American Horror Story: I Think It's Time to Stop Making These

Sunday afternoon: driven by a peanut butter M&M coma and depression caused by the realization that there were no more Teen Mom's to watch, I wandered down the rabbit hole of the new season of American Horror Story: Hotel. I'm not sure why I put myself through these every year. I completely gave up on Freak Show a little more than halfway through the season because I was sick and tired of Evan Peter's scream acting and Emma Roberts' bad acting. Also I could not for the life of me figure out why they got rid of that terrifying clown guy within a few episodes when he was obviously the scariest and most interesting thing about the show. Additionally, controversial though it may be I could definitely do without another Jessica Lange awkward musical. Sorry guys.

So why then was I possessed to begin watching the new season? Morbid curiosity. Plus with the announcement that Jessica Lange would not be taking part, I figured that at least one of my annoyances would be removed, so I had a slightly better chance at not completely hating it right?

I just pressed the stop button on episode 2 and I have some things to say to you all.


 Let's stop making these

The first season of American Horror Story felt revolutionary . It brought horror back to TV and we were all thrilled and giddy about it. With the announcement that each season would be a stand alone chapter we were at first saddened but then excited in all the different directions the show could go. Then season 2 came and most of us wanted to jump off a bridge. Season 3 came and more of us jumped off the bridge and so on and so on. Basically what has happened now is that American Horror Story tries every season to get more and more bloody, gory and controversial and less and less interesting. It's essentially just turning into a worse and worse Saw movie---maybe with some Rob Zombie-ness thrown in.

It also has become perhaps the LEAST surprising thing that's ever happened. For instance, having a near exact replica of the carpet from The Shining is not earth shattering and is definitely expected.

But then to also have iterations of creepy twins roaming the place? Come on. Get a new gag. And naturally it doesn't stop there.... Vampires addicted to blood?! WOW all these creepy people in the hotel are dead? Who would have thought?

Also, I shit you not. When I was almost done with the first episode I thought to myself sarcastically, 'The only thing that would make this better would be if they played Hotel California" and what do you frickin know? I mean COME ON.

All I want is for some originality that does not feel cringe inducing. It's like Ryan Murphy goes out of his way now to be current and it completely ruins everything. Scenes where characters discuss the importance of vaccinations *face palm* 'Comedic' lines about vampires wanting to binge watch House of Cards *double face palm* The desire of a newly turned vampire to want to kill Kendall Jenner and using Grindr to lure a gay bearded hipster to the hotel? UGH.

Some other thoughts and annoyances.

--Oh good Evan Peters is back and he plays a textbook version of a 1920s smarmy businessman. His acting is bad you guys. Doesn't anyone see this? Why does he keep getting cast in these? Newsflash:Screaming loudly is not acting.

--The killer is proving a point by murdering people who break the 10 Commandments. Oh yes, I saw that movie when it was called Se7en. Sins/10 commandments whatever. Get a new idea.

--I've decided everyone is terrible in this but I think I'm going to have to blame it on the writing (except for Evan Peters who really cannot act).


Conclusion: Morbid curiosity is over. American Horror Story Hotel is awful.