5 Things I've Learned This Year

Well again we've made it another year. There's only one year left before the world ends and John Cusack makes it out alive. But hey, we can get a lot done in a year. In fact I know we can just by looking back at this year. So many great things happened, so many new friends, so many friends that I decided I hated--yes, this year had it all. So welcome yet again to my final wrap up in which I let you in on the 5 most important things that I've learned.

1. A Disturbing Film Isn't Just About the Gore

A few years ago, I could hardly make it through the anticipation that is Audition. Today, I'm eating a bowl of pasta with meat sauce while watching Cannibal Ferox. How did this happen? I'm guessing it's because of a little thing called desensitization. I've done a lot of thinking over this past year about gore, why horror fans seem to be immune to it, while even the toughest of men get queasy at the thought of sitting through a Saw film. Somewhere amongst the 300 or so horror movies I've watched in the last year and a half--gore became no big deal to me.

That's why as I move forward in my Exploration Disturbia project, I find that it's getting easier and easier to find the films that will make it on the list. Being disturbed by something is not the same as getting nauseous. Gore plays a role sure, but for a film to really, genuinely disturb me, it needs to continuously break into my thought patterns at the regular intervals in my day. Washing dishes or talking to my grandmother on the phone needs to be interrupted by the idea of eating Chinese dumplings stuffed with aborted fetuses. A lot of unnecessary gore does not a disturbing film make and this little realization that I had not too long ago--makes me even more excited for the final list to be made.

2. I Still Love John Landis

Alright, so he never responded to my letter. Am I going to cry about it? Am I going to gorge relentlessly on carbs and pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream while I hold my cat and watch reruns of Sex & the City. Probably. But who can blame me? For those of you who don't know, I sent John Landis a letter (a REAL letter) a few months ago--maybe longer...time flies when you're hopeful. In this letter I told him how I missed him and his movies and that he needs to make another horror movie so that my life can take the proper shape again. In the actual letter I used less creepy sounding metaphors and adjectives.

Anyways I still think it's true. John Landis is original, hilarious, and makes great films. His humor is exactly the kind of natural wittiness that I strive for a on a daily basis. So what if he's making a dark comedy right now? I need a horror movie. I need an American Werewolf in London type film that was not originally intended to be a funny movie that contains horror elements. I just want him back. I want him to prove to us all that our favorite directors are still capable of turning out great films. I won't name names.... (WES CRAVEN who didn't sign the poster of My Soul to Take the way I wanted you to!!!!)

3. Variation Helps

I touched on this a bit in my year end wrap up but when you watch only horror movies for the better part of your life, you start to feel like a giant blob. It's not that I was necessarily sick of horror movies, it's just that I kind of missed watching a movie where someone doesn't get killed. This is why now at least once a week, I watch a movie that is not a horror movie. Amazingly enough it helps me become a better movie watcher. It also makes me a little smarter (maybe) and possibly even a better writer. Of course I owe a big thank you to Nate Yapp for inviting me over to Cinema Geek where I can watch non horror movies and still talk about them. May the next year bring many new posts and movie watching experiences.

4. I Am a Wuss

I failed you. All of you. I was so excited about my Facing the Fear project this summer and so ready to you know, face my fear and all that and then BAM. Too scary. I suppose I was just too ambitious. It's just such a strange thing to be so terrified of a fake shark. A FAKE ONE. I'm not even that scared of real ones just fake ones! What is that? It's the lamest thing in the entire world. How can I give you people advice on disturbing movies when I still think that if I close my eyes in the shower, a shark will eat me?!!!

Honestly, those first few days after my failed viewing of Jaws were dark. Dark, depressing and dumb. I felt like the lowest of the low. Maybe one day when I'm really drunk I will be able to watch Jaws 2. But until then, I'll understand if you still want to make fun of me constantly behind my back. I deserve it.

5. Blogging Is Still the Tits

It's true, I still am having just as much if not more, fun blogging. I'm pretty notorious for not finishing projects. I have an unfinished cross stitch of three cats in my bedside table that says, 'A Cat is a Cat and That's That!' (please reserve judgement until the end), and just yesterday I put away a puzzle that I did not feel like finishing (in my defense it was very difficult) (it was 1000 pieces and a picture mosaic of Starry Night made up hundreds of pictures of astronauts and the night sky. FYI the night sky all LOOKS THE FUCKING SAME. And also the puzzle was distracting me from doing real life stuff like eating sandwiches and watching reruns of Jon and Kate Plus 8). So believe me, I am as surprised as you that I've kept this blog going for so long.

I can't believe last year at this exact time I was exclaiming in wonder how great is that I get 100 hits a day. As of now, my average is 1,000 hits a day! Yes about half of those people are just searching for free hard core sex sites but the other half (maybe) are real genuine people who want to read about horror movies and want to have a good time. Every day that I get an email from someone, whether it's just a "hey I love what you're doing" or a "you've inspired me to start my own blog" or even some crappy spammer just wanting to link with me---I get excited.

Yes, blogging is largely meaningless--but to some people (including yours truly) it's the best decision they ever made. This blog has created opportunities for me. I can apply to jobs that I actually want and put my blog on my resume because people want to know. People want to know that I'm not just some average 24 year old getting a job to pay the bills. I'm a 24 year old who uses all their spare time to write about blood and guts and horror movies that have feelings and that are actually saying something. I have creativity, free thought and boobs. I'm not average and blogging is NOT meaningless if you have something to say. Always remember this when someone gives you dirty looks.

So as this year comes to a close I think it's important that I thank all of you who have stuck by and read The Horror Digest. Whether you've never left a comment, or if you have. Any and all readership is good to me (Yes, even you Jervaise Brooke Hamster). Without you I would feel meaningless.

Here's to another great year of opportunities, friends, and horror movies.

Those Movies: Men in Black

While I was at my job this morning a thought crept ever so slowly into my head. There I was typing away when the voice of Tommy Lee Jones interrupted me. He was talking about aliens and what he was saying was so darn poetic that it almost brought tears to my eyes. That's when I got thinking about how Men in Black is one of those movies. Those movies include; Batman Forever, The Chipmunk Adventure, Baby Boom and the Disney Original Movie Smart House.

The movies that I probably shouldn't like as much as I do but I just can't resist them. Everyone has a list of Those movies--so don't try to deny it.

Men in Black reared its head at some point in my young life and sucked me in almost immediately. For those of you who don't know (which is everyone hopefully), Will Smith was my 4th pretend boyfriend. Right behind Marky Mark,

Zack Morris,

and Zack the black Power Ranger.

Aside from that element of intrigue, I was just really damn excited about this movie. So excited in fact that I saw it twice in the movie theater and still have the ticket stubs to prove it. I even made my Mom buy the Men in Black book at Stop & Shop which unbeknownst to me was just a shitty book based on the movie.

Still today when I go back and watch Men in Black, I can't help but feel happy. Something about the term "raining black people" and having your eyes being blasted away by the bright colors in Will Smith's wardrobe really speaks to me. Is it so wrong that I love cheesy lines spoken by Will Smith and the ever stony face of Tommy Lee Jones? Am I such a bad person for wanting to believe that the Men in Black DO exist and that hopefully they have neuralyzed me many times?

Since I get all my information on important happenings and hoaxes from movies, I had no idea that Men in Black is based on the REAL supposed existence of....men in black. Men in black suits who have been showing up at suggested UFO sightings since 1947. How neat is that? I just spent a good hour out of my day reading up on all this stuff, Men in black, the Grinning Man and the Mothman...and boy is it interesting. Despite the fact that I deem myself a sensible human being, I just cannot will myself away from the notion that stuff like that may actually exist.

Anyways...Men in Black is a treasure and snap shot of my 90s mindset. It strongly makes me recount the days of jamming to my Pure Disco CD,

and learning all of the dance moves I was exposed to on Total Request Live or TRL with Carson fucking Daly.

I can't be the only one that craves an afternoon alone with Men in Black and a bag of chips. Right? Just tell me I'm right so I can stop crying about it.

In other news; why did Will Smith have to stop making a song to go along with every movie he did? I really felt the biggest thing missing from the Pursuit of Happyness was a tailor made Will Smith song stolen from Stevie Wonder. And to answer your question, yes I was listening to Men in Black the entire time that I was writing this and YES I can do the dance. Quite well if I do say so myself. Oh and P.S. Men in Black III? Yikes.

Cannibal Ferox: Cocaine Is Worse Than We Thought

I can think of few better ways to celebrate the end of the dreaded Christmas season than with a viewing of an Italian cannibal film. Can you? Well alright yes, a delicious sandwich party would be better but I had to work with what I had. Popular to contrary belief aka my belief only--Cannibal Ferox is NOT any kind of sequel to Cannibal Holocaust, so there goes my supposed brilliance. Cannibal Ferox however is a noted addition to the cannibal film genre which is populated pretty much entirely by Italian films AND it garners a similar amount of criticism and notoriety that Cannibal Holocaust did.

My first experience with Cannibal Ferox was when I saw the picture of those hooks impaling a pair of boobs. Also there may or may not have been a penis getting sliced off with a machete--I can't recall. In any case, after seeing Cannibal Holocaust back in the very beginning of my curiosity involving disturbing horror films, I decided at that moment that I would put off seeing Cannibal Ferox for a very, very, long time. And so I did. So long in fact, that I practically forgot about its existence.

Cannibal Ferox follows Gloria and her brother Rudy and some slut named Pat who take a trip deep into the Amazon to prove Gloria's brilliant theory. Her theory is that there is no such thing as cannibalism and that there may have never been such a thing. Rather, it was used as a way for European colonies to justify their violence towards natives. While in the Amazon, the group encounters Mike--an apparent drug addict and his friend in bad shape. They inform the group to watch out--because some cannibals are out there. There goes that theory!

What surprised me the most about Cannibal Ferox was how it also put such a heavy reliance on the animal cruelty--and real animal cruelty at that. There's even a similar turtle scene to the one in Cannibal Holocaust. Upon further research, Italian cannibal films used this device quite frequently, most likely as some kind of bizarre commentary about something I'm not intelligent enough to understand. The necessity of using real animals however always trips me up. The animal violence always ends up being much harder to stomach than the human torture and cannibalism.

There's a snake there but you can't see it because the snake is really good at camouflaging.

Is this intended? I'm not sure. It certainly gets a rise out of those vegetarians though..

I also continue to be amazed at how long it takes for the ball to really get rolling. The infamous boobie hooks scene doesn't happen until the last 10 minutes of the film. Before this we get a pretty gruesome free for all involving internal organs and a severed penis being rapidly eaten. Other than that it seemed to be a lot of gun shots, quick glimpses of blood, and sad animal deaths. I guess I expected more after being shown this before the film started.

I started to count instances of this "barbaric torture" but I only got as far as 5 before getting frustrated at figuring out what they considered to be "barbaric"

Was this barbaric?

This?

This?!!

I'm guessing they did because otherwise we would have close to 10 barbaric scenes of graphic violence instead of 24. Or maybe they were just lying to you know...sucker people like me into watching this. Lucky for them I found Cannibal Ferox to be oddly entertaining despite this, and here is why.

The writing is hilarious! It was great you know in that awkward Italian way. Bad dubbing and hilarious moments of confusion. Confusion as in-- I wonder if something got lost in translation or if the occurrence of a jay-walking Iguana really would be a bad thing? Correct me if I'm wrong but seeing a jay-walking Iguana would most likely make me really excited. No?

Here are a few examples of brilliance:

Hey, want some?

No thanks, I don't drink.

I JUST DO COCAINE!

Boy, having sex was really great. Can I have some more cocaine?

Hey, want to go rape a native girl?

Sure!

And then of course the always popular technique of replacing character's names with obscenities. I admit I did have to look up people's names on Wikipedia because I just knew everybody as "Asshole, Twat and Shithead" and was quite confused.

The conclusion to be made in regards to Cannibal Ferox is that we, the greedy white humans, create cannibalism. In the end--it is because of Mike's hot temper and heavy cocaine usage that pushes him to act out brutal violence on other people. Violence breeds violence--and obviously everyone learns by example. I guess it's kind of like the idea that a lot of times children who were abused grow up to be violent also. I suppose I'll take that as an acceptable explanation for why the natives suddenly break out with violence......

Just kidding, I'm not sure if I buy that. For some reason I feel like Cannibal Ferox's biggest downfall is the unbelievability factor in regards to how randomly the natives decide to kill the white people. I understand acting a certain revenge on Mike--since he was a super asshole, dickhead, and shit face BUT why wait so long to exact a revenge? What were the young people doing out there? I'm not sure exactly what it is, but something is surely off on that whole reasoning. Killing people I understand--but suddenly becoming a cannibal because of being shown violence (just violence and no indication of eating people) is a little strange. Or maybe they just were cannibals the whole time and Gloria got it wrong, who knows.

Cannibal Ferox is a somewhat less enjoyable film than Cannibal Holocaust well--enjoyable I suppose is the wrong word. It is less engaging rather. Cannibal Holocaust was just more shocking, while Cannibal Ferox had notable moments of disgust, it didn't affect me for a long period of time the way Cannibal Holocaust did. Due to this I don't think it will claim a spot on the most disturbing list. Better luck next time Cannibal Ferox. I think there were moments where shock and grossing out was the intention, like when this man ate these grubs.

But thanks to Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, we know that grubs are really just a good protein, and that they have a great nutty taste to them.

Still, an interesting film however and one that I'm sure sends many messages and commentaries on....human nature and stuff like that. You know, things that really smart people write papers on.

Cannibal Ferox ultimately feels more Italian than Cannibal Holocaust. There were strange plot holes, and jumps to things that forced me to rewind the DVD only to find that there was no transition---things are just like that. There's this whole other side plot involving the mafia that is completely irrelevant. Hmm I guess there was a lot more wrong with this than I initially thought. Oh! And what is up with Mike acting all fine and dandy after his penis was cut off? He just gets his pants put on and is off on his way? I don't have a penis but come on. Not possible. Really awesome brain eating contraption though....which now that I think about it is I suppose the best evidence for why the natives were always cannibals.....oh well! I still don't buy it.

The Year in Review

Well, well, well. Looks like we made it to another year. It seems like just yesterday I was writing about the 5 Things I Learned and crying over the collapse of Eli and I's relationship (which has since been patched thank you for asking). Yes, another year and another batch of exciting things. To spice things up this time I will not only be bringing you a new list of 5 things I learned (coming soon) but in the here and now I will be presenting the year in review. A whole GIANT list of fun things that I loved, hated and needed more of. So have a seat, and relax your mind; the Horror Digest is about to poop.

POSTERS I NEED

I did a lot of talking this year about putting up posters in my bedroom of things I decided I was madly in love with. Since Christmas is almost here I figured I would put these on my list. Here is that list.

1. The Donald

I never miss an opportunity to post this picture of The Donald. From our first night together when I first saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie, to hearing his majestic voice rolling over the whale slide show at the 2010 Winter Olympics--to his final few moments before becoming a pod person--sorry SPOILER--the Donald and I have had a pretty extensive history. What is it about him that I enjoy so much? Everything obviously. Who could argue?

This one will go on my ceiling.

2. Earl & Valentine

Everyone loves a good bromance but not everyone gets to enjoy the amazingness that is Tremors until they are 24 years old. Luckily for me-- I did. After avoiding the film for many years because I was afraid of sharks--and by default large sand worm graboids, I finally found my courage and watched it. Thank goodness I did because Earl and Valentine quickly became my two most favorite people in the world. This poster captures the essence of their relationship; relaxed, funny and possibly a little gay.

3. Soylent Green

Soylent Green and I had a whirlwind romance. We're getting married in a month and I hope you can all attend. Naturally I would need a poster of this movie in my bedroom if soon I will be joined in holy matrimony with it. There's really nothing bad to say about it...Soylent Green is a fantastic film that I loved almost from the moment I set my eyes on it. It makes me want to jump off really high buildings to prove my allegiance. I would even quit eating delicious sandwiches if I had to in order to prove myself. Wow, it really is true love.

4. Naked Nuns

The Devils was a delight in my pants. I knew it would be from the moment I first saw this screen grab of naked nuns acting all crazy and inappropriately. I could have just as easily selected a poster of the Devils to put in my bedroom-- but I feel that this poster of the naked nuns better represents my personality. Sunday is not Sunday until you take off your clothes and rape a crucifix.

5. Ralph

Believe me, I fought with myself over this one because I despise Friday the 13th. But as hard as I fought, this screen grab kept coming back to me. I may not enjoy Friday the 13th as a whole--but I do kind of enjoy Ralph. And enjoy Ralph or not--this screen grab is one of the most beautiful shots I've ever seen in a horror film. It looks out of place and pristine. It looks like it's from a real movie and not from Friday the 13th Part II. I love it and it deserves a spot in my bedroom.

THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN...EVER

1. The Silver Oven Mitt

I never dreamed that while watching The Tombs of the Blind Dead that I would stumble upon what is perhaps the greatest goof of all time. Feast your eyes on the Silver Oven Mitt (It's capitalized because it's important).

Yes, the blind knights that rise to kill those that intrude upon their land, never leave their tomb without taking an oven mitt along just in case. You never know when your pizza will be ready.

In other yet, related news, this is the best thing to ever happen to my life. The hilarity is incomparable, even to that time I googled "I Love John Landis" and found this man.

It really is the best thing ever.

NEW FAVORITES

As you know, I am somewhat of a newbie in my horror fandom. Due to this I have not seen a lot of films that people love. This year especially was filled with fixing that unfortunate problem and here are the ones that I am inducting into my favorites list for the year 2010.

1. Tremors

For the reasons outlined above and also because it's awesome, Tremors is now one of my favorite movies. Who knew that a film I would be so terrified of would one day become my favorite? The film is hilarious, exciting and never brings a dull moment. Even stuck with the same locals in the same part of town for an entire movie is new and exciting with every single scene. Tremors is like a less scary and more fun version of Jaws. Sign me up.

2. Hausu

It's pretty obvious that anyone who has seen the Japanese mind explosion from the 70s that is Hausu, will immediately want to rub it on their face. My thoughts about the film can be found here but for an abbreviated version you can read this phrase---- YES. The joy and wonder of Hausu is not something easily explained, which is why you must see it for yourself as quickly as you can.

3. Curtains

After years of believing that Curtains was about a home decorator gone crazy, I finally was given the information necessary to understand what exactly Curtains is about--an actress gone crazy. I knew I needed to see this movie after seeing this scary lady wielding a scythe

and when I finally did I couldn't contain my excitement. I was blown away by the existence of the best scene in the world. I was obsessed with Samantha Eggar's opening monologue and with the rest of her eccentricities. Words cannot describe how delightfully cheesy, and awesome Curtains is. It just is--delightful.

4. Day of the Dead

I never would have guessed that the Romero film I would feel the closest to was Day of the Dead. I was shocked. I for one had never really heard people praise the film to the high extent that Dawn gets. Also--I kind of hate zombies. BUT I love this movie.

5. Suicide Club

Suicide Club was just the movie I needed to save my love for Asian film. Previous to this I really came to despise most Asian films. They just weren't affecting me the way I needed them to. There was no big realization or life changing metaphor. There were just creepy girls with long black hair and pale faces. Then along came Suicide Club--officially the most mind numbingly awesome and intelligent film I've ever witnessed. There was so much to love, so much to think about, so much to love about. And BONUS: it contains two of the best musical numbers known to man-kind.

BEST SCARES

These days I don't get scared easily, which is surprising seeing as how I used to be afraid of June bugs and puppets with small hands. Since I watch so many horror movies, I've begun a strange form of desensitization which no longer requires me to stay up until the wee hours of the night after watching something scary. Every now and again however, I do get scared and these scares are the most powerful, because they happen so infrequently.

1. XTRO

I've watched this scene over and over again and cannot believe that it sends chills down my spine every single time. It's the timing, it's the sudden appearance of the creature and it's how the creature crab walks back into the woods. It's so unnatural looking and it's so surprising. Even though I know it's coming it still surprises me.

2. The Drop of Water

This experience really brought me back to the days of old. Nights when I would close my eyes and see whatever scary thing was tormenting me. After finishing the Drop of Water segment from Black Sabbath, I had a really hard time entering my bedroom with the lights off--heck even with the lights on. I was positive that the scary dead old lady would be lying on my bed and staring back at me with that face.

OH GOD the face. It truly was one of the scariest movie watching experiences I've ever had.

3. Salem's Lot

I had been prepared for the obligatory little kid floating outside the window scene. What I had not been prepared for however, was the first appearance of Mr. Barlow. He comes without warning, without the slightest hint of worry. One minute you're sitting there thinking about a delicious sandwich and the next--you're peeing your pants and grabbing onto the nearest cat. Not that I'm speaking from person experience.... This scene isn't all about the jump scare. It's about the terrifying face of Mr. Barlow being shoved without warning into your face. It's upsetting.

4. The Grudge

Having just watched this recently and being so embarrassed that it did scare me--I'm still somewhat ashamed to be including this. But if there's one thing I am not, it is a liar and so I'll be straight with you. Several moments in this movie made me very nervous. I even had to turn it off halfway through so that I could go to sleep peacefully. What is wrong with me? Stereotypical ghost Asian women with long black hair don't scare me! Ugh.

5. REC

Although I had seen Quarantine and was well prepared for the arrival of that skinny thing in that attic, I was not prepared for the simple fact that the original film would somehow be worse. This is surprising seeing as how they are almost the same exact movie. REC however is much scarier and a much better film to be honest. The skinny thing ultimately becomes the demon of my dreams, taunting me each and every single night that I can't fall asleep. That bastard.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS

1. The Human Centipede

I was not impressed with the Human Centipede in the slightest. I found it to be dull, not gross, and poorly executed. It's organization was a major setback for me, as I felt like all the anticipation was thrown out the window the moment we realize that the human centipede is completed well before the film ends. Instead of eagerly awaiting the transformation and becoming steadily introduced to the doctor's character-- we were met early on with the creation and forced to watch the daily routines for what felt like a life time. Although many cite Dieter Laser as being the best part about the film--I found his performance just to be another mad scientist shrug. Playing a crazy scientist isn't that big of an achievement-- playing a normal person who steadily gets crazier--may be a better one.

2. The Funhouse

I constantly receive flack for not liking this as much as I am suppose to. I stand by my disappointment though. My expectations were such that I anticipated the presence of several scary funhouse things. The entire opening in fact is compromised of all these wonderfully creepy animatronic dolls--exactly the kind of thing that I used to hate when I was little. The movie however never regains these moments of creepiness. Instead we are taken to a land of mutant people, and a strange slasher hybrid. I simply expected to feel a lot more unsettled by the presence of the funhouse and instead I just get some dumb mask shoved in my face and some awkward sex and rape scenes.

3. The Mist

I receive flack for this too but you know what? Oh well. People don't like me because I often state how although Stephen King is a fantastic storyteller--I think he is a sub-par writer. This causes people to yell at me but I'm done tip-toeing around my beliefs. Anywho. I did enjoy The Mist when I read it, and I made a grave mistake by seeing the movie so close to my finishing of the book. I have spectactular reasons by the way and reasons that I will defend to the death. The director made certain statements that do not stand up to his decision regarding the ending of the film--and this bothered me. I don't mind a divergence from the book, but I do mind when that divergence is so completely unncessary that it destroys the actual tone of the book--and there is my problem. Take it up with my lawyer if you still have problems with my assessment.

4. The Crow

I guess this entire section will just cause a lot of flack won't it? Look. I liked the Crow alright, but overall it was just a big disappointment to me. It was nowhere as awesome as it was suppose to be, as predicted by the 100,000 people that love it. Brandon Lee was laughable and I'm sorry that he died-- but you guys...he was just not a good actor. Or maybe he was and the writing was just too atrocious to make it sound good. Who knows. All I know is that I did not love this.

5. The Black Cat

This one is more of a technicality but it was still one of the more intense feelings of disappointment that I ever had. I was excited to see the Black Cat because I had heard such wonderful things about it. When I finally got it, I watched it and got about an hour and 20 minutes into it before I realized that this was NOT the Black Cat that kept being recommended to me. This was a movie by my arch nemesis Lucio Fulci. My disappointment was hardly as big as my embarrassment. And now I hate this movie. But on the flipside I LOVED the Black Cat I was meant to see.

FUNNEST MEMORIES

1. Poltergeist Month

Poltergeist Month was probably the peak of my creative mind. I had so much fun crafting Poltergeist related posts, that I never wanted it to end. Sadly, few of us bloggers can ever talk about Poltergeist because of a pedophile that roams the Internet seeking out anyone who utters the name of Carol Anne, the actress who played her (Whose name I cannot speak because of it) or the year that she was born or died. It's a travesty that he has ruined such a remarkable film. That was when I decided something must be done. POLTERGEIST MUST BE TALKED ABOUT. I picked up my courage and dedicated an entire month to the film people were afraid to talk about it. I still have not heard from the pedophile-- and all is well.

2. Top 10 Willies

The Top 10 Willie Inducing Moments is a landmark in my short blogging career. I figured a few bloggers would post their list and we could all have a fun time and dance or something--but unbelivable as though it may seem....the Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments began to spread like wild fire. I had so much fun reading about what scared other people, and being introduced to so many new bloggers. It was exciting, people loved doing it and I got to post a picture of Will Smith. How much better does it really get?

3. The Comedy Experiment

At some point in May I decided my life was overrun with the dark and depressing. It was springtime and there I was watching people's throats being slashed and people getting rape. I felt like I was stuck in a rut and so something had to be done. I decided to spend my weekend doing something different. Every day I watched 2 or 3 comedies that I had miraculously never seen before. What I found was pretty remarkable. With virtually every single movie that I watched, something in that movie was an allusion to a horror movie. It's proof that horror is everywhere. Also, it's proof that Carrie Fisher is stalking me. It also just felt really good to laugh and enjoy a movie that didn't make you want to gouge your eyes out. Read parts one AND two.

4. The Halloween Marathon at The Coolidge Corner Theater

In September I was met with some of the best news I had ever received. My blog had begun to reach people locally. One of the programmers at the Coolidge Corner Theater, Mark Anastasio, had messaged me to tell me that he enjoyed my blog and wondered if I would like to help promote the October line up for the midnight shows and marathon. I was overjoyed. As sucessful as my blog is with other bloggers and people that search for hardcore sex (of which there is none on this blog) I still felt like my blog was failing in the Boston readers department. This news was just what I needed to keep my head up. Working with Mark and the Coolidge Corner Theater was fun and new. I got to run a contest for Boston horror fans to win tickets to the marathon. I even got to go to the marathon and take part in the awesomeness. I got to see Hausu and Re-Animator on the big screen, witness an amazing costume contest, turn red at the appearance of some very large boobs on the stage, and feel sorry for the psyhic that no one really wanted to see. It was one of the funnest nights I've ever had. So thank you Mark and The Coolidge Corner Theater--you guys rock.

5. Trip to Salem

I never thought about the idea of sharing horror related field trips with my blog readers but then one day it hit me. For my birthday I had planned to take a trip to Salem, and what better way to share the fun than feature the trip on my blog? Even though Emmy Doomas and I did not plan the trip as well as we could have, and even though the entire town was packed--we still had a great time. It was one of the most memorable ways to celebrate my birthday AND I had ice cream for lunch. YES!

A CHANGE TO MY TOP 5 FAVORITE ARGENTO FILMS

In September I finally found an Argento film to upset my order of favorite Argento movies. Four Flies on Grey Velvet infatuated me. I loved everything about it and wanted to talk about it for hours. I liked it so much that it took over the #2 slot on the list!! For those of you keeping track my top 5 Argento films are now...

1. Suspiria

2. Four Flies on Grey Velvet

3. Deep Red

4. Phenomena

5. Inferno

I only have a few more left to see, but I'm pretty confident it will stay like this...

Still Just Sayin'

Here are some things that I just want to reiterate about. And naturally I'm right about all of them.

1. The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake Was Not THAT Bad

There was such violence spewed at the remake of NOES that I often felt the need to cleanse myself. I saw the film the day before it came out and wrote this review. In it I said that while the film is not great, it is not the worst thing I have ever seen and it certaintly wasn't the worst remake I had ever seen. The remake attempted a very valiant effort at going a step further than the original. People's complaints all have to do with how the remakes treats the original. Personally I thought it treated it rather well, updating iconic scenes and giving the fans some nods. Sure it was riddled with jump scares, a few instances of bad CGI and a rather tasteless depiction of Freddy's true infatuation with Nancy--but what do you expect from a remake geared towards mall obsessed teens? I'm mostly just annoyed with the term worst film ever, or worst remake ever. Think about some other remakes that were horrible and then get back to me.

2. Paranormal Activity STILL Sucks

I re-watched Paranormal Activity recently was still met with some intense disatisfaction. It is not a good movie, it is not re-watchable and it relies solely on the existence of amplified noises. I don't want to talk about it anymore so I am hereby enstating an end of discussion clause in regards to Paranormal Activity. That is all.

MOST VISITED PAGES

At some point during the year Blogger added a tab called "Stats". Here was a simple and easy to use tool that told bloggers exactly what people were reading, and what they were searching for. I check this almost everyday and the totals never change. In regard to all time page views--here are the five most visited page views at the Horror Digest.

1. Chris & Andre Cast the Hellraiser Remake 10,867 views

This was a post my buddy Chris and I did after we did some thinking about this so called Hellraiser remake. For awhile this article was the 3rd thing on the page when you searched "Hellraiser Remake". Crazy huh? Imagine all those people who maybe thought our selections were valid choices. Ha. You wish Cate Blanchett was in the Hellraiser remake....you wish. In other news, this is the best casting in the world.

2. From Within: Rumer Willis' Face Always Ruins Everything 4,153 views

I'm still not sure why this post is so popular. It's not very well written and it's about a really, really shitty movie. I'm guessing it has to do with all those people that search "What is wrong with Rumer Willis' Face?" Luckily I was able to provide them with the correct answer--it causes DEATH.

3. Scary Moments in the Wizard of OZ 3,476 views

I did this one on a whim one day after taking note of Google's neato tribute to the film's 71st anniversary. Apparently I'm not the only one to notice that The Wizard of Oz had some pretty fucked up moments none of which contain an actual hanging munchkin, so don't get your hopes up.

4. The Most Disturbing Thing I Have Ever Seen 2,935 views

This is embarrassing because pssst it's not really the most disturbing thing I've seen. It was still disturbing mind you, but now all those people think I'm a super wimp for dubbing this as the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. Ugh.

5. A Pictorial Journey Through Pee-Wee's Big Adventure 2,582 views

I am still immensely proud of this tribute to what is probably my favorite movie in the whole world. Yes I made some mistakes, like not including the best lines from the basement meeting but oh well. Pee Wee is the best, and if you disagree---I hate you.

TOTAL HORROR MOVIES WATCHED: 145

Well that's the end of that year. What a great year if I do say so myself. My final thoughts will come with the new 5 things I've learned post which will happen closer to December 31st. But just know that I thought this year in terms of my blog, and expanding its horizons...fucking rocked. That is all.

The Baby: Don't Cry Baby, Have a Teat

Rejoice! I finally watched The Baby. After all that struggling and complaining I have finally set my eyes on what I had assumed would be a really twisted and somewhat disturbing film. My assumptions were mostly right although personally the entirety of the film didn't leave me feeling disturbed save for one or two moments in particular. But as we know-- one disturbing moment does not a disturbing movie make. Or something like that.

The Baby is about a social worker named Ann Gentry whose next assignment is the Wadsworth clan. If visions of the Hills Clan or the family from Spider Baby are dancing in your head--it's not quite the same. These people aren't outwardly crazy, they just seem a little....different. The family consists of the boozy mother, 2 daughters and a 21 year old son who is kept in a crib and diapers aptly named--The Baby. Ann makes it her duty to expose the family as she believes they have kept The Baby in an infantile state on purpose, using punishments and torture to keep him from growing up mentally. As the film moves on however, Ann's motives start getting a little fuzzy and we soon find out that she may not be as innocent as we once believed.

For some reason my memory is recalling when I first decided to put this movie on my queue. I seem to remember something about how the mother made women have sex with "the baby" and that the baby could talk, he just acted like a baby. I have no idea why I thought this as the Netflix description says nothing like that. Maybe I'm just so used to so much raping and sex with babies that it just seemed like the natural course of events for this film to take. As luck would have it however--the Baby really is just a baby, only he's 21. This is probably one of the most jarring aspects about the film. At some point they classify him as simply being "mentally retarded" which really makes you question the necessity of keeping him in diapers, baby bibs and little baby pajamas. Is it because the 70s were different times? I hope not. But then again, that would have been the first sign to remove The Baby if Ann Gentry really WAS a social worker. Or at least I hope so.

Regardless, seeing a 21 year old man being a baby is pretty awkward and creepy--and worse--is that all the adults treat him like baby and kind of like a puppy too. This I think is the underlying disturbing nature, although it kind of starts to wear off after a while. It's upsetting at first but after a while we become somewhat accustomed to it. This is a very different effect say from the likes of Aftermath or I Spit On Your Grave where the raping--never becomes less upsetting. For this reason alone I will have to say that The Baby will not be winning a spot on my most disturbing movies of all time list.

As I said above there are two disturbing moments. The first involves The Baby's babysitter, which alone is enough to weird you out. Imagine being hired for a babysitting job where the baby is 21 years old and still sleeps in a crib? Anywho, the babysitter attempts to comfort The Baby, who begins to get a little grabby. After some hesitation, the babysitter allows the baby to suck on her teat. This is odd because A. the babysitter was not pregnant and most likely would not have any milk in there and B. she seems to get turned on just a little. The level of discomfort rises staggeringly when the mother and daughters walk in on this event, causing a nice beating of the babysitter. Although let's be honest--who wants their baby sucking on someone else's teat? Beating deserved.

The second disturbing moment is somewhat greater although the bulk of it is left up to our imagination. Late at night one of the sisters comes into Baby's room and disrobes. She then gets into the crib naked. We do not see what happens after that but I'd say it's pretty safe to assume that she had sex with him. How this works, we will never know--and we will never want to know. It's gross, it's creepy and yes it is disturbing but unfortunately the film never seems to rise back to those levels of disturbia.

We have it in our minds that this family is so twisted and so deranged and yet nothing is really ever shown to us, except this moment that makes us believe that. There is a brief segment where one of the sisters tortures The Baby but it is broken up by the other sister and the mother. I guess my main gripe with the film as a whole is that we don't get to know a whole lot about the Wadsworth clan. Nearly everything we think we know is based off of an assumption by Ann Gentry. Who knows if The Baby really is capable of being a fully grown person? Who knows if the mother harbors sour feelings about the Dad now out of the picture, that she focuses all her anger on Baby? The thing about The Baby--is that he really isn't treated all that badly--from a baby stand point of course. As a 21 year old yes he is treated horribly but I'm really not seeing a lot of evidence that he isn't treated kindly as a baby.

There's also a certain amount of question regarding Ann's motives at the end and worse still--her mother's motives. It's one of the most abrupt changes in character that I've ever seen and a moment that really makes you question the reality of the situation. Because SPOILER.....who is just able to kill 3 people that easily? I would understand if they tried to kill her but did they really? All they really did was do a shitty job of tying her up in the basement. Not only that, but it would be pretty easy to figure out what happened to the Baby and to the Wadsworth clan. Everything seemed so dodgy and wrapped up so quickly at the end that it really all just seemed to be a little too ridiculous for me to handle. The very end of course is pretty surprising, and really makes me question Ann's own sanity--which I suppose is the point.

Overall I mostly felt like The Baby had some big problems with characterization. No character is really that strong in this. Ann appears to be, but when we see her true self at the end--it leaves us feeling cheated. Who are these people really? Why do we hate the Wadsworth clan so much? It was like they were trying to make us super creeped out by the Wadsworth but it never reached that point for me. I guess overall I'd say The Baby is just really.....weird. Not nearly as shocking as I would have guessed which I suppose is a bit of a disappointment in the long run. Oh well, we'll always have Aftermath at least.

Alright, I won't pretend that I'm not terribly upset. I'M UPSET. I had been longing for this movie for days and days and after so disappointed with the arrival of Dead Silence--I was really counting on The Baby to lift my spirits. What will I do now? If you said cry-- you are right.

The Grudge: I Like You..But Am I Supposed To?

I can't believe after whining about how stupid I was for not checking my queue, that I did it AGAIN. This time the mistake wasn't so unfortunate but it still left me feeling rather bitter. I had failed to notice this time around that the Grudge I had stored in my queue was the American remake and not the original Japanese version. I don't have anything against remakes or at least giving them a chance, but after declaring my immense adoration for The Ring over Ringu--I had wanted to switch things up this time. I thought that maybe if I saw the original first I would become a strong supporter. This was inevitably a failed experiment as most people don't love the American remake--but what can you do?

I also must admit that I dreaded seeing The Grudge for a few reasons. To begin with, I like to consider it, along with the Ring as being the seed that planted the trend of scary Asian girls with long hair into the minds of everyone. It is because of the success of these two movies that I hate all Asian horror films that center around the supernatural because they all employ the same tactics. I figured I would hate the Grudge for doing this but I also failed to realize that if the Grudge and The Ring started a trend--they must have been doing something right.

The other reason I sort of abhorred the Grudge was because of Sarah Michelle Gellar. I just don't like her! I never have and every single movie that I see her in I can't get the stupid ugly face of her character from Cruel Intentions out of my head. I'm also a huge supporter of The Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie in case you didn't know and I resent her for marrying Freddy Prinze Jr. before my 14 year old self could.

Anyways I put my dignity aside and settled in and I must admit...I found myself pretty creeped out. I'm embarrassed even to tell you this but I stopped it after 20 minutes because no one was home and the heaters were making loud noises. Maybe it's the timing of the Grudge, or the long black hair that's extra long and...gross. Or maybe The Grudge just speaks to everyone's innate fear of scary dead Asian girls with long hair and bad asthma. Who knows. Either way, when I finally settled back in to watch it in its entirety I was both excited and nervous.

I had no idea when I began watching it, that the story's structure was so disjointed. We begin with a Japanese girl coming to take care of some old lady. She hears noises and goes to investigate and gets killed. Next we meet a family moving into the house. They are actually the people who are living there at the time the Japanese girl comes at the beginning. THEN we meet Sarah Michelle Gellar's character Karen, who takes the Japanese girl's place-and so on and so forth. It's an interesting story telling device that normally would have jarred me but in this instance I felt it a nice compliment to the idea of the stain. There's no bettering or worsening of the ghost's wrath because no matter who you are, or when you come into the house you will be met with...the grudge.

There are problems of course in The Grudge, but these seem to only be minor annoyances. Things like how the scary girl seemed to be really CGI looking, or how we never got to really see what happened to the husband and the wife.

Sarah Michelle Gellar's open fish mouth gape was also a bit annoying after awhile and she wasn't traumatized enough in my opinion. I guess I just don't understand why the ghost didn't immediately kill her like everyone else. I understand in order for the plot to stay alive she kind of needs to be alive...but in every other instance--the ghost did NOT give up so what the eff?

Aside from those shenanigans, The Grudge was as I said a pretty terrifying movie for anyone who HATES hair. Personally, I don't mind it but still, the hair oooh god the hair.

I also will fault The Grudge for making me weary of...cats. I know. I too was upset but it happened. I'm actually still confused about the little cat boy.

Did he just really like cats? Maybe I missed something there...regardless I had to stop the movie about 10 times because I thought my cat was alone and crying somewhere. Turns out it was just the cat in the movie...

The scene that a lot of people talk about when they refer to the Grudge is the stairwell scene and the under the covers scene.

I admit I had seen it before a few times but it never really affected me. However. In context, that scene is wildly creepy. I attribute this to the noise. It really is an ungodly noise that should never be uttered by another human being ever. I think the main driving force behind that scene is that it amplifies the power of the ghost to the nines. It just really is one of the creepiest scenes I have ever witnessed. Not only does she have the power to turn into people's brothers, and call people's cell phones--she also has an uncanny ability to morph out of the shadows and sneakily appear under people's bed covers. This film like The Ring, employs the very curious sensation of not being able to escape an evil no matter how hard you try. That's the thing with most horror films--in a lot of instances there is a safe place but here--we are screwed.

Ummm what else, what else? The other thing I enjoyed was how the end wasn't all twisty. It's refreshing to see an end to a horror film that is not filled with an uncontrollable need to make people's heads hurt. There's no--well GUESS WHAT? The cat? Yeah, the cat was actually the bad guy! Or shit like that. Things were straightforward and you know what? It made sense. The logical flow of events made sense for once and I felt like kissing something.

Overall I was quite pleased with the entirety of The Grudge. I'm sad that a lot of people don't like it, and as someone who has not seen the original, I am pretty confident in saying that it gets a lot of unfair flack. I found it to be effective, creepy and only a little bit annoying so ha. I'm sure the original is much more successful in building up the creepy atmosphere and all that jazz--but for a remake I think the Grudge does a fine job. I mean honestly--how many movies have I seen this year that made me nervous about finishing? Not many. And my heater makes noise all the time, so think about that, buddy.