Happy Marathon Monday: The Best Runners in Horror Movie History.

Well today is Patriots Day--did you know that? Did you also know that there are several Porta Potty's set up on my street? Yes! Why? Why because it's marathon Monday of course! Here in a Boston there is a long celebrated tradition of people wearing short shorts, and pooping all over themselves at the finish line. Even Katie Holmes runs it sometimes! It's like wicked famous guys, and they run right by my apartment. I'll snap a pic of all the cool celebrities and that really old guy that once visited my class in 5th grade....

Anyways I figured that since today is all about running- and a lot of horror movies usually involve some bitch running. What better way to combine the two than running in the marathon while I type out my favorite runners in horror movie history?

Babs- Night of the Living Dead

I guess the distance that she runs isn't terribly far- but she does run barefoot, which many aspiring marathoner's hope to someday do. Now I'm not one for the barefoot school of running...mostly because I'm for no schools of running because running is the worst-- but I have to give Babs props where props are due. This woman is annoying but she did run from a zombie, barefoot. Do you know how many pine needle and twigs she must have stepped on? No wonder she was in a catatonic state for the rest of the film. Run Babs run!

Dr. Miles Bennell and Becky Driscoll- Invasion of the Body Snatchers

They should have a pairs division in the running department. Oh wait that's just called running with a friend. I forgot. In this case however, these two did need each other to endure their flight away from everyone in society, otherwise known as the day the world became overturned by pod people. Don't you have those dreams where no matter how far or how fast you run, you find that you are going nowhere fast? And that all those bad things are still going to get you? Well that my friends is the story of Miles and Becky's life. But at least they had each other.

Ellie Sattler- Jurassic Park

This may be one of my favorite running scenes ever. I just love the intensity on her face and how she yells at herself to RUN. And she has the flashlight or whatever attached to her leg plus she was just attacked by Velociraptors. It's a perfect example of one of the most fearful instances of running...the kind where you know something is behind you but you cannot under no circumstances ever look back. Amazing.

Diane Freeling- Poltergeist

If Ellie's run from Jurassic Park was one of my favorite running scenes, then Diane's little jaunt down the enchanted hallway in her very own house IS my favorite. Did you know that when I'm in a hotel or somewhere with a really long hallway, I act out this scene? Oh yes you bet I do. I can rewind and fast forward this scene millions of times and never get sick of it. Something about how the extend able hallway pounds your heart

and then how the drums of the soundtrack kick in and how Diane's steps get harder and harder is just remarkable.

She frickin hauls ass down that hallway and I love every minute of it. What can I say, Poltergeist is my #2. Yes. My #2 favorite movie ever. And yes in order to watch this scene you must first watch the (real) skeletons in the pool scene! Hooray!

Pat Hingle- Suspiria

Pat's death is my poster child for beautiful blood, but her running scene in the very beginning of Suspiria is pretty spectacular. I've always loved that we have no clue what she could possibly be hearing or seeing- but we do know that it must be terrifying. Something about a young woman running through a German forest on a dark and stormy night always seems to strike a chord with horror movie aficionados. I'm guessing it could be her white t-shirt- or maybe her insane look of pure terror and mania. It's all so wonderful.

School Children and Melanie Daniels- The Birds

Perhaps one of the most famous running scenes of all. I remember seeing this scene for the first time at Universal Studios in the Alfred Hitchock tribute thing- the very moment that lead to my intense fascination with the master of suspense and the moment that I decided I had to see The Birds. This is one of the purest forms of running caught on film- because it's the kind of running that you have to do. I'd imagine that you would not be able to stop your legs from running even if you wanted to- since the importance of survival when put up against a massive flock of crows is extremely high.

Sally Hardesty- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Sally's jaunt through the clothes line and the Texan backyard of one of our favorite family's always comes to mind when I think of a crazy bitch in a horror movie, running for her life. This is mostly because she is a crazy bitch in a horror movie, running for her life. I can't even imagine how many different ways I could pee my pants if I was being chased by a guy with a chainsaw, so for that alone, Sally deserves props. But seriously, how did she not pee her pants?

Thomas "Babe" Levy- Marathon Man

And of course what would a list about runners on Marathon Monday be complete without our very own marathon man? When I first started watching this I thought to myself..."what is this marathon man business? Dustin Hoffman looks like a pretty crappy runner to me." That is until you see him out run thugs and jump over fences and highway overpasses and just crazy shit. For real...Babe is the real deal. In most cases when watching a horror movie you are often left scratching your head at how our protagonist can run for so damn long? I can run 30 seconds max-- a minute if I load up on carbs. Marathon Man however, is 100% justified because Babe does run marathons and therefore we know that he will use his skill to advantage and use it he does! If I was to run in a marathon someday (psssssh running! HA) then you can bet that my inspiration would be this scene. Helllllllz yeah. Epic running after a serious teeth drilling starts around 6:00

Dracula: I Don't Trust a Man Who Drives His Own Stagecoach

I started watching Dracula months ago but stopped due to the fact that I had been watching an unnecessarily high amount of vampires movies. Don't get me wrong- I love vampires but for some reason while seeing the typical Transylvania, the villagers who freak out about going to Count Dracula's castle and Bela Lugosi's cracked out facial expressions just didn't sit well with me. I do know that many people don't love this installment of the Universal Monster's collection- I myself much prefer The Wolf Man, so that too added to my constant dread. However, I signed a contract with myself promising that I would indeed watch every movie on the Scariest Moments List and so on this rainy afternoon I have strapped myself down and watched that lovely hour and 14 minutes of family fun.

I never realized how un-alluring Lugosi's Dracula really was. His face is comical in most aspects and he looks more like he's constipated or maybe just telling a funny joke inside his head and less like he's hypnotizing women with his sexy vampire eyes.

I'm not sure what he was, he just seemed so stagnant or something. It's a step away from the Count Orlok vampire, in that Lugosi is not a gruesome representation and we are not repulsed by his image. Lucy even finds him enticing plus he's not exactly...ugly. But there was still something so uninteresting about him! And dare I say it--boring? He had the unfortunate blunder of being neither alluring nor terrifying- which Dracula of course should be both.

There were some rather interesting bits but for the most part I was just surprised how much was hidden. The deaths of crew on the ship we never saw- but we were given this really nice shadow of a dead crew member slouched on the ship's wheel which I loved.

Other than that however, most things just seemed so removed. The atmosphere didn't feel as creepy as it should and I was very disheartened when we did not get to see at least Dracula's eyes while he was being staked through the heart. For all I knew it could have been one of his brides getting staked.

So unfortunately I won't be spending tons of time on this one. It's a film that remains important for it's impact on the iconic character of Dracula- yet when stood next to Nosferatu and even it's brother's in the Universal Monster's collection, it seems to fall flat. I just longed for something spookier I guess and although I do understand this film was one of the first movies that brought 100% horror to audiences (it did not contain humor or some kind of twist at the end that explained the terror) it still didn't affect me as much as I had hoped it would. Plus I still can't get past those awful bats! Anyways....yeah. Hahah John Landis calling out the armadillos! More proof that we were made to be together.

Don't Let "The Black Cat" Fool You

Yet again my life is foiled by my shoddy attention to detail. Apparently when I was busy readying my 1oo Scariest Movie Moments movies in my queue I failed to realize that the classic The Black Cat with Bela Lugosi

was in the dreaded saved pile and that Fulci's dreaded movie The Black Cat had snuck into the queue.

I watched the entire movie- half asleep mind you but I did watch it, and could not for the life of me figure out what possible scene those morons could have selected for their list. Upon a quick youtube check I was floored.

Of course, this has happened to me before only the time in question involved thinking they put the original The Fly when they actually put Cronenberg's The Fly on the list. No one got upset then because both films are fantastic. But this? This thing. Is....well let's just say that if I was having Fulci doubts before, The Black Cat did absolutely nothing to remedy the situation. Here's what I suppose the movie was about.

Some crazy guy who needs to trim his eyebrows can make his cat do things...or the cat was possessed by an evil spirit who knows. Also the cat at some point hangs itself with a tiny noose? I'm all for movies about cats but this was just atrocious. To save yourself the pain and agony I would suggest seeing The Black Cat we were all meant to see. Or at the very least, listening to the fantastic song of the same name.