Slugs: I Guess No One Will Be Getting Naked and Crazy Now...

Unbeknownst to myself, Slugs is helmed by the same magical director of Pieces, Juan Piquer Simon. A man who knows how to make a terrible, god awful film that is so god awful, it magically turns into a good film because of it. While Pieces was a pretty terrible film, Slugs is even worse! I'm still confused about whether or not this makes Slugs a better worse film than Pieces, therefore making it a better film by default. A....divided by C minus B times the square root of awesome..... right well, I'm stumped.

So here's the deal. Toxic waste produced man eating slugs. These man eating slugs start taking over a whole little town. Mike Brady is trying to stop it. No one believes Mike Brady. Except some people. They kill the slugs with lithium. People say funny things. PS. It's Halloween. (?)

The whole movie is kind of like that summary. Short sentences compiled together that sort of relate to one another. There are possibly over 56 characters in this film, that all at some point interact with one another, but it means nothing. There could be so many interesting side plots that just didn't develop and it's a damn shame because I really wanted to know why that alcoholic slut didn't eat any of the slug lettuce, or why the mayor changes secretaries so frequently. I guess I'll never know. Also....wait a minute....it's Halloween!? I LOVED when someone suddenly was like, "Oh yeah I'm going to a Halloween party tonight" in the last half hour of the film. Good job building up the Halloween atmosphere. Also...worst Halloween party ever.

Hmmm perhaps this was an attempt to make Slugs a little more creepy. Or maybe at the last minute they realized...crap this is a horror movie and all good horror movies take place on Halloween!! That must be it! They discovered the formula. Thank goodness, a well placed Jack-O-Lantern is all you need to make Halloween look convincing.

Let's be honest. Slugs is hysterical. I'm pretty sure you could make an entire film based off the hilariousness of the quotes in this movie. Here is the general way quotes work in this film.

Guy 1: How was your day?

Girl 1: Okay. Let's have sex.

Guy 1: Okay. BUT WAIT there are man eating slugs in this town.

Girl 1: But how?

Guy 1: I don't know.

Girl 1: Oh.

Guy 1: What do you want for dinner?

Girl 2: Greg died today!

Guy 2: Oh my God that's horrible! He was my best friend.

Girl 2: He burned alive.

Guy 2: Oh God! How did it happen?

Girl 2: I don't know.

Guy 2: Oh.

Girl 2: So what did you do today?

Guy 2: Ohh nothing, did some errands, hung out with Greg.

Girl 2: Oh that's nice.

Guy 2: Yeah that was before he died.

Girl 2: Oh. Let's have sex.

Pure poetry. To top it all off, the slugs have sharp and pointy teeth! Which are very useful by the way, when biting wax fingers.

I guess Slugs fits into that category, of killer animal movies where the animals aren't very threatening. Frogs also fits into that category (which I can't wait to see by the way). When the slugs attack someone, it really just looks like they are being overcome by some leeches. I have a pretty hard time coming to terms with the fact that a slug is doing this to someones body.

Or that slugs are capable of pulling someone beneath the water and cause their blood to bubble out.

Well, I guess these are toxic waste slugs so the rules don't apply. But come on people, how fast can a slug really move?

Although the idea of killer slugs is pretty funny, the gore in this film is excruciatingly nasty. Peoples eyes being pulled out, hands being severe, slug gloves, slugs in the stomach, slugs everywhere! And blood, blood, blood mixed with slug slime.

Yuck. Word to the wise--do not attempt to watch slugs while eating honey.

So in any case, Slugs is perhaps one of the most entertaining things I have seen in a while. Bad haircuts,

bad outfits, douche bag kids thinking that a really great prank is to rape someone--this film has it all. God bless you Slugs.