What's In the Tub?!?!?!

I don't do this very often but because it's Monday, I think I will. The Silence of the Lambs is the fucking bees knees. I mean it. I tried to sit down and name things that were wrong with it but I couldn't do it. The Silence of the Lambs is one of those movies where if you see that it's playing on TV, you sit down and watch it every time. It doesn't matter how many times you've seen Hannibal Lecter pull off his jaw dropping escape or how many times you've gnashed your teeth together watching Clarice brave the darkness in Buffalo Bill's basement. It doesn't matter how many times you've puked in your mouth after Migg's throws his jizz at Clarice's face, or how many times you've quoted the famous lotion in the basket scene---it never gets old.

However, when I saw that the film was streaming on Netflix Instant Watch, I got gleefully excited not because I could watch it but because I could take a screenshot. I've been trying to take a decent shot of this particular scene for a long time now because I feel that it's one of those things that seldom gets brought up when it definitely should. This scene was responsible for a few of my nightmares after all. I speak of the moment right before the lights are turned off and Clarice gets plunged into darkness.

Right before the darkness falls, Clarice is staring straight at what I find to be one of the most disgusting things ever put on film. Yes, more disgusting even than teenagers being forced to eat poop, or.... twenty somethings being forced to eat poop. You see, after years and years of telling myself that it's only a tub, it's only a tub, I have come to the conclusion that it is NOT only a tub, it is a tub filled with decaying, bloated, old woman FLESH and it's fucking gross.

You know what it looks like?

DEATH MEATLOAF.

I used to watch this scene and physically scream out in despair. Of course, the moment was so quick that I promptly forgot it had ever happened (Like that time I saw a fat Swedish woman's boob in the locker room when I was 12). Now that I'm staring wide eyed at the abomination, I can only whine like Brad Pitt and keep repeating, "What's in the tub?!!?! What's in the tub?!?!"

And Morgan Freeman won't tell me because he's got a heart buried deep down inside his tired old detective man shoes after all. And also, he's too far away.

But honestly. Why don't we ever talk about the tub? I find it to be one of the most horrific things in the whole movie. Here we have what is presumably Mrs. Lipman's body and it has been festering in an old tub for the better part of 2 years. I think what is so damaging about this death is how carelessly her body is put in the tub. It's left there and it's left to rot and decay and bloat whereas Jame's other victims get the all-star treatment of being carefully and meticulously cultivated into a fine woman suit. There's something quite unnerving and brutal about Mrs. Lipman's death and yet we never really know much about it. How did he kill her? Did she put up a struggle? All these questions start pouring out of my head the longer I stare at her disgusting body.

This tub has always baffled me, disgusted me and intrigued me. And really, can I say that about any other tubs? Probably not.

Also interesting and rarely the topic of conversation are these suspicious photographs of Buffalo Bill with naked women.

I THOUGHT HE WAS A STRAIGHT WOMAN NOT A LESBIAN OKAY?! Or is he a gay man? I'm so confused!!

A Random Willy (NOT a Penis)

The other day I was watching a movie. Surprising I know. As it so happens this movie was an MGM film, and I was met as I typically am, by the presence of Leo the roaring lion. As embarrassing as it is, I'll be honest and say that Leo's roar has always given me goosebumps. It's such a loud menacing roar, and it just crescendos without warning. It resonates in your ear and seems to course through your SOUL. After realizing this simple fact, that I was 24 years old and still a bit weary to put the volume on so loud before an MGM film--I realized that one of my unexplored willies is loud noises.

Now, I think a large part of why Leo's roar gets to me, is that it's the same roar used in Poltergeist when the Beast roars.

That might be it anyways, or maybe I'm just connecting it to a horror film to give myself a little more credit who knows. The fact cannot be ignored however. The sudden presence of an ear splitting noise will send me in a brief paralysis.

This is a natural reaction I think, but then again, do people usually cry after being scared by such a loud noise? NOTE: I do NOT cry every time I hear Leo's roar, but I did used to cry when I was little and when I would hear a loud noise. Growing up we had a dog named Nikki. She was a sweet black Labrador retriever, with extremely sensitive hearing. Thunder storms would cause her to panic, and back into a corner while whimpering. My other dog Sunny, would be fine. I often think I'm like Nikki in that respect. Yes, all dogs have good hearing but Nikki's was especially sensitive. Just like we are all a bit startled by an unexpected loud noise, but I may be the only one who cries.

Take this example. When I was in 2nd grade, my family and I headed to Disney World. While sitting through Honey I Shrunk the Audience, a 3-D experience complete with fantastic effects, I was doing good. I smiled gleefully at that fact that my older sister was in dismay over the fact that millions of little mice had "escaped" into the audience. I wasn't the wuss anymore, crying because the Haunted Mansion was too scary or because the Alien part of the Great Movie Ride was too horrifying to withstand (In my defense it IS). So there I was relishing in my bravery when Quark, the Szalinski's family dog's giant nose came sniffing the audience.

Suddenly without warning he let loose a gigantic and earth shattering sneeze, spraying us with water. Yes, my great bravery was shot down with a sneeze. I yelled out for my Mom and hid my face in her arm, crying.

Things haven't gotten entirely better. When a really loud motorcycle passes my window, my hair stands on end and I resist the urge to yell. Thunder storms still make me nervous, and I have a mini heart attack when my pipes decide to bang loudly in the middle of the night. As one may expect, this makes watching horror movies somewhat difficult. Those evil, conniving jump scares, always turning the volume up to the max. As it so happens, I rarely see jump scare centric horror films in the movie theater. I prefer the simple idea of turning the volume down on my laptop until the jump scare has passed. So laugh all you want. My name is Andre Dumas and I am afraid of loud noises.