What did people DO before Google? I'm not just talking about the fact that it's the best search engine this side of the planet (I'm pretty positive that the only thing people use BING for is to search for the word "Google") I'm also talking about the fact that Google always lets us know when there is an anniversary of a movie, or a day of awareness. Thanks to their spiffy search engine bars which are designed differently according to what special day it is--we will never have to remember our favorite movie's anniversaries. It's almost like Google is the appointment book of the world of entertainment (and sometimes environmental awareness but who cares about trees?). So anyway, thanks once again to Google for letting me know that today is the 71st anniversary of the Wizard of Oz.
Have you ever met one of those weird people that have never seen The Wizard of Oz? What's up with that? I feel sorry for them, I really do. I'm pretty sure that their lives have been meaningless without the addition of munchkins, and the ever foreboding presence of really big hour glasses filled with red sand. How can they go through life without knowing that in Oz you can actually get your eyes DYED blue? Well I don't think I know any people like that thank god, and if you are one and I know you it's probably better not to tell me. It's not that I'll hate you, it's just that.... things will be different.
So for those of us that have seen The Wizard of Oz, which should be all of us, here is a nice list of the scary moments. As you may or may not know, The Wizard of Oz actually comes in at #86 on Bravo's Scariest Movie Moments. Back when I wrote that mini discussion I claimed that the only really scary thing about The Wizard of Oz was the urban legend that a munchkin is hanging himself in the background of one of the scenes. Since then I've done some thinking, and have decided that people are right. There is something very scary about The Wizard of Oz--I'm looking at you flying monkeys.
It's a Twista!
I hate tornadoes. Let's just bring that out in the open. Part of the reason I hate them however has to do with The Wizard of Oz. There's something about how Dorothy makes it back to her house and how she CANNOT open the storm cellar door that really causes me despair. Her family is just a bunch of a-holes first of all, second of all there are 3 abled bodied men ( I'm not being sexist Aunt Em is like 80 years old) in that cellar and none of them are willing to risk their lives to save Dorothy? What a crock. I think this tornado is especially menacing because of the sparseness of the Kansas landscape. It certainly was menacing enough to make me never want to go to Kansas. And further more when someone tells me that they are going to Kansas or that they live there--I always feel bad for them. If I was religious I might even say a prayer. Poor souls trapped in Kansas. Please make sure all family members are in the storm cellar before closing it. Amen.
A lot of people have a fear of midgets--it's a fact. It may not be very nice but it's true. I wouldn't say that I have a huge fear of midgets--but when you see a lot of them, and they're all dressed up with curly mustaches and weird things on their shoes---it makes me a little nervous. Part of the reason the munchkins are especially terrifying is that I get the feeling they are made to just seem like a bunch of little kids. But they aren't. The Lollipop guild may be the biggest offender as those little "boys" are at least 40 years old. And that's a little creepy.
Curly Witch Feet
Bah! I never really thought about how yucky this image of the Wicked Witch of the East's feet made me feel. But I feel yucky. I don't like how when the ruby slippers come off her feet curl up like that. It's the idea that that was supposedly real flesh and to see it just curl up and hide under the house like that. Yuck. Also that's not to mention what you would look like if a house fell on you. Probably gross.
The Wicked Witch
I'm still trying to figure out if I think the witch is more terrifying or if Miss. Gulch is. I'm leaning towards Miss Gulch and here is why: She has a scary face, so to see it with green scary make up is almost normal and okay. If she's just there and being a normal person then well..that's a different story. Also her cruelty in the face of Toto is quite alarming. What a crazy bitch. The scariest though is when you see her on her bicycle in the tornado and then she turns into a flying witch on a broom!
The Hanging Munchkin
If you don't know by now then it's time the truth was spoken. There is no hanging munchkin. The shadow that you see is some kid of crane bird lifting one of its wings. It's true and if you click the Bravo link you can watch the clip on YouTube. That doesn't mean of course that the possibility of the truth of this myth scared the crap out of me when I was little. I HATE the image of someone hanging, and I sort of hate munchkins so do the math.
People are so freaked out by these things. I don't remember ever having a specific aversion to them or not but I can't deny that their faces are terrifying. Something about those monkey faces, and how they aren't quite defined enough to hide the fact that those are real people--really puts me off. I mean I like Monkeys, but human actors in a scary mask that fly? I don't know.
For some reason I always thought these guards were way more terrifying than the flying monkeys. Not even their fabulous fur coats (is it really that cold in Oz?) can save their appeal. Plus they sing menacing songs about Nabisco cookies! OREO-O OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Come on, I know you all thought that's what they were saying too admit it. I don't even care if they turn nice at the end after the witch dies because nothing will ever change how their face looks and that's a shame because we could have been friends.
People don't like this either because in truth it's a little gross and it was probably really smelly. First off---where do all of her entrails and stuff go? Second of all yuck.
Hmmm well I think those are most of the parts that made feel a little scared. I guess I should probably also include the talking trees, seeing the Scarecrow's straw get pulled out, and maybe when the Wicked Witch writes Surrender Dorothy in the sky. I'm sure there are more, so if you would like to chime in feel free.
One funny thing I just realized is that I seldom watch The Wizard Oz from beginning to end. I usually turn it off right after the gang goes in to meet the wizard. I'm not sure why--it's not that long but maybe I feel that the rest is kind of drab and depressing? It's just like how I only watch the first VHS of Titanic. Mhmmm same thing.
So that's it. Happy 71st Anniversary The Wizard of Oz. Thank you for all the memories and for always making me feel a little creeped out.