Thursday, May 19, 2011

Happy Birthday Emmy Doomas: A Tribute To Sisters in Horror



Today is my second favorite day in the whole world. The day that my sister, my "other-half" was brought into this world. It's unfortunate yes that all of her friends are married and engaged and that when she is invited to a married peoples outing she always brings me, but so what? You are totally jealous. There was once a really cheesy Hallmark commercial that made me weep uncontrollably. Luckily I only saw it once which makes me question amongst other things if this commercial really happened or if I hallucinated it one night after getting my wisdom teeth out BUT anyways this commercial went like this, *sappy music* Woman reading a birthday card from her sister, the card reads--"You're not just my sister. You were my first friend" Lalala smiles. Yup. I wept like a baby and you know something? Hallmark may be cheesy, but every single thing they say is true in some shape or form (kind of like racial stereotypes!).


So that is why today I am dedicating the whole day to my dear Emmy Dooms. From an adorable looking, chubby little pilgrim, Fred Savage look-a-like to a smart, hardworking, lover of British crime and medical series--this one's for you sis. I will never forget the time you tied me to a tree and made me pretend to be a pilgrim while you pretended to be an Indian and "pretended" to set the tree on fire.



Siblings in horror movies aren't exactly the best thing to talk about on your sister who you love's birthday. That's because in most instances sister's and brother's are at some kind of strange battle. What is the social commentary there? We fear our family and would secretly like nothing better than to kill them? Yikes. Well, they can't be right all the time I guess.



**The Spoilers are coming! The Spoilers are coming!**





Sisters






Danielle and Dominque were Siamese twins who were later separated. Before that happened though, Danielle was busy getting busy in bed while her poor sister could do nothing but lay there. Unfortunately Dominque died, but her "personality" lived on still in Danielle, and now and again it would show itself and then kill people.



Even though Emily and I were not Siamese twins I sometimes feel like we are. We do that thing where we think the same exact thing and finishes each other's sentences all the time. Yes, Sisters is a poor example of our relationship but underneath all of Danielle's latent anger and violent tendencies, lays a sister who above all else, loved her sister apologetically...and that's not half bad right?........right?







Happy Birthday To Me






I'll be straight with you. I understood about 10% of the plot in Happy Birthday To Me. Yes, this is mostly because sometimes when I'm eating a sandwich and watching a movie my mind wanders but it's ALSO because about 70% of this movie makes no fucking sense. Not like that matters or anything because I still somehow enjoy this movie enough to think about it every week or so. Here we have a young woman who conveniently forgets whether or not she has been killing people. What we find later however is that her half sister is the one killing people and that her half sister has been pretending to be her friend this whole time.



Imagine one day, someone kills all your friends, blames it on you and then reveals themselves to be your sister that you didn't know you had? One time Emily and I got in a huge fight because she thought I ripped a hole in her new tights. But looking back, that fight was basically nothing compared to having the plot of Happy Birthday to Me happen to you. Worst birthday party ever..dead people, gross!





I Know What You Did Last Summer






I don't mind the relationship between Helen in Elsa here, but then again...neither of them is a psychotic asshole killing random people and blaming it on each other, so there's that. Right so they don't exactly love each other or value each other much but you have to admit that you do feel for Helen when she sees Elsa dead right? No, you're right, Elsa was a huge bitch. And also Helen kicks the bucket not long after so really she couldn't have been feeling sad for THAT long.





Night of the Comet








Now HERE is a pairing of sisters that rocks my socks. Reggie and Sam are only about the coolest girls on the planet. They know how to shoot guns and don't let an apocalypse take them away from the importance of having the mall to yourself and going on a shopping spree. They care about each other, they let each other have fun with men once in awhile and neither one of them dies. It's like a sister match made in heaven. Okay, okay so neither I or my sister knows how to shoot a gun but I should just tell you right now you would still want us on your side in an apocalypse because we are awesome and can quote entire movies for your listening pleasure.





Noriko's Dinner Table






I really, really love this movie and I just realized that I need to watch it again as soon as possible. A "prequel" of sorts to Suicide Club, Noriko's Table is full of confusion, sadness and awesome. Noriko and her sister Yuka really truly care for each other. And we know this because after Noriko leaves her family, Yuka follows her and tracks her down. In a move as bold and simple as that I can't help but think if I would do the same. Would I turn away from the safety of my own home in order to be with my sister? Probably, definitely yes. I mean, I'm basically doing that now and all...only not with that whole creepy prostitution, pretending to be someones daughter thing. That was weird.





Alice Sweet Alice








Alright back to mean and poor examples of sisters again! You know, when I first started this list I didn't think there would be many examples to name. Ha. And now I've only just started referring to my list of reviews and I hit one straight out of the gate. Alice Sweet Alice is a sad movie. It's sad because Alice is really mean but she didn't kill anyone like everyone thought she did! Hmmmm so maybe this is actually a good example of a sister relationship? No, no definitely not because Alice is a bitch and just because one time Emily told me I was adopted is no reason to call her that awful B word!



Psycho






Psycho reminds me that if my sister were ever killed in a shower by a psychopath, I would obviously jump at the chance to find her killer and then steal her hunky boyfriend. Just kidding....But honestly the sister relationship in Psycho is one that people don't seem to talk about often. The fact is however, Lila stops at nothing to find out what happened to her sister and I love that. This is the kind of thing that we need more of in horror. No more of this, sibling rivalry crap. Luckily I feel completely comforted by the fact that if someone were to kill me in a shower, my sister would come looking and vice versa.



Repulsion






The relationship between Carole and Helen is not one that I enjoy. In fact, it's pretty much the exact opposite of Emily and I's relationship. My sister would never leave me by myself while I was having a complete mental breakdown and go gallivanting off with her sleazy boyfriend for holiday. For a weekend MAYBE. Just kidding she wouldn't ever do that and maybe if Helen didn't have her head so far up her MARRIED boyfriend's butt, she would have noticed that Carole was in dire need of some sort of psychiatric evaluation.



Spider Baby






Virginia and Elizabeth may be "demented" and highly dangerous, but I can't help feeling that they really just like to have fun. In a way, they remind me of my sister and I as we played pilgrims and Indians or when she would make me pretend to be a dog named Cookie. Then again, we didn't kill anyone or have two giant pet tarantulas......bleck!



The Shining






These two sisters were the cause of my nightmares when I was little and probably yours too. What makes them an interesting character to me however is that they are the victim and yet we wildly fear them. Of course maybe we wouldn't fear them if they didn't creep up behind us when we least expect it or if they didn't hide behind hallway corners when we're driving our big wheels around empty hotels. Just saying.







Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?






Jealously isn't an uncommon thing in families and it certainly wasn't uncommon here with Jane and Blanche Hudson. Sisterly competition was never portrayed more viciously than it was in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and how could it not when evil "baby" Jane tries to feed her sister a dead rat? Let it be known that Emily hates mice and rats with a seething passion and I am well aware of this and would never feed her a dead rat even if I was really mad at and jealous of her.





Ginger Snaps






And finally we come to the ultimate sister pair that I'm sure many of you instantly thought of when I said "tribute to sisters in horror". Ginger and Brigitte had a similar relationship to me and Emily--that is, before Ginger turned into a werewolf. They were best friends, had similar creative minds and were really all that each other needed. Of course when Ginger goes all werewolf crazy and blah blah tries to eat her sister, things get complicated. BUT through it all and against all odds, their relationship surges on. Even after Ginger's death, their bond is still outrageously strong. I said in my review of Ginger Snaps, that Ginger's death scene was one of the saddest things that I've ever seen portrayed in a horror film, and I meant it.



And that is that. Sure there are more! Sure I am lazy! But so what? It's Emily's birthday and it's time to drink champagne and eat oysters. Join me now in wishing Emmy Doomas the very best birthday in the world. She's my first friend, my best friend and my life! Hooray!






7 comments:

Kaz said...

You're so lucky to have such an awesome relationship with your sister! I hope she has a kickass birthday.

By the way, I laughed my ass off at the bit about Happy Birthday to Me. I'm glad to know I wasn't the only one who thought that movie was batshit. It's also nice to know that I'm not alone in being distracted by food items during movie viewings.

CashBailey said...

Happy birthday, Emily!

CashBailey said...

Sorry. 'Emmy'.

I've just made a fool of myself, haven't I?

Emily said...

Be still my heart regarding this post, it's adorable. Huge hearts to Spider Baby and Baby Jane (easily two of my all time faves). I'd also toss out Graduation Day which has a nice avenging big sis.

Spooky Sean said...

I like that your "lazy post" is still longer than my longest post. Happy belated to Emmy Dumas!

The Mike said...

I did a full Eddie-Murphy-in-Beverly-Hills-Cop LOL at the racial stereotypes comment. :)

Good list, and belated happy birthday to Ms. Emmy!

Dorian Gray said...

Aww, what a cool way to pay tribute to your sis! I have two younger sisters so I can relate to the whole sisterly bond thing :) Anyway I enjoyed the list, I cracked up several times too, good work. And finally, from one Taurus to another: Happy (belated) Birthday Emmy!