Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Terrible Titles

As with the well titled movies post- having a terrible title doesn't mean the movie is bad. For the most part, these titles seem like poor choices to me. Either they have nothing to do with the movie, or just don't make sense- and I'm a sucker for a good title so these particular movies really had me frazzled.

House of 1000 Corpses.

In all fairness this title is actually a pretty good way to talk about the movie overall. It sets you up to believe that the Firefly's house is a grotesque lair of dead and decaying flesh and bones. 1000 corpses? That's A shit ton of dead bodies and so when people heard this title they were very exited about what Rob Zombie would be doing. As it turns out- there are not 1000 Corpses and last I checked the actual number is nowhere close to that. People's expectations were set so high for this movie and like the false number of body counts- people were mislead and therefore less than thrilled by RZ's debut. As it turns out, I happen to like House of 1000 Corpses but I don't like liars.

Suggested Title: House of Filth and Poop.




Let's Scare Jessica To Death


I love this movie and in case you missed my review go and read about it. It's so much more than this title makes it out to be. Even the original cover art for this tried to market the movie as a no brains, cheesy, typical boobalicious horror movie. Let's Scare Jessica to Death makes it sound like some evil group of teenagers is planing an elaborate prank on Jessica and then she dies and comes back to kill them all. But this isn't Tamara or Jessica's Body....it's a masterpiece! The title is so misleading and unfitting that it almost hurts inside.

Suggested Title: I can't think of anything because it's too deep and meaningful.




I Know Who Killed Me

Don't even get me started on this movie. Everything in it is bad-including of course the title which makes no sense because the entire movie makes no sense. You know who killed you? NO ONE IS EVEN DEAD YET. Her stigmatic twin or whatever isn't dead- she's just being held captive somewhere so actually stripper Lindsay Lohan you don't know who killed you and her have not been killed yet. So nice try.


Suggested Title: I Know Who Kidnapped My Stigmatic Twin and Is Responsible for Why I have One Leg and One Arm But Don't Worry Because I Can Still Have Trashy Gimp Sex While My Stigmatic Twin's Mom Can Hear Everything, and I'm Gross.



Jurassic Park



This isn't so much of a bad title as it is a geological concern of mine. Michael Crichton RIP but more than half the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park aren't from the Jurassic period..the two main dinosaur characters T-rex and the raptors come from Cretaceous period! Sure it sounds cool but it just ain't right!

Suggested Title: Frog DNA Was a Bad Choice.

12 comments:

Emily said...

Ahhhhh, I Know Who Killed Me. As if that film wasn't ridiculous enough, it's even saddled with a title that makes you go "huh?" before you even see the trailer. Odd that the same director made the far superior adaptation of Jack Ketchum's The Lost.

There are definitely more and I'm drawing a blank, but here's two that always bothered me:

Burial Grounds: The Nights of Terror...
because the film takes place over the course of a single evening.

Elves
Because the film features a single evil Nazi superelf, so why is the title plural?

Planet of Terror said...

I loved I Know Who Killed Me. Its like the Parent Trap. But with blood and boobs.

Emily said...

But that's the best part of IKWKM: Lohan plays a stripper, but wears more clothing than she does when she normally goes out for a night on the town with Paris Hilton! Then a few months after the film came out, she poses nude as Marilyn Monroe. The irony is amazing!

Andre said...

Yesss good call on those bad titles!

oooh Lindsay and her trashiness will never fail to amuse me. Whenever I need a good laugh I play the gimpy sex youtube clip. Works everytime.

Dod March said...

"House of Filth and Poop." Hah! That's awesome.

Never have I been intrigued by a Lindsay Lohan movie, but maybe now I'll have to see this infamous clip just so I can scratch it off my bucket list.

Andre said...

DOD- I have the clip in my I know who killed me post watch it ASAP

the jaded viewer said...

Frog DNA! Hahahaha Awesome!

Edward said...

MICROWAVE MASSACRE.

With doubt one of my favourite titles of all time!

http://choppingmallfilms.blogspot.com/2009/10/microwave-massacre.html

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085937/

Chris Hallock said...

This post reminds me of when Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, and Martin came out of a screening of Naked Lunch and Nelson says "I can think of two things wrong with that title".

BJ-C said...

I did a post on the top 10 most unfortunate titles. Id send u the link if I wasn't on my phone

Andre said...

Don't worry I found it...hahah I was going to put Jeepers Creepers on this one too! it's the supplemental post to the best titles one...Ooh midnight meat train good call! SUCH a gay porn title.

Dod March said...

I just went back and watched that scene, Andre.

Bwahahahaha! What the hell was that? Was it supposed to be sexy?

It's like the director said, "ehhh, y'know what? Let's put a sex scene in right (throws dart at script taped up on wall) here."

This might be a movie to watch when I've seen a string of really good movies to level me out.