Thursday, February 4, 2016

UMM TEEN WITCH YOU GUYS



I'll have you know that nothing is better than Teen Witch. I know this because:

A. Its soundtrack predominately features a Jazz Saxophone.
B.  Its musical numbers are topped by nothing in existence (see what I did there?)
C. It's an 80s explosion of endless, nonstop awesomeness in your face over and over and over again.
D. BRAD
E. Shut up I'm always right about everything except when I thought 'too much cheese' wasn't a thing.

Teen Witch is one of those movies that makes me feel instantly better about myself, my non-existent love life and the fact that I didn't have a gross little brother who ate cake under my bed while I was sleeping.


And then got his gross cake fingers stuck to my love letters about Brad.




There's just so much to love. But since we're all busy and stuff here are just 5 key things.

1. Fashion.

Nothing says 'these characters are nerds' more than the early fashion sense of Louise and Polly.

The hobo biker look is in you guys. I swear. 

2. Rap Posse

Like most high schools---this one has an official Rap group compromised of white guys wearing their grandfather's old coats. We are still unsure of whether these are original rap numbers or if they are just lip syncing.


3. Musical numbers

God I miss the days of dancing around in my purple leotard in the locker room.



I also love when they awkwardly stick the actresses who can't dance into these group dance scenes.

\"What? You say you can't dance? OK well just stand on the side and hop around a bit, no one will notice!"



Hey guys, what do you feel like doing today?
Oh, I don't know let's stand outside my car and rap. Good thing none of you can top my tank top that accidentally shrunk in the dryer. Oh wait...that vest is KILLING IT. 




4. Mr. Weaver






Things I love about the Mr. Weaver scenes:
--No other teachers seem to think it's alarming that a pervert, asshole possible 2nd coming of the devil and/or Hitler is teaching these kids English.
--Louise somehow uses her witch powers to know not only what exact clothes Mr. Weaver would be wearing in class but also the color of his underwear.
--Speaking of which. No one seems to notice Louise is disrobing a doll in the classroom.                        

--Why does the class think their perverted, asshole teacher stripping his clothes off is funny? Why aren't people horrified and crying?

                           

"HAH I'M GOING TO SEE OLD MAN BALLS. BEST DAY EVER"

5. BRAD

Rejected photo from Tiger Beat  shoot circa 1988

Oh wait no that was this one--editors deemed it too sexy for the centerfold. Jokes on them--I already blew this photo up and taped it to my ceiling.




Sigh.


4 comments:

deadlydolls said...

A few more reasons it's the best movie ever:
- the decision for the little brother to constantly be eating in every scene, and to talk like a '40s gangster
- the fact that Louise might be immortal? Or ageless? Or what does it matter?
- the fact that her dad is 75 years old
- the obsession everyone in this universe has with CHAIRS
- that Mr. Weaver teaches in a black hole. Seriously, look over the book shelf and all you see is blackness, as if he's guarding the portal to Cube
- it has Zelda Rubinestein, WHO IS A TREASURE

Andre Dumas said...

There are SO MANY reasons Emily SO MANY. how can we live without it?!

Chris Hewson said...

Oh gosh, I can't believe I've been avoiding this movie for years! I saw a terrible film years ago which I thought was called Teen Witch, and whenever I've heard this movie mentioned, I assumed this was that same movie. I've got to rectify my mistake as soon as possible!

hazedstars said...

I love this movie! I never get tired of it.