Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Friday the 13th Part Two: 20 Questions


There is way too much confusion going on in Friday the 13th Part Two. No, I'm not talking about how Jason was able to age so rapidly (that's pretty obvious) (It was clearly a magical mushroom potion made and collected on the 4th full moon of the year) (and also Alice never really saw Jason emerge from the pond) No, the confusion is everywhere else. Why are there so many characters in this? Why does that girl think a sexy alternative to her black underwear is a poop brown color? Who was that OTHER dog wearing a ribbon? Why does that girl not have any regular sized articles of clothing? Who peed under the bed the rat, or the girl? Why don't I know anyone's name in this? Where are the happening after parties? Shouldn't Jason's hair be longer? How can he see out of one eye hole? Who puts on a gross, moldy sweater? WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE??

Phew. That was a lot of questioning, and I have way more but I'll spare you. I'll be honest I'm not sure why I felt like watching this. We've already established that I'm not crazy about Friday the 13th, yet here I am. Don't be shocked but, Friday the 13th Part Two is kind of an improvement for me over the bland and the boring of the first film. Not a huge improvement mind you, but now that we know who the killer is, and because people get killed faster, things got a little better for me. It is of course in my mind still just a sub par slasher movie. Nothing is terribly entertaining (except maybe that guy in a wheelchair falling down the stairs) and no kills are that great. It's mostly just kind of ehhhh. Which means of course that it's an obvious relation to the Friday the 13th series as a whole.

This film also reminds me how much I hate when they bring a character back only to kill them off mere minutes into the film. I don't like the idea of suffering along with someone for an entire movie, seeing them live, going to sleep, and then seeing them bite it in the lamest of ways in the next film. Did Alice's victorious final girl fight mean nothing? As if that wasn't bad enough Friday the 13th also has to take away crazy Ralph from me?? Speaking of crazy Ralph, isn't this screen grab oddly mystical?

It looks like a still straight out of some moody film noir type deal. Right? It freaked me out too.
Anywho, for all of its mediocrity, F13 Part two has some brief moments of entertainment. Albeit mostly unintentional moments. I admit I found solace in this pair of skin tight booty denim shorts, paired effortlessly with a cropped Mickey Mouse t-shirt.




This lass obviously has a thing for articles of clothing that do not fit properly. I know it was the 80s but come on, everyone else seemed to be able to find a practical pair of pants to wear. Things really only get better when this same woman goes skinny dipping, flips out when some perv steals her clothing--puts her shirt back on which happens to be another cropped tee. I mean, you might as well leave it off sweetie.

I also loved seeing Jason's majestic house. It's kind of an odd situation though. How long have the police been patrolling that area? And they never found his little shack in the woods? P.S. nice shack Jason.



That thing rules. It looks like it could fall apart with one gentle breeze. And we KNOW it falls apart when two grown men decide to fight inside of it. But hey, at least he has a toilet?



And then there is burlap sack Jason, which for many people is the best kind of Jason there is. I think I will have to agree with this.



He made it work. Although I have always questioned the impossibility of killers donning masks and being able to run and see people and kill them. One time I put on a mask and I ran around my yard. I could barely get 2 steps without feeling like I was about to fall off the side of a really big hill. Note: there are no really big hills in my yard, but masks do things to you... And this was a regular mask not a burlap sack with one eye hole. So my question is---how in the hell does he chase people around in the woods at night? Biggest plot hole in my opinion...

So where does this leave me? I still think Jason is a complete oaf, that offers up no real entertainment value. I'm sorry but there's not a whole lot of suspense in someone walking around and always just dispatching people so easily. I like a mindless slasher now and again but F13 just feels SO mindless sometimes. Again, I mostly blame Jason because that guy in the wheelchair was just the right amount of spice I needed.


I will say however that the ending scare was pretty good. I mean it got me a little bit even though I had watched that particular scene before. I can't help it if I was so perplexed by Muffin's arrival and that there was another dog with a ribbon in its hair somewhere out there--that I didn't notice the "Jason is going to jump up somewhere" music. He really is a nasty beasty huh? Why did he remove his sack? And is it just me or are these two completely different masks? One has more hair than the other...





OH and I just remembered something. People are constantly talking about how Jason is more powerful than Michael Myers because he seems more "inhuman" but what exactly about Jason sets him apart from Michael? I think people have a misconception that Jason did drown in that lake--when that may not be the case at all. I was under the impression that because they never found his body, Jason somehow was OK, and has lived in the woods his whole life. Only taking action against teenagers once he saw his mother's head get sliced off. That being said--there is NOTHING that sets Michael and Jason apart except the fact that Michael is probably better looking and has probably showered more who knows. So try that on for size Jason defenders. They both have gotten "killed" and then actually lived. They are mostly just vehicles for mediocre slasher movies to keep pumping out sequels. Call it inhuman if you want but I'll call it laziness.

And for anyone that thinks getting a machete stuck into your arm is a big deal, obviously you haven't lived properly.

14 comments:

Strange Kid said...

"And for anyone that thinks getting a machete stuck into your arm is a big deal, obviously you haven't lived properly." True that. :)

Man, you've got me itching to see F13 part 1 and 2 again. Thanks, Andre!

Andre said...

Hahah damnit no! Don't do it! Just kidding, I understand the appeal I think now. I do look forward to getting deeper into the series and laughing more so I'm kind of excited.

The Fiji Mermaid said...

Andre, good write-up. Yeah part 2 is a bit weird and all over the place. I agree with what you said about the burlap sack not making for a good way to see when chasing your prey. That Jason is the worst looking in the series to me. Part 4 and part 7 are the best looking Jasons. That being said the series is pretty good through pt 7. I'm a bit of a fan. ;-)

The Mike said...

There was a time when I too asked the important questions about Jason and the early F13th movies. I don't know what's changed in me...maybe it's peer pressure, maybe it's sun spots, maybe it's just that my will to be awesome has faded over the years and I've been beaten into submission.... but I've gradually come to accept them. I still call them out as shit every time someone mentions them...just like I am now...but I can't turn away from 'em any more.

Regarding Jason seeing out of the one eye hole, I think that's what inspired Bob Dylan's kid to write that "we can drive around with one headlight" song. Because it's an impressive feat.

Dawn said...

If anything Michael Myers is way more powerful than Jason. i mean, afterall, Michael is pure evil...so, he does have that going for him.

kindertrauma said...

Andre, you forgot to ask the biggest F13 part 2 question of all...What the hell happened to Paul? (You know, the guy who was with Ginny when Muffin and Jason dropped by at the end.) This is one of my favorite F13's, the Machete wheelchair death is lovely. I have half a mind to do a series of posts trying to explain my love of the series to you. Love reading your thoughts on these movies, great job, can't wait til ya do Part 3!_Unk

Andre said...

Hahaha The Mike that is genius. You are right obviously.

Thank you Dawn, that's what I always thought too! Jason fans are very particular about how inhuman Jason is which gives him the edge. Apparently in later movies he proves this point, but all I'm saying is that they are basically the same.

Unk that sounds marvelous! I would love to hear your love letters to F13. And you're right that is an important question, but I never knew anyone's name except for Muffins. Are you talking about the skinny lanky guy who was all goofy? Or someone else!?

Pearce said...

Thank god for you, Andre. I've read so many "Friday the 13th Part 2 is the best thing ever" opinions, I thought I must be weird for thinking that it's sort of arse.

But you'll probably disavow any affinity with my opinion when I say that I like part 9 the best. It's the sequel to The Hidden that I always wanted!

Besides which, when I saw that one at the movies with three buddies, we all decided to scream as loud as we could the first time that Jason appeared. There were only two other people in the theatre, two rows ahead of us. I think they're still embedded in the ceiling.

matango said...

I recall the machete through the wheelchair death as kind of looking like Steve Martin's arrow through the head gag.

Jason is better than Michael Myers because Jason is a homeowner.

bird said...

I want to hear more about why you were running around your yard in a mask. If you do that king of thing a lot can i be your neighbor?

Andre said...

Hah bird I was just a wee one... well....cough 8th grade MAYBE. It was a goofy tennis ball mask I had gotten at CVS. It was the most random mask in the world, a tennis ball sticking its tongue out. I'm not sure why I decided to run around the yard, probably just testing how well I'd be able to frighten people while wearing it. Not well was the final answer.

The best way to frighten someone with a mask is to park next to them in a parking lot, look at them, then when they are not looking put on the mask and then stare at them until they do look at you.


......Shoot I just realized if I was driving when I got this mask I was actually a sophomore in high school. I guess I was older than I thought.....

Andre said...

Oh I found the mask

http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/b/0/0/a5/7/AAAAC7EtWE8AAAAAAKVw8w.jpg?v=1263244689000

So it wasn't sticking its tongue out.....hmmm

Andre said...

Oh and Pearce, I will not fault you for liking any F13. I still need to see all of them in fact an I'm sure I'll find solace in the cheesy, silly ones coming up...!

Paul Strutzenberg said...

Great read man! Another Fallacy i have founded that I havent seen mentioned is the death of Alice in beginning of Part 2..how the hell did Jason know Where to find her?? And if someone says the phone book..how could he have known her last name!? I dont think they ever mentioned it in Part 1 lol id love some comments to this especially if you truly know this answer thanks!:)