The Road: A Brief Scene of Perfection

I don't remember much about The Road other than being confused about where Viggo Mortensen was.

Oh and plus it's from the Philippines, is told more or less in 3ish parts and had a somewhat predictable "twist" ending. The funny thing about The Road is that although I remember little about it--I still can't get one tiny scene out of my head.

There's a lot to be said for quiet horror. Not really volume wise--but the kind of horror that kind of creeps up and comes out at you unexpectedly. Like those quiet kids that are secretly awesome and really smart and cool and stuff.... yeah like me whatever.

These days horror is much too in your face. It's all like BOOM SCARY NOISES SCARY FACE BOOM BOOM BOOM. And then we're all like...

Sure, it's effective for a jump scare or seven but does it really keep you up at night contemplating the vast wonders of your psyche?

That is why whenever a scene like the one I'm about to explain comes along, I get all excited. In quite literal terms, this scene from The Road really does creep up on you. I'll try to set the stage but since I don't remember anything about this movie except a road and this scene--don't get your hopes up.

Two of the three characters trapped on an eternal dirt road at the film's beginning return from investigating a house.They hold onto each other as they walk back--crying, or screaming---we don't really know which because there is no audio. There is music but it's not entirely indicative of what is happening on the screen.

Suddenly a shadowy figure shows up in the far distance...some kind of bag is on their head.

Then they start running---really, really quickly right at our characters.

Our characters do not notice this. Again, there is no audio--just music.

This scene really snagged me because it's SO QUIET and so creepy. There needs to be more of this in horror period. It's so deliciously unexpected and well done. It's not predictable--it's not a jump scare, it just keeps happening and happening. The running, the unexplained creepiness, the dramatic irony, the fact that it looks like a guy running even though I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a girl. This scene more or less to me is perfection. A golden example of the way horror movies should be scaring us. Not by blood and guts or jump scares---by running figures with plastic bags on their heads coming straight us without explanation and very, very quietly.

Oh and yeah watch The Road I guess...but mostly watch this scene. Happens around the 26:28 mark.

The Five Stages of Watching The Tall Man (As Demonstrated by Babies)

Stage One: Excitement

Stage Two: Boredom

 Stage Three: Confusion

Stage Four: Angry Crying

Stage Five: Bitterness

You're dead to me.

A Pointless/Awesome Post About How I Finally Watched the Cabin in the Woods

It took me so long to watch the Cabin in the Woods and I'm super embarrassed about it. Ever since it came out--heck, before it came out even, people were all like "OMG YOU GUYS THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER"

 and I was all like wait a minute... I thought Ghostbusters was the best movie ever?

And they were like yeah okay maybe... but THE CABIN IN THE WOODS IS SO GOOD.

And naturally I became dubious because sometimes the hype monster takes control of people's emotions and it gets messy.

However. All of a sudden people--normal people that I work with for instance, or people that do not like horror movies started coming up to me and being like, "OMG ANDRE THE CABIN IN THE WOODS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER".

And I was all like huh?

How is it, that people who do not like horror movies could say such a statement. Needless to say it was a cats and dogs living together kind of situation.

So fast forward to now, when I FINALLY got to see The Cabin the Woods for myself. In fact, I even bought it on Amazon instant video because I felt so embarrassed about not seeing it in the first place. I thought that maybe if I bought it, everyone would forgive me for not seeing it. And by everyone, I mean Morgan Freeman.

So what did I think.....

YOU GUYS THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER.


It really is great. It's fun, it's scary, it's weird, it's awesome, it's smart, it's stupid,---it's kind of exactly like my life when I write it all out like that... but most importantly it's something you should definitely watch. Not that anyone exists anymore that hasn't seen it. But just in case there is someone like me crouching in the corner and holding themselves while mumbling about how they don't want to be disappointed----

You won't be. Although, you should probably put on some clothes. But yes, The Cabin in the Woods is an exquisite treat of life.

Should I even talk about why it's so awesome? I don't know. I don't think I need to. The Cabin in the Woods is just so drastically different than anything that has come out in the last decade, it's kind of difficult to talk about it's awesomeness without sounding like a crazy person.

 I just love virtually everything about this--but especially how different it is. And maybe even more especially the details of everything. For instance, someday I would like to really run a fine toothed comb through the basement scene and figure out which beast each thing stands for. Of course I already tried that and it was way too dark to really do it--

but also I can't figure out how each beast could even be represented in that tiny basement. Is this just a pipe dream? Probably.

Maybe instead I'll just keep watching The Cabin the Woods and dancing in my bed every time. Good thing I bought this movie so I can keep watching it and dance in my bed. People should really hire me to make important life decisions for them. I'm so good at it.