Housebound: Awesome Subtitle is Too Spoilery

I'm having a really hard time coming up with a witty subtitle for this review. Everything I want to say that is perfect is also probably a major spoiler. So I think the best way to solve this is if everyone who hasn't seen this yet, go and watch it right now then come back.

I'll wait..............................

OK.

Good. Here are my awesome subtitles.

1. Is that you Ronald?

2. Bad Eugene.

3. I always feel like...somebody's watchin me.


Ugh now I feel like that was a lot of eager anticipation that probably made you underwhelmed. Sorry. The point is though. Housebound is awesome. So awesome that when I was finished watching it, I immediately ran to the rooftops and shouted it for all hear. The best part is--I had NO idea what I was getting into when I started watching it. I thought yeah OK ghosts....whatever maybe funny we'll see we'll see. But man. MAN!

The plot focuses on Kylie who after a botched ATM robbery is sentenced to house arrest at her childhood home with her mother. Here she understands that her mother's insistence on a ghost being in the house may not be far from the truth after all. And really what do you expect if you keep things like this in the basement?

The first thing you need to know about Housebound is that it is funny. It is very funny. But not in that hahaha jokes kind of way--more in that subtle John Landis kind of way where things just are funny. Don't be put off by the at times weird music cues. Sure, they are a little jarring and maybe not totally needed but overall I can wave those off because the actual humor is so good. There's a really good peeing scene for instance that had me realize just how few female peeing scenes there are and how we probably need more of them. Not in like a gross creepy way but why don't women ever get to pee on screen for comedic effect? Yes, this will be the leading lecture in my series entitled: Bathroom Humor. Where did you go?

There are also a good deal of jump scares which actually did make me a bit angry in the beginning. After I peed my pants twice in a row I figured the whole movie would be this unfair 'aha gotcha!' moment but again--after a while that all seems to just float away because you are enjoying yourself. And dare I say it, that after awhile the jump scares were kind of fun? Who am I?!

But really, the best best best thing about this movie are the turns it takes. As you've probably deduced by now (even though you should have all watched this and should know..) Housebound is not just a ghost story. There are levels of awesome. With a lot of movies that undertake this same multi-tier approach to genre. The excitement, or quality often decreases the further away we get from the original genre. The common misstep is when ghost stories devolve into psychological , 'just kidding the ghost was this crazy person who hallucinates things' turns. It makes you angry and for a brief moment I feared Housebound was going down that same route.

But fear not fear not---Housebound knows exactly what it's doing and how to preserve the awesome through every single turn it takes and that my friends is impressive.

I don't want to say much else here because I know that even though I asked you to stop reading and watch the movie first none of you probably did. So therefore now please, please go watch this right away. It's so much fun and it has heart. And.......a cheese grater scene. So please, run don't walk to your Netflix queue and watch this right now. NOW DAMN IT. If anyone would like to talk details on the awesome meet me in the comments section. K bye.

Oculus: Never Underestimate the Power of Conehead Teeth

Whilst on my year or so long (or two year?) hiatus in which I basically just watched Reality TV and ate cake---I missed A LOT of things. I missed a lot of good horror movies and I missed all the elbow rubbing with fellow horror fans being like, "Oculus. Huh!? Huh?! Yeah!!" It made me sad to hear brief snippets about what was great, and why horror was seeing some serious resurgence in the 'good stuff' category of our minds. So now that I'm back (knock on wood) I have a lot of catching up to do. Some things I did watch but never got around to writing about, and some stuff I just plain missed like today's film---Oculus. So let's do this.

Oculus intrigued me for several reasons. For one it was what many called a huge win for horror fans and for the little people of the horror world in the shape of Mike Flanagan who also directed one of my favorite indies--Absentia. Also we're Facebook friends? So yeah. Good stuff. Good stuff. Proud of you Mike. For two---horror fans loved it. For three it stars Karen Gillian aka Amelia Pond which made my head explode. I should also mention that during my year long hiatus I fell down the deep rabbit hole of Doctor Who so this was probably the best thing to happen ever....even though she wasn't Rose Tyler, it still put a gigantic smile on my face. So yes, Oculus had all the good stuff going on.  But did I like it?

Sure! Here is a secret. I turned this off when I had about 25 minutes left to go because I was worried I would not be able to fall asleep. Yup. Look, I'm sorry if Conehead teeth affect me so much OK? Its' not my fault it's like the number 3 scariest thing behind sharks and clowns. More on that later.

Ultimately, Oculus weaves an original story of a mirror that possesses those around it with evil thoughts. The film is told between two time periods switching rapidly between the two which gives the whole film a feeling of unease and uncertainty. Which funnily enough is exactly what those evil mirrors do. And I don't just mean the evil mirror in this movie--I mean in general mirrors are pretty evil. Sometimes they trick you and make you think you look good in that dress but you don't. You don't! ............... so anyways, there's this evil mirror and Kaylie and Tim have reunited to destroy the mirror and avenge their dark family history. There are more details but since I'm sure everyone has seen this by now I think we can skip it.

For the most part--Oculus really griped me. The story is simple enough and not convoluted with mazes of the ridiculousness that tends to handicap many modern horror films today. The gore is present but is overpowered by more legitimate scares. The ending while somewhat predictable and slightly maddening still fit within the entire story well. It wasn't an out of left field, 'Oh just kidding you guys it was actually aliens who are diabetic" kind of ending. (although now that I mention it, I think we could all use more movies about diabetic aliens.) The scares--as previously mentioned, made me pee my pants a little and were well orchestrated. There were a lot of my favorite kind of 'quiet moments' of horror---the scene where Kaylie glances into her father's study and sees a woman massaging his shoulders that is NOT her mother for instance, and the little subtle tricks the mirror plays on the mother were extremely well done. There weren't too many jumps which I appreciated and the CGI was kept to a minimum.

The only thing that really saddened me was that I felt that Karen Gillian had a really hard time covering up her Scottish accent. I'm not sure if it was her lines her what, but she kept getting down into this extremely low octave kind of husky voice that really jarred me. Also even though the gore was kept to a minimum the gore was very upsetting. This is the kind of gore that truly makes you cringe. The pulling off the finger band-aid scene for instance had me slowly dying and the lightbulb vs apple scene made me want to cry.

Sure, maybe another small problem is that the film has a habit of falling back on that--AHA gotcha, trick of the mirror trope, but I think for the most part it balances what is real with what is a mirror illusion fairly well. Also, I sometimes wish we had more of a glimpse of the other mirror ghosts. Sure, Marisol was terrifying and her Conehead-like teeth will probably haunt my dreams until forever, but what about everybody else?!? Give them a chance okay?

Ultimately, Oculus is a pretty solid entry into the horror world. I'm sad I missed the hubbub surrounding it and now I feel like that loser who is like...."Hey guys......how about those Beatles!? Huh? Huh?!" Oh well. We can't all be winners.

The Conjuring: So Close

So apparently the rumors are true---you should NOT put tin foil in the microwave. And also…The Conjuring is pretty terrifying. Oh and also--if you are not Catholic you are in deep shit.

I think I may be the last person on Earth to see The Conjuring. I'm judging this based on the fact that almost everyone I've come into contact with in the past few months has asked me if I've seen this including: people I work with, my mother's cat and a homeless man on the street corner who looks like Snoop Dogg. Why haven't I seen it? Probably because I heard it was scary and because I just don't have a lot of time in between sitting on my butt watching TV shows and working a job to drag myself to a movie. Also because seeing horror movies in the theater doesn't sit well with my bladder. Loud sounds are no good. No good. Good thing I avoided this when it came out in theaters, otherwise I probably would not be here today to tell the tale.

Although The Conjuring is extremely effective I will still naturally find ways to complain about it. I think though after watching it a second-ish time these are somewhat minor but I find that they contain to irk me. So in case you are one of those people who hates movies that everyone else likes--or a terrorist, just hang out a minute and we'll come to the part where I say things that I didn't like.

For the most part, The Conjuring exists in the James Wan canon as something almost 100% great. For those keeping track. Saw and Dead Silence were and continue to be awful. Insidious was almost really great then totally bombed in the latter half. And now The Conjuring is almost like what happens to a Insidious after it goes through a movie workshop and finally takes my advice. It combined the things I tend to like about a James Wan film with things that are improvements I wish he would make. Yes, things still tend to get a little too complicated but ultimately this is top notch stuff.

My main complaint of Insidious was that there wasn't enough 'quiet' horror going on. Horror that is not supplemented by scary faces, loud crescendos and fake outs. The beginning of The Conjuring however is almost like a perfect example of how to do quiet horror right. I found looking back at a few key scenes, that the ones that left me in the most anguish where ones where we didn't necessarily see or understand what was happening. The best example is probably when Christine wakes up in the middle of night and is traumatized by 'someone standing behind the door'. The other sister Nancy wakes up and tells her nothing is there, but the fear in Christine's eyes is so real we are positive that a scary demon face is going to erupt out of the darkness at any moment. But---it doesn't. Christine continues to be terrified while Nancy stands obliviously in front of the supposed person and/or demon.

That is not to say that the scenes where we do get to see something aren't scary. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this scene

 successfully introduced me to the age old problem of really having to pee but not getting up to go to the bathroom in fear that a scary demon witch is waiting in the shower to kill you. That stuff is and will probably always be terrifying. But I think the mix between kind of an invisible demonic force and a sometimes visible demonic force mostly worked for the film. It was a fairly solid balance that forced you to really be on your highest alert.

I also enjoyed the somewhat unique ways that the commonly scary tropes were used. The clapping game for instance--how torturous! And then the evil music box and its shenanigans. And of course my personal favorite (least favorite) fear---people hanging.

The Conjuring also brings back one of my very favorite horror tropes---creaky doors and random appearances of a child's ball.

Which reminds me--someday when I'm lonely and depressed I think I'll compile a list of all the horror movie nods in The Conjuring. I counted quite a few while not really meaning to. Imagine what would happen if I stopped concentrating on how badly I had to pee and started concentrating on the actual movie and what horror movie it was referencing!

Alright enough lovey dubey crap. A few irksome bits that I need to air out.

1. The very beginning of the film and the continued emphasis of the Anabel doll throughout the rest of the film really bothered me.

I think because the doll and the design of the doll brought me back to the annoyance I felt during Dead Silence. I get that it was used as a way to really bring home the idea of a demonic spirit latching itself onto something and 'infesting' someone's life but it really rubbed me the wrong way. I also hated that part where Bathsheba decided to start terrorizing Lorraine and Ed's daughter and was brushing the dolls hair in the chair. I feel like it totally took away from everything happening in the house. AND it brought the stupid Anabel doll back into the picture. WHY does the Anabel doll have to look like it got into some gothic kid's makeup drawer?

WHY can't they just let a regular doll BE creepy? And while we're at it, who would keep a room full of things possessed by demons in their own home? It's called a storage locker Ed.

2.  The last bit of the film--the 'exorcism' felt a little too chaotic and well….bat shit crazy to me. I think things just got a little carried away. I'm still not convinced that Ed has the power to successfully perform an exorcism and that you can actually conquer a really evil demon by reminiscing about a nice day at the beach. I guess this is no one's fault though--because as much as I loved all the build up it had to go somewhere right? And yes, it was nowhere near as kooky as the end of Insidious but still---vomiting blood etc., yikes.

3. I am sad that the other spirits in the house did not get a lot of attention. Bathsheba ruins everything.

4. I really detested the way that film nicely slipped in the little fact that being baptized and believing in God will help your chances against the devil, Not to mention Ed Warren's little quote at the end that reaffirms the point. It suddenly made me feel like Lorraine and Ed Warren were nothing more than crazy bible thumpers.

And then it made me believe in the 'true story' aspect of the film even less than I already did (which is not much).

5. That reminds me. I think I would have liked this even better if the whole 'true story' propaganda wasn't a major part of the marketing or beginning of the film. The true story edge usually works to a film's favor (Paranormal Activity, the Blair Witch Project) if the events that unfold in the movie still are somewhat believable. If The Conjuring relied heavily on the invisible demons and dark forces I think it would have been OK. But here there's like rotting smelly old demon witches leaping off evil dressers, and really fat ladies in the basement crying about shit---it just makes me feel like hmmm…all the events in this were verified by Lorraine Warren huh? Right…………

So then if there wasn't this whole emphasis on this thing really happening I think I would have been even more scared instead of dubious. You know?

Alright I guess that's enough negativity. Like I said The Conjuring is almost 100% effective. The scares were usually legitimate and always creative. Yes, I was continuously scared out of my mind and had to watch at least 30 minutes of 'I Don't Know How She Does It' before I could turn off the TV and go to the bathroom. Yes, I still am finding it difficult to close my eyes and not see Bathsheba getting ready to vomit blood into my mouth. And yes now I think I will start asking random strangers if they've seen this so we can bond over the fact that we may or may not have pooped our pants.

The Awakening: Those Classy Brits

At some point doing my revolt against horror movies on Netflix, I kept seeing 'The Awakening' come up under my recommendations. Since I was in a revolt, naturally I scoffed at it and then complained about how there weren't any good, interesting, or sort of good movies streaming on Netflix that I hadn't seen yet. Of course, I hadn't seen any of these movies yet I still somehow knew they were terrible. But, details...details.

I think The Awakening turned me off because I thought it was some low budget crap ghost story that somehow was based on Kate Chopin's the Awakening. Well, what do you expect when you name it the same thing?! For some reason as I was perusing Netflix last night, I suddenly had a change of heart.

OK well honestly, my change of heart started when I realized this was a British film and that it didn't have the typical 2-star doom rating on Netflix. It was a ghost story yes, but something about it being British, made me perk up. I think because those Brits can make anything classy. Also, Imelda Staunton is in it--and why would Professor Umbridge choose to be in a mediocre horror film? My thoughts
exactly.

As it turns out, I kind of really enjoyed The Awakening. It was spooky in all the right places, quiet in all the right places---and it never let the ghost story cliches take the reigns. Instead, it plays on the quiet and the naturally scary aspects about a good, solid ghost story. Also it's British so everybody wins.

Taking place in England 1921, The Awakening follows Florence Cathcart, a strong-willed woman who is essentially a paranormal investigator. However, in her case... it's more about disproving the paranormal. When she is called to an old boarding school to investigate a disturbance plaguing the school for years, Florence is ready to unmask the human perpetrator. However as time goes on, Florence slowly starts to realize that the disturbance may not be human at all.

Now that plot summary may sound as cliche as you can get, but The Awakening is so much more than that. There's this whole other level of course that I'm not going to go into because I don't want to ruin it. Yes, there is a plot twist but it's not something that completely ruins or negates the entire film. On the contrary, the twist that evolves makes your head spin with intrigue. It makes you question everything you just saw BUT in a good way. It makes you want to re-watch it instantly and reabsorb everything.

Not only that--but at the heart of the Awakening is a tragically sad and beautiful tale. It really is. There's just something so profoundly sad when all is said and done and I really enjoyed that. So often, ghost stories are solely about scaring the pants off of us. Seldom do they carry within them some tiny kernel about our inner feelings and our inability to accept death and change. And by this I mean ghost stories in the present. There are a handful of ghost stories from the past that do this well (ahem the Changeling, which is echoed nicely in one scene here!).

Similarly, the scares in the Awakening are good. Yes, at some point they do tend to cross over into jump scare land (and I could definitely do without the occasional screaming ghost face scare), but it wasn't those scares that made the film scary. It wasn't all about that. The best scares are the quiet ones. The ones that aren't accompanied by some jolt of music or some scary face. There are several of these quiet scares throughout, and it's this more than anything that truly makes me appreciate it.

The ending is also one of those ambiguous, choose your own ending type deals which apparently drive a lot of people nuts. I say, get over it. It makes for great conversation, and thinking--plus if there was a clear cut ending people would probably have a problem with it. So this way--you can end it how you want. Problem solved!

Ultimately, this is a ghost story for someone who enjoys thinking, who prefers the simplicity of an eerie ghost story, and who likes to feel emotionally invested in the story and the characters. Sure, you may see aspects of the twist coming, but I think The Awakening has many, many more layers than you would initially imagine. And I don't think anyone actually sees that coming---which makes it all the more impressive.

The Innkeepers: The Return of the Slow Burn

Well don't worry I'm still alive. Instead of laziness however this time I'll cry THE X-FILES and the outrageous truth that I joined a gym last week. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes---there is now a Fox Mulder poster in my bedroom. But seriously, the gym? There is a small part of me that feels like I may just be a pod person. Of course being a pod person wouldn't be so bad if we all had hair like Donald Sutherland, but who can really be that lucky?

Anyways. I'm not watching as many horror movies because I've been too busy watching trashy TV while doing the elliptical. Then when I come home I watch the X-files, go to sleep and have crazy ass dreams. I blame the duel combination of exercise and trashy TV. Or is the triple combination of exercise, trashy TV and the X-files? While we're on the subject---STOP KEEPING SCULLY AND MULDER APART THEY'RE A TEAM DAMN IT.

Today I finally pried myself away from watching the X-files and pretending to be healthy, and enjoyed the spoils of a horror movie that I had been craving to see for a while. The Innkeepers is another film made by The House of the Devil's Ti West---the penultimate king of the slow burner (second only to maybe Roman Polanski....MAYBE). Needless to say, I was more than anxious to see Ti's latest installment of terror.

Ghost stories if you are not aware, happen to be my favorite kind of horror movie. Owed mostly to the fact that I'm insanely terrified of the concept of ghosts and suspicious noises that happen in the nighttime. The Innkeepers follows the sad last days of the Yankee Pedlar Inn, a historical inn going out of business due to the fact that no one wants to stay there (I blame the towels, they look pretty musty).

Claire and Luke are both Pedlar employees who are on a mission to record any sign of paranormal activity they can before the inn shuts down once and for all.

There's part of me that feels like I would have not liked this as much if I had not been familiar with The House of the Devil. Technically in some ways I didn't love The Innkeepers but I did appreciate it when all was said and done. The best part about Ti West is that he is great at flipping conventions and predictability on their heads. He has this whole thing about not falling prey to cliches or what is to be expected, and he does it artfully. I'm not just talking out of my butt, there is some great, great stuff going on in this.

Most noticeably, the subdued color palette that almost amplifies the sad state of the inn, and my favorite part, the lurking camera work.

Ti seems to borrow this technique from The Shining and it works so fantastically. If you notice while watching, the camera at many times seems to be a character all on its own. It seeks out and finds the characters rather than the other way around. It works because it suggests this watchfulness that the inn or the ghost appears to have. It is this kind of thing that makes appreciate a solid ghost film.

Many I think will not like The Innkeepers because it's almost too slow. Yes that's Ti's style but here I felt like it could have used a bit of oomph. There are technically no real scares for a long time---I want to say maybe like an hour? The thing about that is, that although there is no actual scare, that doesn't mean that tension and feelings of being scared are absent. On the contrary, another thing that Ti West is great at is building up tension that never seems to go anywhere.

Some might call this a great fault of the film but I like to think of it as kind of genius. Built up tension that never releases causes even higher levels of unease. This means that The Innkeepers should scare you without actually scaring you, if you catch my drift. And we're not necessarily talking fake outs here---I mean more of the sense that our characters could be walking around in the dark with a flashlight and our hearts could be pounding BUT no ghostly figure ever pops up out of nowhere and screams. It's all about keeping you on your toes, and it does that well.

Sure, there are some pop ups and excuse me for being brutally honest when I say they are pretty fucking scary. That ghost under the sheet? Not cool! But all in all, the tension is kept at a nice high level of unease. The other great thing about The Innkeepers is that our two main characters are hilarious and a pleasure to spend an hour and 40 minutes with.

They feel real and more importantly they act like real people. Probably my favorite part that proves this is when Claire is trying to haul the big trash bag into the dumpster. Man. If that isn't me on a Sunday morning after cleaning the cat boxes than I don't know what is. Whoops, I let my cat lady show again.

Point is. The Innkeepers is a great film. Sure it's slow and nothing really scary happens for a long, long time but that doesn't mean things aren't happening. Plus, the ending scene or two is pretty outrageously awesome if you ask me.

Very.....The Sentinel and not just because it utilizes naked old men wandering around to its advantage. While there are many that find the ending less than thrilling and maybe even disappointing---I think it's admirable because it's not some stupid twist ending of flashbacks and soft core porn. It's bleak, and it's confusing but it works. It works especially when you go back and think about everything the actress said about there being 3 ghosts and deja vu and all that. Yes, I think that the longer I ruminate, the more I come away liking The Innkeepers. Yes there could have perhaps been more story behind the ghosts and just straight up more ghosts, but isn't that life? We want to be able to say we've had a ghost encounter but usually we just end up walking around with a flashlight and getting scared by an errant bird. Such is life my friends. Such is life.

It's no House of the Devil of course, but it still stands in my mind as the kind of ghost story that can be appreciated by the right people. The ghost stories where less is more and where more realistic scares trump insanely stupid ones.

Grave Encounters: Who Wants to Pee AND Poop Their Pants?

Grave Encounters is one of those very rare movies that isn't particularly fantastic yet somehow, it manages to make you pee and poop your pants at the same time. It's one of those movies you can watch with your friends and scream and cry and burn the roof of your mouth by biting into a piece of pizza that's too hot. Not that I would know or anything...

Oh by the way, Grave Encounters? FUCK YOU. I don't know why these found footage ghost stories really send me off my rocker but man. Why did I choose to watch this on a night when I'm home alone and vulnerable? I wasn't even drinking wine---what the hell was I thinking? Plus, where is my cat? Doesn't she know I NEED her?!

My fascination with paranormal "reality" TV shows began and ended with MTVs FEAR. That show really scared the crap out of me. I'm still not even going to listen if you tell me it was all fake. And it's not like we ever really saw anything concrete in that show that would even remotely suggest that ghosts existed. It was really the reactions of the people and that feeling of pure terror you get when walking down a dark hallway knowing that something just does not feel right. The feeling of being trapped. That's what made that show really fucking terrifying.

Grave Encounters takes the concept of the paranormal reality show and really uses it to its advantage. The characters, especially the main one really nailed that stereotypical douche bag thing that happens with these shows today.

Like, "HI. I'M A TOUGH GUY WHO WEARS BLACK SHIRTS. LET'S FIND GHOSTS. AHH SOMETHING TOUCHED ME. NOPE NOPE, I'M COOL GUYS DON'T WORRY". You can honestly believe this guy and all the phoniness that appears to be happening behind the scenes. That's what makes the actual scare factor of Grave Encounters so good. It really spins that idea of douche head ridiculousness and it almost feels gratifying getting to see those douche bags actually get scared.

The premise is simple--a network guy shows us this final tape of a paranormal investigator show. The plan was to spend the night in an abandoned and supposedly haunted mental hospital but the cast and crew never made it out---yet, we have their footage.

I'll be up front with you and tell you that for the most part Grave Encounters follows the school of in your face terror. That really mean and unfair terror where you're all like, "Huh? What? There's a person over there?" *DEVIL FACE ALL UP IN YOUR FACE* *HIGH PITCH SCREAMS* It's a cheap shot but goddamn does it work. It gives you that instant jolt that so closely resembles a heart attack and it makes you laugh or in my case cry---because you have to get that adrenaline out somehow. See this is why I can't go in haunted houses. When things really jump out at me I freak out and either punch someone really hard or cry. Nobody wins!

Sure, Grave Encounters has its fair share of subtle scares as well. There's a really nice little part early on where the camera man puts the camera down to call his girlfriend. In the background we see the wheelchair slowly........roll a bit and the camera man never even notices. That right there is good stuff because it's dramatic irony and that stuff rocks.

Another unexpected thrill of Grave Encounters is the kind of twist that happens to our characters inside the abandoned mental hospital. I was not aware things would be taken to such a nightmarish, supernatural place. Basically what happens is you find that our characters are having a really difficult time getting out of this place. It does exactly what Blair Witch does in that it traps you as the viewer with them. We too feel pain, anguish and frustration and it creates this insane amount of tension.

Of course I will say that Grave Encounters definitely takes things and runs with it. Yes, it's all still very scary in that FUCK way but it's in that way where someone just keeps playing a mean trick on you. You keep telling them to stop but they don't! And after a while it just gets so ridiculous but you still react every time.

Oh right, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Grave Encounters gets a little too CGI happy at times. Again, it's still effective but it is at least a little bit jarring in that it kind of removes you from that intense, realistic feeling of found footage. Obviously I know that giant weird black hands wouldn't really come through the ceiling and the wall, the question is...do other people know that? I guess not.

Anywho, I will highly recommend you watch Grave Encounters if you are in the mood for peeing and crapping your pants. It's not the kind of scary movie that sticks with you long after the viewing but it's certainly the kind to keep you wildly entertained and on your toes for its total running time.

Also again, fuck you to the scene where someone in a hospital gown runs in the background and then faces the wall and............yeah......fuck that scene man! That was very upsetting and now I'm never going to go in my basement ever again. Guess someone won't be having clean clothes ever again. Oh nuts that someone is me.