Buried: I Need a Hug

I've been dreading the moment when I would watch Buried for a long time now. Ever since I heard that A. The entire movie takes place with Ryan Reynolds being buried underground and B. That it was good. Unless something involves a shark, if I know something is being well regarded then there's no way that I can ignore it--no matter how upsetting the premise may be. Yes, Buried had joined ranks there for a while as being again, the snakes in the pet store that I did not want to save---but found that I had to. Sigh.

Buried alive movies and even just thinking about the concept send me off into whirlwinds of panic. I remember vividly watching the Quentin Tarantino directed episode of CSI where Nick Stokes was buried alive. I was crying hysterically and freaking out which technically could have been attributed to the fact that at the time, I had a huge and burning crush on Nick Stokes but more than likely it was because the whole idea of it was so terrifying. I also remember coming close to a panic attack when my drama class went to go see Aida in New York. With talk of being buried alive, you cannot help but place yourself instantly into the situation. Hence, making it difficult to breathe and suffering the need to receive a hug, a Valium and a giant cocktail.

Buried is an hour and 30 minutes of watching Ryan Reynolds in a coffin. It's also insanely well made, and manages to hold your attention and more importantly "terrify" you for its entire running time. I use the term terrify loosely as some of you may just find that you're on the edge of your seat rather than terrified, but for the sake of describing my feelings let's use the word terrify. Armed only with a cell phone, some lights, and a knife---Paul Conroy wakes up in a coffin buried underneath the ground after his trucking company was ambushed by insurgents in Iraq. Or terrorists or whatever. Mean people in Iraq basically is the operative word here. The important thing to remember is that he is buried alive but really, how can we forget that?

You wouldn't think that a film that remains entirely with one character in one tiny little space would be interesting after say...10 minutes. Buried however manages to introduce all sorts of nail biting situations and scenarios that keep things interesting. This includes naturally the introduction of SNAKE midway through the film. Don't ask questions, just accept the snake. There's also plenty of interactions thanks to that handy cell phone that those mean Iraqi's stuck in the coffin with Paul. And the best part (worst part) is knowing that Paul is running out of time the longer the film goes on. And it's almost maddening to sit through.

That isn't to say Buried is not a film you should experience. By all means experience this film for yourself, just be careful that you may find yourself crying and clutching your cat or the nearest animal and/or bottle of alcohol by the film's end. I've seen some shit in my day. Like literally I've seen shit in movies and people eating it and girls getting raped with pointy rocks and babies being raped but I have never, NEVER seen something as painstakingly disturbing as what happens at the end of this movie.

Don't think crazy conspiracies or mind blowing twists either. And definitely do not think gore because there is none. Even in a moment of desperation and what could easily be classified as something grade-A Saw worthy---the camera cuts away. No, what happens at the end of Buried is the kind of horror that we rarely encounter when we watch movies. Obvs I can't talk about it in any real detail without completely ruining the movie for everyone but just know that shit is serious. So serious, that I'm not sure I'll be able to get these feelings out of my head for a long, long time.

I think we could all use some cuteness to soften things up a bit...

Oh yes, that is better.

YellowBrickRoad: All One Word Because This Shit Is Serious

YellowBrickRoad is going to make my head hurt. Not just because my spell check is underlining with RED every time I write the impossibly correct word YellowBrickRoad, but also because it's one of those movies that plays tricks on your mind. This time however, we can't play tricks back which evidently results in a very painful headache or head hurting, or if you're very unlucky--a migraine.

I had heard a few things here and there about YellowBrickRoad and they all had me intrigued. The main one being that it was "creepy". I love creepy. In fact, if I had to pick my favorite kind of horror movie it would BE creepy. Creepy is the good kind of horror that you can't get enough of. It's not gross, it's not zombies, and it's definitely not Saw. Creepiness in horror films is something that several films have been lacking as of late and it gives me a perpetual sad face. Perhaps that's why I came away mostly liking Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. That whispering from the furnace? CREEPY. And in my book--creepiness equals success.

You'll be happy to know then, that the story behind YellowBrickRoad IS creepy. In 1940 all the citizens of Friar New Hampshire abandoned their homes and set off down an unmarked trail. Some were found frozen to death, others mysteriously slaughtered but most of them were never seen or heard from again. The mystery of the residents of Friar has gone unsolved for 70 years but now a team of researchers ventures into the woods on a path to find out what really happened.

The beginning of YellowBrickRoad is 100% delightful. Filled with a supposed real recording of the only known survivor from the ordeal and a few well crafted "authentic" photographs from the scene of the crime. It doesn't matter here whether or not this actually happened---what matters is that the film does such a good job of building up that instant creepiness that it causes us to instantly believe every single aspect of the tale. I'll even be honest with you and tell you that the recording of the only man who was found alive sent chills up my spine and caused me to put off watching the film till morning.

For the most part, YellowBrickRoad stays on that line of creepiness but it never seems to live up to that initial moment of setting the stage. Things continue to be creepy yes, but that tingly feeling never did seem to return. Still, you cannot deny that the film has some truly creative moments of scares. The premise is very simplistic yet unbelievably bizarre. At some point, loud and creepy music from the "old days" starts pouring out seemingly from the sky and never stops. An old hat is found in the woods, and people's psychological well being seems to fade with each passing day.

If you want answers out of YellowBrickRoad, you'll have a hard time finding them. This is where you might feel some headaches because here you'll have to think about things and come to your own conclusion about what is going on. Why do people walk on the YellowBrickRoad? Is it to find something or is it to go home? There are several different things at work here and they are all equally intriguing. Of course those of you who need to know things will probably be disappointed by the films end but those of us that enjoy thinking may be pleasantly surprised.

One thing that struck a bit of wrong chord with me however were the few moments of blatant craziness. Sure having a character suddenly snap and pull off another character's leg may seem like a good idea in theory but when matched against that quiet, creepy and psychological motif---it feels like it just doesn't belong. Same thing can be said for that final-ish image of intense CGI work and weird tree demon faces. Not really sure what happened there but if you don't mind I will immediately start pretending that it never happened.

Overall, I wouldn't say I was let down by YellowBrickRoad, but I did feel like it could have held up that air of creepiness a little bit better. Still though, this is a film that does deserve at one point or another to be seen. It's not typical and it's not conventionally scary but there's still something about it that is so intriguing. It could just be one of those movies that we need to see in order to find out what the deal is. What is the deal with that trail? And what will they find? I suppose you'll just have to see for yourself. But don't be mad at me when you get a headache and find out that you do not have any pain reliever around and that you have to resort to stupid holistic methods that don't work.

The Scary Face Club: September Inductees

I cannot believe it's already September. What happened there? Summer? Hello? Truth be told, I find Summer to be a pretentious and attention whoring...whore. Call me crazy, but I find that once you realize that you still have to work during the summer (Unless your one of those weird people who you know...teach), the mystique and excitement goes away. Sorry if I don't want to partake in the raucous drinking and sun tan lotion inhaling okay?

Seriously Autumn is where it's at. All the good things in life happen then. School supplies, Seamus starts school and will hopefully soon find out that Santa Claus doesn't exist, Halloween, my birthday, horror conventions, an influx horror movies....APPLES. What's not to love?

Naturally with the first month of such a wonderful time, I couldn't be happier than to report that this month's newly inducted Scary Face Club members are pretty darn neat. It's a nice group we have with us today, that is to say, I wouldn't mind sharing a delightful bottle of wine with them...well okay maybe not all of them.

Don't know what The Scary Face Club is? Click here and get caught up fool.

Michael Jackson

(Thriller)

Back in the day when music videos were regarded as actual art forms, Michael Jackson's Thriller was the creme de la creme. Who am I kidding? It still is. Thanks to the brilliant John Landis, Thriller became firmly cemented into some kind of weird pseudo-horror movie realm. As a kid, I was entranced by the video and believed it to be a movie until I was probably 8 years old. To me, nothing was more horrifying than seeing Michael Jackson suddenly turn his head and look at you with those corpse eyes. Not to mention that scene where all the zombies break through the house caused me many nightmares and nights of sleeping with the light on. Much thanks goes out of course to Mr. Mikey Sarago for nominating Michael Jackson's scary face on the super duper awesome new Horror Digest fan page...HOORAY!

Katie's Post Ring Face

(The Ring)

Another Scary Face suggestion comes to us by Anonymous. As much as I get nervous about people named Anonymous, I must admit here that Anonymous is right. Katie's post ring bliss face is almost a little too extreme to handle. Or that's what I tell myself anyways when I justify the fact that we only get to see it for a few seconds. It's so unnatural, so repulsive and surprising. I especially love how our glimpse of it really sneaks up on us. It's presented to us when Katie's mother is recounting how she found her which catches us off guard. We aren't suppose to know what true, brutal fear looks like right? At least not until later...

Ghost Librarian

(Ghostbusters)

Have I mentioned before how important of a movie Ghostbusters is? Remind me to talk about that in depth someday. Anywho, when I was a wee one I used to purposely take an extra long time making my chocolate milk when Ghostbusters started. Right, you probably have no idea what that means so let me tell you. A good glass of chocolate milk doesn't take that long to make. You get your milk, you get your chocolate syrup (do NOT even talk to me about powdered mix, do NOT even mention it) you squeeze, you stir and boom you're done. But because this beginning scene of Ghostbusters was so frightening to me, I would take a super long time to make my chocolate milk so that I would miss this moment.

Let's examine why this scene did not sit well with me. A. the librarian is already creepy to begin with because she's floating and she's a librarian. Have you ever seen the Are You Afraid of the Dark episode, "The Tale of the Quiet Librarian?" This shit is real....old lady librarians with buns and shit----scary. B. She turns into a terrifying monster without warning. C. This scene brings back instant memories of Large Marge and reminds me that this kind of scare is completely unfair and cruel to small children who drank their chocolate milk too fast and are easily capable of peeing their pants.

Scary Trash

(Return of the Living Dead)

I'm always somehow taken aback in that moment when Trash, recently transformed into the living dead morphs her mouth into a gigantic, terrifying hole to take a bite out of some unsuspecting bum. It's the kind of face that I dread because I know that somebody somewhere has a mask of it and will one day stand over me when I sleep and then wake me up. This face again goes back to Katie's face in the Ring--it's such an unnatural gaping mouth that it really catches you off guard. I always come away from this scene wishing that we could get a glimpse of that horrifying face for just a bit longer--don't you?

The Manitou

(The Manitou)

Some things in life never have to be explained. The Manitou is one of those things. Why waste your time explaining about how an Indian Shaman reincarnated himself into some woman's tumor and then busted out and made a naked Star Wars party happen? You could save yourself a lot of time if you just said, "Yes, watch this now thank you bye".

When the Manitou emerges from the tumor he slops around on the floor and crawls because he's not used to his reincarnated Shaman legs and also maybe because he's a midget. His face is kind of what I would imagine a Shaman who just emerged from a tumor would look like--that is to say it looks like AGONY.