House: Show Me the Toilet That Can Flush a Fat Hand Without Getting Clogged. I Need One of Those.

House is not a horror movie that I recognized from the horror shelf at the video store. I attribute this now to the fact that I probably thought it was a Goosebumps book instead, because let's get serious..it looks like a Goosebumps cover. There's nothing wrong with that of course because Goosebumps are the bees knees but I'm just letting you know. In any case, especially as of late, I've been hearing non-stop references to House and I could no longer resist the temptation to see what the buzz was all about. As it turns out, House is one of those horror comedies, but a horror comedy that still has the power to genuinely freak you out. It evokes the popular discussion of how great it is when the antagonist is not a person at all--but a building. When piles of bricks have a strange power about them we get all excited because it's not a conventional form of fear or even characterization. Films (and books) like The Shining, The Amityville Horror and The Changeling have a similar sense of dread concerning the very house that the film takes place in. It has always been the house that is evil and not necessarily the ghosts or the demons that reside in it--and that to me is extremely thought provoking.

Roger is a horror writer that teaches us a very important lesson. The lesson is-don't become a horror writer because your fans will look like this. And also, Frau Farbissina will stalk you. As time in the movie progresses we find that Roger has inherited his Aunt's massive house after the delivery boy finds her hanging out upstairs. A few flashbacks later and we also find that Roger's son disappeared while staying with his Aunt- and at the time the Aunt blamed the house. Now divorced and with writer's block, Roger moves into the creepy house alone to start work on his memoir about his time in Vietnam. We soon learn that the Aunt may have been right all along and that the house and the fat and scary demons that live inside it- have the power to get inside any one's head and stay there.

As many of you know I sometimes suffer from a short attention span. This happens when nothing particularly interesting or provocative is happening and then I start opening other windows and stalking people on social networking sites. That was about to happen in House and then all of a sudden...

This vomitous mass of tree branches and skin flew out of the closet and all hell broke loose. I would be lying if I said I didn't go "AH" out loud. You know one of those "fake" screams that you do when you are embarrassed that something like that actually scared you? It was then that I knew what all the buzz concerning House was really all about. These demon creatures are great! You don't expect them- and the effectiveness of the jump scare is perfect. It's not one of those lame jump scares you get nowadays where a spilt cup of coffee somehow becomes the scariest thing in the world due to the extraneous volume added, this was done right and I rightfully jumped.

There's also something to be said about how utterly creepy being alone in a giant house is. I don't care who you are, when you are alone and especially if you have some post traumatic stress from serving in Vietnam- a big house like that is not your friend. Every noise that you hear becomes the footsteps of a rapist, a burglar or a giant puss filled tree demon. There's a moment in the film, where Roger HAS to open the closet door to see if there's you know..a monster inside. It in my opinion, was completely well done. When you are convinced that you heard something, it's almost easier to not investigate the matter. That anticipation of whether or not there is actually a rapist in your house makes everything so much scarier.

Now I think the true strengths in House may just lie in all those wonderfully done demons. Each one really, really creeped me out. Especially the really fat one. One of the creepier moments however comes when Roger is babysitting that hot woman's child, and he turns the corner to see the child being beckoned into a room by another demon--this time a child-like one with long blonde hair. I can't pinpoint exactly why that one really freaked me out, but it may have something to do with the demons really long hair. Oh and the fact that there were TWO of them. That part where the little kid is standing by the chimney and he waves to Roger than the demon things suddenly reach down and pull him up! Faaantastic.

While there are some slow parts of House, I did enjoy the fact that the house became this great portal to the realms of evil. I also felt like I was watching a hybrid of Poltergeist, The Changeling and possibly a little Evil Dead. There were however a few moments of confusion. I wouldn't for instance, recommend looking away for a minute or two because then you'll miss the fact that the weird little kid Roger was babysitting, somehow got changed into his actual son. Also, the Vietnam flashbacks took a little while to get rolling- and the final reveal of the main demon of the house was both awesome and a little disappointing. Disappointing because I was hoping for a it to be a massive demon made up of all the evils of the world- but instead it was based solely on one incidence of Roger's past. I realize that is a completely ridiculous problem to have with it, but I can't help it if I like giant demons. I do realize of course that the evilness of the house pertains directly to the person inside of it, so it all of course makes perfect sense. I need to fill up my cup of tea again.

Overall, I really enjoyed House. Although I was lost at some parts, I can definitely understand where all the buzz comes from. It's a great example/hybrid of the haunted house/demon genre and the demons are some of the best creatures I have ever laid eyes on. There are moments of surprise, of laughter and of disgust. What more could we ask for?

Gojira: ....GOJIRA!

I've always thought I would have a special connection with Godzilla. This is mostly because of my strange obsession with dinosaurs. Let it be known that for 10 years now I've told my friends that I wanted a dinosaur themed birthday party, complete with dinosaur party hats and dinosaur party favors---and I've still NEVER gotten it. It's not like dinosaur party hats are hard to find but...whatever. The point is I love dinosaurs, which means that I would naturally love a movie such as a Godzilla that contains a prehistoric dinosaur living in the bowels of the deep, rejuvenated by that pesky thing called Nuclear bombs. What better way to kick off my Godzilla craze by watching the original and newly restored, complete with English subtitles, 1954 Gojira?

For those of you who do not know the story of Godzilla, or for those of that just wish to be entertained here is a recounting of the plot through screen grabs and subtitles!

Don't worry, I won't spoil the ending.

I can't remember the last time I had so much fun watching a really old movie with cheesy and outdated effects. I kept scaring/annoying my sister by reenacting Japanese people shouting GOJIRA!!! every 10 seconds. Even when Gojira wasn't around I would still randomly shout GOJIRA!!! Because it was fun. Heck, I just did it while washing my face. But the thing is, even though many have made fun of the effects--I ate them up. I shouted out loud when Godzilla made his appearance over the hill. Yes it was a half joking shouting but a part of me was wowed but how effective that particular reveal was. Not to mention the suit that the actor wore, weighed 200 pounds...AND apparently it was not uncommon to retrieve a cup full of sweat between shoots. Blagh.

I also loved how we got our action straight away. No nonsense love story before the good stuff--just straight up boats blowing up for no reason and gigantic footprints plaguing the coast. Brilliant. To top it all off...the foot steps of Gojira ECHO in your ears before the credits begin to role!! Like seriously, they pound your soul.

Pure brilliance. And don't forget how simply wonderful the film's score is.

What is it about this theme that I love so much? It sounds like something out of a Hitchcock movie and I may even be detecting early signs of some John Williams pieces. Of course I wouldn't be surprised since he did also steal the jaws theme from The Phantom of the Opera. But anywho I never expected to become such a fan girl of the theme from Godzilla, but look at me now.

Another moment of surprising brilliance; the shots of the all girls choir singing intermixed with shots of the aftermath of Godzilla's seemingly nuclear destruction.

An eerie remembrance from the days of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I've always been immensely interested by horror films that play so well to that decades fears--and nuclear warfare was certainly still on many people's minds. Godzilla in himself represents not just nuclear war but the after effects of it.

The film's last few lines are so telling, in that they warn of the possibility of Godzilla not being the only monster that exists. If we are not careful, another may rise, anywhere in the world and begin destruction once more.

I was also floored by the weight of the situation at the film's conclusion. Two enemies, turned partners, venturing off to the bottom of the sea to kill Godzilla? Then watching Serizawa tell Ogwata to be happy with Emiko, and he cuts his cord!! That is some Armageddon shit! I loved it. I loved Godzilla so much more than I ever thought possible. Clearly me and mutated dinosaurs are mean to be together, so why is the world keeping us apart?

Noriko's Dinner Table: Where Things Start to Make Sense...Sort Of

If you recall from my review of Suicide Club, I found at it's conclusion that I was plagued with more questions and concerns than ever. However- those questions and concerns weren't things that needed to be answered indefinitely. Rather, the mystery and it's deepness was pleasing and comforting. I found that there was supposed to be many answers--the suicide club, or circle as it is more fitting, is meant to not be a linear piece of film. Noriko's Dinner Table, is a more psychologically sound film than it's predecessor and it only delves deeper into the mystery. Although an absolute answer is again, never truly accomplished and we are still left with questions... the beauty of it is--that's the best part.

Sure some people may be seething with rage once they finish Noriko's Dinner Table because it is so extremely different. Aside from the fact that it's almost 3 hours long, has very little gore, when compared to Suicide Club---the movie is actually quite beautiful and moving. If you have seen Suicide Club than you may recall that the film gets very philosophical and turns in a different direction at it's conclusion. The scenes with the creepy little children and the girl at the end seem to have a different tone, and that tone is the very same one that I think dominates most or all of Noriko's Dinner Table.

Noriko is a mousy, quiet and under appreciated teenager, who after discovering the internet and the ever so popular chat room--runs away to the city. There she meets one of her chat buddies and is pulled into the very unsettling world of...paying for family members. Noriko becomes part of an agency that allows people to purchase them as temporary family members. A rather provocative and satisfying metaphor when you think of all that "Are you connected to your family" business we heard so much about in the first film. Around the time of the big suicide, Noriko's sister, Yuka follows on her sister's footsteps and joins up with the creepy agency. Their father then--sets off to find out the truth and to hopefully reclaim his shadow-like daughters and atone for his past.

It's hard to talk about both Noriko's Dinner Table and Suicide Club without sounding like a complete loony to anyone that has no idea what you are talking about. But what the hey--I'll just pretend everyone has seen it. Basically-- if you are looking for a Japanese pop group who wears floor length rugby shirts, or an Asian David Bowie who sings the best song EVER--you may be disappointed--but if you appreciate the odd and at some times...embarrasing aspect that Genesis at times evoked, you will be very excited. There is a scene with a dying grandfather that is deliciously strange, awkward and crazy it almost makes you pee yourself.

Even though the movie is entirely too long for me and my attention span--I was still floored by how the movie managed to remain fresh throughout it's entire running time. Sprinkled throughout the film and what feels like a bad case of A.D.D. at times--is a very artistic and beautiful underside. Shadows mean exactly what they should mean- and translate into something even bigger by the film's end.

Tangerines hold more meaning than we ever thought possible, and blood makes it's return to something beautiful and terrible at the same time.

Perhaps one of the most intriguing things of all time is Kumiko's flashback to Broken Dam's last night on the job. It was both terrifying and amusing to watch. You think to yourself that there is no way that what will happen will just be OK with all involved--but there it is and it's so unbelivably unsettling and intriguing at the same time that it's....well it's just.....insane!

Let me just tell you that I frickin loved that scene. And I loved a lot about this movie but that scene was just too delightful to not talk about.

While the actual connection to the Suicide Club seems almost unsatisfactory--

Noriko's Dinner Table as I said earlier provides room for the mystery to grow even deeper, and that is what in the end makes it so satisfying. I realize that this probably makes no sense to any of you but try watching both movies within a week of each other. The confusion only grows but...I like it that way.