An Announcement Plus Stuff I've Been Watching

So probably I'm going to switch the name of my blog to "The Horror Digest (and other stuff)" because I've decided over the past 7 months that horror is no longer my main squeeze. Sure, I still love it but lately I've become much more enamored with everything--hence the reason why I basically ceased all blogging. Does this make me an interest slut? Probably. Whatever, I practice safe interests so it's OK.

If you're upset about this, I'm very sorry. Let me console you by patting you on the back... which is typically the extent that my ability to comfort other people reaches.

Now, over the past 7 months I have successfully become obsessed with several TV shows. I also finally got rid of Comcast (or as I like to call it SUCKCAST) and switched to Verizon Fios. As you can imagine my soul has been deeply healed because of this. And now for your reading pleasure, here is what I am currently obsessed with.

Mad Men

If you can believe it, I did not step onto the Mad Men train of love until very recently. It's not that I was against it, or unwilling to accept its mysterious charms but I simply was intimidated by how much everyone loved it and I felt like I just wasn't ready yet. Then a few months or so ago I decided I was totally ready. This is not unlike the way I felt about finally wearing pants.

Over the course of about 2 weeks, I watched the entire season (this was sometime right before the newest season aired). There was one weekend where I watched the entirety of Season 3 and 4 in one sitting and emerged from my couch looking like this.

Except a little less attractive.

Obviously I am now hooked and ready to talk all about it if you want to. So far, here is what I've decided.

1. Bob Benson is a serial killer.

2. Glen keeps getting creepier and is probably also a serial killer.

3. Peggy and Stan should just do it already and get it over with.

4. Peggy and Ted should not.

5. All these references to Rosemary's Baby and Sharon Tate can only mean one thing....

The Castevets are moving in. Yeah!

And also probably Megan is pregnant and will be murdered either by Glen or Bob Benson.

6. Pete is still the worst.

And there you have it. Stay tuned for a full episode recap after the finale airs. Yeehaw.


Hannibal

After watching the first episode of NBCs Hannibal, I was very dubious. I felt like they made Will Graham a little too mentally unstable and that they made Hannibal just a little too uncomfortably foreign.

 By the second episode however, I was able to separate the show from Red Dragon in my mind and take in all the good stuff. Especially how freaking gorgeous everything is in this show. This is like.....verging on Suspiria style horrific beauty people.

And the surrealism factor mirrors everything I like about The Cell. It's art. It's scary. And I love it.

I still think Mads Mikkelsen is a little too exotic to be considered a viable substitute for Dr. Lecter but Hugh Dancy is slowly making his way into poster in my bedroom territory.

Sure, Will Graham is definitely crazy. But at least now that we know his craziness has an underlying and actual medical cause, I feel a little better about the future.

Oh and also fuck that episode about scary girls who think they are dead hiding under beds.

Now I'll never be able to sleep again. I think out of all the episodes, that one especially scared the Jesus juice out of me. That is how you build suspense and then terrify people. Current horror movies take note.

Anywho, I think out of all the new shows that have peeked their heads out--Hannibal wins best new show hands down. I'm excited to see where it will go--though of course I have my suspicions. What are yours?


Other Stuff

While Mad Men and Hannibal are probably my two favorite new obsessions, there are a handful of other shows I've become acquainted with that I would certainly like to get to know better. Second base at least.

The Following withheld my interest throughout its season despite the hilarious game I had with myself called, who else is in the cult? My right foot.

My cat.

And a cheeseburger

were all possible things I figured were in the cult since everyone else on the planet evidently is.

It's a little cookie cutter at times but ultimately I found The Following to be a solid way to spend Monday nights. Kevin Bacon chugs vodka out of water bottles and that guy who got killed in Dexter got killed again. Poor guy can't catch a break.

The finale felt odd and kind of a little too 'final' if you know what I mean. My prediction is that The Following will have one more season and then die because you can only have one black character per major network show. Or wait, I mean........you can only take the crazy cult plot so far you know?

Reality TV

I'm not afraid to admit my passion for reality TV. Yeah it's stupid and everything that's wrong with the world but you know what? It's also very entertaining. However my two favorite reality TV shows really have made me angry and have apparently been overtaken by country music fans all over the world. Fuck that shit man.

The Voice and Celebrity Apprentice have both wounded my heart and soul. First, Trace Adkins Mr. I'm Grumpy All the Time and I Don't Really Have Good Ideas Just a Lot of Money wins beating out Penn Jillette THEN Adam Levine's entire team gets voted off the Voice despite the fact that all three of them had better voices then the rest of the people in the competition. Leaving the Swon brothers or as I like to call them, One Swon Brother and a Backup Singer

 and Danielle Bradbury who is cute but dangerously close to becoming Taylor Swift's bratty little sister. Great. My true feelings have officially been unleashed. Apologies to everyone who thought I was cool.

Looking Forward To....

For many people, Homeland became the new "it" show. Count me in as one of those people. I can't get enough of crazy Claire Danes and tiny mouthed Damian Lewis and their stupid love affair and the twists and the turns and and and MANDY PATINKIN.

Gah. Is it Fall yet? Also who thinks they would be an awesome CIA Agent? Everyone obviously.

But seriously I think I would be the best. CIA, I'm guessing you know where to find me.

Breaking Bad's final hours have arrived.

I'm sad to find out that many avid watchers of the show slowly started to lose interest. This is most likely due to the fact that the show is so fucking depressing and bleak that people are worried they will spontaneously combust into a black hole of death.

Or maybe there just isn't enough Walt Jr. to go around? I'm torn.

I however, am totally ready to spontaneously combust and see what exactly is going to happen. Let's all hold hands when it starts OK?

Wow I live an awesome life huh? Don't worry though, I also read books.

Jurassic Park: 'Because Dinosaurs Eat Babies Faces'--Probably Not a Good Pick-up Line

Well I'm not dead. Just slowly fading back into a time where writing IS fun again and lying around the house with no pants on isn't. So lets not dwell on the past and the 7 or so months where I was seduced by the lazy virus and wore no pants--let's just get into it huh?

You guys. Jurassic Park (the novel) is SO GOOD. We all are aware I hope of my insane love for Jurassic Park. Most especially--my loathing of the slob Dennis Nedry,

My obsession over the fact that Muldoon is probably the second best character ever created

 (the first is Wedge), and my insistence that dinosaurs really are the best thing since....well since..................ever?

So therefore it should come as no surprise to you that I finally got ol' Jurassic Park out from the Library and read it all over the course of a few days.

And now: An Anecdote.

On Wednesday, June 12th I entered a subway car on my way home with Jurassic Park tucked under my arm. The man I sat next to kept looking at the book and then at me, obviously caught in an internal struggle of whether or not to say something. Finally he did say something, "Is it better than the movie" to which I gazed into his dreamy eyes, paused a moment and then said, "It might be a little better actually" then waited for him to counter with, "Oh really why?" Sadly, he did not counter with anything--but I did have at the ready the best pick-up line ever: "It's better because dinosaurs eat babies FACES!" Why am I single? I have no idea.

So anyways that was that. But to get back to my main point here--Jurassic Park is an amazing book. It's terrifying, violent, suspenseful, funny, intelligent, and a page turner that for once--is written quite well. There is so much depth about the island and the dinosaurs that I never would have known. Naturally, the book is of course separate from the movie but since the movie was created with the help of Michael Crichton one can assume that many of the details in the book are silent partners of the movie.

Perhaps my favorite detail is the migration of several of the dinosaurs---the Compys in the beginning and then later on the Raptors to other islands. The entire beginning of the book especially is loaded with insanity in the form of dinosaurs attacking a young girl on the mainland, and a nurse entering a nursery to find several dinosaurs eating the face of a baby. There's also a very gruesome and terrifying scene involving one of the workers who got slashed by a raptor claw---it involves a lot of regurgitation of blood and Spanish myths about monsters. Naturally, all things that spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S in my book.

But dang you guys, This novel is frightening and this is coming from a girl who saw Jurassic Park in a movie theater when she was seven years old. A girl who for 19 years decided that Jurassic Park is fucking nuts. Now I have two terrifying reminders of why it's a terrible idea to clone dinosaurs and make an amusement park out of them.

Oh and also as someone very afraid of animatronic animals in the water let me just say thank you Jesus for not allowing enough time or money to make the scene where the T-Rex swims after the kids and Grant--it's giant head coming at them like a dinosaur headed shark. Oh man....I think it's safe to assume that I'd be dead if that scene ever happened.

So in closing. Jurassic Park is one of the best books I've read in a long time. I thought Dinosaurs would be scarier on the screen but I think I was very, very wrong about that.

PS BOOK SPOILER ALERT: Muldoon survives in the book. AW YEAH!

PPS BOOK SPOILER ALERT: Dennis Nedry's death is more detailed and totally gruesome. AWWWWWWWWW YEAH!

The Road: A Brief Scene of Perfection

I don't remember much about The Road other than being confused about where Viggo Mortensen was.

Oh and plus it's from the Philippines, is told more or less in 3ish parts and had a somewhat predictable "twist" ending. The funny thing about The Road is that although I remember little about it--I still can't get one tiny scene out of my head.

There's a lot to be said for quiet horror. Not really volume wise--but the kind of horror that kind of creeps up and comes out at you unexpectedly. Like those quiet kids that are secretly awesome and really smart and cool and stuff.... yeah like me whatever.

These days horror is much too in your face. It's all like BOOM SCARY NOISES SCARY FACE BOOM BOOM BOOM. And then we're all like...

Sure, it's effective for a jump scare or seven but does it really keep you up at night contemplating the vast wonders of your psyche?

That is why whenever a scene like the one I'm about to explain comes along, I get all excited. In quite literal terms, this scene from The Road really does creep up on you. I'll try to set the stage but since I don't remember anything about this movie except a road and this scene--don't get your hopes up.

Two of the three characters trapped on an eternal dirt road at the film's beginning return from investigating a house.They hold onto each other as they walk back--crying, or screaming---we don't really know which because there is no audio. There is music but it's not entirely indicative of what is happening on the screen.

Suddenly a shadowy figure shows up in the far distance...some kind of bag is on their head.

Then they start running---really, really quickly right at our characters.

Our characters do not notice this. Again, there is no audio--just music.

This scene really snagged me because it's SO QUIET and so creepy. There needs to be more of this in horror period. It's so deliciously unexpected and well done. It's not predictable--it's not a jump scare, it just keeps happening and happening. The running, the unexplained creepiness, the dramatic irony, the fact that it looks like a guy running even though I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a girl. This scene more or less to me is perfection. A golden example of the way horror movies should be scaring us. Not by blood and guts or jump scares---by running figures with plastic bags on their heads coming straight us without explanation and very, very quietly.

Oh and yeah watch The Road I guess...but mostly watch this scene. Happens around the 26:28 mark.