housebound: Awesome Subtitle is Too Spoilery<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm having a really hard time coming up with a witty subtitle for this review. Everything I want to say that is perfect is also probably a major spoiler. So I think the best way to solve this is if everyone who hasn't seen this yet, go and watch it right now then come back.<br />
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I'll wait..............................<br />
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OK.<br />
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Good. Here are my awesome subtitles.<br />
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1. Is that you Ronald?<br />
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2. Bad Eugene.<br />
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3. I always feel like...somebody's watchin me.<br />
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Ugh now I feel like that was a lot of eager anticipation that probably made you underwhelmed. Sorry. The point is though. Housebound is awesome. So awesome that when I was finished watching it, I immediately ran to the rooftops and shouted it for all hear. The best part is--I had NO idea what I was getting into when I started watching it. I thought yeah OK ghosts....whatever maybe funny we'll see we'll see. But man. MAN!<br />
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The plot focuses on Kylie who after a botched ATM robbery is sentenced to house arrest at her childhood home with her mother. Here she understands that her mother's insistence on a ghost being in the house may not be far from the truth after all. And really what do you expect if you keep things like this in the basement?<br />
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The first thing you need to know about Housebound is that it is funny. It is very funny. But not in that hahaha jokes kind of way--more in that subtle John Landis kind of way where things just <i>are</i> funny. Don't be put off by the at times weird music cues. Sure, they are a little jarring and maybe not totally needed but overall I can wave those off because the actual humor is so good. There's a really good peeing scene for instance that had me realize just how few female peeing scenes there are and how we probably need more of them. Not in like a gross creepy way but why don't women ever get to pee on screen for comedic effect? Yes, this will be the leading lecture in my series entitled: Bathroom Humor. Where did you go?<br />
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There are also a good deal of jump scares which actually did make me a bit angry in the beginning. After I peed my pants twice in a row I figured the whole movie would be this unfair 'aha gotcha!' moment but again--after a while that all seems to just float away because you are enjoying yourself. And dare I say it, that after awhile the jump scares were kind of fun? Who am I?!<br />
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But really, the best best best thing about this movie are the turns it takes. As you've probably deduced by now (even though you should have all watched this and should know..) Housebound is not just a ghost story. There are levels of awesome. With a lot of movies that undertake this same multi-tier approach to genre. The excitement, or quality often decreases the further away we get from the original genre. The common misstep is when ghost stories devolve into psychological , 'just kidding the ghost was this crazy person who hallucinates things' turns. It makes you angry and for a brief moment I feared Housebound was going down that same route.<br />
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But fear not fear not---Housebound knows exactly what it's doing and how to preserve the awesome through every single turn it takes and that my friends is impressive.<br />
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I don't want to say much else here because I know that even though I asked you to stop reading and watch the movie first none of you probably did. So therefore now please, please go watch this right away. It's so much fun and it has heart. And.......a cheese grater scene. So please, run don't walk to your Netflix queue and watch this right now. NOW DAMN IT. If anyone would like to talk details on the awesome meet me in the comments section. K bye.<br />
<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-74238791132745967372015-10-25T19:50:00.001-04:002015-10-29T10:55:49.323-04:00American Horror Story: I Think It's Time to Stop Making These<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Sunday afternoon: driven by a peanut butter M&M coma and depression caused by the realization that there were no more Teen Mom's to watch, I wandered down the rabbit hole of the new season of American Horror Story: Hotel. I'm not sure why I put myself through these every year. I completely gave up on Freak Show a little more than halfway through the season because I was sick and tired of Evan Peter's scream acting and Emma Roberts' bad acting. Also I could not for the life of me figure out why they got rid of that terrifying clown guy within a few episodes when he was obviously the scariest and most interesting thing about the show. Additionally, controversial though it may be I could definitely do without another Jessica Lange awkward musical. Sorry guys.<br />
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So why then was I possessed to begin watching the new season? Morbid curiosity. Plus with the announcement that Jessica Lange would not be taking part, I figured that at least one of my annoyances would be removed, so I had a slightly better chance at not completely hating it right?<br />
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I just pressed the stop button on episode 2 and I have some things to say to you all.<br />
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<u><b> Let's stop making these</b></u><br />
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The first season of American Horror Story felt revolutionary . It brought horror back to TV and we were all thrilled and giddy about it. With the announcement that each season would be a stand alone chapter we were at first saddened but then excited in all the different directions the show could go. Then season 2 came and most of us wanted to jump off a bridge. Season 3 came and more of us jumped off the bridge and so on and so on. Basically what has happened now is that American Horror Story tries every season to get more and more bloody, gory and controversial and less and less interesting. It's essentially just turning into a worse and worse Saw movie---maybe with some Rob Zombie-ness thrown in.<br />
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It also has become perhaps the LEAST surprising thing that's ever happened. For instance, having a near exact replica of the carpet from The Shining is not earth shattering and is definitely expected.<br />
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But then to also have iterations of creepy twins roaming the place? Come on. Get a new gag. And naturally it doesn't stop there.... Vampires addicted to blood?! WOW all these creepy people in the hotel are dead? Who would have thought?<br />
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Also, I shit you not. When I was almost done with the first episode I thought to myself sarcastically, 'The only thing that would make this better would be if they played Hotel California" and what do you frickin know? I mean COME ON.<br />
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All I want is for some originality that does not feel cringe inducing. It's like Ryan Murphy goes out of his way now to be current and it completely ruins everything. Scenes where characters discuss the importance of vaccinations *face palm* 'Comedic' lines about vampires wanting to binge watch House of Cards *double face palm* The desire of a newly turned vampire to want to kill Kendall Jenner and using Grindr to lure a gay bearded hipster to the hotel? UGH.<br />
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Some other thoughts and annoyances.<br />
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--Oh good Evan Peters is back and he plays a textbook version of a 1920s smarmy businessman. His acting is bad you guys. Doesn't anyone see this? Why does he keep getting cast in these? Newsflash:Screaming loudly is not acting.<br />
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--The killer is proving a point by murdering people who break the 10 Commandments. Oh yes, I saw that movie when it was called Se7en. Sins/10 commandments whatever. Get a new idea.<br />
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--I've decided everyone is terrible in this but I think I'm going to have to blame it on the writing (except for Evan Peters who really cannot act).<br />
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Conclusion: Morbid curiosity is over. American Horror Story Hotel is awful.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-82069822460510516342015-10-18T17:32:00.000-04:002015-10-18T17:32:00.330-04:00The Babadook: Let's Recap the Awesome<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If someone asked me to summarize what my favorite kind of horror movie is, I would probably give up and just show them The Babadook. This is because A. I'm lazy and B. I can't think of anything more perfect. The Babadook has it all guys. Let's recap.<br />
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<b>1. It's terrifying.</b><br />
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The Babadook has the distinction of being one of few movies that I've had to turn off in the middle of watching it for fear that I'd never be able to fall asleep ever again. The scenes where we catch glimpses of the Babadook in both his more illustrated form and his more human form are all able to momentarily stop my heart. And the scenes where scary noises are followed by heart pounding under the covers hiding are way uncool. Uncool in terms of how much I wanted to pee myself.<br />
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I think this stems from our childhood memories of being terrified. Maybe not everyone watched the Exorcist at a young age and then stayed up all night because they were afraid of being possessed OR maybe no one else watched The Shining and then imagined the sound of the water rushing through the pipes was actually the sound of blood gushing out of the elevators but whatever.... we all had to have experienced moments of fear when we were little right? And what did we do when we were scared? Hide under our covers. For some reason hiding under the covers felt so safe and so secure. So those scenes where we have characters hiding seemingly safe and secure are filled with so much tension that it's practically unbearable.<br />
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<b>2. It's secretly about mental illness</b><br />
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I love me my psychological horror movies. And the best part about psychological horror movies is that the really good ones put the psychological themes front and center without most of the audience knowing about it. For many, the Babadook is just a horror movie that takes childhood fears and creepy stories and brings them to life. But for others--the Babadook is really only about grief and depression and how easily it can consume you if you let it in. And unlike many horror movies that put a great deal behind the vanquishing of the monster or bad guy, The Babadook emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the 'monster' and controlling it. It's just all so.........brilliant!<br />
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It's okay to be sad about things, or to miss those we've lost. But it's not OK to let that sadness take you over and it's not okay to shut out the memories, and good things because you're afraid of what it will bring up. That is the message at the Babadook's heart and it's powerful and it's so well done in how it portrays this. I have a hard time talking about it without melting into a pool of excitement.<br />
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<b>3. Little boys with accents kick ass</b><br />
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British, Australian, Irish, Scottish---I'll take any of those accents and dare you to not think that the kid speaking in that accent isn't the cutest kid that ever lived. Even Samuel who is basically an asshole for 80% of the movie is still pretty frickin adorable. When he emphasizes his love for his mom and how he's going to protect her? Kill me now with the cuteness.<br />
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<b>4. Sweet old lady with Parkinsons doesn't die.</b><br />
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I love that sweet old lady with all my heart. Thank GOD she didn't die when we saw the Babadook hiding out in her closet.<br />
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I mean she's sweet as fuck right? The mom says mean things to her and she doesn't care. She's like Samuel in that she recognizes an issue and accepts that it's difficult to get through but doesn't give up! We all need more old lady friends like Mrs Roach. I'm putting an ad in Craigslist today to look for mine.<br />
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<b>5.</b> <b>OK you're right I only pointed out the fact that the sweet old lady doesn't die because I'm still very upset about the dog dying. </b><br />
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I get why the dog dies. Actually.....no I don't! I really still don't think that the dog needed to die. I think we would all have been a lot better off if Samuel chose that moment to stab his mom with the kitchen knife and then the dog would have run off and into Mrs. Roach arms where it'd be safe. Can we all just pretend that is what happened? Ok good.<br />
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So yes. The Babadook? Love it. I realize this is again old news, but I did actually see it closer to when everyone else did. I just didn't write about it because I was busy eating cake and watching bad reality TV shows. We all have our weaknesses.Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-50359042267994108292015-10-15T20:56:00.000-04:002015-10-15T20:56:39.173-04:00Oculus: Never Underestimate the Power of Conehead Teeth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Whilst on my year or so long (or two year?) hiatus in which I basically just watched Reality TV and ate cake---I missed A LOT of things. I missed a lot of good horror movies and I missed all the elbow rubbing with fellow horror fans being like, "Oculus. Huh!? Huh?! Yeah!!" It made me sad to hear brief snippets about what was great, and why horror was seeing some serious resurgence in the 'good stuff' category of our minds. So now that I'm back (knock on wood) I have a lot of catching up to do. Some things I did watch but never got around to writing about, and some stuff I just plain missed like today's film---Oculus. So let's do this.<br />
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Oculus intrigued me for several reasons. For one it was what many called a huge win for horror fans and for the little people of the horror world in the shape of Mike Flanagan who also directed one of my favorite indies--<a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2012/03/absentia-review-where-i-tell-you.html">Absentia</a>. Also we're Facebook friends? So yeah. Good stuff. Good stuff. Proud of you Mike. For two---horror fans loved it. For three it stars Karen Gillian aka Amelia Pond which made my head explode. I should also mention that during my year long hiatus I fell down the deep rabbit hole of Doctor Who so this was probably the best thing to happen ever....even though she wasn't Rose Tyler, it still put a gigantic smile on my face. So yes, Oculus had all the good stuff going on. But did I like it?<br />
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Sure! Here is a secret. I turned this off when I had about 25 minutes left to go because I was worried I would not be able to fall asleep. Yup. Look, I'm sorry if Conehead teeth affect me so much OK? Its' not my fault it's like the number 3 scariest thing behind sharks and clowns. More on that later.<br />
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Ultimately, Oculus weaves an original story of a mirror that possesses those around it with evil thoughts. The film is told between two time periods switching rapidly between the two which gives the whole film a feeling of unease and uncertainty. Which funnily enough is exactly what those evil mirrors do. And I don't just mean the evil mirror in this movie--I mean in general mirrors are pretty evil. Sometimes they trick you and make you think you look good in that dress but you don't. You don't! ............... so anyways, there's this evil mirror and Kaylie and Tim have reunited to destroy the mirror and avenge their dark family history. There are more details but since I'm sure everyone has seen this by now I think we can skip it.<br />
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For the most part--Oculus really griped me. The story is simple enough and not convoluted with mazes of the ridiculousness that tends to handicap many modern horror films today. The gore is present but is overpowered by more legitimate scares. The ending while somewhat predictable and slightly maddening still fit within the entire story well. It wasn't an out of left field, 'Oh just kidding you guys it was actually aliens who are diabetic" kind of ending. (although now that I mention it, I think we could all use more movies about diabetic aliens.) The scares--as previously mentioned, made me pee my pants a little and were well orchestrated. There were a lot of my favorite kind of 'quiet moments' of horror---the scene where Kaylie glances into her father's study and sees a woman massaging his shoulders that is NOT her mother for instance, and the little subtle tricks the mirror plays on the mother were extremely well done. There weren't too many jumps which I appreciated and the CGI was kept to a minimum.<br />
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The only thing that really saddened me was that I felt that Karen Gillian had a really hard time covering up her Scottish accent. I'm not sure if it was her lines her what, but she kept getting down into this extremely low octave kind of husky voice that really jarred me. Also even though the gore was kept to a minimum the gore was very upsetting. This is the kind of gore that truly makes you cringe. The pulling off the finger band-aid scene for instance had me slowly dying and the lightbulb vs apple scene made me want to cry.<br />
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Sure, maybe another small problem is that the film has a habit of falling back on that--AHA gotcha, trick of the mirror trope, but I think for the most part it balances what is real with what is a mirror illusion fairly well. Also, I sometimes wish we had more of a glimpse of the other mirror ghosts. Sure, Marisol was terrifying and her Conehead-like teeth will probably haunt my dreams until forever, but what about everybody else?!? Give them a chance okay?<br />
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Ultimately, Oculus is a pretty solid entry into the horror world. I'm sad I missed the hubbub surrounding it and now I feel like that loser who is like...."Hey guys......how about those Beatles!? Huh? Huh?!" Oh well. We can't all be winners.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-49823811949686409462015-10-06T16:13:00.000-04:002015-10-06T16:13:15.967-04:00Let's Get a New Idea: Books Edition<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRkcsCsBvMDhojtBrVY0qth7lzX5f0VG7adQROm5bnxpNX8VeiiDDjrMUgW_EEqRb07GWz-ZULZ1_-vmlJgD7LUauZV3bptctQ7U5mLXfbOsz9J_MZGCS_6eXzzZZFKx-6Qi8UYnQ3RGv3/s1600/umbrella+shoe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRkcsCsBvMDhojtBrVY0qth7lzX5f0VG7adQROm5bnxpNX8VeiiDDjrMUgW_EEqRb07GWz-ZULZ1_-vmlJgD7LUauZV3bptctQ7U5mLXfbOsz9J_MZGCS_6eXzzZZFKx-6Qi8UYnQ3RGv3/s400/umbrella+shoe.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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It's come to my attention that we seem to have no new ideas anymore. The other day whilst perusing the eBook selection at my local library I realized that there were an alarming amount of books that all looked the same and titles that all sounded the same. I know picking a title might be difficult but can't we just make a new set of rules that prevents people from selecting titles that are just variations of the same thing? Why do you want your book to be confused with the 20 other books that have the same kind of title? And can cover designers be banned from using certain image motifs or metaphors or whatever PLEASE?! Come on guys, there has to be another way to portray loneliness.<br />
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Now, because I so enjoy proving my point--it is without further ado that I present to you the Gallery of More of the Same. Keep in mind these are just books pulled from the eBook selection at my library so there are probably thousands of others I've missed!<br />
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<u><b>Cover Cliches</b></u><br />
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<b>Umbrellas</b><br />
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For some reason, umbrellas have seen a real uptick in their representation on book covers. Is it because a character standing alone in the rain is the <i>only </i>way to warn people that the book might contain lonely characters? Probably. But then there's also the summer Chick Lit beach umbrella...and the not opened umbrella which means.... the character is always prepared? I don't know! I don't know why umbrellas are so popular someone please explain it to me.<br />
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<b>Empty Chairs</b></div>
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Oh I forgot. There IS another way to symbolize loneliness. Empty chairs! Nothing says, I'm worried about never getting married like a pair of empty chairs.</div>
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<b>Hold My Hand Small Child</b></div>
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These could also double as ads for laundry detergent.</div>
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<b>Mi Reflejo</b></div>
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I can't be the only person in the world to always sing 'Reflection" whenever there is a blatant reflection starring me in the face. Right? </div>
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(Less Frequent but Notable Cliches)</div>
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<b>Woohoo!</b></div>
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I guess we would call this one the empowered woman pose? Pretty sure those last two are the same stock footage. BUSTED. </div>
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<b>Eggs</b></div>
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I suppose eggs are a cover designers way to avoid the 'bird' cliche?</div>
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<b>Title Cliches </b></div>
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<b>The Wife</b></div>
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Apparently, the only interesting characters worth reading about are some other character's wife. I'm not denying it--wives lead very interesting lives. But why can't we think of cleverer titles? Also I'm surprised how many different kinds of people and...things have wives.</div>
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<b>The _____'s Daughter and other Variations</b></div>
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Originally I had marked both the wives and daughters titles under one sub-cliche---family tropes. But then I sadly realized that the majority of these are just wife and daughter references. I found maybe 3 books titled after sons and the only books titled after husbands seem to be creepy romance novels. Oh well women win again.</div>
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<b>The Odd Job</b></div>
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OK so not all of these are odd jobs and some of these I suppose shouldn't be classified as actual jobs but hey---we all need to make a living right? Yes even you, the Arsonist. </div>
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So what does it all mean? Why are we out of ideas? I'm sure there's something larger and more sinister at work here. Something about how the vast majority of woman authors whose books get read by certain kinds of women are just marketed in a certain way? Do we need these titles so men can be warned that a woman wrote this book and it will probably be about 'woman' things? I hope not! Man, now I'm depressed about society and the nature of books. </div>
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What book cliches annoy YOU the most?</div>
<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-57304685067344686372015-10-04T14:53:00.001-04:002015-10-04T14:53:49.730-04:00Mister Rogers' Neighborhood: Let's Go to the Crayon Factory!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For many people out there--a 'swinging' Friday night is made up of dinner, drinks, dancing and debauchery. For my sister and I a 'swinging' Friday night consisted of Wendys, drinking a bottle of wine, dancing to Stevie Wonder in my living room and then watching Mr Rogers Neighborhood. Honestly, I don't see why people leave their houses to have magical journey's when the land of make believe is only a few clicks away from your computer. ESPECIALLY, when you spend the better part of your lives reminiscing about the crayon factory and then realize that the ability to be transported back to the magic of the crayon factory can be possible in only a few seconds.<br />
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Here is what my sister and I looked like when the crayon factory segment began playing.<br />
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More on that experience later. First we had to sit through Mr Roger's awkward assembly of a weird chair and then were treated to this very strange scene. </div>
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Which now that I think about it was probably the 2nd best thing to happen to me all week. The best thing to happen to me though, was getting to see the crayon factory once again after all those years of thinking about it. </div>
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It was more wonderful than I imagined. </div>
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Why does this episode continue to be so magical to so many of us?</div>
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Although let's be honest. I could do without the white crayons am I right? Useless.</div>
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So anyways our Friday night was magical however.............it was then ruined by our trip into the land of make believe, where I discovered that puppets still make me very uneasy.</div>
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I immediately sank back into the couch and took hold of a pillow for comfort. Why why why?! </div>
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The puppet hands! The puppet hands!?!?!</div>
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And then the most awful thing in the entire world happen. </div>
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Lady Elaine.</div>
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I just can't understand it. Who in the hell decided this was an acceptable puppet for children to lay eyes on? No one in the planning meeting was like oh wait--this might cause many children to suffer terrifying nightmares of revulsion for years to come? </div>
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Come on!<br />
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Was Fred an overtly kind man on the outside but on the inside a meanie who couldn't give two fucks about children's well being?!!?<br />
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OK you're right that was mean. Mister Rogers was the best. Lady Elaine was obviously the brain child of someone far more sinister. I won't name any names but.....</div>
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I think it's pretty obvious.Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-10602335006440866382015-09-14T21:30:00.001-04:002015-09-14T21:30:25.991-04:0020 Questions: The Monster Squad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I will preface this post by saying that I love The Monster Squad more than most things in life. It was the first horror movie I can remember <i>wanting</i> to watch when I was little. Every time my Dad took me to the video store, I would demand that we get it. The only problem was I could never remember what it was called. In my defense I was young and seemed to only catch it playing on TV. I'm also not entirely sure I could read at that time so cut me slack alright? Anyways. My Dad would always go up to the nerdy kid at the checkout counter and describe parts of the movie, to which the nerdy kid would say, "Oh. The Monster Squad". After a few instances of this I vaguely remember the nerdy kid writing the title down on a sticky note so we wouldn't forget. You know what would be awesome? If I still had that sticky note today. Well too bad because I don't and I probably made that up anyways after all my endless dreams about the Wolfman and his nards. So deal with it.<br />
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Despite professing all my love to this movie, I do want to clarify that about 3 things make sense in this movie. The rest leaves me scratching my head in wonder. Which is why I am going to unmask all the things that do NOT make sense at all and then we can all laugh about it and get drunk and go back to loving it. But honestly, if I could award a 'what the fuck moment' to an entire movie---other than <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2011/01/hellbound-hellraiser-ii-help-me.html">Hellraiser 2</a>, it would have to be this one.<br />
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<b>1. Why is a World War II bomber carrying the dead body of Frankenstein's Monster?</b><br />
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This is probably obvious to you all but for me I always find myself scratching my head here because<br />
a. Why are they using a World War II bomber in the first place and<br />
b. who found Frankenstein's monsters body and arranged for it to fly to whatever town this takes place in?<br />
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Oh, it was Dracula? Well he is just one resourceful mother fucker isn't he? I still find it highly suspect that the World War II bomber was the appropriate choice of aircraft to undertake such a task. I know this movie is all about not questioning the silliness, but so much in this is just like what a 10 year old kid would do to solve the things that don't make sense right? Nothing wrong with that of course but the World War II bomber is just the breaking of the seal on this idea really.<br />
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2. <b>Well that's lucky!</b><br />
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Ok so Frank's coffin plummets to the earth and then just HAPPENS to land not just in the exact town where the coveted amulet is BUT also where The Monster Squad holds their meetings?!<br />
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Dracula is also one lucky motherfucker. Or are you telling me he planned to be caught by the pilot as he was gently caressing Frank's coffin and then used his weird psyhic powers so that the pilot would open the floor hatch as soon as they were flying over Anytown (but probably California) USA?<br />
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<b>3. But seriously where is this? </b><br />
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Thanks to that shot of Dracula standing on a hill top and gazing down at the town below, I always assumed this was California. But this place is also very swampy.<br />
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Is California swampy? There are definitely giant boa constrictors hanging out in trees? Plus swamp creature (Bonus trivia fact he is credited in the movie as 'Gillman") lives in the swamp. Please someone tell me where we are here. At times the Monster Squads clubhouse feels like it's just hanging out in the middle of a swamp but then later when Dracula gets pissed off and drives his ghost hearse into Sean's yard, he just walks in the backyard and find the clubhouse. Is this the Dagobah system?<br />
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I DON'T GET IT.<br />
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<b>4. Why are they friends with Eugene?</b><br />
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Am I wrong in thinking that Eugene is probably like 1 year older than Phoebe, yet was somehow deemed cool enough to be let into the Monster Squad? Let's look at the facts. Eugene can barely speak in coherent sentences, still needs his Dad to get rid of the 'monsters' hanging out in his bedroom and also does not know how to ride a bike.<br />
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Yup, Monster Squad material all the way.<br />
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<b>5. The Ghost Hearse</b><br />
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We know Dracula is resourceful, but is he resourceful enough to procure a spooky as fuck looking ghost black hearse with a SKELETON hood ornament.....in the time span of roughly 2 hours? At first I liked to imagine that Dracula went to the used hearse lot and then bought a skeleton hood ornament and painstakingly screwed it on but THEN I remembered that the hearse is actually a GHOST HEARSE. What the hell? How does Dracula do these things?!?!<br />
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<b>6. Who bit Uncle Rico?</b><br />
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We all know one doesn't just wake up one day and become a werewolf. And even though I'll admit that Dracula may be powerful enough to procure usage of old artifacts and weird ghost cars on a moments notice, I just really don't think he'd have the power to just turn someone into a werewolf. So this has to mean that a werewolf bit Uncle Rico right? So what happened to that werewolf? And why couldn't Dracula use that werewolf instead?!<br />
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<b>7. The Mummy</b><br />
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I have so many issues with The Mummy that I don't think I'll be able to cover it all in one post. More on that later. Seriously though how lucky (again!) is Dracula that the mysterious amulet just happens to reside in a town where they just happen to have a 200 year old Mummy on display? And actually now that I think about it, 200 years is hardly old enough to be a legit Egyptian Mummy. Who is this mummy? Is it George Washington?<br />
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<b>8. Why is the Mummy hiding in Eugene's closet?</b><br />
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OK it's later. Maybe the Mummy was given some crazy psychic power like Dracula which gave him the ability to find out who this group of 'kids' were that have the diary. Maybe I guess. But then why did none of the other monsters make contact with the other kids? Why out of all the kids in that town, does the Mummy choose Eugene's closet to hide in? What is he doing in there? Doesn't he have more important things to do?<br />
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<b>9. But how did he know?!!?</b><br />
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How did Dracula find out that Sean had Van Helsing's diary?! Did he go looking for it and find out that some batty old lady found it in an old house and then sold it at a yardsale? Did he then ask the batty old lady who she sold it to? I NEED TO KNOW. Had Dracula been combing the world for all traces of the amulet for the past 100 years????<br />
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<b>10. Use your powers?</b><br />
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OK so up to this point we've discovered that Dracula has some pretty impressive powers, none of which make sense or I actually believe in--however......if you're skilled enough to track down where the amulet has been hidden, and Frankenstein's monster AND obtain a ghost hearse I'm sure you have better ways of trying to get the diary back then by calling the kid who has it and leaving a message with his mother. Oh look here's a page from Dracula's planning journal:<br />
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<i>Ideas?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>A. Call Sean</i><br />
<i>B. Call Sean again and leave a message (disguise name)</i><br />
<i>C. THROW DYNAMITE IN HIS CLUBHOUSE</i><br />
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uhhhh OK. It's kind of similar to trying to figure out why Dracula just punches people who get in his way. I mean...you're Dracula.<br />
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<b>11. Van Helsing is a well traveled man.</b><br />
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Apparently, Van Helsing was so desperate to keep Dracula from ever discovering the amulet that he traveled to the far reaches of.... California? To hide the amulet in some crumbling old mansion? That is devotion. Keeping in mind it's 1870-1890 ish and traveling ain't easy. But don't worry because luckily it's the same swampy town that has a 200 year old Mummy on display in the Egyptian section of the museum.<br />
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<b>12. Where are these girls from?</b><br />
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and why are they wearing school uniforms from the 1890s?<br />
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<b>13. THE MUMMY!</b><br />
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Me again back to discuss the stupidity of the Mummy. HE'S THE WORST MONSTER IN THE WORLD. He moves at a snails pace and unravels at the slightest pull of his bandages. What does he do if he somehow manages to catch up to you? Breathe on you?<br />
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<b>14. He's gonna kill your son....!!</b><br />
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How does the Uncle Rico know that Dracula plans to kill Sean? Better question. How does the Wolfman know that Sean's father is the lead cop investigating all the strange happenings AND is the cop that just so happened to answer the phone at the police station? Or did he call Sean's dad directly? How does he know his name and his number? Why do the monsters know everything and we know nothing? It ain't right.<br />
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<b>15. Of course Wolfman has nards!</b><br />
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Kudos to my old pal Bryan White for reminding me of this question as well. Even though it's the movie's most famous line---it also makes little sense. Let's look at the facts. Wolfman is part wolf part man---a Werewolf but not a werewolf on all fours kind of beast (which actually would also have nards) a walking on two legs Wolfman. He wears PANTS! He obviously has nards.<br />
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<b>16. Ghost Hearse/Solid Hearse make up your mind</b><br />
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So when Dracula throws a hissy fit about Sean getting the amulet. He drives his raging ghost hearse through town but not before almost 'hitting' Sean's dad and his partner. However, the ghost hearse goes right through them...because it's a ghost hearse. BUT then.......he drives right to Sean's house (again how does he know where Sean lives?) and crashes through the front yard wrecking the nice white picket fence. Is this like in Ghost where when you get really angry you can kick old sneakers and shit?<br />
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Oh okay.<br />
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<b>17. Dynamite? </b><br />
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And while we're on the subject. Why can't Dracula use his arsenal of crazy weird superpowers to blow up the clubhouse? Not long after this he exhibits his special talent at becoming electrified<br />
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and shooting little balls of light at old men to knock them off their feet. I'm sure in him somewhere is the power to obliterate a few pieces of wood hanging in a tree. But nope, nope, dynamite. Dynamite is the answer.<br />
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<b>18. Is this a School night?</b><br />
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Remember how the crucial point of the amulet is that it's midnight when limbo opens up? OK. Well how come when they decide they need to go to a place with a lot of people they suggest the church? Do you know a lot of people at church at midnight? Me neither. Better question, why is E.J. and his friend hanging out at midnight in a comic book store that is still open?<br />
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<b>19. Frank can power walk?</b><br />
When we last see Frank he is crushed under pieces of the wall at the old mansion. After that, the kids hitch a ride in Scary German guys cool jeep and gun it into town. So from this we can deduce that the distance from the old mansion to the center of town is fairly far. Far enough to where Frank would not have been able to catch up walking on his giant shoes going maybe 2 miles faster than The Mummy was able to. Did he hail a taxi cab? How did he get there so fast??<br />
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<b>20. Why do you not die?</b><br />
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Apparently normal laws of Vampires do not apply to Dracula. I don't know why I'm surprised anymore--the man has the power to do whatever he wants. So obviously after being impaled by the spike on the Church fence, he was able to pull himself out and then attack Sean one last time in the hopes of being victorious.<br />
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Phew I did it. 20 questions. To be honest I really thought I'd be able to come up with 10 but apparently I just got on a roll.<br />
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OK listen. The Monster Squad rocks. I know that the answers to these questions are not important and that you need to suspend your disbelief and it's just a fun movie and blah blah blah. It's just that sometimes it's fun to list out all the ridiculous right? What do you think? Any burning questions that I left out?<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-10255502543256327042014-03-04T18:19:00.001-05:002014-03-04T18:19:57.562-05:00We Are What We Are: Fatty and Not Very Delicious<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am on a roll with watching movies that I meant to watch like a year ago. Looks like I'm putting laziness to bed suckers...... until my next wave of laziness.. mwahaha.<br />
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Anyways. Out of all the movies that have come out recently, We Are What We Are has been at the top of my must see list. I figured it was one of those movies that I would appreciate--probably filled with enough artistry to keep me satisfied and then also some great performances and horrific subject matter to boot. It was also about cannibalism which I find to be one of those sub-genres that people think are 'cool' but then they get a whiff of a really powerful cannibalism film that isn't terrible and is like you know... terrifying and they suddenly remember that they prefer the lackadaisical style of cheesy slasher films and/or horror movies structured around the presence of some boobs.<br />
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Cannibalism does not mess around. And We Are What We Are definitely does NOT mess around. So much so that I still find myself playing the ending scene over and over in my head and then dying a little bit on the inside. It's plaguing me with its horror. THE HORROR.<br />
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The film centers around a family of -'unspecified' religious nut bags. Or maybe they did specify it and I was too busy trying to not be fooled again that Senor Esteban Vihaio is <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2011/10/red-state-bagels-dont-trust-them.html">not really Mexican</a>. But actually no, I think it's supposed to be unspecified because that makes it more terrifying. So yeah. Religious nut bag father, his two daughters and son try to cope with life after the untimely and suspicious death of the matriarch. As the film progresses we slowly start to be let in on their little 'secret' and fall prey to the horrors that come with knowing about it.<br />
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I wasn't entirely sure this was about cannibalism until about an hour or so into the film. It's set up in such a way that the audience has to do a little detective work on their own. We aren't given an open book look into the family and their private lives. We are there with them yes, but it's like we have to get to know them first before being let in on the secret. That basically rocks because it allows us to really absorb the characterization of the family before becoming completely disgusted and upset about that they do.<br />
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It's important for instance to understand and to know the daughters. Their lives are controlled by their father and their family's longstanding traditions but when we meet them, we start to see things that things are unraveling for them. Now that their mother is gone and the oldest daughter must assume the main responsibilities, they are finding it hard to swallow. Pun INTENDED.<br />
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Truly, I felt very moved by the entirety of the film. But nothing was more terrifying than watching that ending scene. I like to think that I have a fairly strong stomach but watching that was....difficult. It was also disturbing just because of what it suggests. The implications of their actions (and what they chose to take with them when they leave), is almost more disturbing than everything else.<br />
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I'm also in love with the cannibal sickness---Kuru. I had remembered this from an X-files episode and was thrilled to see its name pop up again. The realization that the family has been doing this for centuries and then connecting the apparent 'symptoms' with the mother's death at the beginning was a moment of pure genius.<br />
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Alright well I came here armed to talk about stuff and wax poetic on We Are What We Are but I'm failing. Let me just say that I loved this (well like loved it like giving someone an imaginary hug love because really I am a little terrified of what actual contact would bring you know?). It really makes you think and appreciate the fact that there are things out there more terrifying than monsters and serial killers. There are traditions. And religion. And internal prisons. Man.....it's scary out there.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-67274250434692358232014-02-19T11:30:00.001-05:002014-02-19T12:05:31.639-05:00You're Next: 'Survivor Camp' is Code for the 'Kevin McCallister School of Home Invasion Survival (KM-SHIS) <br />
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I've been really bad at catching up on more recent horror as of late. Actually I've just been really bad at watching horror movies in general. So bad in fact, that I haven't watched one in..........oh I don't know... FOREVER. This causes me much embarrassment and a little sadness. I was so behind on my movie watching that I had to ask my Twitter followers which 'recent' horror movie was better: "You're Next" or "The Purge". I did this not because I wanted people's advice but because I knew one of them was better but I forgot which one it was. I am such a sham! It's not my fault they were both about people wearing masks ok?<br />
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Anyways. Overwhelming consensus was that You're Next was the movie to watch (except for one person who said You're Next was terrible and The Purge was excellent but maybe he was confused about the two movies also?). So with that, I snuggled in to watch You're Next and now can finally say I've watched a horror movie this year. Yeah!<br />
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You're Next is apparently in a 'newish' sub-genre called "Mumblegore" which is a spinoff of another subgenre called, "Mumblecore". Good thing Wikipedia tells me everything I need to know about the world otherwise I'd be one confused lady. Mumblegore is basically just an indie horror movie that focuses on 'natural' situations and dialogue or something like that. At any rate, "You're Next" doesn't feel very natural to me at all but we'll get to that later. It does correctly use "You're" though so that's nice.<br />
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The film follows a family as they reunite at their isolated family mansion. Each sibling has brought their respective partner along for the ride and as they eat their dinner, some maniac starts shooting them with arrows. This causes a panic naturally and the rest of the movie follows the family (or whats left of them) as they try to stay alive against three masked killers with apparently no agenda.<br />
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That summary is really just a quick rundown and if you've seen it you know that's not entirely the whole story but alas, I have a short attention span for writing summaries. All you really need to know if you've never seen it is that You're Next is a home invasion movie.<br />
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Home Invasion movies aren't my favorite thing ever. My favorite thing ever is watching Full House and eating delicious sandwiches. Followed closely by kissing my cat's head. But if we're talking horror movies, my favorite thing ever is SPOOKY. GHOSTS. SUSPIRIA. etc., Home Invasion has always been kind of meh for me. The difference with You're Next is that it takes the Home Invasion idea and spins it a bit. It also uses several annoying horror movie cliches but then does it's best to spin those on their heads too. Most notably the 'final girl' is pretty frickin kick ass. And although her insanely convenient background of having grown up at a "Survivor Camp" is about as far away as 'natural' as you can get---she still never makes a dumb move once and we continue to root for her all the way till the end.<br />
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The twist is expected and revealed almost in the middle of the film and here is where it kind of went south for me. SPOILERS from here on out yo.<br />
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If 'Mumblegore' focuses on the natural---how 'natural' is it to have your entire family killed so you can get your inheritance early? I had a really hard time believing that either character was capable of doing this. I don't care how much you hate your family (and keep in mind that nowhere did I really feel that either of them hated their family)---this is not normal behavior for non-psychopaths (and I stand by the fact that they weren't psychopaths).<br />
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I also had a hard time with the level of humor in this. Things said were funny, but when viewed in the grand scheme of things---not natural at all. The humor was awkward which I suppose makes it natural....but I still can't help but feel that weird humor and one liners like that wouldn't be said at all in real life. Right? Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to semi-bad writing or a jerk....who knows.<br />
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So anyways. Although I did really like this and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it despite it being a home invasion kind of thing, I wouldn't put this up there as an insanely mind blowing awesome movie. It has its moments sure---mostly all having to do with Erin and how awesomely bad ass she is. Like straight up running and jumping through a window to escape a killer or killing someone by smashing a blender on their head and turning it on. That rocked.<br />
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Overall I suppose the main thrill of You're Next is the level of awesome and moments of creative gore/violence that abound. Also that whole cheering for Erin thing really works in its favor. There's also Barbara Crampton which is a plus in many horror fans' eyes.<br />
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It's not a movie that makes you terrified of the outside world or makes you fear strangers with masks though. Strangers, Ils, etc., are movies that do this because the violence and the motivation behind it is so random and unexplained. You're Next however was too calculated. I know I don't need to fear three men in animal masks because I am not part of a wealthy family of assholes. So that kind of takes me out of the film too I guess.<br />
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I also wished that instead of the motive being wanting an inheritance early, it was that the three masked men were terrorists or ex-military men with a personal vendetta against defense contractors and the money behind them. I thought for a minute it was going this way when we found out that the two brothers 'served together' but that concept was never fleshed out so-- alas.<br />
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Hmmmm if I say that it's good but just not my cup of tea, will people not hate me?<br />
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I still liked it! I just don't think I'm going to put a poster of it in my bedroom okay?<br />
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OH I did notice the little nod to Giallo/Italian horror in general with the seemingly random and awkward background music that would occasionally happen but I felt it really out of place especially in a Home Invasion movie...so yeah. Man I am turning into a cynical old lady huh? I also used quotation marks like 100 times in this review. Don't hold it against me.Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-27192291431410595742014-02-12T21:07:00.000-05:002014-02-12T21:07:13.247-05:00Things That Make You Go Hmmmm: Jacob's Ladder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You know what 2014 needs more of? C+C Music Factory.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/XF2ayWcJfxo" width="420"></iframe><br />
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And also---lots of re-watching of Jacob's Ladder.<br />
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I definitely "got" Jacob's Ladder the first time I watched it. Just to make sure, I re-read my original post on it and breathed a sigh of relief that myself 5 years ago also caught that time where they tell you exactly what is happening over the course of the movie. Good thing I paid attention. Otherwise I would have been like, "Hmmmm" (and not in a C+C Music factory I think my boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on me kind of way but in Hmmm? What the hell? way)<br />
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Hell is right.<br />
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So anyways. Pretend for a minute that Hmmm is a good thing because it sends your brain into overdrive while you recall that time you 'read' Dante's Inferno's in high school. Jacob's Ladder in that case, makes me go hmmmmm a lot. On my most recent viewing I decided on two things that especially made me go Hmmmmm in the best way possible.<br />
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1. Do NOT go into the light<br />
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One thing I definitely don't think I caught after my first viewing was how perfect Jacob's descent into 'hell' is in the beginning. I say 'hell' because it's not really hell---I guess it's more like purgatory. But let's look at the facts shall we?<br />
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Jacob wakes up on a subway car---exits the train after seeing something unsettling coming out of a homeless guys pants. (NOT his penis) and tries to exit the station. However. The door is locked.<br />
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This prompts him to cross the tracks to get to the other side. While standing in the middle of the tracks, a subway car starts barreling down the tracks and Jacob stares straight into the LIGHT. The problem is he's terrified and so he jumps out of the way and watches the train go by. A train full of dark shadowy people.<br />
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This part of the movie perfectly illustrates Jacob's fear of dying or letting go. The train coming for him is the light of death and peace. Jacob however is too scared to 'get on' and so jumps out of the way. Hence, landing him in Purgatorio. But as we all know---Jacob's purgatory is disguised as hell because he's afraid of dying. Poetic isn't it?<br />
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2. So Hellish.<br />
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This brief scene that takes place in the hospital is perhaps one of the most sickening and spot on interpretations of hell I've ever seen. Not that I've been to hell and am an expert on the happenings down there--but let's just say that I imagine it looks something like this. I think Hellraiser could use a few pages from this scene, am I right?<br />
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The gurney with the one squeaky wheel. The quick glances of things that get progressively creepier. Then, the insane amount of carnage just littering the floor and how they seem to get more and more rotten and revolting.<br />
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Gah this scene is so unbelievable it makes me want to plunge a giant needle into someone's forehead. Just kidding. But I still think it's really neat.<br />
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Jacob's Ladder is the bees knees.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-79761085176068728322014-01-09T12:49:00.003-05:002014-02-19T12:05:51.540-05:00What is a Jackal? I'm Glad You Asked!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ever since Blogger introduced its nifty little stats button, I've been enthralled by seeing what people are searching to find my blog. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of people end up here by searching for miscellaneous naked people. All variations of ways to describe a vagina are usually in the top 5. Naturally my post on <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2010/12/aftermath-dead-vagina-is-very-scary.html">Aftermath</a> (which I mistakenly titled 'Dead Vagina' in my links sidebar) has been the #1 viewed article for a while. Apparently I missed the part where everyone suddenly became very interested to know what a dead vagina looks like?<br />
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This past year however has seen some changes in the most viewed line up. Now my top keyword search list is filled to the brim with variations of, "what is a jackal" "jackal, omen" "wtf is a jackal?" Naturally my post about <a href="http://horrordigest.blogspot.com/2009/11/omen-what-does-jackal-giving-birth-to.html">The Omen</a> (aptly subtitled 'What Does a Jackal Giving Birth to a Human Actually Look Like? And Follow-up Question, is that Even Possible?) is what people land on. Unfortunately that post is a review about a horror movie not a lesson on jackals. Which naturally got me thinking---why not give the people what they need? Let's have a lesson on jackals!<br />
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Jackals are real animals. They are in the wolf family and look like this.<br />
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Jackals in mythology were representations of cunning wizards/sorcerers and are usually paired with phrases like; sly, tricky, miserable etc., The Jackal is also what Anubis' head is in Egyptian mythology.<br />
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Now, I can see why people are still trying to figure out what a jackal is. There really is no explanation anywhere for why Satan is having sex with a jackal and producing Damien. As far as I can the explanation is---shut up it's just a movie.<br />
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Really though. A jackal is a dog/wolf thing that Satan implanted his child in. The jackal somehow gave birth to Damien and then possibly stopped off at Baby Safe Haven or died in the hospital. I'm guessing the dying jackal collapsed on the hospital steps with Damien snuggled in her bosom. Just kidding. Here's what probably really happened. Satanists took Damien birthed from the jackal and brought him to the hospital, while at the same time killing Gregory Peck's actual child so that he would have no choice but to adopt a random baby that wasn't his and just pretend that it was his. See? Makes perfect sense.<br />
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I'm still unsure about why Satan chose a jackal but I'm guessing it was just a sort of dark/evil animal and also he probably had a thing for jackals. So what?<br />
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Any other questions?<br />
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Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-87758579165121509042014-01-03T18:29:00.001-05:002014-02-19T12:06:25.418-05:00All the Boys Love Mandy Lane: And the Hype Monster Does Too<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A long, long time ago people saw a movie called All the Boys Love Mandy Lane and talked about it a lot. They talked about it so much that people who had not seen it…..wanted to see it. There was only one problem. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane wasn't released! All the other people couldn't see it. They got sad and then mad and then forgot about it. Then on a magical day in 2013, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane was released and people bought it and watched it. Then on an even more magical day, it was released on Netflix Instant Watch. And then we all joined hands and sung and danced and watched the movie. Here's what happened next.<br />
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It was OK.<br />
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Fact is, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is a pretty good movie. But I don't think it's anything to write home about. Such is the wrath of the hype monster. Maybe it's because it took so long to be properly released? Maybe the modern-take on the classic Slasher formula thing got overplayed in the time between when the film first came out and when the majority of the public actually saw it. That's sad. That means that all the other sucky movies that could get released took all the glory. Ah the injustice.<br />
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The film is set-up as classic Slasher movies usually are. Teens in a secluded ranch house get picked off one by one. The modern twist is that the killer is revealed/obvious fairly early on. And our 'final girl' has something so mysterious about her that we still can't figure it out by the time the credits roll. The twist in the ending is a little predictable although the film does try to do something a bit different with it, which is nice. The ultimate question though is---WHY do all the boys love Mandy Lane so much?<br />
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Admittedly there<i> is </i>something tantalizing about Mandy Lane. I think it's because she's so aloof all the time. She don't give a crap about how all the boys like her that's for sure. Plus, she has some weird dark past, and she lives with her Aunt and is really good at running. Her main attraction though really is her unattainableness. At the film's beginning a meathead jumps off the roof of a house into a pool right before shouting his love for Mandy Lane. Then whoops he dies.<br />
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So there we have the key factor. All the boys love Mandy Lane so much that they die trying to get her. Makes sense. I guess.<br />
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What doesn't really make sense is the motive behind the killings.<br />
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I'm still scratching my head. I'm also still scratching my head about the timeline of events. There's something to be said for things intentionally being left vague, but so much of this just feels way too vague and possibly unintentional. I just couldn't help but feel that the movie was missing a solid 20 minutes or so of….I don't know explanation? Flashbacks? I still just don't understand key elements which is bothersome. Why this group of people? Why Mandy Lane? What happened to her parents? Why is it good she make new friends? What happened to her old friends? Has this happened before? Is she secretly a lesbian? Is the movie a commentary on the social stigma of being gay in high school?<br />
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Why won't anyone tell me anything?!! DID the movie tell me this but I somehow missed it because I busy trying to make sure my cat didn't shit on the rug again?<br />
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Anyways. If you put aside all that confusion and annoyance, the movie is still just OK. The first kill is fun but the rest are mostly just shotgun parties. And what fun is that? I think unfortunately the reveal of the killer so early on kind of ruined the real fun and satisfaction that the movie could have attained if it stuck with the classic slasher motif. But it's desire to split into this new modern trickery-spin thing…kind of derailed all that satisfaction. <br />
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Oh Mandy. I just don't know about you. I'm not even sure if I liked you or not. But I want to. Someone help me. Someone who saw this long ago and sung its praises tell me why, help me understand. I want to join the circle of laughter and fun. But I'm stuck outside moping.<br />
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<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-70681041012212356052013-12-31T11:59:00.001-05:002013-12-31T12:38:54.649-05:00Stoker: Sometimes You Need to Do Something Bad to Keep You From Doing Something Worse<br />
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I keep trying to write a coherent blog post about my experience watching Stoker, but so far I've just started drooling and fantasizing about high heels and shot guns. That makes sense if you've seen Stoker---I'm not like.. into guns. Anyways, I blame this on three things. 1. Stoker is crazy 2. Stoker is awesome and 3. I've been binge watching old episodes of the Canadian teen drama sensation Degrassi before my free trial of Amazon Prime runs out. So while my head wants to focus on Stoker and tell you why it's awesome, my heart is too busy stressing out about the impending school shooting that is going to put poor Jimmy Brooks in a wheelchair. (Jimmy Brooks for all you Non-Degrassi lovers is now known as Drake in the popular world) (Which makes binge watching Degrassi even more hilarious).<br />
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SO while I want this post to be really meaningful and deep and smart---I just don't think it's going to happen guys.<br />
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Here is what I was able to piece together before drooling and fantasizing about high heels and shotguns. I typed these bullet points before forfeiting my will to think logically. Lets see if it makes sense.<br />
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<b>1. Almost every frame of Stoker is like a painting---which makes it difficult to watch when you can't take a screenshot. The movie itself is enigmatic, beautiful and confusing. It's one of those films you may need to watch a few times before you can begin to really grasp its true nature. </b><br />
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-- I agree with this assessment from myself. Thanks to my recent HBO subscription, I could only watch Stoker on that old thing called the Television. Which was nice, but I couldn't take any fabulous pictures. Although if I could take fabulous pictures then I would have just a series of screenshots that would read kind of as a flip book of the entire movie.<br />
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Movies like this tend to make people upset because not everything 'makes sense' in the grand scheme of things. But movies like this aren't supposed to make <i>obvious </i>sense. I think ultimately Stoker is something you need digest over several viewings until you even begin to understand anything. The first viewing you'll be too busy drooling over the gorgeous shots. The second viewing you'll be too busy attempting to make sense of things but failing. And on the third viewing you start to get things. Or if you're a 'genius' then you get every single thing the movie is trying to say as soon as you press the STOP button. Note: Anyone who refers to themselves as a 'genius' and puts themselves in this category is by default an idiot because you are wrong.<br />
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The film like many of Chan Wook Parks' films is meant to be enjoyed as a fine wine. Or if you prefer non-snobby analogies---the film should just be savored like a really good..............ugh everything I like is snobby. Pair of slippers? Pizza? Yeah. Pizza isn't snobby......but you do want to eat it fast because Pizza is too delicious to savor. OK OK I got it. This movie is designed to be savored. (Forget analogies)<br />
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<b>2. Sexually charged--unsettling, uncomfortable.</b><br />
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Apparently, this cut of the film is much less sexually charged than Chan Wook's original cut. Which makes sense if you've seen his other films. This being his first American film--I'm actually quite impressed it still managed to unsettle me in that creepy sexual way. I guess my fear of spiders crawling into my crotch is still not over.<br />
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But really---the creepy uncle, the piano playing scene, the shoe handling at the end, the Nicole Kidman, the masterbating in the shower. Whoa guys. Whoa.<br />
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And although it's meant to be unsettling it's still insanely beautiful--which I find impressive. Because usually me and uncomfortable sexual situations are all like...<br />
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<b>3. Shoes---transition from shoes to heels---girl to woman</b><br />
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Although this idea is really simple in nature, I totally loved it. And while I understand that not every girl transitions to high heels---it's about the symbolism. It's about growing up and realizing that shit, you're an adult now. Which is altogether scary but also exciting which brings me to my next point.</div>
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<b>4. To become adult is to become free.</b><br />
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The entire beginning monologue from India is really beautiful but nothing stays with me quite like that last line. While the way that India becomes free is a bit...terrifying, I think in the larger scheme of things it's indicative to how we transition to adults as a whole. While the symbolism of receiving the high heels was the immediate push, the actual push was really her father's death at the beginning of the film. The moment that broke the bond between child and parent. And then the sudden feeling of being 'free' and being able to guide your own path of life. Which includes the very sudden decision India makes at the film's conclusion. </div>
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<b>5. Is something wrong?</b></div>
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<b>Yes. My Father is dead</b>.<br />
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Another quote that stuck with me...I love this on so many levels. I can't really explain it other than to say it's perfect. While the housekeeper was simply asking India what was wrong (because she looked faint and weird), India's reply is just..YES.<br />
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Alright that is the end of my bullet points. But hey! It's the end of another year. Cheers to Stoker, Degrassi, and more blogging in 2014. </div>
Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-51134091389393468932013-12-16T14:08:00.001-05:002013-12-16T14:42:05.343-05:00Homeland: The Problem with Season 3***SPOILERS BELOW**** (obviously you guys)<br />
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I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. This is most likely due to three reasons: 1. My cat decided that clawing the blinds to death was only fun if she did it every 30 minutes. 2. My socks were too hot (foiled again by the lure of wearing socks to bed *shakes fist) and 3. Feeling strangely hollow after watching the season finale of Homeland. As such, the entire episode kind of felt like a really bad dream which I guess impacted my actual dreams.<br />
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Now for the record: I thought the vast majority of this season was excellent. I totally applauded the show for fooling us into thinking Carrie had finally gone AWOL, I loved the double agent aspect--the new characters, and the new locations. But after watching the final episode last night I can't help but feel extremely let down. Not so much by what happened as <i>how </i>it happened. It felt like the entire season finale was just giving up.<br />
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The HUGE event that takes place in the first half of the finale was suddenly dissolved into the ominous '4 Months Later' title---the kind of instant flash into the future that sent me into PTSD land thinking back to the embarrassing Harry Potter epilogue. Suddenly, it was like the show took on a whole new level of stagnation. I felt like I was trapped in a bizarro Homeland. Saul was spending time with Mira. Carrie received a startling new promotion and was 'playing nice' with the new asshat director. Saul and Dar were eating waffles together and laughing. What was this place? Everything just felt so forced----and..... neat. Like the little insane ends of Brody's legacy were tied up neatly like little bows on packages. Overall, it just felt like a very lazy way to end the season.<br />
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As my sister and I later discussed--it's like they got trapped with Brody, decided he sucked, freaked out, killed him and then tried to hide all the evidence. I'm not sad that Brody is gone. If anything I'm glad that the show finally stopped feeding into Carrie's irrational thinking. By all accounts however sad it may be or 'wrong feeling,' the right path to take was the one that was taken. For once, the show stopped bluffing. It was a moment now looking back that was perfectly foreshadowed by when Carrie gets shot after disobeying orders. There was this whole feeling of, 'Yeah right, they won't really shoot Carrie.......oh.....they shot Carrie" that really speaks to the finale the more I think about it. Did I think that they should kill Brody? Yes. Did I think that they would kill Brody? No.<br />
<br />
Anyways here is my ultimate diagnosis of the problem with Season 3 (again, for the most part I liked it).<br />
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Brody's legacy should only have lasted till the end of Season 2. Unfortunately due probably to Carrie's obsessed love affair, they decided to keep him in Season 3 at least to tie up loose ends. The problem though was that they put way too much weight on his shoulders. Calling him in for such an important task could only spell doom. Now there was no easy and clean way to get rid of him. They were stuck.<br />
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If I had it my way--- Carrie would have discovered that Brody WAS actually responsible for the Langley bombing and then took matters into her own hands by eventually killing him in a dramatic stand off. That way--the truth is out. Carrie is at least assured that 'oh hey he was a terrorist after all, nuts!' and the decision to part ways with the baby in her womb wouldn't have been as difficult to make. Because really who wants a half terrorist baby? Just kidding. But in all honesty this is what I would have liked. Reaffirming the fact that Carrie's life and her decisions remain in her hands.<br />
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If you really sit down and think about it though--Brody was hardly in any episodes this season. In fact for a while there I thought they were going to reduce him to a 'Special Guest Star'. And I was fine with it. Long live the spy-filled life of Carrie sans Brody! Viva independence! And luckily now I think that's where the show is probably headed. Carrie takes Istanbul. That is---if the vast majority of the 'Carrie loves Brody' fan club put their guns down. So anyways, C'est la vie Brods. Here are the 10 things I'll miss most about the Brody family.<br />
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1. Jessica's bad haircuts<br />
2. Dana's floppy boots.<br />
3. The uselessness of Chris<br />
4. Chris' 'My Dad doesn't like me face'<br />
5. Damien Lewis' tiny mouth<br />
6. Their Subaru<br />
7. Praying to Allah in the garage<br />
8. Shooting deer at cook outs<br />
9. Awkward sexual tension<br />
10. The regret of never getting to see Chris try dating.<br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-706937351903658758.post-49077977463576803352013-12-15T12:48:00.002-05:002013-12-15T12:48:48.861-05:00A Few of My Favorite Things About: The Witches (1990)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Out of all the movies that I grew up with and continue to be traumatized by, The Witches is probably the one that retains the most creep factor. I'm sure as much as I was terrified by Home Alone and am still terrified by furnaces (and to a lesser extent, old men who shovel snow), the bulk of the population probably does <i>not</i> have an irrational fear of a furnace coming to life and trying to eat them.<br />
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I get that.<br />
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The Witches however seems to maintain its scare power. Perhaps this is a credit to Roald Dahl's immense power of imagination. Or maybe it's the exquisite performance by Angelica Houston. OR maybe it's the simple idea that somewhere out there is a society of bald headed, square footed witches who all want to kill children and wipe them off the face of the Earth.<br />
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And so with that I welcome you to experience a few things that truly make me appreciate The Witches. Even in my….older more….mature years of life I can still say with certainty that this movie is top notch in terms of its power to freak me out.<br />
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<b> How to Spot a Witch</b><br />
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If The Witches taught me anything it was that old women are usually always witches. It also provided every child with a very handy check list on how to spot witches.<br />
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1. Witches have purple eyes<br />
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Once a very long time ago, my sister and I were walking into the local CVS when a crazy old woman tried to hit me with her car. She glared right at me after she slammed on her breaks and it was then that my lovely sister decided to point out to me that her eyes were purple. Naturally we still believe this story to this very day. It also explains why old women are usually bad at driving---they're just trying to mow down little children.<br />
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2. Witches have no toes<br />
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Unfortunately, witches are very unlucky in the fashion department. Due to the nasty side effect of having no toes and having square feet, the witches are forced to wear ugly old lady square shoes. Again--only more proof that the vast majority of old women are probably witches.<br />
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3. Witches wear wigs and have terrible scalp rash<br />
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Again, I guess I never realized how unkind Roald Dahl was to old women.<br />
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4. Witches think children smell like dog poop.<br />
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This here is a lose/lose situation for all children. As Luke's grandmother so nicely explains to him before his bedtime, it doesn't matter if you've just had a bath--a witch will smell you anyways. If you're dirty, it's the dirt she'll smell. If you're clean, it's the child she'll smell. See? Lose/lose. Luckily, Luke's grandmother offers the simple solution of bathing only once a month to remain out of the range of a witch's nose.<br />
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<b>The Girl in the Painting</b><br />
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I think the very beginning of the Witches might be my favorite. It's all so eerie and sad. It also makes you realize immediately that these witches are terrifying and not to be messed with. Luke's grandmother tells the story of young Erica--a girl who she knew growing up.<br />
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That morning Erica's father brought home a lovely painting and then gave her some money to buy some milk.<br />
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Unfortunately the only way to get milk is to walk down an extremely creepy and seedy alley. Since it's so creepy, it's a perfect place for a witch to grab a little girl…which is exactly what happens. Well, Erica goes missing naturally and the police begin their search but come up empty. One afternoon, Erica's father comes home and stares wide eyed at the painting on the wall.<br />
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There in the painting is Erica herself, looking out the window (while a sad little voice seems to cry 'Papa..")<br />
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Luke's grandmother explains how the little girl in the painting aged with time, and finally one day--the little old woman feeding the ducks just disappeared.<br />
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Perhaps it was the idea that you could be trapped in a painting for the rest of your life OR the idea that the creepy painting of a little girl at the top of the stairs in your house was in fact a real girl…whatever the reason, this scene continues to stick with me till this very day.<br />
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<b>This Lady's Hair Cut</b><br />
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I think this is the kind of hair cut that only gets better with age. And by better I mean..better to make fun of.<br />
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<b>Bruno Jenkins</b><br />
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The character of Bruno Jenkins is essentially one of the greatest of all time. How can you not absolutely adore a fat, snobby child who upon meeting someone for the first time asks a question like, "How much pocket money do you get?" He also utters the brilliant line, "We have three cars"which I think is the perfect thing to say whenever you want to brag about anything. 3 Cars?!<br />
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As gross as Bruno is as a child--at least he does have the good fortune of being one hell of a cute mouse.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDuf5wsGo16AJ8Y6p66OAfeEYrmj2LyxIF66vYKsZlGkWCshyphenhypheneTVgaZ8-97VXkfdUbv0POFbr0XGQUMT5g1MUpkomFqdjyA3ZDQSrXOXOW3AqoC5QbbJTW6Ahw3XmcJQ-ZyuXpr6eqfa0V/s1600/ishot-532.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDuf5wsGo16AJ8Y6p66OAfeEYrmj2LyxIF66vYKsZlGkWCshyphenhypheneTVgaZ8-97VXkfdUbv0POFbr0XGQUMT5g1MUpkomFqdjyA3ZDQSrXOXOW3AqoC5QbbJTW6Ahw3XmcJQ-ZyuXpr6eqfa0V/s400/ishot-532.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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So, good for him.<br />
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<b>The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCZUHNB3AdM-D6MPLbKx8zxAZI88xNwBo1YsZhS8LgcTbLZr3XnF8rF9AJty-AwpNCl8Q6rteCdn8Zx6ZjkN-FmOXFN0CxQkiFc-ed-2E7fWbUNBJAcp9LydGVXKZmSC_WdFNpTkTy5lHx/s1600/ishot-519.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCZUHNB3AdM-D6MPLbKx8zxAZI88xNwBo1YsZhS8LgcTbLZr3XnF8rF9AJty-AwpNCl8Q6rteCdn8Zx6ZjkN-FmOXFN0CxQkiFc-ed-2E7fWbUNBJAcp9LydGVXKZmSC_WdFNpTkTy5lHx/s400/ishot-519.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The meeting scene in the Witches is perhaps the most iconic of all scenes. It not only displays the absolutely wonderful skills of Angelica Houston, it also displays the genius of Jim Henson. How much more terrifying can it get after The Grand High Witch removes her mask and wig to reveal THIS.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ep5Sk-K1RB33gBafT-vInBatRiekF6Hw2PkETsxnoeGJ2ccvXKKtSvoyAtYyNMcKff8c0F9XCBphtpPupB_cpm5mM4sK90byAYI0h9bPzfqiskwylBMeMbbDhBqE2GZcgyLmlhjDu2LG/s1600/ishot-521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ep5Sk-K1RB33gBafT-vInBatRiekF6Hw2PkETsxnoeGJ2ccvXKKtSvoyAtYyNMcKff8c0F9XCBphtpPupB_cpm5mM4sK90byAYI0h9bPzfqiskwylBMeMbbDhBqE2GZcgyLmlhjDu2LG/s400/ishot-521.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Oh right…extremely terrifying. Because not long after this, The Grand High Witch decides to BURN A WITCH WITH HER LASER EYES.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVFBl0aHlcUCDPik0Y5HmaHIw17bEAcOeErPyLFZM6pq-RC7GXphc_LCicJYaIZstbUojBfCBvLcGl9d4vp5r3_fUcbthylR0Svps096FKLpDgiveKDBYRJuXVEM5CZnKmimaQ_fB7Erb-/s1600/ishot-528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVFBl0aHlcUCDPik0Y5HmaHIw17bEAcOeErPyLFZM6pq-RC7GXphc_LCicJYaIZstbUojBfCBvLcGl9d4vp5r3_fUcbthylR0Svps096FKLpDgiveKDBYRJuXVEM5CZnKmimaQ_fB7Erb-/s400/ishot-528.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>All of Them Men</b><br />
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Apparently in the 90s there was a shortage of good bald caps in England. Instead of forcing the women extras to shave their heads--the film decided a cost effective way to fill the room with witches was to use men. I never noticed this as a child (probably too busy peeing my pants over the laser eyes still), but as an adult I can never make it through this scene without dying of laughter due to all the massive men in their dresses. Here are some of my favorites.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROJDUKvlJvKhp1Wmzjy-P3aadHKooUl_rmdWQH97bg4-dT3pAjGNd8JFumfqlbyTJtV43wLwlLXiGx67lujV0nLQilGSE6j1qvo4nT-DTUP0Iaut3RPZA7FEP5LB3ji3AxAGWt_zOtdlb/s1600/ishot-529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgROJDUKvlJvKhp1Wmzjy-P3aadHKooUl_rmdWQH97bg4-dT3pAjGNd8JFumfqlbyTJtV43wLwlLXiGx67lujV0nLQilGSE6j1qvo4nT-DTUP0Iaut3RPZA7FEP5LB3ji3AxAGWt_zOtdlb/s400/ishot-529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhYKnGdQmlDgZXyaKIjq6nTWSbp2GfzThk-pWiW1uk-P0kUR6Iyo0XlNe28V6P1wuhLwW_8JG0fMnrhga5Zk8LraDPpDj8ThqZ6N5kqhAtlQRysaJNHIrzT0ZejaNJ76iB4Mb7AbCfxU8y/s1600/ishot-527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhYKnGdQmlDgZXyaKIjq6nTWSbp2GfzThk-pWiW1uk-P0kUR6Iyo0XlNe28V6P1wuhLwW_8JG0fMnrhga5Zk8LraDPpDj8ThqZ6N5kqhAtlQRysaJNHIrzT0ZejaNJ76iB4Mb7AbCfxU8y/s400/ishot-527.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5trD3rkEURxUMLWhlE2KDHXOZ-kj8EsbL-tsNyM2BLlN8gh2l9emRfYm7L6m7H5r2WTnvY_pevCdplBtAnlmStLa5fYDDh1i7acPvU5RJSGKls4QekDksmO1fo2_yrQcTWFTub4xvuX05/s1600/ishot-530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5trD3rkEURxUMLWhlE2KDHXOZ-kj8EsbL-tsNyM2BLlN8gh2l9emRfYm7L6m7H5r2WTnvY_pevCdplBtAnlmStLa5fYDDh1i7acPvU5RJSGKls4QekDksmO1fo2_yrQcTWFTub4xvuX05/s400/ishot-530.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXQCNgsw8U2Z37nVqxhyphenhyphenYdQLv7CF8ehGwt_Ey-FEqkw8RmzR7SnvT4G8S2VN3xFZ09eQaFwoQqDVMBSYCiIfqY_BDjd0eYnr1flGMe4hA_PgFxwUzzCAuRLqY_Fq5p51TR4g4R4kUeQ8dt/s1600/ishot-526.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXQCNgsw8U2Z37nVqxhyphenhyphenYdQLv7CF8ehGwt_Ey-FEqkw8RmzR7SnvT4G8S2VN3xFZ09eQaFwoQqDVMBSYCiIfqY_BDjd0eYnr1flGMe4hA_PgFxwUzzCAuRLqY_Fq5p51TR4g4R4kUeQ8dt/s400/ishot-526.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Mr. Bean</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8SdHX28socEpbUvfcn-zduv-_11weBhOyn4PwF2RjCCc4j-jgo4siB7DT_zkuQrlEP8Y_iwIfrgGYvq2Zs9-il7mcUBkpJinuT7wTJHS6sWhDjMUCn-m5ENdtdgNFSntJ7eDtd1DbTEKb/s1600/ishot-517.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8SdHX28socEpbUvfcn-zduv-_11weBhOyn4PwF2RjCCc4j-jgo4siB7DT_zkuQrlEP8Y_iwIfrgGYvq2Zs9-il7mcUBkpJinuT7wTJHS6sWhDjMUCn-m5ENdtdgNFSntJ7eDtd1DbTEKb/s400/ishot-517.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I'm still confident that this is one of his best roles to date. Nothing beats the look of revulsion on his face after he discovers the patch of hair on his booty calls' neck.<br />
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<b>A Happy Ending</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxE54BjlEQ8l8TH-7EbvricNdYvpfAQJIL5KoFU_NFLn4sXCYFniiiOg6xzTVkMfXaE5ntcsd4VoAKhabbqVODe7fA0OdRoH5zQpzE9H3SFL9RBf6pPjd5gCkHiAwO5FGTcCj_E3x2mFbQ/s1600/ishot-534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxE54BjlEQ8l8TH-7EbvricNdYvpfAQJIL5KoFU_NFLn4sXCYFniiiOg6xzTVkMfXaE5ntcsd4VoAKhabbqVODe7fA0OdRoH5zQpzE9H3SFL9RBf6pPjd5gCkHiAwO5FGTcCj_E3x2mFbQ/s400/ishot-534.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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At first your body is filled with horror at the idea that one of the witches escaped and is about to do even more damage to poor Luke. She catches us at a vulnerable moment too because we've just spent the past minute crying along with Luke's grandmother as we realize that mice probably don't live long at all. Then she gets out of her car and cackles menacingly while she points her laser green ring right at Luke. Fear not though…She is a good witch because she's blonde and pretty. She also decides to return Luke to his human form, give him back his glasses AND reunite him with his pet mice Wlliam and Mary (who are probably pretty pissed that they no longer get to run around the decaying walls of the hotel. A small taste of freedom….gone). All in all, the ending of the Witches puts a smile on your face. Or it should.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkfNYauKRdzbCC_xVxtQxfQWE47HHNYIFvwbUjV1_LYlSFFff_ykjnRfuYVT5UAxzeeT2mKh_6_1R9TVaGAsSueAYQEwK1_JyrDN_DBgVRPXKAIRClb-AMHUaRBqeQMyrmzPU3CW4wjAUV/s1600/ishot-533.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkfNYauKRdzbCC_xVxtQxfQWE47HHNYIFvwbUjV1_LYlSFFff_ykjnRfuYVT5UAxzeeT2mKh_6_1R9TVaGAsSueAYQEwK1_JyrDN_DBgVRPXKAIRClb-AMHUaRBqeQMyrmzPU3CW4wjAUV/s400/ishot-533.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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If you're like me, it also makes you excited that one day someone will create a spin off show about Luke and his Grandmother, trying to wipe out all the witches on the planet. Every season would be a new country. Gah! Someone do that.<br />
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So what about you my friends? What are your very favorite parts about The Witches?Andre Dumashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07170879111034420803noreply@blogger.com1