Grave Encounters: Who Wants to Pee AND Poop Their Pants?

Grave Encounters is one of those very rare movies that isn't particularly fantastic yet somehow, it manages to make you pee and poop your pants at the same time. It's one of those movies you can watch with your friends and scream and cry and burn the roof of your mouth by biting into a piece of pizza that's too hot. Not that I would know or anything...

Oh by the way, Grave Encounters? FUCK YOU. I don't know why these found footage ghost stories really send me off my rocker but man. Why did I choose to watch this on a night when I'm home alone and vulnerable? I wasn't even drinking wine---what the hell was I thinking? Plus, where is my cat? Doesn't she know I NEED her?!

My fascination with paranormal "reality" TV shows began and ended with MTVs FEAR. That show really scared the crap out of me. I'm still not even going to listen if you tell me it was all fake. And it's not like we ever really saw anything concrete in that show that would even remotely suggest that ghosts existed. It was really the reactions of the people and that feeling of pure terror you get when walking down a dark hallway knowing that something just does not feel right. The feeling of being trapped. That's what made that show really fucking terrifying.

Grave Encounters takes the concept of the paranormal reality show and really uses it to its advantage. The characters, especially the main one really nailed that stereotypical douche bag thing that happens with these shows today.

Like, "HI. I'M A TOUGH GUY WHO WEARS BLACK SHIRTS. LET'S FIND GHOSTS. AHH SOMETHING TOUCHED ME. NOPE NOPE, I'M COOL GUYS DON'T WORRY". You can honestly believe this guy and all the phoniness that appears to be happening behind the scenes. That's what makes the actual scare factor of Grave Encounters so good. It really spins that idea of douche head ridiculousness and it almost feels gratifying getting to see those douche bags actually get scared.

The premise is simple--a network guy shows us this final tape of a paranormal investigator show. The plan was to spend the night in an abandoned and supposedly haunted mental hospital but the cast and crew never made it out---yet, we have their footage.

I'll be up front with you and tell you that for the most part Grave Encounters follows the school of in your face terror. That really mean and unfair terror where you're all like, "Huh? What? There's a person over there?" *DEVIL FACE ALL UP IN YOUR FACE* *HIGH PITCH SCREAMS* It's a cheap shot but goddamn does it work. It gives you that instant jolt that so closely resembles a heart attack and it makes you laugh or in my case cry---because you have to get that adrenaline out somehow. See this is why I can't go in haunted houses. When things really jump out at me I freak out and either punch someone really hard or cry. Nobody wins!

Sure, Grave Encounters has its fair share of subtle scares as well. There's a really nice little part early on where the camera man puts the camera down to call his girlfriend. In the background we see the wheelchair slowly........roll a bit and the camera man never even notices. That right there is good stuff because it's dramatic irony and that stuff rocks.

Another unexpected thrill of Grave Encounters is the kind of twist that happens to our characters inside the abandoned mental hospital. I was not aware things would be taken to such a nightmarish, supernatural place. Basically what happens is you find that our characters are having a really difficult time getting out of this place. It does exactly what Blair Witch does in that it traps you as the viewer with them. We too feel pain, anguish and frustration and it creates this insane amount of tension.

Of course I will say that Grave Encounters definitely takes things and runs with it. Yes, it's all still very scary in that FUCK way but it's in that way where someone just keeps playing a mean trick on you. You keep telling them to stop but they don't! And after a while it just gets so ridiculous but you still react every time.

Oh right, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Grave Encounters gets a little too CGI happy at times. Again, it's still effective but it is at least a little bit jarring in that it kind of removes you from that intense, realistic feeling of found footage. Obviously I know that giant weird black hands wouldn't really come through the ceiling and the wall, the question is...do other people know that? I guess not.

Anywho, I will highly recommend you watch Grave Encounters if you are in the mood for peeing and crapping your pants. It's not the kind of scary movie that sticks with you long after the viewing but it's certainly the kind to keep you wildly entertained and on your toes for its total running time.

Also again, fuck you to the scene where someone in a hospital gown runs in the background and then faces the wall and............yeah......fuck that scene man! That was very upsetting and now I'm never going to go in my basement ever again. Guess someone won't be having clean clothes ever again. Oh nuts that someone is me.

Dead End

I forget where I first heard about Dead End...but I remember reading about it and saying YES that looks good. Maybe it was the cover art that sold me, or perhaps I just love how many horror movies have the title Dead End in it... regardless--I wanted to see this. And see it I did.

A family is off to celebrate the holidays, but when the father decides to take a short cut off the interstate things start to get spooky. After picking up a strange woman in white holding a baby, the family soon finds that they are trapped in a ghostly, creepy stretch of road that just doesn't seem to have an end to it.

Dead End is one of those highly aggravating movies like Triangle where you too must endure the plight of being trapped in a nightmare. We never get to see what's happening "out there" outside of where are characters are, and it fills us with a very uneasy sort of vibe. Unlike Triangle though, Dead End's ultimate end--is somewhat predictable. At least I could see it coming a mile away, and so should anyone who is used to these types of movies. Dead End however accomplishes a lot on its apparently small budget. There isn't a lot shown in terms of graphic gore and the like and I must say, I found it oddly refreshing. Here is a great example of a film that uses its budget to its advantage.

The film is filled with a lot of understated creepiness that really does wonders.

The lone baby carriage in the road for instance, the whispers caught on the air, the consistent arrival of the black hearse--the elements of scare were quite well done. And none of them I should add, required any kind of smoke and lights magic. It literally was just a baby carriage, but its random appearance makes it creepy. And also--I find that I'm oddly creeped out by those old fashioned baby carriages. Dolls, Ghostbusters II, man I hate those bastard carriages.

Dead End also has a highly comedic air to it however. It was at times a bit annoying--although only when it was the son doing the jokes, but for the most part I found the comedic aspect to be quite unusual. There was a very good timing about it that made it seem absurd, yet strangely fitting. The important thing of course though is that the movie retains its creep factor while still being quite funny. It's the sort of balance that I greatly appreciate as I find so many schlocky comedic horrors to be fully centered on the dumb humor as opposed to the scares.

The ending seems to have a lot of people torn. I think it opens the door for a lot of questions. Clearly there isn't just one way to interpret the film and yet people think they have it all down. I've got news for you though--no matter what you think, none of the pieces will all fit together. Some find this to be a major problem with the film as a whole, but I kind of like it. I like trying to put the pieces together and not finding them all isn't necessarily a deal breaker for me. The subject matter in fact is something that is not really explored--meaning it's kind of impossible to explore as far as real life goes. In my opinion, the clouded ending fits in nicely in the overall scheme of things. Sure I may have seen most of it coming, but I didn't necessarily see everything and that to me was nice.

Give Dead End a shot. It's a nice creepy little movie that has some classic comedic moments and some truly unsettling moments. It freaked me out a few times and that's good enough for me. It's impressive for what it accomplishes without showing very much although I am still questioning the urgency for masturbating in the woods--but whatevs.