The Evil Dead: A Splinter in the Va-Jay? I'll Pass.

The Evil Dead may be the first actual case of "Cabin Fever". Nothing says fear like being trapped in a cabin with all your friends who one by one get turned into evil gross milk spitting demon things AND nothing will ever say fear like being raped by a tree. Everyone loves the Evil Dead trilogy- at least I think they do. It is a pretty wild ride filled with lots of blood and guts and great moments so I suppose it's understandable. I still enjoy Suspiria way more but who can really top that?

So Ash and his pals, and his ugly sister take a nice little trip to the mountains and stay in an old cabin. When they arrive they find a basement that contains a gross looking book filled with some pictures of demons and skeleton things and a recording. When listening to it the man talks about finding the so called book of the dead, and how when after he read the incantation evil beings came and took his wife. He says the only way to get rid of them is by dismemberment and says that soon he too will be taken. So they have a good laugh and listen to the recording of the incantation- bad idea. And Ash's sister Cheryl gets freaked. After hearing something in the woods she goes to investigate. I'm not sure why you would ever want to investigate a strange noise in the woods- especially after get freaked out by listening to old creepy records of spells but oh well. So she goes and then the trees come alive and rape her.

After she runs hysterically back into the cabin everyone tries to calm her down, she tries to leave, it doesn't work out. Then she suddenly becomes an even uglier version of herself and stabs a pencil into Ash's girlfriend's ankle. They lock Cheryl in the basement and try to figure out how best to proceed. Then one by one they start turning and trying to make the others "join them" Ash soon is the only one left and he must defeat the milk spewers for good.

So I think that in the moment when Cheryl first becomes a zombie thing is probably the scariest. It's pretty unexpected. She's just looking at the window while the two other girls are playing some mind-reading game, and she just starts calling out the real answers with her head turned away from them. Her voice is shrill and when she turns her face around it's pretty terrifying. I mean lets be honest she was pretty ugly before but now it's just.....ugh.

In fact the demons' faces are so gross you barely need all the blood and guts to gross you out. They have these sick mitt like hands that look like they are constantly decaying and uggh. And when they get stabbed they spew out blood and milk. Yuck.

the other best moment is when Ash's girlfriend turns into a demon. She has this terrific evil little girl type laughter that just really makes you feel uncomfortable. And the fact that Ash doesn't have the courage to dismember his friends after he stabs them really makes you angry. THE GUY ON THE RECORD SAID TO DO IT ASH STOP BEING A GIRL. That's what I scream every time anyways.

So all in all it's a classic movie. So much blood so much gore it's a feast for the gore lovers. There are some parts when I get a little bored and when you just get a little annoyed that these demon creatures just won't go away but for the most part it's a great movie and extremely entertaining. It's definitely a staple in any horror movie fan's repertoire so check it out if you haven't seen it.

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The Cell: Fun Fact, Young Carl is Lizzie Maguire's Little Brother.

Now, I don't really mind this movie that much. Maybe it's not a great movie, but some of the images in it I think are really great. Maybe if the whole movie was J Lo inside of Vincent D'Onofrio's serial killer mind it would have been better. Who knows.

So J Lo volunteers herself to go inside the mind of this serial killer. It is important they do this so that they can figure out where his latest vicitim is being held. The procedure works for people in coma's and is sort of a virtual reality thing that really isn't very possible but we'll just have to believe it is for the sake of the movie.

Once inside the killer's mind it's like we are immediately transported into some crazy Dali-esque painting. There are these scary broken doll women, and woman in a row with their mouths agape staring at the sky. Then the really scary he-man woman who comes out of the doll scene and takes J Lo to the master of the killer's mind. This is an extra scary version of Vincent's character. He has some kind of alternate personality which is responsible for his angry and violent side and he is quite a scary chap.

Little by little J Lo becomes attached to Vincent, learning things about his hard family life, why he does the things he does to his victims, and why he likes to suspend himself from hooks in his back. If you ask me she becomes just a little too attached and at one point she gets captured by the bad side and Vince Vaughn has to go in and save her.

I think that may be one of the scarier scenes, when Vince Vaughn is hooked up to that thing and his intestine is wrapped around that spiky turny thing....yuck. But it is kind of cheesy when J Lo takes Vincent's character into her mind at the end and she is the virgin Mary pffffffffffffffffft.

So yeah I think this movie's strength is in the artistic pictures that are put on the screen and maybe not so much the story line or the thrills. I find it pleasing to look at, but it falls short of anything truly groundbreaking.You do feel like you are trapped in a serial killer's head though, because everything is so nightmarish. Also I can't really take Vince Vaughn in a serious role it creeps me out almost as much as the giant he-man woman. Here is the first time J Lo goes inside the killer's head. I love the dog shaking off blood and the scary doll girl contraptions.

Them: When Signs and the Strangers Mate

Ok so maybe I'm on a foreign horror movie kick but I have to say, they know how to make a good film. When I say "they" I mean everyone except us here in the us of a. Kidding kidding everyone can make a good movie I suppose but I am continually awed by these recent movies I've seen.

So Them is basically The Strangers kind of crossbred with Signs. A couple alone in a house kind of off the beaten path starts getting some unwelcome company from strange people. These "people" in particular wear hoodies and can move alarmingly fast. They also make weird clicky noises and hoot and holler every now and then AND have flashy lights.

The two main characters are eventually chased out of their home and into an underground tunnel where they must run for their lives.

The film is short- it runs about 79 minutes or so and begins and ends with thrills. This movie is very dark in color and it makes the film even more creepy by doing so. It also relies less on jolting music when something scary happens and more on the fact that it's actually freaking scary that there is a hooded figure standing behind the woman- which I think is extremely refreshing because it lets us feel the fear rather than the crescendo of the music to let us know it is scary.

The identity of the intruders is very ominous and quite terrifying for the most part. Especially the very last scene which definitely gave me some serious chills. Also, the scene where the woman is crawling through the tunnel at the end what suspense and sheer terror! We are right there with her in her distress, anger and fear when she reaches the end.

This movie also like many says it is based on "true events" but like most "true events" it contains little actual truth. It is definitely like the Strangers in many different ways, and although I was more distressed and shaken up by the Strangers, Them made me dislike children and hooded figures- so it did accomplish some freakiness. Definitely checked this out if you loved the Strangers and love those kind of ambush terror rides.