Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Horror Digest Quickies: Non-Existent Characters on VHS Covers.


I've been wanting to do this post for a few weeks now- but have had trouble finding good solid examples of what I'm talking about. Luckily- I had some time to brainstorm during my...important working duties.....and found some stellar evidence. Evidence that involves but is not limited to; the existence of pod people, aliens stealing our brains or possibly evil ham sandwiches. You decide. The point is--I've been noticing a lot of horror VHS covers with random people on it- that are not in the movie. All I want to know is......................You tell them Pete. (And Grissom)

Mmmhmm so without further ado- I give you--characters that don't exist.

This has always been my favorite example--who would you expect that woman with the noose braid and the knife to be? If you said Muffy St. John you are correct. The only problem is- Muffy St. John is standing around the table with everyone else- see her right below this woman's right elbow? I believe every character is accounted for in this picture- SO who the hell is that woman?!! It's a hoax a crazy hoax- and it's always bothered me!



This early box cover of Scream is another one that has been eating away at my soul for years. That giant face that looks like she's about to scream? Who is that? It's not Drew Barrymore- so stop pretending that it is because it looks nothing like her. It's really just a non existent person. So why? Why are random people being put to use on covers of horror movies- and just who are these people and what is their purpose in life? What kind of money are they making for being the face of a horror movie without setting foot onto the set? It just baffles me!


This one I'll mostly let slide since it's a drawing and like Night of the Creeps is more about using the drawing as an all encompassing representation of the movie. But that doesn't mean it's not bothersome. No one looks like that in this movie and nor does anyone ever look like they fell off of a Harlequin Romance novel cover. It's just false representation- and plus that hair cut is the worst!



OK there are way way too many non existent characters on this cover. Actually I think they may all be non existent except for the midget. Last I checked the wax museum in question contained wax figures of famous scary figures in history and horror cinema like the Marquis de Sade, vampires and a werewolf--these did NOT include wax figurines of scary grannies and people with facial deformities. Seriously- if the Marquis de Sade is a main character in your movie then put him on the cover! That's like having Brad Pitt be your star and instead you slap Carrot Top on the cover. Madness I tell you.


I'm going to get a lot of flack for this one- especially from a certain Ms. BJ-C of Day of the Woman- but I might as well just say it. The last time I checked, Camille Keaton's butt was flat as a pancake- and we the viewers would know since she is naked a lot. There is no possible way that that is Camille Keaton up there. I'm sure it's just super imposed- or butt brushed or something but that butt is far too fine and toned and perfect to be stickly, flat, Camille Keaton! It's some model and I demand to know who she is so I can get some proof! Until then- I'm afraid I'll be outnumbered in my theories but never mind never mind- someday I'll prove it to all of you.


15 comments:

Cyberschizoid said...

Love this article! So cool and sooo true! I must point out something else re; "I Spit On Your Grave" cover - she only kills FOUR men NOT five!!! Hilarious!

John Hyperion said...

"Butt Brushed." Haha, thanks for seriously making my morning.

Rabid Fox said...

I used to wonder who was on that Scream poster too. Great post. And I'm sure there are even more egregious examples outside of horror films. And I think you're on the money about Camille Keaton, as she's very waifish to have a derriere like that.

Fnord said...

I just stared at that Scream poster for about an hour... or however long it's been posted... and I still don't know who it is! If you find out, let me know!

B-Sol said...

I've often strongly suspected that that was just some random model on the ISOYG cover, and not, in fact, Camille Keaton. The image looks very staged, as if it were shot long after the movie wrapped, anyway. Wonder who she was... We may never know!

Chris Hallock said...

L O L

I told you researching this would be fun. You should continue to do it as an ongoing series!

B-Movie Becky said...

I kind of always wondered that with the Scream one myself. I think they must have shot it with a random actress to promote the film either before it was shot, or so long after that they didn't care to hire the actors again. However, the theory that it's Drew Barrymoore may have some validity, even though it doesn't look like here. The face is clearly airbrushed quite a bit, so sometimes it's hard to recognize people. When the VHS came out, I remember that they had a couple different editions: one with this background, one with a picture of Neve Campbell in a similar style, and maybe even one with Rose McGowan. I can't really remember for sure, but all the pictures were very photoshopped so that it hardly looked like them.

B-Movie Becky said...

Not sure what this tells us, but I found two of the alternate covers I was talking about, one with Drew Barrymoore and one with Courtney Cox.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Scream-VHS-Drew-Barrymore-Classic-Horror_W0QQitemZ370330699715QQcmdZViewItemQQptZVHS?
hash=item56396e07c3#ht_500wt_1182

http://cgi.ebay.com/Scream-VHS-Courteney-Cox-Drew-Barrymore-Horror_W0QQitemZ9112015610QQcmdZViewItemQQptZVHS?hash=item21f1e52fa#ht_500wt_956

If anyone cares....lol

James said...

Cool post - and so true! ;o)

The Film Connoisseur said...

Funny post! You are right, specially on that Waxworks one! I always thought those creatures on that cover were way cooler then the monsters on the movie itself.

Except for the werewolf, I liked that one.

That I spit on your grave remark is right, that might be the most recognized ass in horror, but its not even on the damn movie!

Mike Snoonian said...

I have to come clean That's my booty on the ISOYG cover. They airbrushed out the hair.

the jaded viewer said...

Awesome post...things that make you go hmmmm

I'd say the Rose McGowan is the Scream girl but I guess I'd be wrong

Planet of Terror said...

Hilarious post. Good call on the Rose McGowan guess Jeff. I second that.

Andre said...

Hhehe I'm glad everyone is into this heated Scream discussion!

I dont know guys I've been starring at the face for days and I don't see Rose McGowan!

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