Sunday, August 28, 2011

Great Moments in Mice

Over the past few weeks we've seen clear evidence that the world will end at any moment. Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Kim Kardashian's wedding, Tornadoes. Well actually those are pretty normal events that take place from year to year so everyone should settle down. What IS true however is that the end of the world is imminent inside my once idyllic and peaceful new apartment. Here is the evidence.

Our doorbell rings by itself at late hours of the night. My next door neighbor is a five year old named Seamus who thinks a good time is belting out Christmas carols at 5 o'clock in the morning. My other next door neighbor is an 80 year old woman with a drug problem whose son comes over on the weekend and yells at her for being lazy and using drugs. Our carbon monoxide detector went off a few weeks ago and no one ever came to tell us if in fact our oven was capable of killing us (We've been using it anyways although I would say it is curious how all I do on the weekend is sleep...) And last and probably not least, we've had a bit of a mice problem.

We've had three mice running amok at the wee hours of the night over the span of a few days. When this happens my sister goes into anaphylactic shock and locks herself in the bathroom resulting in me getting a plastic Solo cup and trapping the mouse then running outside with no shoes on and throwing it in my neighbors yard. Seamus won't complain if I tell him they're Christmas mice...Oh right and no thanks to the CATS who seem to be losing their ability to do away with the mice in a timely manner. By the way.....while exploring the dark and creepy basement a few weeks ago I found these labels on a shelf...

I got the feeling that my landlord used to run a sinister business....although truthfully I do wonder though how efficient a "cat envelope' could really be.

Anywho, I don't have a problem with mice but my sister obviously does. Naturally these incidents caused me to recount some of the more memorable scenes in movie history where mice and rats made an impact. Let us all enjoy them.


Death By Rats

If anyone deserves to be eaten to death by rats it's the man who drowns a giant bag of cats, am I right? Still, one cannot deny the horror that this scene provokes. All those shrill squeaks and horrible noises that those rats make. Even just the sheer number of rats alone is enough to give you an extensive case of the willies. There are so many rats in that pipe....SO MANY. Traumatizing indeed.

The Witches

They're Eating the Soup

I love the Witches. I love the Witches so much that I would have its baby out of wedlock, make it a pie and not even care if it didn't give me money. Although the two main boys Bruno and Luke become mice after the Witches test out their evil chocolate, the real mouse moment comes when all the bad witches turn into mice themselves.

The wonderful thing about this scene is how ugly the witches are in mice form. Where as Bruno and Luke were more of the cute and cuddly variation of mice--the Witches are certainly not. Especially the Grand High Witch who resembles a mild form of vomit in mouse form. I've also never been partial to the imagery of stomping on a mouse with my shoe.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Rats in the Hair

Although my sister and I love Indiana Jones, there is one scene in particular that she can never watch without cringing and or/ dying. This is of course when Indy and Elsa take a jaunt through the sewer to find the tomb of a knight of the First Crusade. Along the way, they meet up with an unsightly amount of rats. Let me clear here, that of all the rats in the world the absolute worst kind of rat is a wet one. There's just so much nastiness happening in this scene, from almost stepping on rats, to rats in the hair and flaming rats. Do you know what a burning rat would smell like? I hope I never get to find out.

Dead Alive

Rabid Rat

If there's one thing we do not need in this world, it's a scary Sumatran Rat-Monkey that is capable of turning people into undead zombie people. This rat-monkey means business--and although it is technically classified as a "rat-monkey" I will say that is mostly rat. A disgusting, zombie diseased rat who has the unfortunate capability of turning old women into zombies and causing their body parts fall off during the custard course.

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Rats for Dinner

My sister once told me that she may fear dead mice more than she does live ones. I found this curious but then again I suppose I can't judge seeing as how I find sharks on TV more terrifying than the real ones. In Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, Baby Jane goes a little crazy and finds cruel and sadistic ways to torture her sister. This includes but is not limited to, feeding her sister a dead rat on a serving platter. I must say the image of a disgusting dead rat on a serving platter resting on a bed of lettuce is unexpectedly and strangely terrifying.


Chris Hewson said...

But Andre, they were EVIL cats that he was drowning, EVIL WITCH CATS! I find mice and rats cute, but that's mainly because my cats have always dispatched them before they've caused any problems. (Truth be told, I've rarely ever seen any live mice/rats/rabbits/racehorse goannas (f'reals) because my cats are that good hunters, I only ever see their corpses. Haha! Cats are awesome!

Kev D. said...

You've got THE BITE!


Dead Alive makes me so happy.

Marvin the Macabre said...

I used to keep rats as pets, and still would if my son wasn't allergic. Rat scenes in movies crack me up, because they inevitably use the gentlest, most docile Fancy rats (you know, the ones bred as pets) you can imagine. A big ol' mangy sewer rat is a frightening sight to behold, but they rat wranglers always go with the cute, well-behaved ones.