Welcome to October, Scary Face Club members! You might have thought that since October is the season of Halloween....that this month's Scary Face Club meeting would be extra special. Well I've got news for you. I am not racist. OR rather I mean that I don't give special treatment to certain months based on the coolest of their holidays. Sure, March is pretty ugly and let's be honest more robberies happen in March than any other month that's only because March doesn't get the same opportunities as everyone else. But seriously what's the big deal with Halloween? If I can be candid (although I think we're past "candid" seeing as how I just compared months to different racial stereotypes), Halloween and I? Not as in love as you want to believe.
Yes, I watch horror movies and yes I like spooky things---but I don't like when spooky things happen to me and Halloween is all about experiencing the spooky for yourself. Therefore...we do not get along as well as I had hoped we might. Ergo, this meeting of the Scary Face Club will be treated like any other month.....
HALLOWEEN DONUTS FOR EVERYONE!
So now that we're all feeling spooky and donut-fied, let's get to this month's inductees! Don't know what The Scary Face Club is? Click here fool!
If there's one thing I regret in life, it's not being able to put the puzzle box together so that Chatterer could come into my hospital room and stick his fingers down my throat... NOT! That would be the 2nd worst scenario to ever happen in the world. The first is having to suck on the teat of those gigantic and terrifying old lady boobs in Dead Alive. No pictures of that because this is a family blog (It's really not, but who would want to look at those again?)
Chatterer is what I like to call....really fucking good make up effects. They don't make 'em like that anymore and that really makes me sad. The Chatterer is so grotesque, so hideous and frightening yet still awesome. It kind of makes my head hurt. It also kind of makes me wet my pants in fear.
(The Evil Dead)
I know Cheryl is clearly the winner of the scariest face in The Evil Dead trilogy, but quite honestly....the Evil Dead movies are pretty darn good at nailing that scary face motif. In Linda's case: disgusting, wrinkly, tar spitting demon faces are not the go to scare. Instead, she goes for a look of insane clown that makes you want to grab hold of the nearest cat and squeeze. Her make up effects are more limited yet I find them to be just as effective. Is it the way she maniacally laughs? Is it because she looks like some kind of mean clown? OR like some kind of mean clown DOLL (the worst kind of clown). I'm not expert at math but I believe the answer is, all of the above.
(In the Mouth of Madness)
Do these things have names? I only know them by "Ahhh!" I really and truly hate when little children look like deformed beasties. The Brood is another good example of this. It's like these evil beasties get inside of our minds and make us want to do cruel things...murderous things because these creatures are so hideous yet they're just messing with us because there's still somehow a part of us that associates them with children right? Well, maybe not entirely children.....but yes....there's something mysterious here.
In any case...this little beastie really made me regret taking a sip of water at the exact moment he decided to snarl his horrid beastie teeth. I regretted it because the water went down the wrong pipe! My advice is: do not drink water during most of In the Mouth of Madness.
I realized after combing for pictures of The Creature in Martyrs that I must have completely blocked out the part where we see her scowling and being all scary. In my mind the only picture I needed to qualify the creature for the Scary Face Club was this one.
In this case it was the idea of The Creature that made her completely and insanely terrifying. But that picture up there? Yeah, fuck that shit! This woman is one of the most horrifying things to ever happen in a movie ever. She's so unexpected, so out of nowhere and so.....devastating. Yes, I think the key word when talking about Martyrs is definitely "devastating". Haven't seen Martyrs yet? Only the strong should proceed.
(The Princess Bride)
I love taking recommendations for Scary Face Club nominees because I always find that people have truly brilliant ways of classifying a scary face. Reader Becky for instance emailed me a few fantastic suggestions one day and I couldn't help but smile (and also cry) when I got to her last one. The old hag who shouts "BOO! BOO!" at Princess Buttercup in her strange and oddly stagnant "nightmare". A hag so haggish, that she has owl eyebrows, a gigantic mole and breath that we can smell through the TV screen.
She may not be as scary as Pazuzu say, but this old hag really has some nostalgic horror attached to her. She made me really regret the fact that she existed because I was convinced when I was little that I was going to have a nightmare where I was a princess and that that moment would be ruined by some mean old hag shouting "Boo!" at me. Plus she's gross.