Thursday, December 3, 2009

Terror Train: Back When David Copperfield Was Cool.




Oooh David Copperfield. You stole my heart in this movie.

Sigh. Terror Train and Prom Night were pretty much filmed at the same time and it's funny because they are pretty much the same movie. Both begin with an "accident" which causes our killer to strike back some years later to stake their revenge. Terror Train gets more points in my book however because A. it's on a train and B. David Copperfield was really doing his magic for the cheap seats in the back. Seriously what a show.

So we begin a few years back to a raucous frat party. A strange and not really funny prank is played on some geeky creepy kid- causing him to get wrapped up in a bunch of curtains. Apparently getting wrapped up in curtains makes one go crazy? I seriously thought the kid died until the ending of the entire movie came. Turns out he just went crazy and killed someone. And P.S. what is with these shitty and random pranks? First The Burning and now this? I don't care if you are a med student- normal people don't steal corpses and use them for a prank. First off it's not very funny and secondly- whose bed was that corpse in? Sick.

So fast forward to senior year where Jamie Lee Curtis is graduating early and her boyfriend throws a big party on a train. A costume party! I'm not sure about this but I think the theme was "random costume that doesn't make sense"- seriously, girl with the big pants and fake hand touching her boob? What is that? Jamie Lee Curtis? Ugly pirate really? Egads I'm so full of judgement today it's spectacular! SO soon people start getting killed- and not just any people...the very same people involved in that terrible prank! Who is the killer and how did he do it? And why doesn't David Copperfield do magic shows with dance numbers anymore?

The movie is kind of slow and pretty ridiculous. But that's where all the fun comes in. While most of the kills are off screen and pretty unoriginal- the endless scenes with David Copperfield and the stupidity of all the characters- more than make up for it. Jamie Lee Curtis is mannish and as weird looking as ever- and I seriously laughed out loud when I thought David Copperfield's assistant was her (if you've seen this you know why that would later make me laugh). There aren't too many thrills however which was a bit disappointing- but I blame that on the fact that David Copperfield's hair was thrilling enough for everyone- so it's OK. One of my favorite parts was when Doc was distressed over his friend's death- and after crying and ripping open his shirt he kept shouting "I'm a doctor! I'm a doctor!" Thank God a "doctor" was there- who else would have known that to save someone you have to cry like a baby and touch their bloody wounds with your infested hands?

Terror Train isn't a diamond in the rough that's for sure- but it still provides a decent amount of entertainment- and some serious burning questions. The most important one being; where can I get one of these hats?

The second most important question is...how does that quarter trick work?!

Now for your viewing pleasure- a compilation of David Copperfield's best moments!

Buy Terror Train at Horror Movie Empire!

9 comments:

Planet of Terror said...

All ridiculousness aside, this is one of the worst slashers I have ever seen. The pseudo-ska/reggae party band was also kind of funny.

The kills were totally lame-o.

Andre said...

Oh man I forgot about that! The lead singer was too cool to learn the words of the pre-corded song... that ass.

JLG said...

Jamie Lee Curtis is mannish in everything - I heard she was a hermaphrodite. Don't quote me on that though.

Andre said...

She totally is. Wait! Did I tell you that JLG? I told someone that on Twitter and spread the vicious rumor. But it has to be true.

Matt-suzaka said...

I met David Copperfield on my 13th birthday and got his autograph...that was at the height of his career.

His hair did indeed flow as he stood on a platform above all of his fans, signing away as he performed magic on my heart.

True story.

JLG said...

I think I read it in People magazine actually!

Andre said...

Matt- ......Are you serious?!!! Daaamn I think the coolest things in the world have happened to you. I am so jealous right now. Do you still have that autograph? It should be on display on your blog. NOW.

JLG- Oh! haha It is definitely true then...thank god!

Matt-suzaka said...

Ha ha...no, I haven't seen it in over 15 years, so I can only guess that my mom has it somewhere stashed away, or it got lost in a move at some point. It was an 8X10 of DC too!

Emily said...

This review made me happy. I just watched it tonight and yup...David Copperfield does disco. That's what it all meant to me.