Monday, November 29, 2010

Dario Argento: Cat Racist?



As we progress further and further into the lifespan of our dear planet Earth, we find that one of the greatest questions known to mankind is often sparked by the utmost controversy. I speak of course of the most important question this world has seen: Are you a cat person or a dog person? Dog people will continue to be offended by cat people and cat people will continue to be offended by dog people. There are also people who claim they enjoy both cats and dogs and then evil people who say that they like neither (also referred to as terrorists).

But what about the people that have a real grudge against cats? What about people that insist on putting terrifying depictions of mutilated cats into almost every single movie?

I like cats. I like dogs. I can't tell you which one I like more but if I did like for instance cats better than dogs, I wouldn't go around killing dogs in all my movies. That is why after careful research, I have come to the conclusion that Dario Argento is a cat racist. Clearly he had a bad experience with a cat once and now he thinks that all cats are inherently evil. Why else do cats suffer the terribleness of being eaten, drowned, or stuffed into plastic bags?

Okay, okay so maybe he's not a cat racist, I take it back. Dario Argento is just clearly a dog person. Let's examine the evidence.

Dogs Rule in Argento Land

There aren't too many dogs used in Argento's movies, but the dogs that are used are commonly given superhuman characteristics that make them, really fucking cool.

Take for instance the dog in Tenebre, that can scale really high walls and do some really cool shit. Or the seeing eye dog in Suspiria that rips apart his owners neck by the command of some bad ass witches.


Yes, dogs are consistently shown as being the more dominant animal in Argento films. They are seldom seen as weak, they are seldom killed and they are seldom seen as anything less than awesome.

Cats Die A Lot

As stated earlier, cats are always getting killed in Argento films. An entire bag of cats is drowned in Inferno. A cat is mutilated and then stuffed in a bag in Four Flies on Grey Velvet. A man eats cats in The Bird With the Crystal Plumage....HE EATS THEM. Cats are clearly getting the short end of the stick here. Even insects--the whores of the animal world get push to the highest plateau where Jennifer Connelly is able to communicate with them and solve murders in Phenomena. And let's not forget about monkeys. Monkeys get it all. Something is clearly strange about all of this.


A Cat That Does Not Die

Oh look a cat that doesn't die in Inferno... except some evil curse inducing wench is holding it! More proof that only that Dario Argento believes that only evil people like cats...



Well, after all this careful research it is pretty obvious that my original hypothesis was correct. Dario Argento IS a cat racist. My work here is done.






NOTE: This post is mostly kidding. I love Dario Argento a lot.


But still, it's a little suspicious.

11 comments:

Dod said...

After finally watching Inferno, I believe you're on to something. That cat-drowner in that movie...I will not be frequenting his antique shop, thank you very much.

Kaz said...

I love Argento even though I do loathe any form of animal death in a horror flick. It just feels like a cheap way to tug at the viewers emotions IMO. Kind of like killing a defenseless child, except an animal death won't get culled from the film by the MPAA.

I never actually noticed how much cats tend to get the short end of the stick in Argento films, but it seems they do. I'm hard pressed though to think of any cat deaths in other horror flicks that aren't cat-centric besides Re-Animator & Night of the Creeps. I remember a lot more dogs getting killed in horror films though. The loss of such a loyal companion is always a great blow for the hero/heroine.

Great post!

James said...

Ha! Wonderful post, Andre. Although let's not forget the mysterious and lofty status that Argento bestows upon cats, particularly black cats, in Two Evil Eyes. That is one tough moggy you DON'T wanna mess with. Just ask Rod Usher...
Aside from being strangled, exploited in a photo shoot and walled up with a dead chick, that cat also got to hang out in cool, red-lit bars and fraternise with hippy-dippy white witches. The little fur-ball could also conjure vivid medieval nightmares in which irate villagers do bad things to Harvey Keitel... And she has a ‘beautiful white spot’ on her chest. ‘Cool’ doesn’t even begin to cut it! ;)

Andre said...

Dod- Don't worry I sent some crazy, rabid rats on the job ; )

Kaz- Animal deaths are indeed the worst. I did a whole post awhile back on some of my least favorite animal deaths!

Gah stop ruining my life's research James! : )
I still need to see Two Evil Eyes, it popped up on my recommendations on Netflix yesterday and I barely gave it any thought. Hmmmmmmph!

James said...

Watch it! But don't get your hopes up. Argento's segment is my favourite, naturally, but in comparison to his (and Romero's other work) it's a rather beige affair. :/

matango said...

Kaz,

Pet Sematary. The cat death is important to the plot, but I wouldn't call the movie cat centric.

Andre,

What am I if I have no feelings towards cats or dogs, but do not hate them?

Andre said...

There are plenty of cat deaths out there, I almost did a whole post on sad cat deaths but I thought it would be too sad. Drag Me to Hell is the most notable as of late I think.

matango- ummmmm still a terrorist ; )
But I won't tell the government.

John said...

Oh Dario, don't be so on the nose. Cats=women, Dogs=men. Great article!

Emily said...

That bastard!

Mike Snoonian said...

His crimes against cinema are far greater than his crimes against cats.

Anonymous said...

THX for sharing