Silver Bullet: I Love You, The Peace Maker

You know what I love about werewolf movies? They are essentially just whodunit murder mysteries with more blood and psychological undertones. And I love that. I also love saying whodunit because it's one word and it looks totally made up as a real word but it IS a real word.

I believe it has been.....a very long time since I've watched a werewolf movie. And I don't know why because every time I sit down and watch one after a hiatus of not watching them--I say to myself: "Why don't I watch more werewolf movies?" Why indeed.

I remember watching Silver Bullet a very long time ago. My Dad had been watching it on TV and was enthralled by the fact that the kid's wheelchair was motorized. So was I come to think of it. That thing is badass.

I remember the ending chase scene and dual feeling of excitement and terror. The same two feelings I get when running on the treadmill past 4.0 MPH.

Taking place in a small town probably in Maine, Silver Bullet also reminds me how much I love small town horror movies. Small towns are breeding grounds for the best characters you will ever find in a movie. Here are your crazy Ralph's, your old Church ladies, your racist and politically confused neighbors. Small towns rock. Plus they make us feel compassionate for just about everyone (minus the racist and politically confused neighbor) who dies---which is quite a feat for a horror movie when you think about it.

To put it simply, Silver Bullet is one of the best werewolf movies out there for several reasons. It'll charm the pants off you (I'm pretty sure it's the only horror movie to make me cry at the end). The artistic splaying of dead bodies is something to gawk at.

And the werewolf is one of the craftiest motherfuckers I've ever had the pleasure of watching. I know we're in an age now where we can't expect to be surprised by the modern developments of seemingly classic movie monsters, but seeing that werewolf climb up a terrace or beat someone up with the Peace Maker is kind of the best thing that ever happened to me.

Which reminds me. The Peace Maker (captial P, son!) is my new favorite thing. I'm totally going to carry that around from now on and break up fights with it. Of course one very important thing to remember about the Peacemaker.... good for breaking up fights in bars.

Not so good for killing werewolves.

BUT, good for werewolves to kill people with.

While I'm at it. Does anyone else feel funny when they see John Locke with hair?

Perhaps not as funny as you would feel when seeing "Father" from People Under the Stairs playing a different kind of Father.

 Especially since the last time I saw him, he was wearing this.

Of course neither of those things even come close to the kind of funny you feel when you realize that Gary Busey is your Uncle.

Sorry, I'm all amped up and excited about werewolves which as we all know creates a feeling of total inhibition within me causing me to just blog my thoughts as they are directly pouring into my head. I better go now before I say something I regret.


PS: Rest in peace....the Peace Maker.

The world is a cruel, cruel place.

IT: Float On

I really hate clowns. And I hate the person who invented clowns. Clowns happen to be the worst, just the worst. Well maybe not THE worst. I think the worst thing in the world is old people breath. Am I right?

Here's the thing about IT. I've never seen the whole thing before. It's like my brain gets sucked into the beginning and all of its Pennywise glory but then because it's too long, my mind wanders off in search of something more useful that I can do with my time. Like, eat, sleep or file my nails. In fact, I've seen the same hour and a half of IT about 20 times and still until quite recently, never knew how it ended. I never knew that the giant spider people talked about was real. I never knew the outcome of everything. And most importantly, I never knew how many different ways Pennywise could scare the shit out of me.

As far as clowns go, Pennywise is probably the scariest. I still refuse to believe that Tim Curry is hiding inside there. I will believe until my dying day that that is a real clown-monster with an appetite for ripping children's arms out of their sockets. It just seems like the practical thing to do. One of my most memorable moments of being scared out of my wits was watching that scene where Pennywise comes to life in that old photograph. It was an unexplainable moment of total fear that only worsened once Harry Potter came out and reinvigorated the moving photographs phenomena. Why is Pennywise so scary? Do I really need to ask that? Clowns are scary period. But a clown with razor sharp teeth and a creepy unidentifiable accent? FUCK THAT.

IT focuses on a group of kids known as the Losers Club. This is quite fitting as you will see, although in my opinion the real scope of their loser tendencies does not flourish until they reach adulthood, but more on that later. The Losers Club all have one thing in common. They have all encountered the terrifying monster Pennywise the Clown. An evil clown that embodies whatever it is that the children fear the most. IT follows the group through their childhood, where they temporarily banish the beast away, to their adulthood when they find that the monster is back. Thanks to a pact they made as child, the Losers Club must form again and destroy IT for good.

I have this problem with TV miniseries based on Stephen King novels. My problem is that they kind of annoy me. Yes, a lot of Stephen King's novels tend to be HUGE long novels, epics even. But in my opinion, when these huge novels are adapted into miniseries---they tend to fall flat. Why? Because, people feel that EVERYTHING needs to be included. This is a problem for me. Both IT and Salem's Lot suffer the misfortune of having some truly memorable and brilliant scenes, lost amongst 2 and a half more hours of boringness. The difference between a movie and miniseries is that the events in the movie have to be contained in that hour and a half (sometimes 2 hour) running time. With a miniseries, there is so much extra, so many unnecessary plot details that the whole thing becomes bogged down. Of course, the idea of the miniseries is that it is spread out in increments which I'm sure would have solved this problem. But miniseries on DVDs do nothing t0 help this.

What I'm getting at here is that IT has its moments. And these are amazing moments of pure fear and thrills. These moments however to me are all I really cared about. Once again, like how I felt after Salem's Lot, I feel that IT could actually benefit from a remake that does some major editing. Don't get all mad at me, it won't accomplish anything. IT is good, but it's not great. Some of the acting and a lot of the writing is not great. Plus, Bill Denbrough's ponytail and large mole really do nothing to help the situation at all.

I would also like to state for the record that IT makes as much sense as Phantasm and its sequels. There is so much glossed over in this, which is surprising seeing as how it's 3 and a half hours long. You would think that somewhere in there they could explain a little more about IT. I also wish that that thing about the adults somehow being in on everything really came to fruition. How awesome would it be, if IT acted as a Hot Fuzz type of plot, where the adults in the community were somehow the real cause of it all? Or SOMETHING awesome like that. We'll keep it in mind for the remake. I have a strong feeling that a remake of IT will act like The Shining. Keeping the important, the atmosphere of the novel but adjusting it to actually work as a film. I feel like one of the main reasons Stephen King adaptions ultimately fail is because people expect the novel. STOP DOING THAT! I'm guilty of it too at times, but when it comes down to it---you need to separate the book from the film.

Now, back to the Losers Club. Wow, what a bunch of losers huh? I mean as adults of course. I think if possible, they were actually way cooler as kids but what do I know? I used to wear high heeled jelly shoes. This band of adults though....really embarrassing. And again, I think it's mostly the writing but that little montage of Bill and Mike on the bike....embarrassing!

I would also like to add how irksome Pennywise is as something to be scared of. He's everywhere and he's always popping up whenever you least want him to. Not that there would ever be a good time to pop up but you know. And those balloons. I've never come across a film that instilled so much fear in its viewers by using balloons.

IT has done it though.

Overall, IT has its moments and I wish that all those moments could somehow be pooled together in one movie without it being 4 hours long. There's so many great scenes. The sewer scene with poor little Georgie, the old woman scene (which I had never seen before!),

the bursting blood bubble in the bathroom sink,

the moving photograph, the part where Ben makes out with Pennywise! I mean, there are A LOT of scary moments in IT, and tons of moments that have probably stuck with people for their whole lives. So when all is said and done, I can't knock IT too much can I? Sure, the spider scene is kind of ridiculous, and the ripping out of its vital organs seems a little over the top at best. But come on, Pennywise. PENNYWISE. The scariest clown in the whole world? Nothing can really beat that.

Side note: Did you know in the novel, after the kids escape and wound Pennywise the first time, all the boys take turns sleeping with Beverly? What the shit is that about?

Jerusalem's (Salem's) Lot: Wait... I Thought This Was About Jews in Maine?

Yes that is correct. I have finally finished the uber long made for TV extravaganza that is Salem's Lot. Now you know me and my short attention span to movies that are longer than an hour and 30 minutes, so it was no surprise that I had to watch this in a few installments, with a few dance breaks in between. Once all is said and done, I find myself only getting angry at how many outstanding moments of horror are present that are bogged down by the length and the soap opera like tone of the freeze frames and "scary music".

It made me think how Salem's Lot would be if all the scary moments were kept alive- and possibly made scarier (without extraneous CGI) AND if it were cut down to the good old hour and a half of perfect viewing time. A pipe dream perhaps and even though most of us hate remakes (listen to the latest Vaultcast at the Vault of Horror featuring ME for more info on why you should lighten up on the hatred) I think Salem's Lot deserves some actual movie cred. Before we get into that let's just talk about what I thought, shall we?

Having just finished the book some odd months ago, I was greatly intrigued to find out how one of the creepiest books I had ever read would translate on screen. I figured since it was so long they would make time to build up characters and their relationships, but for some reason this never happened and I found myself wondering what actually happened in those 3 hours? It's tough to judge a made for TV movie in movie standards because the same rules just don't apply. Aside from the obvious TV soap opera-like blunders like the bad music and freeze frames, it did do a great job of capturing the incredibly off putting and creepy tone of the vampires. The window scenes were great- although I could have done with one visit from Ralphie Glick instead of 20, but still, was there ever a better way to make people fear windows?

As you know from my random post Sunday night, the first appearance of Barlow practically made me pee my pants. I even screamed out loud.

I will say it was kind of a random point to have him appear, and I'm not really sure why that decision was made, but it was terrifying and I guess that's all that really matters. The Nosferatu like appearance of Barlow is a decision I can whole heartily agree with and getting that face shoved in your face without any warning is both cruel and wonderful at the same time. Thank God for vampires that aren't attractive.

You may be noticing a pattern in that all the good things I have to say about Salem's Lot have to do with the way that the fear was handled. The rest of it however is questionable. Here are some things that I didn't exactly love. I missed the real camaraderie that happens between Ben, the teacher and Mark Petrie. Also, since when was the teacher 80 years old? I guess that explains how he got a heart attack- but I prefer the idea of him being younger and getting a heart attack because what he saw was so frightened not because he was so old. Speaking of ages, Mark Petrie also felt way too old. I wanted him to have a more bad ass little kid kind of role. Although the main relationship that ended up fleshing out in the film was Mark and Ben's it still felt static to me. There was a strange almost disconnect where I just didn't believe they even really liked each other. There's no room to make the connection that are alike in their imaginations and that really bothered me.

Perhaps the thing that threw me off the most however was Susan. Here we have the possibility of a great and tragic relationship--that just gets completely destroyed. All we basically know is that they had sex at the lake and then she went to find the vampire and disappeared. We don't see her again until the last 5 minutes of the film- and she's in Central America showing up one day on Ben's bed,wearing a silky vampire night dress. How is she getting around, and why are we just throwing in that relationship like it was this huge thing. To me, it just wasn't justified. I would have much rather liked a more dramatic staking Susan through the heart scene! The ultimate crime of passion.

Speaking of staking vampires through the heart- the death of the vampires was a little.....easy. I'm not saying I'd raise my hand to douse them in gasoline and light them on fire--but let's just say that it is easier than finding the hiding places of the vampires and staking them each individually. I had this great picture in my head of Mark and Ben emerging from the houses covered in blood, with an intense look of being severely emotionally exhausted. The actual action of staking a vampire like that is one of the most brutal things out there. It takes serious guts and the whole lighting them on fire thing is just so throw away to me.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for--here is where I talk about George A. Romero. Originally slated to direct the made for TV movie, Romero enjoyed the final product but greatly detested the way that Barlow became an attack dog for Straker. This is insanely true because Barlow is the real villain. Taking him and making him obey Straker and not giving him a real voice and what not, greatly hinders not only his role as a vampire--but all the vampires in the town as well. And forgive me but, the whole thing is suppose to be about vampires!

So in conclusion, I did enjoy Salem's Lot but I think it had the potential to be much, much better. This is my proposal: Will some fantastic Spanish director (I'm talking to you, the guy that directed I'm Not Scared) please make this remake happen and make it good. I want the poetic nature of how utterly terrifying a ghost town really is. I want to be both terrified and ecstatic about what is happening. I want to feel a connection to the characters but not the entire town. I want it all basically--and I know I probably can't have it but a girl can dream can't she?

P.S. what is the deal with the holy water that glows blue whenever a vampire is nearby?What is that? This isn't Lord of the Rings people.

Humans already have an advantage by vampires not being able to go out in the sun--let's not give them an even greater advantage mmmk? Oh and P.S. again--I think I remembered a few vampires opening their eyes and being all....fine and dandy in the sunlight? Not possible. No sparkling allowed.

I know many of you will be upset with me and that's A-OK. But this movie is largely a deep breath of nostalgia and forces you to remember when you saw it as a young one and just how scared you really were. I'm not saying it's not scary--I'm just saying it could have been better. And it could be better if you just let me make the damn movie....with the help of a superb, preferably Spanish director. That's all I'm sayin'.

Also, if any great Spanish directors see this and want to collaborate, let me know.

P.P.S. I hope this title misinformed other people as well. When I was little and reading book covers at Stop and Shop, I thought this was about witches. Jeesh Stephen King...be a little more confusing next time.

Cujo: Or, That Time I Rescued the Snakes, But Didn't Want To.

I've been avoiding Cujo since the dawn of man. Taking on Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments list and looking at that list every day to decide what to watch, always created a sense of dread whenever I would get to Cujo. I'd compare it quite easily to the scene where Pee Wee Herman comes across a burning pet store and each and every time that he passes the snake tank makes a disgusted noise and continues on to save some other animal instead. It's not until he saves the monkey, the puppies, the birds and even the goldfish, that Pee Wee finally realizes he cannot put it off any longer. In an attempt to save himself more than one trip, Pee Wee swoops all the snakes at once, runs outside and collapses in a heap of anguish and terror--the snakes scurrying off into the streets. And so begins my rescue mission, to finally and unhappily watch Cujo- which may as well just be called "The dog dies and you feel sad about it".

In most cases, especially when we are getting down to about 5 movies left to review on the list--I know very little about what I am about to watch. All I knew about Cujo was that a big St. Bernard attacks Dee Wallace and her kid while trapped in a car. I was disheartened almost immediately, upon realizing that Cujo is only a mean dog because he gets bitten by a bat and suffers from rabies. Silly old me just figured he was some crazy mean dog. Not someones cute and cuddly pet! This makes everything worse because I'm dreading the obvious demise of the poor beast. But then, something miraculous happened. I realized that Cujo getting rabies is just like a loved one turning into a zombie. They aren't your loved ones anymore, they are zombies and they are going to eat your face. Understanding this fact is key if you happen to enjoy dogs and don't like seeing dogs be mean and get killed. Am I spoiling anything here? I don't think so but I could be wrong. Well I guess if you didn't know that Cujo would eventually have to be "put down" you are just fooling yourself.

Plot wise what is there to discuss? Hmm Dee Wallace has an affair with a smarmy guy, her husband leaves for a while. And of course- after he leaves, Dee Wallace gets trapped inside a Pinto while a rabid St. Bernard prowls around outside. And well that's pretty much it folks.

I was surprised at how long it took for the ball to get rolling. Cujo gets rabies almost immediately but moment of actual attack doesn't come until much, much later. I guess I could do without most of the movie and the Pinto scene was actually done fairly well. I do agree with the Scariest moment on this one because it's one of those, punch the person sitting closest to you moments where you are really not expecting it (Think chum bucket in JAWS). I love how the POV camera makes you think the dog is creeping up behind Dee Wallace and then BAM! Cujo in the window! It's crazy. And all that slobber and blood and eye snot....jeez. That dog was fucking nuts. I like to think I know a little something about rabies, but I didn't know that rabies caused dogs to bite off door handles and bust through glass. I thought animals just became lethargic and stumbled around and bit someone if they were stupid enough to approach. Maybe Cujo is like the Dawn of the Dead remake zombies. He defies all conventions.

Oh. And word to the wise. Do not attempt to watch this film while eating Brie cheese. His eye snots are probably the worst thing to happen since Brundlefly's decaying body. That was some thick, thick snot. Ugh.

One very interesting thing that I did enjoy was that Dee Wallace accomplishes everything on her own. People talk about these women empowering movies and yadda yadda yadda, but no one really talks about Cujo. My first impression was an eye roll when I realized that the husband would be returning at some point and probably to save the day. Dee Wallace trapped in a car after all, does not leave much room for a heroine. But the ending had me very surprised and very pleased. The fact that no one helps her out of the situation except herself is lovely. Even the last scare was taken care of by Dee's character and that was pretty darn impressive. Of course there is that whole woman has affair thing....but well......this incident only proves that she doesn't need some boring husband--or something.

So in conclusion, watching Cujo was less painful than I thought. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I did find it to be mostly boring and I still felt bad for Cujo, but it's an animal death that you just have to accept and move on with. St. Bernard's were always a little too slobbery for my taste anyways. But oh also-what happened to the kid whose dog it was? Maybe I was caught up in my Brie cheese and missed it but I'm pretty sure he just disappeared. Speaking of which, one thing about this affair situation. The mother of the boy who disappears is obviously trying to escape her life and in the process leave her husband and child. She provides a nice foil for Dee Wallace who simply- deals with things and ends up trapped in a Pinto. In the end however, Dee Wallace's character is capable of living her life without a dependence or without abandoning her son---and that my friends, makes all the difference. But affairs are bad so don't have one.

The Mist: I'd Sacrifice the Kid Too.

Warning! This will contain a lot of spoilers. Almost all spoilers actually. So stay away if you do not wish to have things spoiled.

Last night before my highly anticipated nap, I finished Stephen King's The Mist. Typically I try to distant the time between viewing the movie and reading the book within a few months to avoid any unnecessary critique on tiny or big things left out of the film adaption. Lately my take on adaptions has changed which I'll talk more about a bit later- so I guess at this point it doesn't really matter. However while reading The Mist, I was so excited about the movie, of which I had heard great things about, that I timed it's Netflix arrival with my finishing of the story. I was so eager to see the horrible things in the book presented in film form and even more excited to see how this "changed" ending played out. Yes the ending was spoiled for me at some point but no, I did not wish to seek it out this time. Anyways, this is less of a review and more of a what's good, what's not. And I promise that I'm really trying to distance my liking or not liking away from the original story. If anything the story just helped me understand the themes played out in the movie and caused me to question certain choices made by the director.

One of the main things that I struggled with, was how the two different sides of the spectrum were handled-- science and religion. I didn't love the fact that we were force fed an explanation for the mist, but the concept also shoves to us the fact that the reasoning behind the mist is very science oriented. Even though we are given this fact and in extraneous detail, we are still shown things that make us question the validity of the Arrowhead Project causing the events. This wouldn't bother me if the reasoning was meant to be ambiguous but I really feel that it was not.

It felt like we were being told the real cause, shown Marcia Gay Harden's Mrs. Carmody and then told that crazy religious people are well, crazy and to be feared. YET- we get these strange instances of religion almost proving that it does have a hand in the events. That giant bug landing on Mrs. Carmody for example, that flies away after her rapid praying, whereas that other bug kills the cashier girl who only moments before was having sex in the storage room (before she was married? Gasp!). What are we suppose to take away from that? Is it just another sucker punch to the gut? Well, what about the realization that the woman from the beginning who put herself above the rest to go home and save her children- whom no one would "see home", was still alive and with her kids on the army bus being driven to safety? What about that choir of heavenly angels/ Lord of the Rings music at the end? It all seemed very confusing to me. Confusing in the sense that the movie felt like it was unsure of how we were suppose to react to it and that bothered me- it really did. It makes me wonder if we are suppose to think that perhaps Mrs. Carmody was in some stupid way right about everything. Bleck. Religion!

I've done a lot of combing of the inter webs to find out about the few major changes that were made and why Darabont chose to make them- and his answers really threw me for a serious loop. It's in many ways exactly like the movie not knowing if it's science based or religion based. I guess I'll just have to go ahead and talk about the ending because all of this stuff fits into that. The first major thing is this idea that one of Darabont's main drives was to make this movie extremely different from the influx of "torture porn" movies that were coming out at the time. If that is true then why completely change the ending to make it one of the bleakest, most hopeless endings of all time? Doesn't the ending basically fall under the same principles that torture porn movies do, and the idea of Nihilism? It just doesn't add up to me. And I'm sure he mostly means different in the sense that it's a step back to the days of good old classic monster movies- but another thing that Darabont said is also questionable in this respect.

He compared the townspeople in the store rallying together to survive, to the people who underwent Hurricane Katrina- where people rallied together to create hope. But as I said, the ending is a complete absence of hope! In King's original story, Drayton and those in the car make it to the Howard Johnson and he is able to hear one single word on the radio. He says it sounded like two very similar words. One was Hartford. The other was hope. It's like Darabont read that was and was like oh yeah hope- and then suddenly needed to change things up for the sake of stirring up controversy or making the movie different.

I'm all for a downbeat ending but in this case it just felt plain unnecessary. I would have been a little bit better if they had all just died in the car- but the fact that the rescue comes at such a bad time is too much of a sucker punch to withstand. Sure there is hope in the sense that things are under control and the world or just Maine I suppose, will be back to normal again--but why completely and utterly destroy our main character's well being so brutally? Drayton- who did nothing questionable, is torn apart with one simple view of an army tank. Why? If people dislike movies like Hostel and Saw that offer us feelings of emptiness and no true sense of redemption by the time the credits roll- why do we ignore the fact that this ending is almost worse- especially when it's suppose to be an entirely different kind of movie?

OK now that that's out of the way, I only had a few other things I wasn't crazy about. The acting. It felt strange at times. People keep referring to it as great but it felt oddly forced to me. Writing was fine, Thomas Jane and Marcia Gay Harden were great-especially Jane at the end there. But a lot of times it just felt completely unnatural to me. Like the actor's were reading all of their lines with a strange sense of unsureness. And sorry to say this but the kid sucked. There are good child actor's out there but sadly this kid is just not one of them. Another thing that bothered me was the music. Did anyone else hear that strange comedic like music that would play sometimes when the bugs were attacking? What was that all about? Preachy music at the end? Didn't love it. Once again made me feel like this WAS all about religion.

And a big one that I think a lot of people may have missed was Drayton's wife. She felt very pushed to the side. We don't even get a nice goodbye scene with her and husband and son. She seemed too young and boring though maybe that was why. But in any case she should be a major focus point and motivation for Drayton to leave the supermarket and maybe she is at the end but when we see her dead body- we feel no true emotion. It becomes almost impossible to feel that connection to her because that connection was never really made.

Alright enough negativity. I realize it sounds like I may have not liked this movie at all but on the contrary, I quite enjoyed it. One thing that I surprisingly loved were the creatures. I was only bothered by the CGI one time- the giant tentacle in the storage room. And other than the fact that the spiders had some goofy ass faces, I was a fan of the creatures. I especially enjoyed how we don't get to see them up close and personal- the big ones anyways. That last shot of the huge one on the road was especially memorable- Jurassic Park like even. They have this great other worldly quality about them yet still kind of seemed tampered with in a mutated sense. It was quite an interesting combination.

This is a good movie- not a great movie, but it's good and it's different. I can understand why people really enjoyed it, and I can understand why other's did not favor it at all. Other than the ending, almost every single thing that was in the story appears in the novella. Even little things which I loved. Lately I've come to terms with the idea that books, like remakes- aren't always meant to be an exact retelling. Rather they provide a nice story board- or foundation. So I'm not going to write off a movie for changing huge things, but in the case of the ending again I just felt it strangely unnecessary-especially with that wanting to move away from torture porn thing. The ending however WAS extremely emotional. I may have almost had a panic attack because I put myself in the car with them. I did. and I almost cried too. It was so unbelievably heavy. Maybe if there was a bullet left for Drayton I wouldn't have minded it as much. But really. The government showing up thing really just killed it for me. Other than that the scenes were exactly what I had pictured in my head, and how can you not absolutely love Ollie with that gun!? The gore was horrifying and grotesque- the pharmacy scene especially, which, was also the scene that stuck out the most to me in King's story so I'm ecstatic that I felt the same when seeing the movie.

All in all, a solid adaption- but more importantly a solid movie. Sure I have my problems with it but don't the best works get the most criticism? Maybe someone just told me that in a creative writing workshop to make me feel better. But regardless- a solid time with some truly, truly memorable moments. Plenty will agree and plenty will disagree but I stand by my critiques, and by my fondness for it as well.

Children of the Corn: And a 25 Year Old Child Shall Lead Them.

I've seen more than a few negative things said about this movie- mostly having to do with the word "terrible" and what not. And after watching it the whole way through I have to wonder- what do you mean it's terrible!? I love this movie. How can you not be completely creeped out by children- killing their parents and every adult in town, and then dressing like Amish people and worshipping corn?? Isaac alone is the most terrifying thing that ever happened to scary children movies- although an IMDB trivia search will tell you that the actor has one of those hormone deficienty diseases and was 25 at the time of filming- plus he also played Itt in the Addams Family movies.

Still, I think the fact that Isaac is actually an adult makes things even creepier. But what I really want to know is what was Isaac's life like before the massive uproar- and corn worshipping. Was he always a super creep? And if so- why didn't his parents kill him first? If my kid was wearing a hat like that around the house, he'd be out of there in a second.

What really makes this movie terrifying is how it blends creepy children AND intense religious folk. Creepy children who put religion above everything else- jeez louise. Although I must point out how silly it is that only 2 of the children would be more into listening to music and playing Monopoly than worshipping corn. Those are some boring kids. Anyways the creepiest parts are by far- the way that the children talk to each other. It's old world with a little Yoda mixed in and its possibly the creepiest thing in the world. The ritual of Amos's birthday and the cutting of the pentagram into his flesh and then the drinking of his blood? What the heck. Why is a pentagram even being used in a religion having to do with "the lord" and some crazy corn monster? Just seeing how excited Amos is to be taken by "he who walks behind the rows" is enough to turn your stomach quite sour. Plus I really really hate the girl in the dress.

So anyways, people who are a little too enthusiastic about religion have always scared me- and to add that to my fear of creepy children? Forget it. Whoever doesn't feel instantly creeped out by this movie and it's "children music" has something seriously wrong with them. The opening scene alone is enough to make you shudder. Plus looking at all those drawings??

What a bunch of creepers. Children of the Corn is perhaps a scary child movie that many seem to overlook. I'm not sure why because these children are terrifying. Sure they might be powerless once their leader is taken away from them- but good God. The minds of children are impressionable and easily molded- probably why Isaac chooses to use them I'm guessing. So you can only imagine how difficult it is to sway them from believing in what they do.

Although....since we find out that "he who walks behind the rows" actually exists- I suppose that makes things even harder. While I'm on the topic- what the hell is that? It looks like a thing from Tremors. Personally I kind of wish "he who walks behind the rows" didn't actually exist- and then Isaac would look even more like a psychopath. If he does exist- then I'm pretty sure I might be right there worshipping him with those children. Why jeopardize your life when a corn monster is involved?

In any case, I hope that I'm not alone in thinking that Children of the Corn is insanely creepy and unsettling. Maybe it's a guilty pleasure or maybe it just really is a good and creepy movie. Who knows.

Ahhhh!

Buy Children of the Corn at Horror Movie Empire

The Dead Zone: Life Lesson #2- When Your Life Is Endangered, Grab the Nearest Baby.

The Dead Zone is a movie that I feel often gets looked over especially in lieu of other great Stephen King adaptions like The Shining and Carrie. But I've come to tell you that I whole heartily enjoy The Dead Zone and always have a good cry and shout of anguish when Christopher Walken awakes to find his life is horribly changed.

After a terrible accident involving a giant milk truck- Christopher Walken enters a coma for 5 years. Upon waking up he finds out two very surprising things; the love of his life had moved on, gotten married and had a kid AND he can see people's past, present and future when he makes physical contact with them. Soon police want his power to track down murderers and lots of random people want him to track down lost cats. When all is said and done however Chris Walken just wants to live his life! This proves difficult when he discovers that the fate of the world could be in jeopardy unless he does something about it.

Now I think what most people talk about with this movie is the scissor scene- which is amazing. I am pretty confident in saying that I will be making this screen shot my beautiful blood shot of the week soon so keep a look out.

Just imagining doing that kind of suicide gives me the extreme willies. It's like...seriously? There's no gun laying around that you would rather use or something else not as extremely painful? It wasn't even an immediate death. Seeing him fidget and twitch afterwards was possibly worse than seeing him put his hands behind his head and open his mouth! Now, as much as I love this movie I think I am most invested and in love during the beginning and when Christopher Walken finally decides to help the police with the murder cases. After that I think it tends to lose it's luster which is perhaps why this movie often gets over looked.

Christopher Walken's turmoil however will never fail to amaze me. Imagine your entire life being changed in the matter of 10 seconds. Imagine the world continuing to progress around you while you lay comatose and unaffected for 5 years. The scene where he finds out his woman has moved on is especially heartbreaking and it's pretty obvious that broad wastes no time getting busy. Perhaps even more heartbreaking is when she comes over one night for a fun time of sex and dinner with her baby. And then once again when Christopher Walken opens his door one day to find his woman's husband passing out election flyers! It's a constant cycle of heart break and anguish- which makes the ending all the more powerful.

Now the ending. Hah. I know I can't be the only person who laughs out loud mercilessly when Martin Sheen grabs the baby to protect himself from the assassination attempt. Classic! Honestly what kind of person do you have to be to use a baby as a bullet proof vest...? So hilarious. While I wasn't a fan of Martin Sheen's acting ability- particularly the flash forward scene- this ending makes up for any mistake that he'll ever do in his entire life.

So when all is said and done I found many parts of this movie to be strikingly beautiful- the shot of the boys falling through the ice, and the blood splatter on the magazine.

It's an interesting story and one that doesn't focus primarily on the horror aspect. While not overtly horrific, bloody and scary- the movie goes much deeper than that- serving up to us an often overlooked aspect of horror- wasted time, regret and other such human emotions that are hard to understand unless you've been through them yourself.

Misery: I Bet James Caan Wished His Number One Fan Was Hotter.

OK honestly the obsessed lunatics just keep getting worse. Annie Wilkes may be the most terrifying obsessor yet. While not a lot of action takes place during the Misery, the movie still managed to keep me horrified and really anxious the entire time. Kathy Bates is truly terrifying and I don't know how James Caan's character held out so long. I would have done myself in as soon as she brought her pet pig in to meet me.

I had never seen this whole movie before. When I was younger the only thing I could remember from it was when someone smashed a type writer on someones head. And honestly, knowing that that would happen at some point sort of kept me at ease in a way, because I knew retribution would come.

Paul Sheldon writes romance novels. He longs to write something deeper so he finishes the last of his novels, properly titled the Misery series for the main heroine, then gets to writing something new and different, deep in the mountains of Colorado. He drives straight into a blizzard and ends up crashing his car off a mountainside. Annie Wilkes rescues him from the car and being the beast that she is, throws him on her back and takes her back to her house. Here she takes care of his wounds and relentlessly tells him how much she adores his books.

It is not too long before we realize that this woman has some problems. Paul notices it too, especially after her first insane outburst. I however could tell she was a whack job by the way she was whispering to him before he woke up that she was his number one fan and lah di da.

So things just keep getting worse and worse. Annie forces him to burn his new manuscript, then forces him to keep the Misery series going. Finally when she totally loses it she of course performs the famous hobbling. And shoots a poor old man. And tries to convince him that they have to kill themselves together.

Movies like this, where the hero is trapped somewhere and unable to escape really make me panic. That part when he explores the house for the first time made me so jumpy. I was going nuts. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP DICKING AROUND SHE IS COMING BACK WHAAT THE FUUCK for example is what my inner monologue sounded like. Then when his plan to drug her at dinner goes awry. EGADS I just wanted to scream. And finding the scrapbook....I knew she was messed up but a baby killer really? That's just nutty.

So this movie really had a hold on me. From the first moment I saw her face on the screen I knew I would hate her, but I didn't think I would despise her as much as I did. She can really crack with no warning and that may be the scariest part. I also have to hand it to Paul he can really think on his feet. The pills in the mattress? Good call good call. The only thing I wish is that Buster had actually saved Paul rather than just be useless. At least he knew he had finally found Paul, he must have been a little happy..... oooh Buster.....A moments silence for Buster please....



Sigh. Here's the hobbling scene...try not to cry out in despair.

Carrie: The Red Baseball Cap Girl Needs to Go.

Poor Carrie. I'm not sure where the girls in this movie come from, but if I was Carrie I would kill them all as well. I think a lot of people confuse Carrie as the villain in this movie. But the real villains are clearly these terrible girls and Carrie's mother of course. No one says Jesus Freak like Carrie's mother- that's for sure.

When Carrie misses the ball playing volleyball in gym class they all get angry and walk past her shouting obscenities. Blondie tells her to "eat shit". She missed a volleyball for christ sake. No one can play volleyball. And then she gets her period in the bathroom and they throw an endless supply of tampons and pads at her. There is graffiti on the wall everywhere that says Carrie White eat shit etc etc.... all because she doesn't talk to people? Jeeeezus.

Her mother though. Ack. What a psycho. Raving on and on about how the first sin was intercourse and making Carrie repeat certain Bible verses. Yeah umm I'm not sure if you know this but you had to have sex in order to have Carrie so maybe you should go and take a little time out in the Jesus box while you're at it.

Then there's Miss Collins who is a little too violent with her students. Slapping them, swearing, violently shaking them..why didn't anyone look into her violent streak? Also fatty with the glasses? Carrie gets made fun of and fatty with the glasses walks off scott free? And why does that one girl have to wear that red baseball hat EVERYWHERE. Honestly I'm pretty glad they all died.

So Carrie has telekinesis the ability to make objects move without touching them. Call her a fucked up Matilda if you will, her powers too ignite when she feels a particularly strong emotion. The whole movie leads up to an inevitable prank that will take place at the prom where certain students have rigged it so that Carrie will win prom queen. I'm sure most people know the prank- a bucket full of pigs blood falls all over Carrie. Everyone starts laughing-but are they really laughing or is it in Carrie's mind? Anyways she goes berserk obviously and uses her powers to lock everyone in the gym where they all burn to death. Good riddance.

One of things that creeps me out the most about this movie is all the Jesus iconography. The Jesus Room alone is the scariest thing on the planet, that one doll has those creepy eyes. Then the huge Jesus picture reflected in the mirror that Carrie breaks. There is just way too much Jesus and it may be the scariest part about this film.

I really feel for Carrie and her terrible life. Sometimes I wish she didn't bite it at the end- I wanted her to have a decent life for once. But no she has to get dragged down to hell with her psycho Jesus freak mother. Sigh. Oh well. A great movie nonetheless maybe with the Shining one of the best Stephen King novels to be taken to the big screen.

Buy Carrie at Horror Movie Empire

The Shining: Is It Weird That Delbert Grady Was My Favorite Character?

Stanley Kubrick is a man who knows how to make a person shake in their boots. This movie for many is the epitome of a scary movie and I know a few people who still refuse to watch it. While not really that gory, the film does something more terrifying here which is a psychological horror.

Jack Torrance has recently become the Overlook Hotel's new caretaker. Which means he and his family must live secluded in the hotel throughout the off season, which has the unfortunate problem of always getting monstrously snowed in. Danny the Torrance's son, has a special friend named Tony who lives in his mouth and whom he talks to through his finger. While being given a tour of the hotel, Mr. Hallorann the hotel chef, takes a liking to Danny and tells him that he has something that his grandmother used to refer to as the "Shining" some people have it, some people don't. What it really is, is a form of ESP that allows Danny and Mr. Hallorann to see some terrifying things. He lets Danny know that a lot of bad things have happened in this hotel, but that what he sees is just a picture, it's not real and it can't hurt him. Or can it?

Months and months go by and things are sort of OK. Despite Shelley Duvall being creepy and ugly and Jack Nicholson slowly losing his mind. Although I would go crazy too if I was married to Shelley Duvall. So poor little Danny gets exposed to some pretty messed up stuff. There is an ominous horror in room 237 and even though Mr. Hallorann tells him never to go in there, Danny's curiosity just can't be resisted. He shows up downstairs with horrible bruises and can only be described as "out of it". Jack Nicholson goes to investigate and we find a hot naked lady in a bathtub. This is what attacked poor Danny? The woman slinks over to Jack and starts macking it with him. Then Jack looks in the mirror. The sexy woman has become a disgusting and molding, rotten old granny who laughs and laughs. The site of her wrinkly and decaying body can only be described as the most disgusting thing you will ever see.

Now Jack starts seeing ghosts and having drinks with them, and Shelley Duvall walks in on a bizarre and disturbing scene between two men, one who is wearing a weird animal mask...
Things just start getting crazy. The twins in the hallway, frickin' Danny riding that big wheel around turning corners and not knowing what to expect. It is done well in so many many ways.

When I saw this for the first time I went to bed pretty scared. Our houses heating pipes would always make the sound of rushing water and whenever I closed my eyes I could only envision the blood pouring out of the elevator and flooding the lobby. It's little scenes like that, that make this movie truly memorable and scary.

I could go on and on about the meanings and symbols embedded in the movie but what it comes down to, is that this is truly a work of art. We start feeling the madness of it all just as Jack Nicholson does and in all fairness I too would love to just take an axe to a door every now and then. The ending is pretty powerful and makes you think about the entire movie all over again. The real horrors are inside of us, and they are alive forever...

The movie varies a lot from Stephen Kings novel of the same name, and book purists would want to watch the TV version starring Rebecca De Mornay, if they are in a tizzy about it. King's main beef with Kubricks version is that he makes Jack Nicholson the main character, when in the book the real villain or main character is the hotel itself. A valid point, although the hotel is what I think makes this movie scary. A lot of people think Jack Nicholson is responsible but I really understood that this hotel is one fucked up place.

Here is the big wheel scene with the twins and we get to hear a little bit from Tony, Tony Tone as well.

Don't Investigate Bird Noises in The Attic When Your Town Is Being Invaded By Killer Birds.

The Birds is another movie I was exposed to at a young age. While it didn't really make me afraid of birds it did open my eyes further to the delights of Alfred Hitchcock. Birds are a great villain when you think about it. All those different species and flocks are striving for the wipeout of the human species. AND they can fly. pffffft amazing.

Melanie comes to Bodega Bay and meets Mitch, who buys lovebirds for his daughter. All is well until the birds start acting a bit strange. Nipping people at random and different flocks hanging out together? What is this madness?!

The Birds is a classic. If you're a Hitchcock newbie, Psycho and the Birds should be your first stop. The ending scenes in the house are pure terror. Melanie's scene in the attic, and the eventual escape from Bodega Bay are nail biting.

However, the best scene hands down is the school yard scene. Watch how Melanie smokes her cigarette while the crows start amassing slowly behind her. It's pure art. Once she realizes what is happening she attempts to get the kids to safety. The birds are not down with this idea and hysteria ensues. I can't find a good clip of it on youtube. So here is this little teaser trailer instead. It shows the madness of the situation in more than one way.