Friday the 13th Part Two: 20 Questions

There is way too much confusion going on in Friday the 13th Part Two. No, I'm not talking about how Jason was able to age so rapidly (that's pretty obvious) (It was clearly a magical mushroom potion made and collected on the 4th full moon of the year) (and also Alice never really saw Jason emerge from the pond) No, the confusion is everywhere else. Why are there so many characters in this? Why does that girl think a sexy alternative to her black underwear is a poop brown color? Who was that OTHER dog wearing a ribbon? Why does that girl not have any regular sized articles of clothing? Who peed under the bed the rat, or the girl? Why don't I know anyone's name in this? Where are the happening after parties? Shouldn't Jason's hair be longer? How can he see out of one eye hole? Who puts on a gross, moldy sweater? WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE??

Phew. That was a lot of questioning, and I have way more but I'll spare you. I'll be honest I'm not sure why I felt like watching this. We've already established that I'm not crazy about Friday the 13th, yet here I am. Don't be shocked but, Friday the 13th Part Two is kind of an improvement for me over the bland and the boring of the first film. Not a huge improvement mind you, but now that we know who the killer is, and because people get killed faster, things got a little better for me. It is of course in my mind still just a sub par slasher movie. Nothing is terribly entertaining (except maybe that guy in a wheelchair falling down the stairs) and no kills are that great. It's mostly just kind of ehhhh. Which means of course that it's an obvious relation to the Friday the 13th series as a whole.

This film also reminds me how much I hate when they bring a character back only to kill them off mere minutes into the film. I don't like the idea of suffering along with someone for an entire movie, seeing them live, going to sleep, and then seeing them bite it in the lamest of ways in the next film. Did Alice's victorious final girl fight mean nothing? As if that wasn't bad enough Friday the 13th also has to take away crazy Ralph from me?? Speaking of crazy Ralph, isn't this screen grab oddly mystical?

It looks like a still straight out of some moody film noir type deal. Right? It freaked me out too.

Anywho, for all of its mediocrity, F13 Part two has some brief moments of entertainment. Albeit mostly unintentional moments. I admit I found solace in this pair of skin tight booty denim shorts, paired effortlessly with a cropped Mickey Mouse t-shirt.

This lass obviously has a thing for articles of clothing that do not fit properly. I know it was the 80s but come on, everyone else seemed to be able to find a practical pair of pants to wear. Things really only get better when this same woman goes skinny dipping, flips out when some perv steals her clothing--puts her shirt back on which happens to be another cropped tee. I mean, you might as well leave it off sweetie.

I also loved seeing Jason's majestic house. It's kind of an odd situation though. How long have the police been patrolling that area? And they never found his little shack in the woods? P.S. nice shack Jason.

That thing rules. It looks like it could fall apart with one gentle breeze. And we KNOW it falls apart when two grown men decide to fight inside of it. But hey, at least he has a toilet?

And then there is burlap sack Jason, which for many people is the best kind of Jason there is. I think I will have to agree with this.

He made it work. Although I have always questioned the impossibility of killers donning masks and being able to run and see people and kill them. One time I put on a mask and I ran around my yard. I could barely get 2 steps without feeling like I was about to fall off the side of a really big hill. Note: there are no really big hills in my yard, but masks do things to you... And this was a regular mask not a burlap sack with one eye hole. So my question is---how in the hell does he chase people around in the woods at night? Biggest plot hole in my opinion...

So where does this leave me? I still think Jason is a complete oaf, that offers up no real entertainment value. I'm sorry but there's not a whole lot of suspense in someone walking around and always just dispatching people so easily. I like a mindless slasher now and again but F13 just feels SO mindless sometimes. Again, I mostly blame Jason because that guy in the wheelchair was just the right amount of spice I needed.

I will say however that the ending scare was pretty good. I mean it got me a little bit even though I had watched that particular scene before. I can't help it if I was so perplexed by Muffin's arrival and that there was another dog with a ribbon in its hair somewhere out there--that I didn't notice the "Jason is going to jump up somewhere" music. He really is a nasty beasty huh? Why did he remove his sack? And is it just me or are these two completely different masks? One has more hair than the other...

OH and I just remembered something. People are constantly talking about how Jason is more powerful than Michael Myers because he seems more "inhuman" but what exactly about Jason sets him apart from Michael? I think people have a misconception that Jason did drown in that lake--when that may not be the case at all. I was under the impression that because they never found his body, Jason somehow was OK, and has lived in the woods his whole life. Only taking action against teenagers once he saw his mother's head get sliced off. That being said--there is NOTHING that sets Michael and Jason apart except the fact that Michael is probably better looking and has probably showered more who knows. So try that on for size Jason defenders. They both have gotten "killed" and then actually lived. They are mostly just vehicles for mediocre slasher movies to keep pumping out sequels. Call it inhuman if you want but I'll call it laziness.

And for anyone that thinks getting a machete stuck into your arm is a big deal, obviously you haven't lived properly.