Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Hitcher: Aww Man There Goes My Appetite For Finger French Fries!

If there's one thing I've always been scared of it's hitchhikers... and sharks... and clowns, spiders and midgets... but the point is- hitchhikers should always be avoided and this movie is proof.

Let me bring you back to junior year of high school. After a wonderful house party at my friend's house- my assigned bed was taken. I found myself at 4 AM eating left over birthday cake with my friends cat on the kitchen floor and feeling miserable. So naturally I got in my car and drove home. While driving on a scary deserted road of Truro MA (Tommy Lee Jones' hometown in MIB/MIB 2) at 4 in the morning mind you, a hitchhiker came out of nowhere and I screamed out loud... I guess that's not a very good story but I just like telling people I was eating birthday cake with a cat.

So! It's no surprise that I've seen a lot of horror movies. But never in my day have I come across a more badass motherfucker than John Ryder.

This guy seriously turned up everywhere. And it was really, really, really scary.

The plot is pretty simple; Jim is driving along when he sees a Hitchhiker and picks him up. Everything seems cool until our friendly neighborhood hitcher pulls out a knife. The rest of the movie is Jim trying to get help but finding out that John Ryder lies behind every single fucking door.

When I say this guy is everywhere envision this scene; Jim has just sucessfully pushed John Ryder out of his moving car. Jim is joyous and excited and drives peacefully on his way. Some while later Jim is behind a family's station wagon. A little kid in the backseat waves and pretends to shoot him. We then notice JOHN FUCKING RYDER is in the backseat with the kid! Seriously what the fuck. Jim must have taken one hell of a pitstop for John Ryder to get back on his feet, find another ride and somehow get in front of Jim's car. But the point is...wow.
Later Jim sees the station wagon on the side of the road- blood drips slowly from the car onto Jim's foot and he vomits. A truly great and memorable scene.

What also makes this film scary is that John Ryder is somewhat normal when Jim first picks him up. Sure he's a little rednecky/ weird but when he starts talking about cutting people's legs and arms off and his face gets illuminated by lightning you know things are not going to be ok.

I really felt for Jim in this too- he was probably trapped in the worst nightmare imaginable. Movies like this and the Hills Have Eyes, Wolf Creek, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, even Jeepers Creepers a bit really make me want to stay far far away from never ending desert roads- because no one will ever help you- and also the town always has like 2 cops.

Overall I could not get over how badass John Ryder was in this. I don't want to spoil anything but i screamed "oh my god" at least 20 times. This isn't a bloody and graphic film but it certainly keeps you entertained and pretty stressed out- in a good way of course. My favorite scene other than the beginning was when Jim was eating the french fries and relaxing. And then all of a sudden you realize that that french fry looks a little thick. And you say to yourself "wait a minute..I don't remember those being steak fries......" Oh right because he's about to eat a fucking finger!!! It's pretty insane.

But a wonderfully delightful film that I was not expecting at all. Don't get it confused with the Sean Bean/Sophia Bush remake- which I have yet to see. It's very doubtful that Boromir can be as badass as Hauer though.

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5 comments:

Chuck Conry said...

I've always loved this movie. Didn't care as much about the remake.

Andre said...

Yeah it certainly seems that way...I guess I should just skip it altogether? I do have better things to watch

Bobby Bless said...

Rutger Hauer, as usual, is the fucking shit... This one is awesome... the sequel blows and the remake blows too... Hauer should crush the skulls of the producers of those movies like he did in Blade Runner.

The Igloo Keeper... said...

It is a great film. The remake's pish though.

Chris Hallock said...

I love this movie, no doubt about that. Great soundtrack! Rutger Hauer is so evil.