I've been wanting to do this post for a few weeks now- but have had trouble finding good solid examples of what I'm talking about. Luckily- I had some time to brainstorm during my...important working duties.....and found some stellar evidence. Evidence that involves but is not limited to; the existence of pod people, aliens stealing our brains or possibly evil ham sandwiches. You decide. The point is--I've been noticing a lot of horror VHS covers with random people on it- that are not in the movie. All I want to know is......................You tell them Pete. (And Grissom)
Mmmhmm so without further ado- I give you--characters that don't exist.
This has always been my favorite example--who would you expect that woman with the noose braid and the knife to be? If you said Muffy St. John you are correct. The only problem is- Muffy St. John is standing around the table with everyone else- see her right below this woman's right elbow? I believe every character is accounted for in this picture- SO who the hell is that woman?!! It's a hoax a crazy hoax- and it's always bothered me!
This early box cover of Scream is another one that has been eating away at my soul for years. That giant face that looks like she's about to scream? Who is that? It's not Drew Barrymore- so stop pretending that it is because it looks nothing like her. It's really just a non existent person. So why? Why are random people being put to use on covers of horror movies- and just who are these people and what is their purpose in life? What kind of money are they making for being the face of a horror movie without setting foot onto the set? It just baffles me!
This one I'll mostly let slide since it's a drawing and like Night of the Creeps is more about using the drawing as an all encompassing representation of the movie. But that doesn't mean it's not bothersome. No one looks like that in this movie and nor does anyone ever look like they fell off of a Harlequin Romance novel cover. It's just false representation- and plus that hair cut is the worst!
OK there are way way too many non existent characters on this cover. Actually I think they may all be non existent except for the midget. Last I checked the wax museum in question contained wax figures of famous scary figures in history and horror cinema like the Marquis de Sade, vampires and a werewolf--these did NOT include wax figurines of scary grannies and people with facial deformities. Seriously- if the Marquis de Sade is a main character in your movie then put him on the cover! That's like having Brad Pitt be your star and instead you slap Carrot Top on the cover. Madness I tell you.
I'm going to get a lot of flack for this one- especially from a certain Ms. BJ-C of Day of the Woman- but I might as well just say it. The last time I checked, Camille Keaton's butt was flat as a pancake- and we the viewers would know since she is naked a lot. There is no possible way that that is Camille Keaton up there. I'm sure it's just super imposed- or butt brushed or something but that butt is far too fine and toned and perfect to be stickly, flat, Camille Keaton! It's some model and I demand to know who she is so I can get some proof! Until then- I'm afraid I'll be outnumbered in my theories but never mind never mind- someday I'll prove it to all of you.