Chris’s Pick: Chris Eccleston
At first I thought about going with someone obvious like a Kevin Spacey. But then I remembered a fondness I have for the eccentricity of a certain Mr. Eccleston. I don’t know exactly how evil his potential is because I missed out on his portrayal of Destro in the GI Joe Movie. I’ll assume he was Okaaay. I’ve always enjoyed his run on Dr. Who, as well as his performance in Shallow Grave. Slam a few hundred nails in his head, keep his pallor on the pale side, and I think he could do amazing things. He has a face made for inflicting everlasting pain. He is capable of the kind of menace necessary for a believable Master of Sexual Hell.
Chris' Flight 815 Pick: Benjamin Linus
This will have to be Season 2 – 5 when Ben still had some semblance of power on the Island (or Hell). Who better to charm unsuspecting seekers of pleasure? Always scheming and lying, he is the epitome of the trickster needed to lure people into eternal chains.
Chris’ Pick: Cillian Murphy
To me, Cillian Murphy is the obvious choice. Frank is a vortex of dark, greedy lust. He can’t be satisfied with mere outrageous fetishistic sexual encounters, so he delves into the malevolent puzzle box to fulfill his deep-seeded, dark desires. Cillian is tall, brooding, thin but athletic, and his face possesses mystery and subtle menace. He is a rare combo brainy bad boy, something that Julia obviously cannot resist when Frank needs her to lure in fresh victims.
Chris’s Pick: Claudia Black
Claudia Black has a kind of subtle grace and unique look that harkens back to the character originally played by Claire Higgins. Sure, Higgins is a bit softer looking, but Claudia has a depth in her eyes that seeks an exciting life beyond a simple “perfect” marriage. She is bored, horny, but she has a vulnerability and secret desire that could believably turn to sudden horrific violence. Plus her accent would make it easy for her to lure me to her secret sex lair so she could smash me with a claw hammer.
Chris’ Pick: Edward Norton
Larry was the toughest choice for me. I almost lost sleep over it. Even though we identify the more with Kirsty, Larry is the catalyst for everything that happens to us and responsible for our entrance into the story. If he hadn’t decided to move into the house, no one would have ever discovered his brother Frank’s terrible lair. I chose Norton because I needed someone with a hint of wimpiness, but not so much that he was totally wishy-washy. Why, then, would Julia ever marry him? Why would Kirsty care enough to help him out if that were the case? I also needed a nice guy foil for evil Frank. Since they are brothers, there should be a few minor resemblances physically speaking, even though internally they are worlds apart. He’s still a little young looking, but I think Norton would make a believable Larry, one who would work hard to keep Julia satisfied, but still be a little clueless as to what exactly it is that she needs.
Chris' Flight 815’s Pick: John Locke
The unassuming, pathetic John Locke from Season 1 would make a nice Larry, I think. He was enthusiastic about moving into a new place (The Island stands in for the townhouse), but also a bit naïve. He was interested in a fresh start just like Larry is with his family, beautiful wife Julia, and lovely daughter Kirsty. He totally trusted that things would work out for the best, but he ultimately becomes victim of a corrupting, irresistible temptation.
Chris’ Pick: Alison Brie
Kirsty may be small, young, and cute, but she’s no slouch. She hates her stepmother Julia and isn’t afraid to say so. When she discovers the bloody mattress torture room of Frank, does she run and hide? No, she unlocks the mystery and fights back. She is even able to successfully resist the seductive Cenobites. If you think about it, this is exactly how Brie’s character is in Community. She is always resisting her urges for the greater good! She is pure and the symbol of temptation Pinhead feels to reach out to our world. If you think about it, she is actually the puzzle no one can figure out.
Chris’ Pick: Virginia Hey
The lovely and statuesque Hey was the clear winner for me. I’ve always been attracted to her blue-skinned and bald Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan on Farscape. She has a grace and confidence that might be very horrifying in a cenobite fetish outfit complete with pleasure wounds. P.S. What a creative name for this prominent Cenobite, you idiot screenwriters!
Chris' Flight 815 Pick: Ana Lucia
Ana Lucia is mean. She likes giving and receiving pain. Easy enough. Next!
Chris’ Pick: Jim Carrey
Duh, dude already has the gigantic scary mouth for it, so the effects people wouldn’t have much to do. The only problem is that Chatterer is actually very quiet except for the eerie chattering sound. If Carrey can keep a lid on it, I say he’s got the part.
Chris’ Pick: Jon Lovitz
I know, I know. Jon Lovitz is…plump. But, I didn’t mean it that way. I think Lovitz has some malevolence lurking within that he’d like to explore and what better way than as the creepy Butterball. I think I’ve seen paparazzi photos of Lovitz stabbing people with sunglasses, so he’s a shoe in.