My biggest fears in life are sharks and vomit. This may come as a surprise to you since this post is entitled "Pukeapalooza". Lucky for you however I'm really only afraid of real life vomit, and also sharks don't really vom too often so that's all taken care of. Anywho I guess what it comes down to is that I never realized just how important a role puke can play in movies. And so it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, the master plan behind this oddly tantalizing post. I know you've all been dreaming of this day and at last it's finally here--the most epic compilation of puke scenes brought to you by none other than myself and Ms. BJ-C of Day of the Woman. This day will live in infamy not only as the birth of the best festival of puke ever-but also as the start of the blogging collaboration you've all been craving. Don't lie to yourself- you know you are kept up at night wondering when we would combine forces- SO without further ado- let the puking begin. WARNING: This post may cause actual booting.
MOST RESOURCEFUL VOMIT: Vomit of Brundlefly
Every now and then vomit wakes up and comes to realize it's full potential. In the case of Brundlefly, vomit becomes the only way that he can properly eat- and it also serves as an impromptu self defense tactic. You know when a fly lands on a piece of food and it instantly vomits so that the acid can break the food down making it possible to digest? Well imagine that magnified to the nines and then instead of food picture human flesh and.....
VOILA! The most deadly form of vomit known to man- well done Brundlefly!
MOST ICONIC VOMIT: Pea Soup Vomit of Demon Regan.
When people think of The Exorcist they immediately think of the Fuck Jesus scene and of projectile pea soup vomit. It's really only more proof that demons are the smartest beings known to man (second maybe only to Velociraptors) - because no one really likes being spewed on. Unfortunately the priest was a little too good at keeping his cool- so that was a bit of a bad luck on the demons part. However this scene also proves that projectile demon vomit can be easily substituted as a weapon in times of great political uprising.
BEST USE OF MISCHA BARTON VOMIT: Vomit of Ghost Mischa Barton.
Remember when the O.C. first debuted and everyone flipped out because they realized that "hottie" Marissa Cooper was the scary little girl from the Sixth Sense? Sadly the scene survives today as Mischa Barton's best acting role to date. However, this particular vomit while extremely thick and pasty looking also had the strange effect of making us feel really sad once we understood why she was vomiting. It's a rare occurrence. Also- since when can ghosts puke?
MOST UPSETTING INSTANCE OF VOMIT: Vomit of Asami in Dog Bowl.
It's common knowledge- well at least to myself- that Eihi Shiina is a hardcore method actress. This of course means that she insisted upon actually throwing up into the dog bowl before feeding it to her victim. That to me is 100 times more frightening than any of the subsequent torture scenes. Also I always wondered if any jokester's were feeling saucy and switched the fake dog bowl of vomit with the real one. That could possibly be a fate worse than death. While no one may enjoy getting thrown up on- I'm pretty sure no one would ever want to eat a steaming bowl of vomit. While we are on the subject however- would you rather eat pea soup demon vom or the milky white vom of Asami? Tough call.
BEST SECRET WEAPON VOMIT: Vomit of Tortured Paxton.
Paxton taught us a lot of things- but perhaps the most useful lesson was; if you are ever being tortured just puke on the floor so that your torturer slips on it while trying to slice you in half with a chainsaw. That Paxton can sure think on his feet. Also bonus points for having a ball gag actually make you gag. That's what they're there for am I right?
MOST JUSTIFIED OFF CAMERA VOMIT: Vomit of Timmy.
Let's face it. Who wouldn't vomit all over the place if a T-Rex was trying to eat you? Not to mention that after that close call, Timmy almost got crushed to death by the car, and then sent over the ledge to his doom- only to be stuck in a giant tree, teetering on a branch- ready to come crashing down at any moment. I'm honestly surprised that Timmy didn't also shit and piss his pants while vomiting. That alone is an accomplishment.
While it may serve no purpose to the film other than to make everyone feel incredibly uncomfortable and make fat Jerry O'Connel have a moment of glory, there's so much projectile vomit its almost hard to sit through. This scene may take the cake...err...pie when it comes to ralphing scenes. Couldn't they have done it goonies style and just have the fat kid imitate it rather than show about 50 people puking up blue ribbon rhubarb pies on each other? Never...it wouldn't be Stephen King then.The So Much Vomit it must be King: Pie Eating Contest Scene in Stand By Me
Most Finger Lickin' Good Vomit: Zombie chicken eating scene in PoultrygeistIf PETA ever made a horror film to expose the dangerous side effects of the General's chicken...I'm pretty sure it would look something like this. Poultrygeist is already one of the whackiest films I've ever watched, but it does have one hell of a group vomit scene. Vomming on boyscouts, breasts, bikers, and buckets of chicken are exactly the targets I'm looking for when yuking, and thanks to these fine folks I'll have ALL of these options! It's okay though, if vomming isn't your thing..you can lay a zombie chicken egg. It's cool.
Lucio Fulci may in fact be the sickest and coolest motherfrencher to ever make a movie. Not only does this poor chick bleed from the eyes and literally puke her guts out, but she has no control over it! Could you imagine just hanging out in your boyfriend's car when suddenly you start bleeding from the eyes and pouring your intestines and organs out of your mouth? How freaking embarassing. I mean I wig out when I have something in my teeth, but pouring your stomach out of your mouth is just so NOT attractive.Best Example of Puking Your Guts Out: Telekenitic induced vomit in City of the Living Dead
So when we die, we apparently shit ourselves. That's incredibly awful and such, but what about puking up what looks like jizz while your head deforms and falls off in half? Chocolate Chip Charlie was that awesome stereotypical urban character but NOOOOO he had to eat "The Stuff", and what happens? He pukes out some white nasty vomit and his head rips itself in half. Way to go dumbass. You were the best character. Ugh.Best Vomit That Looks like Protein: Chocolate Chip Charlie in The Stuff
So it isn't horror...screw me, this kid was a bow tie away from being a killer kid. However he speeds up a roller coaster and induces a puke fest from a bunch of over sugared children. For someone like Andre, this could be disasterous. I mean, I've seen drunken puke sessions in my presence but if some rotten ass ginger kid caused a fat kid in a striped shirt to puke on me when I'm trying to enjoy a bootleg carnival ride...I'm going to be a little more than pissed.Best Vomit Caused by a Redheaded Stepchild: The Rollercoaster Scene in Problem Child 2
Honorable Mention Voms:
So good it's real Vom: Cannibal Holocaust- Real Vom during turtle murder.
Too horrible to Talk About Vom- Tamara: Advanced Bulemia takes it's toll, ends up looking like dog poop mixed with blood.
Real Life Vom (too scary for me) Hatchet: Adam Green wanted real vomit so Joel Moore delivered--with two takes.
Best Milk Spitting Demon Vom on Record: The Evil Dead- Enuf said.
I can't believe she didn't Vom Vomit---Migg's Jizz on Clarice's Face.
For an extra dose of puke-tastic fun go to Day of the Woman or I'll puke on you.