Creepy Ballets

If there's one thing Christmas always reminds me of, it's seeing my dear sister perform in the Academy of Performing Arts rendition of The Nutcracker. And not just seeing it once mind you, seeing it about 5 times. We were a devoted family okay? Few people know that Emmy Doomas was a bit of a ballet prodigy in her day and that I lived vicariously through her by tagging along to all performances and after parties. As such, I am an expert in everything that involves ballet. Okay maybe not, but my mind doesn't have to know the truth.

When Black Swan came out I was completely blown away and secretly having brain orgasms because of how awesomely it portrayed the darker side of ballet. Not just the actual darker side of eating disorders, bad blisters and broken toe nails but in general--how it so deliciously portrayed the somewhat dark story of Swan Lake.

For many, ballet is a very frilly pink and girly thing. And to those many people I shake my head in annoyance. Ballets are often much more dark than people realize. Most likely due to the fact that a great deal were based on fairy tales, where the original versions were of course extremely dark. Cautionary tales that teach us lessons by scaring the crap out of us is how the original fairy tales usually worked. So it makes sense that ballets would also follow suite. Plus, ballets are performances on par with something like an Opera. A spectacle of drama only instead of voice the instrument is dancing.

So let us talk about a few ballets that are extremely dark. And that would make FANTASTIC horror movies, shall we?

The Red Shoes

When Black Swan came out many people were quick to draw similarities to Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger's 1948 film The Red Shoes. Itself based on a Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale, the film is another cautionary tale about how ballet often has the potential to control and take over one's life.

Although the ballet based on the fairy tale is rare to find performed these days, it still falls into the category of insanely creepy/awesome in my book. The story is about a peasant girl who gets adopted into a rich family. After lying to obtain fancy red shoes and becoming all vain and lame, the girl gets cursed by a mysterious soldier who condemns her to dance for the rest of her life (and beyond it as well).

The story is riddled with violent imagery, like the girl being forced to dance through thorns that rip at her skin and body. The girl even tries to cut off her feet hoping to destroy the curse. Plus, I just love the common theme of "dancing to death"...isn't it just the greatest!? Also, let's not forget the ill-fated Asian horror film The Red Shoes. Where the red shoes were really just pink shoes. But who's keeping track?

Giselle

Giselle is the tale of a young woman who goes crazy and dies from a broken heart after learning that her love is actually a Duke and not a peasant like she thought. After Giselle's death, the second act of the ballet takes place by her grave where Hilarion the gamekeeper who was also in love with Giselle, grieves. It is here, that Hilarion encounters the Wilis, vengeful female spirits who rise from their graves at night and seek revenge against men by dancing them to death.

Giselle is then summoned out of her grave and invited to partake in the festivities. But when the Duke arrives he begs for forgiveness, which Giselle accepts. Hilarion however, is not so lucky as he chased by the Wilis and then thrown to his death in a nearby lake. Ultimately, Giselle's kind heart allows her to separate from the Wilis and sleep peacefully in her grave. But still, poor Hilarion huh?

Naturally this ballet has awesome written all over it. Vengeful spirits that take revenge on men by making them dance to their death? YES. Not to mention that Giselle rising from the grave invites gentle whispers of ZOMBIE. Well, ghost zombie I guess.

The Rite of Spring





Many recognize Igor Stravinsky's ballet The Rite of Spring as being the music for the dinosaur segment in Fantasia but it was actually first a ballet that filled the audience with horror because of how unconventional it was. Taking place in Pagan Russia, the Rite of Spring is something of a fertility ritual where a young virginal girl is sacrificed by being forced to dance to her death.

Clearly a central punishment in many ballets is this idea of dancing to your death. Which really is kind of the ultimate definition of my favorite kind of horror--something that is terrifyingly beautiful. It also speaks largely to that whole idea of being far too consumed by something you truly love. What if one day someone condemns me to eat sandwiches or play Zelda FOREVER? Well, I guess there could be worse things.

The Internet Is DEAD To Me (No Really, It Is)

Ugggh my Internet is gone! Missing! Dead! Lost! Really, it's just Comcast being a bunch of whores and giving me a modem that decided to crap out. Also who had a fun time last night listening to their own breathing on the phone while waiting for the modem to restart for 20 minutes? THIS GIRL. (Me).

I told the guy about 12 times that it wasn't rebooting properly and that only one light was coming on and he kept being like, "That's okay ma'am just give it some time" 20 minutes later... Yup. Still nothing buddy.

Just face it Comcast, you messed up, now give me something free. Preferably something called DVR and CABLE. By the way, don't be fooled by promotions offering 70 dollars for cable and internet. What they mean is, internet and basic cable, which you can get by plugging in a cable cord to your TV. What a rip!

Anyways the point of all this is to tell you that I can't do anything now except play video games and pick my nose. Oh and READ I guess. Not that this is such a bad thing, but I thought I'd inform the few of you who still read this blog despite my less than stellar performance as of late. In the meantime, enjoy this post about nothing. At some point between 11-1 on Saturday, my internet will be returned to its original form and the world can sleep soundly knowing that I can once more watch movies and talk about them and then write stuff that is important only to me. Yay!

Here are some awesome pictures I found by searching, "Dead Internet"

Scream 4: Give Ghostface His Dignity Back

There was an extended period in my life where I wanted to have Scream's baby. I was smitten with Matthew Lillard's annoyingly stupid presence. I got hot flashes when Rose McGowan thought she was thin enough to go through the cat door in the garage. Most importantly however, it scared the crap out of me. So much so, that my first viewing of the film resulted in an all night awake fest courtesy of the metal screw in my ceiling light that suspiciously resembled Ghostface. I was convinced that some lunatic was going to bust through my window at any point during the night and kill me.

Some may say that this is not a healthy reaction to a horror movie. To them I say, yes probably true, although to be fair almost everything in life scares me so I'm really not a good indicator of something going too far.

What I do know is that Scream is a powerful film and certainly one of, if not the best slasher movie of the past decade or so. Because let's be honest---I still want to have Scream's baby okay? Who doesn't?

Due to my blazing love affair with the film, I did my civic duty by watching the sequels and did my best to love them. While I quite enjoyed Scream 2, I felt Scream 3 was leaning a little too dangerously close to the edge of "annoyingly self aware". Now with Scream 4, I'm pretty confident that Scream has completely fallen off that edge and ventured into face slap territory. Which isn't to say Scream 4 is a bad film it's just..............depressing because it reminds me how sad our culture has become.

Ghostface in 2011 is like that point in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise where Freddy picks up his first dirty slang dictionary and runs wild with it. Ghostface has become too whimsy or something. He's too HILARIOUS and witty to really be scared of anymore. Before he had such a menacing and dark quality about him. There was something truly sinister behind that voice and we dreaded hearing it come out the other end of that line. Now? Now we giggle in anticipation of what Ghostface will come up with next. He's basically turned into this.

Now, we become less scared of Ghostface and more bored with him. Now he just seems like an annoying person on Facebook who thinks that yes, the world does want to know about his loneliness.

In fact, that's the whole problem with Scream 4. It's not scary. And I'm not just saying that because I am no longer a child who easily spooks. Scream 4 is just an exercise in trying to appeal to the new generation of horror fans and being annoying about it. Not that most horror movies don't do that, but there's something so infuriating about implementing Facebook and Youtube as valid plot developments in a movie. Sorry, I mean in any movie that is not called The Social Network.

I know we need to update things and make them cool and current, but didn't anyone else feel like they were trapped in a mall throughout the duration of Scream 4? Why does everyone seem SO LITTLE? It's like when you go back and visit your high school after you consider yourself an adult. The kids look about 10 years younger than you did and to top it all off....the cafeteria tables are smaller. Okay, okay I know it's all in your head but that's what I felt like while watching this. It felt weird. And creepy. Like grown men watching the little league championship on ESPN.

None of this however compares to the fact that the ending reveal of the killer is so outrageously stupid and....stupid. I'm not joking, it's the worst! I was so appalled and annoyed when it happened that I actually did an eye roll at my cat so that I could share with someone how annoyed I was. I really just don't know what to say about it.

Scream 4 isn't even that bad of a movie but that reveal really just killed it for me. There are even some decent and well done things happening throughout here. Creepy parking garage scenes, sad and brutal moments of killings, up close and personal shots of intestines. Plus Sydney Prescott will never fail as a likable and believable final girl for me.

But that ending? MAN! Terrible. Just terrible. Ridiculous. Not believable and worst of all it completely annihilates any shred of respectability that Ghostface had left. I know, I know it's supposed to be a commentary on how much importance we put on Youtube and that whole phenomena of 5 minute famers but come on. COME ON. This is embarrassing Wes.

So in closing. Damn it Scream 4. Damn you. You ruined everything and now we can't be friends or lovers.