Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Scary Face Club: September Inductees

I cannot believe it's already September. What happened there? Summer? Hello? Truth be told, I find Summer to be a pretentious and attention whoring...whore. Call me crazy, but I find that once you realize that you still have to work during the summer (Unless your one of those weird people who you know...teach), the mystique and excitement goes away. Sorry if I don't want to partake in the raucous drinking and sun tan lotion inhaling okay?

Seriously Autumn is where it's at. All the good things in life happen then. School supplies, Seamus starts school and will hopefully soon find out that Santa Claus doesn't exist, Halloween, my birthday, horror conventions, an influx horror movies....APPLES. What's not to love?

Naturally with the first month of such a wonderful time, I couldn't be happier than to report that this month's newly inducted Scary Face Club members are pretty darn neat. It's a nice group we have with us today, that is to say, I wouldn't mind sharing a delightful bottle of wine with them...well okay maybe not all of them.

Don't know what The Scary Face Club is? Click here and get caught up fool.

Michael Jackson


Back in the day when music videos were regarded as actual art forms, Michael Jackson's Thriller was the creme de la creme. Who am I kidding? It still is. Thanks to the brilliant John Landis, Thriller became firmly cemented into some kind of weird pseudo-horror movie realm. As a kid, I was entranced by the video and believed it to be a movie until I was probably 8 years old. To me, nothing was more horrifying than seeing Michael Jackson suddenly turn his head and look at you with those corpse eyes. Not to mention that scene where all the zombies break through the house caused me many nightmares and nights of sleeping with the light on. Much thanks goes out of course to Mr. Mikey Sarago for nominating Michael Jackson's scary face on the super duper awesome new Horror Digest fan page...HOORAY!

Katie's Post Ring Face

(The Ring)

Another Scary Face suggestion comes to us by Anonymous. As much as I get nervous about people named Anonymous, I must admit here that Anonymous is right. Katie's post ring bliss face is almost a little too extreme to handle. Or that's what I tell myself anyways when I justify the fact that we only get to see it for a few seconds. It's so unnatural, so repulsive and surprising. I especially love how our glimpse of it really sneaks up on us. It's presented to us when Katie's mother is recounting how she found her which catches us off guard. We aren't suppose to know what true, brutal fear looks like right? At least not until later...

Ghost Librarian


Have I mentioned before how important of a movie Ghostbusters is? Remind me to talk about that in depth someday. Anywho, when I was a wee one I used to purposely take an extra long time making my chocolate milk when Ghostbusters started. Right, you probably have no idea what that means so let me tell you. A good glass of chocolate milk doesn't take that long to make. You get your milk, you get your chocolate syrup (do NOT even talk to me about powdered mix, do NOT even mention it) you squeeze, you stir and boom you're done. But because this beginning scene of Ghostbusters was so frightening to me, I would take a super long time to make my chocolate milk so that I would miss this moment.

Let's examine why this scene did not sit well with me. A. the librarian is already creepy to begin with because she's floating and she's a librarian. Have you ever seen the Are You Afraid of the Dark episode, "The Tale of the Quiet Librarian?" This shit is real....old lady librarians with buns and shit----scary. B. She turns into a terrifying monster without warning. C. This scene brings back instant memories of Large Marge and reminds me that this kind of scare is completely unfair and cruel to small children who drank their chocolate milk too fast and are easily capable of peeing their pants.

Scary Trash

(Return of the Living Dead)

I'm always somehow taken aback in that moment when Trash, recently transformed into the living dead morphs her mouth into a gigantic, terrifying hole to take a bite out of some unsuspecting bum. It's the kind of face that I dread because I know that somebody somewhere has a mask of it and will one day stand over me when I sleep and then wake me up. This face again goes back to Katie's face in the Ring--it's such an unnatural gaping mouth that it really catches you off guard. I always come away from this scene wishing that we could get a glimpse of that horrifying face for just a bit longer--don't you?

The Manitou

(The Manitou)

Some things in life never have to be explained. The Manitou is one of those things. Why waste your time explaining about how an Indian Shaman reincarnated himself into some woman's tumor and then busted out and made a naked Star Wars party happen? You could save yourself a lot of time if you just said, "Yes, watch this now thank you bye".

When the Manitou emerges from the tumor he slops around on the floor and crawls because he's not used to his reincarnated Shaman legs and also maybe because he's a midget. His face is kind of what I would imagine a Shaman who just emerged from a tumor would look like--that is to say it looks like AGONY.


BRENT said...

It's just gotta be Michael Jackson...but post plastic that was scary!!!!!!!!!

Andreas said...

As a library evening supervisor, I thank you for reminding me how scary and haunted old libraries are. Now I'm going to be terrified when I go down to the basement late at night to retrieve books.

And on the topic of The Manitou, "PANA WITCHY SALATOO!"

I'm gonna go think about Tony Curtis now.

Anonymous said...

Katie from the ring always got me.

Mikey Sarago said...

Wow, to be honest, I had NO idea that Thriller was directed by John Landis. How did I not know that?! Tsk tsk...

That librarian is a good choice! She always creeped me out big time. But then again, libraries alone tend to freak me out for some reason.

Kev D. said...

I absolutely love this.

Good call on Ghostbusters Librarian. Scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. a.k.a. still scares the hell out of me.

Spooky Sean said...

Are you Afraid of the Dark reference when mentioning the ghost librarian from Ghostbusters=best two paragraphs evar.
I'm such an Are You Afraid of the Dark Groupie. You know I have them all, right?
Hit me up if you feel like being over whelmed by 90's nostalgia and dutch tilts.

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