The Poltergeist II disk I received from Netflix did not play in my laptop (surprise, surprise) so I was forced to watch it on the big electronic box in the living room. I admit, using a DVD player was strange at first but then I remembered how to use it after only a few minutes. It's just like riding a bike! The one major downside of this was that I could not take screenshots, which means that this post will not be as nearly as funny as it should be. And that makes me sad.
Picking up a year from where the first film ended, Poltergeist II again follows the Freeling family as they try to move on with their lives. Apparently, having a near death experience with some spirits, and almost crossing over, yields some very unexpected side effects. For example, people's latent psychic powers suddenly come to be realized. People also age rather quickly over the course of a year. Also in only a years time, every one somehow managed to receive the worst haircut of their life.
Shit is crazy! Anyways, guess what? The spirits are baaack. And so is the human form of the beast himself, Reverend Kane. So yeah, blah blah blah bad spirits, blah blah braces attack, blah tequila worm, blah blah saved by the Grandma?
There's really no way of getting around the fact that the only reason you should be watching Poltergeist II is to experience the obscenely grotesque Reverend Kane.
This guy is terrifying. So terrifying, that he will make you literally pull your face away from the screen. I swear, if you get close enough, you can even smell his denture/old person breath. It also doesn't help things that he talks like some fancy old lady, and looks like a skeleton. He's always creeping around and singing gross Jesus songs and wearing that horribly creepy outfit that reminds me of Colonel Sanders. He peers at you through the screen door and shouts at you when you won't let him in. He is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
Other than Reverend Kane, Poltergeist II is not scary in the slightest. Sure, a few skeletons pop out here and there, and a doll does a creepy thing where she turns her head slowly but that's about it. Everything else? Laughable. Also, none of this movie makes any sense. Things just come flying at you without any warning or logic. Like for example, why are Carol Anne and Robbie still sleeping in the same bedroom? How is it that Robbie manages to himself into the most ridiculous situations ever?
Isn't Carol Anne a little old looking for intimate bathtub time? And P.S., what happened at the end there? No seriously, what WAS that? I think I passed out briefly during it but from what I remember, people were floating and Carol Anne floated slowly away.....then she came back. Is that really all the 'otherside' looks like? If it is, I want my money and my hopes and dreams back.
Anyways, it's really hot outside and the more I think about Poltergeist II the more upset I get. I need an ice bath.