Thursday, August 19, 2010

How To Use Eccentric Poltergeist Quotes in Everyday Life




I can't help it if Poltergeist is one of my favorite movies in the world. I can't, so sue me. I have seen it no less than 10,000 times and am able to quote the movie by heart--obviously. One thing that I have always prided myself on however (other than my Craig T. Nelson impression) is my knack for saying eccentric Poltergeist quotes during regular day activities. Often times these quotes are said in my head so as not to disappoint those that do not condone unwarranted screaming.

As wonderful as Poltergeist is (and it is I should add) there are quite a bit of lines that are spoken rather erratically. I can't judge though because if my daughter was sucked into her closet and walking around with a beast, I too would probably be irrational and shouting things all the time. So without further ado, here is a quick and handy guide to show you just how to use these quotes. Practice them afterwards please.


Diane Freeling: THE SWIMMING POOL! THE SWIMMING POOL!


This one can be used on a few occasions. The most obvious being when you can't find your daughter and think that she may have snuck out the bedroom window when you weren't looking and went for a dip in the muddy, unfinished pool in your backyard.

It can also be used this way. Say for example that it's really REALLY hot outside and your friend, sibling, lover, or parent is complaining about it being too hot. You can suggest......THE SWIMMING POOL! THE SWIMMING POOL! Quite reasonable I think.


Diane Freeling: BASTARDS! SHE'S JUST A BABY!! (Baby is pronounced Bay*Bee)


I always shout this to my sister when she yells at my cat for doing something mean. For the more normal people out there, this phrase can also be used when passing a child on the street. Whenever you see a parent who could be doing a little better in the parenting department like maybe their kid is on a leash, or perhaps they are scolding their child for walking too slowly---you can stare them in the eyes and shout BASTARDS! SHE'S JUST A BABY! Hopefully it's a little girl otherwise the effect will be lost.




Robbie Freeling: YOU GOT BIT? WOOOW!



This one isn't necessarily eccentric but it's hands down my favorite thing to say on a regular basis. I'm telling you once I point this out you will always, always say this out loud. The scenario is such: you are outside at a BBQ, picnic, bonfire or whatever it is you social people do in the summer. Suddenly the person next to you says OW! or Fucking Mosquito! or SOMETHING. That's your cue! .... YOU GOT BIT? and then when you pretend to see the bug bite exclaim--WOOOW! This must be said the same exact way that Robbie says it, or you will lose points.


Dana Freeling: WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!

This is my 2nd favorite thing to say. It is the perfect phrase to act out in the privacy of your house or apartment when you see a bunch of fire trucks,police cars, or ambulances drive by. After you witness the flashing lights, turn to the person nearest to you, pretend like you're pulling out your really really high ponytail and then shout WHAT'S HAPPENING!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!!!! You should also try to be as hysterical as possible.


Diane Freeling: DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT. STOP WHERE YOU ARE. TURN AWAY FROM IT. DON'T EVEN LOOK AT IT!

This one is sort of hard to come across in everyday life which is why it needs some tweaking. Find yourself one of those really really big flashlights. Go outside and point it right at somebody walking on the street. Then say the magic words, and make sure you let them know that you just saved them from passing on before they were ready.

Of course if you'd rather not tweak it you can always wait for someone to enter the light stream of a streetlight and then let them have it. Be prepared for some awkward looks and/or anger.


Steven Freeling: YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU MOVED THE CEMETERY, BUT YOU LEFT THE BODIES, DIDN'T YOU?! YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU LEFT THE BODIES AND ONLY MOVED THE HEADSTONES! YOU-ONLY-MOVED-THE-HEADSTONES WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is the most hysterical and rightfully so. As it turns out I have a hard time fitting this one into everyday life. Actually I just really needed an excuse to play this clip of Craig T Nelson going absolutely ape shit. I suppose you could always find your nearest gravedigger and let him have it but I don't know. I think this one is best enjoyed alone. I say it out loud at least twice a day-- three times a day on Wednesdays.


This whole scene is hysterical and eccentric and it contains Steven and Dana's freak outs. Enjoy and practice, practice practice!!




By the way... I'm introducing a new segment at the Horror Digest. It's called I'm Going to Talk About Poltergeist A Lot Goddamnit. So there.




17 comments:

Jessica Penot said...

My favorite, which I use all the time is, "Head towards the light, Carol Anne. Head towards the light." Great Post!

Emily said...

Niiiiiiiiice. I actually have used "The swimming pool THE SWIMMING POOL" before simply to express something regarding swimming pools. From now on, I need to start working the others in as well.

My favorite, and most used quote is actually from Goodfellas, when Lorraine Bracco is sobbing and screaming and all apologetic for pulling a gun on her husband. She's sitting in the corner shouting "I'm soRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!" which is kind of the only way I can say it when I feel bad about something.

Andre said...

Hahh I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses random eccentric movie quotes in everyday life. I feel happy and connected!

CashBailey said...

Crazy, awesome movie.

And it's so easy to imagine a cocked-out Tobe Hooper too fucked-up to direct this stuff, because so much if it is pure Spielberg.

Sadako said...

I'm so using your guide next time i need to quote Poltergeist.

Mikey Sarago said...

Me and my brother are big fans of using random movie quotes in every day life, haha. We've used the "Ask daaad!" quote and called each other doggy bags on far too many occasions.

matango said...

An old favorite of mine is "Stay Alive, whatever may occur. I will find you!" from the Last of the Mohicans.

The Scream Queen said...

Me and my sister find wayyyyy too many occasions to say "Don'tttt worry Mom. We'll check it out!"

P.S. I also think Poltergiest is a glorious movie.

Corey said...

this post is TEH AWESOME.

lazlo azavaar said...

Everytime Poltergeist showed up on HBO (which was alot for awhile there), me and my friends would mercilessly mimic the "WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!" girl.

Art Almquist said...

Another great "Poltergeist" post! As I mentioned last time, I show this film in four different classes every year, and I love it, love it, love it - even with its little holes and flaws. The clown reveal at the finale still makes them scream like crazy. Joy!

I have one adjustment for you, and I only mention it because I'm so fond of the moment: when Craig T. Nelson screams into James Karen's face at the conclusion, the words "didn't you" actually never leave his lips. What does blast into Karen's face is "DINTCHYA," as in "...and you left the bodies, DINTCHYA?" Glorious.

And Cash, you mean "coked-out Tobe Hooper," right? "Cocked-out" adds a whole new dimension to the Hooper/Spielberg rumors!

Finally, as far as using great quotes in everyday life, just about any time is the right time to say "You're gonna need a bigger boat."

Thanks, Andre!

Andre said...

Art- is that right? Jeesh I was just going by what the IMDB quotes told me. Those filthy lying bastards. Glad you enjoyed it. Don't worry because thanks to this new impromptu solo blogothon I have just made up, a new and swell post about Poltergeist will be up just about every week. And these aren't your average posts mind you.....stay tuned.

Pax Romano said...

My partner is fond of quoting Tangina; "This house is clean".

My fave line is the bodies/headstones rant which I use when I am pissed off about anything. It comes in handy when stuck in traffic, or when arguing with a moronic co-worker (especially one who is so young, he or she does not get the reference).

Emily said...

I forgot about that one Pax! That's what I like to say after I clean my apartment!

TheGirlWhoLovesHorror said...

No need to apologize for your Poltergeist love. It's my favorite as well: http://thegirlwholoveshorror.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-all-time-favorite-horror-movie.html

And this post is killer... to think I never noticed just how over the top some of these lines were performed! Still love it though, it's part of the film's charm.

I also like to use "This house is clean" obviously, after cleaning stuff. A little too obvious but still fun to say.

JD said...

Okay, my mom says "S/he's just a baby!" in a hysterical tone sometimes and I never thought it was a movie quote or anything but I saw Poltergeist just the other week and I immediately recognized the quote and almost died laughing and all my friends were very confused. Now I use the quote all the time!

Andre said...

I used it twice today. Yay! Glad you watched it and now you can use all the quotes appropriately ; )