Way to Go Moments in Adventures in Babysitting

Adventures in Babysitting rests comfortably in my family's "Best Movies of All Time" canon. Here it sits alongside other such masterpieces as, Baby Boom, Overboard, and, The Chipmunk Adventure. We all have them--movies that you and your family members hold a special connection to. Movies that you know by heart and that you would gladly pick watching over some legit masterpiece any day. No, these are not Oscar winners, or National Film Archive nominees. These are pieces of your SOUL.

Adventures in Babysitting actually happens to be a highly entertaining bit of film if I do say so myself. I still think it can stand up against most dated 'teen' comedies of its day and plus it has Elisabeth Shue AND Vincent D'onofrio plays a surly mechanic with a secret identity of Thor, God of Thunder. Also, he's blonde and skinny--who knew?

While perusing channels the other night, my sister and I came across the highly evocative ending scene. And by evocative I mean it makes you want to grab Sarah by her Thor helmet and yell things. Naturally it was this moment where I realized that I could write an entire post of Way to Go Moments using the entirety of Adventures in Babysitting. Remember 'Way to Go Moments'? I miss those bitches.

Way to Go: Chris' Mom

Who lets their kid borrow the station wagon, when the station wagon doesn't have a spare???? Isn't that the first rule of parenting? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is look:

Rules of Parenting

1. Make sure there is a spare
2. Don't kill them


Thanks to Chris' mother, the kids and Chris are stranded on a busy Chicago highway with a flat tire and no spare.

Granted, how would she have known Chris would take the kids into the city to pick up her friend from the depths of hell/bus station?

 Minor details. Chris' Mom, you should be ashamed of yourself!

Way to Go: Pruitt

While at first, Pruitt does a good deed in picking up Chris and kids. He even has that old kooky charm that only a crazy guy with one hand can have. But then, he goes and ruins everything by getting so mad at his cheating wife that he endangers the lives of everyone, by taking a gun out of his glove box and shooting up the joint. Worst of all---he turns one tiny flat tire into a bullet ridden windshield.

Of course, he sort of makes up for this by saving the kids from mean sleaze creep at the hospital and for paying for the windshield. So OK Pruitt? You cool, you cool.

**** BONUS TRIVIA**** Pruitt is Tom Noonan's brother in real life!

Way to Go: Bad Guys

It's not like these bad guys are running a hole in the wall, chop shop operation. They seem like they have things pretty together. The chop shop runs smoothly. They can supply coffee. They hold regular business meetings. They have working phones. Why then---do these guys think it's a good idea to write down very, very important meeting notes on the centerfold of a Playboy? Somebody get these guys some note pads. Come on!

Also way to go Bad Guys for sending this guy in to do the negotiations with the kids.

No wonder Sarah makes a run for it and goes out the window of a skyscraper. Dude is creepy as fuck.


Way to Go: Sarah

Sarah does a few things that make me shout angrily. First off, she abandons the group, chocolate eclair in MITTENED hand and decides the time is ripe to do a little window shopping on the creepy nighttime streets of Chicago.

Due to this, she gets herself into a spot of trouble.After meeting the bad guys face to face, Sarah's spots her Dad's building and makes a run for it. Hoping to ambush her parents at their swanky soiree, she instead somehow picks a vacant and under construction floor instead. Upon exiting this derelict cavern, Sarah calls out, "Mom? Dad?......" Ummmm yes your parents are definitely on this floor, because why wouldn't they be? This is obviously the happening place to be.

Now, instead of saying 'oops let me try another floor,' Sarah sticks around a little too long and gets caught by one of the bad guys. In such a dire situation, Sarah makes the only logical decision she can think of. SHE GOES OUT THE FRICKIN WINDOW OF A SKYSCRAPER.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she then slides further down and starts ambling her way across windows!!!

I just can't even deal with this decision making. I can't!


Way to Go: Graydon

Apparently Sarah isn't the only one capable of making the worst decisions in the world. Bad guy Graydon who after his brilliant plan of hoisting Sarah up by a rope fails, decides the best way to save her and the Playboy Magazine is by going out the window after her!! You know because you can do so much then--like, pick her up and throw her back up into the window and....OH RIGHT you can't. You can't do anything now either because you're stuck on the outside of a fucking sky scraper.


When will people LEARN?! YOU SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO OUT THE WINDOW OF A SKYSCRAPER!!!

Way To Go Moments: Everyone Who Didn't Listen to Ripley.

Way To Go

Dickheads.

Way to Go Moments makes its joyous return with some people that I've been stewing over for MONTHS, maybe years who knows. Apparently in the future, everyone is a giant idiot (not too difficult to see that coming). No one listens to reason, people don't believe logical things and people still don't really like when a woman tries to take control.

The crew on the Nostromo thinks that just because someone is your friend means that you should let them back on the ship when they have a highly dangerous alien attached to their face. Ellen Ripley was the voice of reason. Sure she had terrible hair, but she was just following quarantine procedures. Imagine if the crew had listened to her--they would be enjoying a wonderful dinner and laughing about typical futuristic things, telling dirty jokes etc. In fact it would be exactly like this

except you know without that whole chestburster ordeal.

Things would be pleasant and less bloody. Not to mention that they could have entirely bypassed that whole alien loose on the ship thing. So way to go crew of the Nostromo for being real dickheads. Life before strife--that's what I always say. Or is it...brains before Kane? I can't remember.

But don't worry because the dickheads don't stop there. 57 years after the Nostromo, Ripley tries to tell the Weyland-Yutani Corporation that the reason she blew up the ship was because there was a fucking alien on it. An alien you say?! What is the meaning of this Ripley? Oh right I forgot, things are so far advanced in the future that we have things like you know...space travel, stasis, cats that can survive on spaceships, entire colonies on different planets, guns that fire weird blue balls of electricity--yes you're right the idea of aliens existing is just too preposterous for me to handle.

Thanks to everyone's disbelief, the alien that doesn't exist turned into hundreds of aliens having a free for all and lots of people dying a painful death. It was nice knowing you, military dickheads. The moral of the story is simple--listen to Ripley. If Ripley tells you to let Kane die, you let Kane die. If Ripley tells you there are aliens--there are fucking aliens. And if Ripley tells you that all robots are assholes....oh wait-- I have to amend the golden rule. Listen to Ripley UNLESS she is being robot racist. Nobody likes a robot racist.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: John Hammond

If Dennis Nedry was the immediate cause of the end of Jurassic Park and also many people's lives--then John Hammond is THE cause. First off let's just get it off of our chests...DON'T BRING DINOSAURS BACK! They were most likely killed by Jesus for a reason, to make room for better and cooler things like Mastodon's

Saber-toothed Tigers

and....humans.

And OK, if you're really dead set on this whole bringing dinos back shindig- at least start off small with the plant eaters! No need to involve the T-rex or Velociraptors just yet my friend. And while we're on the subject- how the HELL did your uber smart scientist's overlook the fact that frogs have been known to spontaneously change gender?? That's kind of a big deal if you know what I mean. Get some better scientists, preferably ones that don't involve B.D. Wong from Law & Order SVU.

Next up, the park is brand new. I am willing to bet those Jurassic Park Ford Explorers had only maybe made one trip around the track. So who do you bring to be the first ever people to experience it? Your grandchildren of course! Thank goodness there are still smart old men like you around John. Excuse me for saying this, but your park seems a little shoddy if Dennis Nedry is capable of shutting the place down with one crummy Cheetos finger. Also, It's not like this island is diaster proof. It's a tropical island, and it's not exactly impervious to storms. So why God, why would you use your grandchildren as test subjects? That's practically as bad as Andre Delambre using the family cat to test his teleportation device!

Remember when you had that special moment with Ellie while you were eating some pie or ice cream or something and you told her about your flea circus? The flea circus inspired you to create the feelings of wonder and awe in your patrons? Well once again you have a major, major, problem with going from point A to point Z. You skipped a few steps there. An intelligent move would perhaps be flea circus, then perhaps oh I don't know...an amusement park? And then maybe MAYBE an amusement park with dinosaurs. But like I said, best to keep dinosaurs extinct. Listen to Jeff Goldblum, realize that you can't cheat nature- and just frickin keep your grandchildren out of it. You're old and you may still be cute (in a Miracle on 34th Street Kris Kringle way) but you are no genius John Hammond. I do enjoy your hat though.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Alison Jones

Way To Go Alison Jones

Alison loses on so many different accounts that it's hard to keep track-the least of which has to do with her brilliant shade of fire crotch/butch hair. We'll start with the obvious. She promised. She promised Hedy that there would be no chance of her getting back together with her dead beat fiance who cheated on her with his ex-wife. You promised Alison!!!!! So how do you think Hedy feels- an emotionally unstable young woman with a traumatic past, who finally finds a replacement for her dead twin sister- only to find that she has to move out after only a few months???? You know, I was watching "Friends" the other night- and the same sort of thing kind of happened where Monica and Chandler decided that they needed to live together in a 3 bedroom apartment so Rachel had to move out. How rude! Get your own fucking place morons- and you too Alison. What is Hedy suppose to do now? Huh huh huh!? Oh I don't know THROW A PUPPY OUT A WINDOW IN ANGER? Yes that's exactly what she does, and it's all Alison's fault.

Honestly, it's not that hard to grow some skin and not take back your scummy, sleazy, fiance who cheats on you and isn't even that dashing or handsome. Grow some balls sister. Sure Hedy started to get a little creepy- but if you had only kept your promise you wouldn't be hanging from the rafters waiting to stick Hedy in the back with a screwdriver- and a puppy wouldn't have died- and your fiance wouldn't also be dead with a stiletto stuck in his brain (although there are no complaints there)

And if you really want to get serious- why on earth would you fall for Hedy as a perfect roommate in the first place? She's a creeper. You took advantage of her yes- but all in all Hedy was weird from the first time you met her- and although she was pretty good at hiding her sociopathic tendencies- I really expected more from your rigorous roommate screening process. For instance- an in depth background check which includes criminal history/ are you insane or have you ever thrown a puppy out a window would have been nice. Gosh Alison- thanks to you, you now have no fiance, no creepy roommate AND no puppy. Sucks to be you.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Micah

If Guy Woodhouse was the worst of the worst in bad husbandry then Micah no last name- is the worst of the worst in boyfriends. I don't think I've ever come across a bigger non-believer/believer in all my life. Ask yourself this question- if you have actual video evidence of an evil demon doing demon things to your suspiciously nice apartment--- why are you still in disbelief??? Micah is just further proof that the world no longer makes sense.

When Micah shows his terrified and equally annoying girlfriend the tapes- he's being completely serious about what is happening. Yet when Katie insists that they get a professional to assess the situation Micah gets all "No way, that shit AIN'T REAL" Oh really? That's weird because last I checked you just saw 100% authentic video footage of doors opening and closing by themselves, and crazy unexplainable noises. Since you have the frickin video camera running all night long- it's pretty easy to see that this ain't no hoax fool- so why are you still being a douche bag?

Any complete moron can tell that negativity = more demon action so why can't Micah grasp this concept? Why do you continue to film things when it makes Katie upset- therefore igniting more verbal disagreements and THEREFORE making the demon's ears perk up. And let's not forget that satanic ouija board you brought in. "Dude....I don't believe in psychics but I totally believe that an Ouija Board will help us solve the mystery of why these crazy things are happening". Because obviously the demon is just sitting around the living room being invisible and reading his invisible newspaper--waiting with baited breath to be summoned by the Oujia board so he can FINALLY tell his side of the story. God. Why didn't I think of that in the first place??! Micah you are a genius!

P.S. Why don't you make your lame girlfriend get a real job that doesn't include bead making? A real job would have distracted her from thinking about demons and everything would have been OK.

Way to go Micah- I don't know which alternate ending you "chose" to believe in but chances are you died. Hooray! Also who keeps a camera running 24/7 and doesn't leave it on while having sex? Loser.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Way to Go Dracula (Monster Squad Edition)

Way to Go Dracula

Surprised are you? Have I really picked one of the most notorious vampires as my target of this way to go moment? Believe it folks- Dracula did some pretty stupid things in the Monster Squad none of which have anything to do with his terrible bat morphing skills

But I won't get into that because who knows if that was really his fault or Sean's Dad's-- regardless- fly a little faster next time so that doesn't happen again thanks.

I will begin with the fact that Dracula chooses some of the worst monsters to join his squad. You have any classic movie monster at your command and you pick a Mummy??? What purpose of evil does he serve? He walks slow, he's comprised of dust and bandages- and as our friends in the Monster Squad show us- all you have to do is unwrap him and he's done for. Plus when the other monsters were out getting shit done, what is the Mummy doing?

Yup. Hiding out in a kid's closet. Nice teammate choice Count.

Now you have the others- Wolfman- he's probably the best man for the job, The female vampires? Tantilizing scary and there are three of them- another good choice. But Frankenstein's monster? What part of the movie Frankenstein did you not understand Dracula? Frankenstein actually has a heart- and if he actually has a heart he's not going to help you get anything. He's going to become friends with some kids and have some fun- unlike you and your loser monsters. And also this choice leads to your demise so yeah. Poor form.

The only redeeming factor in things that involve Frankenstein is that Dracula was smart enough to pack his own spark plugs in his scepter- always prepared.

The 3rd thing wrong with Monster Squad Dracula, is that he has the worst strategy in the world. Some wimpy kid has the sacred diary that you need in order to bring evil to the world and what do you do?

Call him? Really? You're frickin Dracula- you are the servant of the devil- I think you can come up with something a little better than calling your victim and leaving a message. Hah I never noticed that his Mom thought he said "Van Halen" instead of Van Helsing... classic. Anyways- Way to go Dracula- you know who's more macho than you? Horace. That's right Fat Kid.

Be ashamed.

Way to Go Moments: Max Dennison

Way To Go Max Dennison

The seasons come and go and every single year that I get older I always have one thought pushing away at my annoyance button. Why on earth did you have to light the black flame candle Max? I get that you're the new kid in town and everything- and you want to impress the hottest girl in town- but why oh why did you have to go and bring the Sanderson sister's back to life? Oooh look out, the new kid in town is sarcastic and doesn't believe in creepy witch legends! Where can I sign up to get me a piece of that? Yeah I'm sure that's exactly what Allison was thinking- because let's not forget she totally dissed you by giving you your number back.

It's not like there weren't any clues that might defer Max from lighting the candle or even believing that something could happen. As far as I know, no supposed witch house in Salem carried a book bound in human skin- so that should have been his first clue. Also it's frickin Halloween, you have your little sister in tow, and you just told and proved that you're a virgin. You may as well just give up on life and become a cat like Thackery Binx. Except oh wait- Thackery Binx is intelligent, speaks in an "olden days" accent (if that even exists) and is cool without trying. So way to go Max Dennison- you've been officially owned by a talking cat.

Way To Go Moments in Horror History: Rachel

Way to Go Rachel

It's common knowledge that if you are in possession of a video tape that kills anyone who watches it in 7 days you should NOT leave it hanging around the house. Would you leave a loaded gun out in the open for your perfectly capable and smart son to find? Probably not. Heck,that kid is kind of old- I wouldn't even suggest leaving porn lying around the house. Not only does she leave the video hanging around she also decides to show it to her ex in hopes he can help. Bad move. STOP SHOWING PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT THE VIDEO TAPE!

To make matters worse- by viewing the tape, Rachel causes a horse to commit suicide on a boat. God! And possibly even worse than that- Rachel is stupid enough to believe that finding Samara's body is enough to put her at ease and stop the curse. Jesus Christ Rachel, even your oddly smart and weird son was wise enough to know that by doing that it will just makes things worse. So once again, Rachel is responsible for the death of a loved one- and then walks away casually before Noah's girlfriend enters the apartment.

Now granted, if she hadn't shown Noah the tape, Rachel may not have survived in the first place...but regardless she is an idiot. She still left the tape hanging around AND she killed a horse, plus she has no last name. 3 Strikes babe.

Way to Go Moments In Horror History: Paul Sheldon

Way to Go Paul Sheldon

I feel really bad for Paul, I do. He wakes up in what he thinks is a safe and cozy home- when in actuality he is being held captive by a crazy obsessed fan who kind of looks like Kathy Bates. He gets his ankles broken so he cannot escape, is forced to burn his newest novel AND he has to pretend to like Annie Wilkes. Unfortunately, my sadness for Paul can only go so long before I realize that this whole thing was really all his fault.

Let's look at the facts. Paul Sheldon may be the only human being on the planet who HAS to drive to Colorado to get his writing done. Whoever thinks it's awesome to drive from New York to Colorado and back may be more of a nutter than Annie Wilkes. Paul's stupidity reaches even further than that however as he also decides that the best time to drive back to New York is when there is a blizzard. A blizzard in Colorado. Real smooth move. Due to this tragic error Paul almost dies and is then rescued by the mountain woman Annie. A real beast of a lady.

To put the icing on the cake- when Paul finally discovers a way to get out of his room- he explores the house, touches a figurine penguin and puts it back on the table facing the wrong way. For real? This lady has a pet pig, claims to base her entire life around a really lame romance novel, and is just an all around psychopath- I think she's going to notice if something seems out of whack! This ruins any future chance Paul has of escaping and even worse, makes it so Annie will never trust him to be alone. Way to go Paul. How hard would it have been to take a frickin plane you jackass. I hope your legs feel better soon.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Way to Go Chris Hargensen

Way to Go Chris Hargensen

Chris Hargensen has one of those faces that you hate. It's scrunchy and stupid and just plain obnoxious. For starters- she's a bitch. It pretty much goes without saying that she is the leader of all Anti Carrie White groups that have taken over the school. I would also fathom a guess that she snuck into school one night and spray painted "Carrie White Eat Shit" on the walls. It pretty much goes without saying that she was a hop skip and jump away from joining the Ku Klux Klan. So what if Carrie White is quiet and a little weird? YOUR best friend is a dumb ass who always wears a red baseball cap. Real cool Chris.

Chris is such an obnoxious bitch that she refuses to be punished for being a complete asshole to Carrie therefore forfeiting her prom ticket and inadvertently causing the death of everyone at the prom. Think of it this way; if Chris had just sucked it up- Carrie would have had the happiest night of her life and probably would have summoned the courage to finally get rid of her psycho mother. But no no- she has to hold a grudge and perform the evilest most vile form of payback known to man. I'm not sure where Chris grew up- but unless she grew up in the devil's anus- payback should never include dousing a girl with a bucket full of pig's blood during her prom queen crowning. Real funny joke Chris.

Due to this "prank" Carrie goes nuts and uses her weirdo powers to kill everyone. Once again this little tragedy could have been avoided if Chris had just done a few more sit ups. Way to go Chris. Everyone is dead and it's all your fault. Now the only kids left in town are the loser's with no dates and that curly haired sort-of nice girl. GREAT!

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Wendy Torrance

Way to Go Wendy Torrance

There is no easy or polite way of saying this, so I guess I'll just man up and say it. Wendy Torrance- is ugly. Between her constant annoying questions, terrible fashion sense and overall ugly face I am just not sure why Jack Torrance even married her in the first place. What did those two ever have in common? After sitting through The Shining, it becomes very apparent why Danny developed that little habit of talking to his "friend" Tony. I too would invent an imaginary friend that lived in my mouth and talked through my finger if my mother was Wendy Torrance. Does Danny even like being called Doc? Maybe you should ask him.

It has always been my personal belief that Jack Torrance would have been just dandy- had Wendy not been there. She's always pestering him- holding useless and awkward conversations about nothing and worst of all- interupting Jack's very important quiet writing time. She's as useless as a sack of poo- although even a sack a poo has fetilizing capabilities so even that one ups her.


Wendy really did her part to make sure her family fell apart during these hard times. This includes blaming Jack for beating and strangling Danny when it was quite obviously the rotting old naked lady in the bath tub. Don't you know anything Wendy? Jack would never hurt his own kid- (except for that one time when he pulled Danny's arm out of his socket...whoops!) Who can really blame Jack for wanting to chop Wendy up into a million pieces? All I need is one look at that face and I'm off to go kill a baby. Way to go Wendy- your face has ruined everyone's hope for a happy life.

Way To Go Moments in Horror History: Guy Woodhouse

Way to Go Guy Woodhouse

Guy Woodhouse is the ultimate low in bad husbandry. He's smug and smarmy, plus he's a bad actor. He's such a bad actor that he has to make a pact with the DEVIL to let him impregnant his wife- so that he can get a real acting job. Here we have the ultimate definition of someone who puts their work before their family. And what a sad sorry excuse he is for a man.

Say Guy, here's a swell idea!- find a new career you asshole. If you can't get an acting job take a crappy job at the bank, grocery store or somewhere that doesn't require you to bond with the weirdo next door neighbors who happen to be devil worshippers. Heck- ask Rosemary if she'll get a job! Whatever you do- don't tell the devil he can rape your wife. It's pretty rude and you didn't even ask Rosemary if it was OK.

Not only have you ruined the life of your wife- who does your laundry in a very scary basement- but you've also allowed the ultimate evil power to re-enter the world- and after Father Karras so nicely sacrificed his life to keep evil demons at bay too. Way to go Guy. Your son is going to have some serious Daddy issues.

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Larry Vaughn Mayor of Amity

Way to Go Larry Vaughn

It's very possible that Larry Vaughn is the worst mayor in world. Sure we all love to make money. But unless you are the Devil, then you should never put money ahead of the life of beach goers and a cute dog named Pippin. If a dead body ripped to shreds washes up on the shore- chances are there's something bad in the water. A boating accident?! Are you insane? Don't be so rude to Chief Brody who made his OWN money to make his OWN signs to close the beach and tell him that he's being dumb.

Yeah? Chief Brody was overreacting Larry? Oh that's weird because it's not long before Jaws comes and swallows up poor Alex on his raft, the insanely cute black Lab named Pippin who left his stick behind, and a head pops up in a sunken boat. Not to mention Chief Brody's son almost gets eaten. Overreacting eh?

Way to go Larry Vaughn. You could have saved a lot of lives if you had only closed the beach. And the best part is- now no one will ever come to Amity...you lose!!

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Norwegian Scientist With Bad Aim

Way To Go Norwegian Scientist With Bad Aim

The first time I watched The Thing I thought the dog was a goner at least 30 times. Being the animal lover that I am I was at first relieved but then I realized it was probably best that the dog bit the big one. Thanks to that dumb Norwegian though, the dog escapes and The Thing takes over the entire US research station. I know you're a scientist but come on, at least try to get a decent shot out. It's not like the dog had super alien speed or anything he was running across snow for gods sake. They should have flew down in the heliocopter jumped on top of the dog tackled it and then shot it. Ok I guess that's a little extreme but honestly have you ever seen a worse shot? Even Harry Dunne from Dumb and Dumber is a better shot than this guy. 

So anyways thanks to this Norwegian, The Thing runs amok, enters the camp and pretty much wipes out everyone in the camp, PLUS the normal dogs. It's also no surprise that the Norwegians are the ones who dug up and defrosted the thing in the first place! Let's just leave alien life forms alone from now on please? You could blame Garry I guess, but he was just trying to protect the life of what looked like a sweet innocent dog. Well that and the Norwegian kind of shot Bennings in the leg by accident- once again worst shot ever! A serious way to go on this one Norwegian guy with bad aim. Next time just shoot yourself... if you can. 

Way to Go Moments in Horror History: Louis Creed

Way to Go Louis Creed

I'm not sure what planet Louis Creed is suppose to be from- or more importantly- how he ever became a doctor- but when a kooky old man tells you NOT to bury your dead son in an indian burial ground you should probably listen. Not to mention a dead guy with a pretty nasty head wound is also constantly warning you not to do things. Now it's not like Louis didn't know what the burial ground would do. He did bury his daughters dead cat after all-because it's obviously wiser to give your daughter a rotting and mean zombie cat instead of telling her that it died. Honestly after seeing that zombie cat in action why would you ever consider burying your son in there?!!

So numb nuts over there decides to not tell his wife that he plans to bring back Gage from the dead and what happens? Oh right Gage Creed becomes an evil devil child who kills nice old men and his mother. Way to go Louis Creed. You really think with your head. Let's not stop there though. Let's bury your wife too! I just have one burning question Louis...was your wife a better kisser before or after she died? 

Way To Go Moments in Horror History; Glen Lantz

Way To Go Glen Lantz

All Glen Lantz had to do in A Nightmare on Elm Street was stay awake. Nancy could do it for  nights on end, but the second Glen is given any important responsibility like say, staying awake- he just had to cozy up in bed with his headphones on, watch some TV and fall asleep. It's just too damn bad he didn't take to heart all those crazy things Nancy was telling him. Unfortunately for him those crazy things were true. Although he is the only person in the world to know what it feels like to get sucked into your mattress and turned to liquid by an immortal child rapist, so I guess that's worth something. 

Glen Lantz easily could have surpassed that whole blood geyser thing if he had only listened to Nancy. Also let's not forget that Glen also fell asleep when he was suppose to keep an eye on Nancy and wake her up if she was struggling. No thanks to Glen, Nancy almost got skewered by the Fredd-meister. I mean how hard is it to pull a Jessie Spano, buck up on the caffeine pills and stay awake?

Way to go Glen Lantz. I hope your parents had a fun time removing all those blood stains. 

Way to Go Moments in Horror History

Way to Go Dennis Nedry

Dennis Nedry pretty much stands for everything that is wrong with this world. He's lazy, he's fat, he's ugly and he probably has Cheeto fingers. 

....Yuck. Anywho, thanks to Dennis, and his desire to make a buck, things go from bad to worse at good ol' Jurassic Park. He shuts down the main power so he can break into the embryo storage and steal some dinos. This in turn allows for Mrs. T-rex to get out of her pen and reek some serious havoc on the annoying children. Even though I had hate that little girl with a passion, no one really deserves the hell they went through in that Jurassic Park....except maybe for Dennis Nedry. 

Anyways, Dennis then tries to make a hasty escape hits the sign that points to the dock- and then put's it facing the wrong way! Genius move Newman really. So then he crashes his jeep and finds the scary ink spitting dinosaur and meets his demise. The last we see is the can of embroys being washed away....so basically Dennis Nedry caused all this chaos for NOTHING. Way to go Dennis

Then of course no one can get into his computer because they don't have the password. And he's got candy bar and junk food wrappers everywhere and it's just not a good environment for anyone. He single-handly is responsible for pretty much everything that went wrong. He even killed dinosaur embryos...what an asshole. Try putting a little dignity on next time Dennis.

Way to Go Moments In Horror History

Way to Go Karen Barclay

I know Andy is a ridiculously cute kid and all. I mean he did make you breakfast in bed albeit burnt toast with 5 pounds of butter- but he's really not cute enough to get exactly what he wants. Just because he wants a creepy Good Guy's doll for his birthday doesn't mean he should get one! Let the kid learn about the importance of money- heck, give him a piggy bank so he can buy it himself. All I'm saying is, he should have been happy with his Good Guy's tool set and gone on with his life.

But no no- let's buy a Good Guy's doll from the DIRTIEST homeless man I have ever seen, or else Andy will cry and make that cute little pouty face! Forget  germs that doll probably has HEPATITIS B. And to add insult to injury- you Karen, bought your son the only Good Guy's doll possessed by a serial killer! That takes some serious talent. Way to go Karen. Andy will never be able to look at a Good Guy's doll the same ever again. 

Way to Go Moments in Horror History

Way to Go Steve Freeling

Paging Mr. Freeling...when dead bodies are buried under your house- it might take a little more than a fat little psychic to make the bad things go away. It's also strange how just getting Carol Anne back suddenly means the house is "clean". So the big question is how could Steve Freeling, after seeing a tree try to eat his son, a massive gross beast thing come out of the closet, and his daughter and wife covered in pieces of grotesque other dimension jelly allow for his family to wait for him in that crazy house?!

Apparently this was because he was too busy doing things at the office with his dumb boss who builds houses over graveyards. Fuck that. Get out of the house and get out of there now.

Thanks to his crazy decision- the house tries once again to suck Carol Anne back into it's core and steal her life force. Poor Carol Anne and Robbie just trying to live their lives when their closet turns into a pulsating fleshy intestinal track. And then Diane has to endure electric shocks, ghost rape, and a bath of mud and skeletons just to save them. Way to go Steve Freeling. Seeing coffins sprout out of the ground and skeletons flying at the car must really have scarred your family for life. Thank god the dog made it out alive or you'd be in even bigger trouble.

Way To Go Moments in Horror History

Way to Go Sheriff Mooney

Let's pretend for a minute that everyone feels the same way as I do about Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Meaning it's the best cult horror movie in the world and still haunts each and every one of my dreams. Which doesn't mean by the way that's it's not still wildly hilarious.

Sheriff Mooney is all kinds of mean. He's one of those cops that likes to talk dirty. And it's especially surprising because it's not like this an episode of the Shield or something it's a quiet little peaceful town, where the biggest disturbance is a couple of nerds who say provocative things over an ice cream truck speaker. His meanness also probably stems from the fact that he's stuck playing his dean character in Animal House but I won't get into that.

Anyways- Sheriff Mooney HATES rabble rousers, hooligans, and rapscallions to say the least- oh and college kids surprise surprise. He thinks the whole world is a mess and that everyone needs to be locked up in his mini jail. So when the Killer Klowns come to town he obviously thinks that it's a joke. At first just our main characters come to complain about the Klowns. But soon- the entire town starts calling in on the phone lines. Mooney thinks it's just another big prank. Yes...a prank cleverly orchestrated by the ENTIRE TOWN. What's that you say Sheriff Mooney? You want to unplug the phones so no one can call and report any kind of emergency? Brilliant! It's no surprise then that pretty much the whole town gets taken over and turned into giant balls of cotton candy. Way to go Sheriff Mooney. We could have really used those extra policemen from Marlboro, especially since this town only has 2 cops. I guess he deserves to be turned into a human ventriloquist puppet after all.