Monday, October 24, 2011

This Just In: Little Closets Are the Worst

Seeing Paranormal Activity 3 on Friday afternoon made me realize several things. Like how I really need to brush up on my pretending not to be scared faces and also that Sprite is a really refreshing soft drink that I seldom choose when faced with the deciding factor of a Coke. My most startling revelation however was when I realized that little closets are the devil.

A film like Paranormal Activity 3 does something awesome which is, surprise you and also scare the shit out of you. When was the last time the third movie in a tired series made you do a victory dance? Oh, probably never. Yet, it is my belief that PA 3 has done it! Go see it if you have not will be the most fun you've had in the theater all year. Trust me!

Anyways back to things that are the worst. We find out in PA3 that the menacing demon that torments both Kristi and Katie was actually Kristi's make believe friend growing up and that his name was/is Toby.

Toby is a terrible name because it reminds me of Toby from Degrassi who was gross but also Toby is just a really odd name for a demon. Toby is also supposed to be "old" and "tall" according to little Kristi, which makes me instantly picture Toby looking something like this.


So Toby lives in this little closet in Kristi and Katie's room. As soon as I saw that little closet it was like 25 years of a latent trauma bursting through my brain. My house growing up had 2 little closets.....well 3 I suppose if you count the double doors little closet that was in my big closet in my room. Here is something you should know about little closets.....they are mysteriously creepy. I'm no expert but I believe this is because A. Why is it so little? and B. Because it's so little this obviously means that only evil things can live in there.

Little closets always made me nervous because I was positive, absolutely positive that someone or something was going to come out of there. What makes them worse is that they make this little creaky noise when they open......I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it now.

So along comes PA 3 which utilizes the creeptastic nature of the little closet to its utmost potential. We're talking hearing that uber creepy creaky noise in the middle of the night. Katie getting pulled into the little closet. The little closet slamming its door shut violently. Demon drawings on the ceiling. It's all too horrible to imagine the world of little closets inhabited by evil demons named Toby.

Additionally this little closet reminded me of that scene in The Sixth Sense. Perhaps one of, if not the scariest scene in the entire film. Why do people think it's funny to torment us with little closets again? Oh yes, because people are cruel.

In closing, little closets are the worst and PA 3 proves this point. Please tell me I'm not alone in my little closet phobia. Anyone? Hello?


Matt-suzaka said...

During the film I kept making "Your name is Toby!" jokes, which, if you don't know, is a Roots joke. Like, the miniseries, not the band.

I loved the film and yes, little closets are creepy weepy (whatever that means), and chances are this will happen to you next time you go near one.

Thomas Duke said...

Yes, of course! Also, you have to crawl through them, so it's hard to escape if a tarantula jumps on your back and starts growling.

Also...WILLY WONKA! They all pass into candyland through a little door, and that movie's creepy as balls. And there's Alice in Wonderland of course.

matango said...

I have always tended to assume that those tiny closets have cool stuff in them.

commodore sixty four said...

Being John Malkovich had a pretty cool little "closet" and If you are either surprised or scared by anything in Paranormal Activity 3 then you must be terrified by kitchen cabinets and lamps.This movies "scares" are predictable and tired like when the volume gets turned up all of a sudden aahh loud sound effect= scary But if you love this movie your gonna love paranormal activity 4,5,6 &7

Andre Dumas said...

The scares in PA are based on sound but that's why they work. This third film actually had quite a bit of merit in it believe it or not and this is coming from me who sort of despised the first film.

Being scared by the jumps and the volume is all part of the fun and the experience.

deadlydolls said...

YES on The SIxth Sense closet scene! Everyone latches onto the Mischa Barton yellow tent attack, but when li'l Haley Joel goes into that closet, the door slams shut, and all we hear is scratching and screaming, it's positively terrifying.

Jenny Krueger said...

"God is in his holy Temple."

I'm not too fond of the PA movies, they bored me to sleep. :/