Can I Get a Mummy Renaissance?

I keep telling myself that I have to keep up with the classic horror films. Just like my sister tells herself that reading the classics is something she must do. Just like all of us feel that because something is so old, it has to be brilliant and in turn---a masterpiece. But why don't more people address the fact that just because a movie is old, doesn't mean it's necessarily a great film?

Sometimes I think about 70 years into the future and the possibility that kids then will think that "old" movies are all highly regarded as masterpieces. Will we see intellectual types touting Wild Things as a landmark in psycho sexual thrillers? Will kids be bragging about their vintage Blu-ray copy of Freddy Got Fingered or maybe discussing the thematic importance of Battle Los Angeles? I shudder at the thought . I even shudder at the thought of The Social Network one day being referred to as a classic film. Isn't it scary? It's terrifying!

At any rate, my blatant disregard for the Universal horror classics has meant a lot of mean stares getting sent my way. After not loving Dracula or maybe even calling it overrated, I realized that most people have an instant defense mechanism built in for when people attempt to raise eyebrows at classic films. I always ask these people in my head, do you really believe it is a masterpiece? Or do you just think you have to believe that it is? Granted the majority of people while not necessarily equating it to masterpiece level do love it simply for the impact it made on the genre. This I can agree with for obvious vampire obsessed reasons. But then this idea brings me to The Mummy.

When talking about the Monster Squad once, I made light of the fact that Dracula picked a few of the worst possible monsters he could to populate his bad boys club--namely The Mummy who can barely out walk a gimpy pigeon and who can be turned to dust in seconds.

Plus--he's not even very scary...okay well, he's a little scary in his more skeleton-like state but overall, he's not utilized much is he? When I made these claims however, a few people protested the lack of scare by bringing up Boris Karloff in The Mummy. Could it be that at one point, mummies were a scary monster? This I had to see.

As it turns out, Boris Karloff in my opinion is not scary or terribly great as a mummy. To me he is Frankenstein and as far away from looking Egyptian as possible. To top it all off however, the actual mummification of Boris Karloff is over almost as quickly as it began. For those brief moments where his eyes flutter open and his bandages brush over the young and annoying archaelogists hand, we do feel at least some kind of fear. But then what? Then we catch a quick glimpse of a strand of bandage as it goes out the door and 10 years later, Boris Karloff returns rejuvenated into a presentable if not very wrinkly Egyptian man, and the movie morphs into a Dracula infused love story. Once again, the actual mummy aspect is not utilized properly!

This bothers me immensely for some reason because The Mummy is no longer really the mummy. He is now, a tragic love story. I want the thrills. I want the breathtaking power that Frankenstein evokes. Is this maybe why, mummies never really caught on as staples in horror culture? Is this why we don't have a mummy craze like we have a werewolf and vampire craze? I bet it is. Which of course prompts me to revisit my previous claim; mummies are still not very scary to me but I want them to be. I so badly do. I want them to be fearsome. I want to see blood seep through bandages. I want evil curses to be flying out at people left and right. I want mummies to actually threaten some damage! I think it's time for a mummy rebirth. Who's with me?

And in case you haven't figured it out by now, I don't think very highly of The Mummy. I didn't even finish it actually which obviously begs the question of whether or not I reserve the right to say bad things about the film but it is my blog and all so I win. It has a few moments of intrigue but overall an improper use of mummies me thinks. And Boris Karloff is still just playing Frankenstein only with some heavy eye makeup. Sorry dude.

The Tingler: Vincent Price Tripping on Acid? Yes Please.

I've never considered myself a huge William Castle or Vincent Price fan. I know, I know I can feel your seething rage from here. The fact is, I had never really seen anything that made me truly want to erect a poster in bedroom--which as we all know is the highest honor I can bestow upon something I love. You should also know that I'm talking about my virtual bedroom that I store inside my head. My real bedroom only has one actual poster and it's of Desmond from LOST, for obvious reasons, mainly being that I believe he is the 2nd coming of Christ. There's also a sticker of the cat from Hausu for the same reasons above.

Anywho, I think in the back of my mind I always knew that I would really love The Tingler. Reading about the premise, the gimmicks, and seeing that shot of what I had always falsely assumed was the pink goo from Ghostbusters II rising out of the bathtub,



I just knew that my love would be instantaneous. So why did it take me so long? Hard to say. Maybe I didn't want to embrace the William Castle and Vincent Price love so easily. I'm just soo controversial that not loving two people that tend to go hand in hand with the horror genre sounded like the right thing to do. But who am I kidding? The Tingler was my downfall--because I am now in love.

The Tingler deals with pathologist Dr. Warren Chapin who is strangely attracted to studying the idea of what causes that...tingling sensation in our bodies when we feel fear. After some handy X-ray work he finds that the cause of the tingling is in fact a parasite that latches onto our spinal cord, growing bigger and bigger the longer we go without screaming.

I was surprised myself to find that The Tingler was very Sci-Fi in its details, and this thrilled me. Even more thrilling is finding out that there IS really a parasitic creature in this and it's not just someone pretending to be one--which would admittedly be very hard to pull off. But you see, I think that was one of the turn offs for me about William Castle. I love ghost stories, but when suddenly you find that there were no ghosts, I start calling shenanigans.

Whether or not my love is owed to the parasite remains to be seen however, but I do want to make it very clear that the single best thing that happened to me all week was seeing Vincent Price tripping on LSD. Yes, behold the wonder and mystique of one of the greatest scenes of all time!

Wasn't that just magical? It was like rubbing it in all those peoples faces that said, "Andre, you'll never be able to see a cinematic icon tripping out on acid EVER" and it felt good.

Aside from that wonderfulness, The Tingler just left me feeling deeply jealous that I was never able to attend a real William Castle screening where his gimmicks were in full effect. The Tingler is probably one of the more famous gimmick ridden movies as it employed Percepto, which allowed him to attach electric buzzers to the underside of several of the theater seats. At the critical moment in the film where the tingler escapes into the theater, a blackout ensued consisting of Vincent Price's voice yelling, "The Tingler is loose in THIS theater! Scream! Scream for your lives!". At this moment the buzzers would be activated and screams inserted into the picture's sounds were heard, making it sound like an ultimate portrayal of hysteria. The whole time this was happening I was just SO jealous.

It really makes me think about how we should be doing this instead of crappy 3-D. That's really putting your audience into the film, and forcing them to experience it if you ask me. It would be truly delightful. As kooky as William Castle appeared to be, there is no denying that this was awesome. He would even sometimes have nurses stationed as gimmicks and people pretending to faint and then get wheeled off. Man, I really missed out.

Aside from the gimmicks, the rest of The Tingler, is still just as effective. I even had to stifle my own scream when Ollie's wife experienced her own "tripping" and found this creature lying in the bed.

I'm guessing this is where Jason's pond look came from.

This whole scene was actually really spectacularly "spooky" in a fun way.

It sadly put Vincent Price's crappy fuzzy skeleton tripping to shame (for unfair reasons I suppose). The blood in the sink was absolutely lovely

and the bloody bathtub was probably the best thing ever.

And then right when we are getting all spooktastic, and such--Vincent Price performs an autopsy and finds.....The Tingler!

In the flesh! At first I figured we would only get to see the shadow of this great creature, but low and behold

it lives!! Even though the mystique of the tingler is sometimes ruined by the appearance of the wires used to pull it along, I still could greatly appreciate it. I completely love the idea that this thing is suppose to be inside all of us when we get scared. It's indestructible! It's strong! And if we don't scream, it could kill us! YES.

The Tingler to put it simply, exceeded all of my expectations. I knew I would like it, I had a feeling that I would love it but I had no idea that I would be so entranced throughout its entirety. I love you The Tingler. And I don't care who knows! You know...I've been in love a lot lately I admit it. But that's what happens when you realize that you've missed out on so many good movies in your life. The Tingler with all of its silliness, gimmicks, and wonder will forever now be in my canon of favorite films. Rejoice!

And now to relive the brilliance of William Castle's opening words...

I am William Castle, the director of the motion picture you are about to see. I feel obligated to warn you that some of the sensations— some of the physical reactions which the actors on the screen will feel— will also be experienced, for the first time in motion picture history, by certain members of this audience. I say 'certain members' because some people are more sensitive to these mysterious electronic impulses than others. These unfortunate, sensitive people will at times feel a strange, tingling sensation; other people will feel it less strongly. But don't be alarmed— you can protect yourself. At any time you are conscious of a tingling sensation, you may obtain immediate relief by screaming. Don't be embarrassed about opening your mouth and letting rip with all you've got, because the person in the seat right next to you will probably be screaming too. And remember— a scream at the right time may save your life

Ah, pure poetry.

The Invisible Man: Why You Should Always Pick Invisibility over Flying.

I'm sure we've all been asked this question numerous times, whether at sleepovers, in school, first dates whatever. Which super power would like to have? Or in some less accepting crowds where the question is chopped for brevity--Would you rather have the superpower to be invisible or to fly? The answer was always easy for me, as the idea of being able to stand unseen in the room of my elementary school crush sounded far more appealing than flying ever would. And even now when the idea of stalking people is far from my mind--the concept of being invisible just sounds nice. Dr. Jack Griffin would beg to differ I'm sure, as I suppose anyone would who does not have the ability to turn on and off invisibility as easily as a light switch would. No, a side effect of madness doesn't seem very exciting either I might add.... no, no, being invisible Dr. Jack Griffin style is not a highly sought after super power. It is at best used for comedic relief and at its worst used for indeterminably horrific consequences.

I should also point out that being called an invisible man is not a highly sought after term, as 98 degrees explains in this highly informative video.

Ah yes what else can we learn from the horrific consequences of a science experiment gone wrong?

Although not necessarily one of the better known Universal "monsters", The Invisible Man comes as quite a surprise in terms of special effects and laughter in the face of uncertainty. Way before its time, the effect of Dr. Griffin with only clothes on, is pretty impressive for the 1930s.

Even minor stunts like sending a toy train off a cliff look pretty darn realistic! Yes, I basically thought it was a real train, laugh it up. In a time before green screens and CGI, the effect achieved so much more than even some films today and achieved it using simple means. And the best part is---it's believable! Well at least to me and my easily satisfied mind.

I also laughed. A LOT. Who knew an invisible man would be a great jumping off point for some honest to good slapstick comedy? Well alright, I guess it's a fairly obvious move. Having a room full of men, weapons at the ready and then to have the assailant go around and throw people's hats off, pull their legs out from under them and pants them? (did he ever pants anybody? Well he should have). Yeah, I guess that does scream slapstick opportunity. I just could not stop laughing once the invisible man went off the deep end and turned "mad" and started reeking serious havoc on the poor town. And to top it all off, to have the deep and invigorating voice of Claude Rains behind all of it? The way that he says those nursery rhymes well giving someone a good kick in the behind is almost too classic for words.

Perhaps the one great fault-- is that the real tragedy is almost pushed to the side. We see the invisible man engage in a quick scene with his beloved, whom he apparently loves more than anything but then his "madness" and all the funny that happens seems to overshadow everything. Can I really believe that the invisible man loves Flora and further more believe that they are engaged? And since when did going mad mean that you are hilarious? Not that I'm complaining about it because it was quite hysterical and entertaining but to have a side effect of the drug be madness is kind of odd. In fact I don't believe that is an original part of the story.

It much rather seems to me that during the time of Universal's out pour of horror, there was a lot of explaining going on. People didn't like that there was such a thing as unexplainable emotion. You couldn't just be struggling with your identity you had to have lycanthropy, you couldn't just vent about being invisible and no one caring, you had to be suffering dementia as a side effect of monocane. See? It's all very interesting, but I much prefer thinking that Dr. Jack Griffin was merely frustrated and found his entire situation to be "funny" in a ridiculous kind of way, rather than a "side effect". Yes perhaps he was "mad" but only because he realized that he would never be seen again. I still maintain that he kept his sanity though.

Well in any case, the Invisible Man is still quite entertaining and although I never got a real sense of fear or horror while watching, I did enjoy the first glimpse we get of the invisible man in the tavern.

He's quite ominous isn't he? I suppose we are meant to find terror in the fact that this man is capable of anything--throwing people's hats off, robbing banks, and throwing people off cliffs. Yes, I suppose that would be terrifying to not see someone who is capable of murder but people were treating him badly! I would be nice to him and leave him alone when he told me to. I would also NOT scream all the time like that crazy dingbat woman. I much more often found myself on the side of Dr. Griffin than anyone else. Although I guess that is what tends to happen with this Universal pics. Overall, The Invisible Man may lack a true sense of fear, but its effects and the comedic undertones are more than enough to keep you satisfied.

P.S. YES to flipping over that baby carriage. Genius.

Gojira: ....GOJIRA!

I've always thought I would have a special connection with Godzilla. This is mostly because of my strange obsession with dinosaurs. Let it be known that for 10 years now I've told my friends that I wanted a dinosaur themed birthday party, complete with dinosaur party hats and dinosaur party favors---and I've still NEVER gotten it. It's not like dinosaur party hats are hard to find but...whatever. The point is I love dinosaurs, which means that I would naturally love a movie such as a Godzilla that contains a prehistoric dinosaur living in the bowels of the deep, rejuvenated by that pesky thing called Nuclear bombs. What better way to kick off my Godzilla craze by watching the original and newly restored, complete with English subtitles, 1954 Gojira?

For those of you who do not know the story of Godzilla, or for those of that just wish to be entertained here is a recounting of the plot through screen grabs and subtitles!

Don't worry, I won't spoil the ending.

I can't remember the last time I had so much fun watching a really old movie with cheesy and outdated effects. I kept scaring/annoying my sister by reenacting Japanese people shouting GOJIRA!!! every 10 seconds. Even when Gojira wasn't around I would still randomly shout GOJIRA!!! Because it was fun. Heck, I just did it while washing my face. But the thing is, even though many have made fun of the effects--I ate them up. I shouted out loud when Godzilla made his appearance over the hill. Yes it was a half joking shouting but a part of me was wowed but how effective that particular reveal was. Not to mention the suit that the actor wore, weighed 200 pounds...AND apparently it was not uncommon to retrieve a cup full of sweat between shoots. Blagh.

I also loved how we got our action straight away. No nonsense love story before the good stuff--just straight up boats blowing up for no reason and gigantic footprints plaguing the coast. Brilliant. To top it all off...the foot steps of Gojira ECHO in your ears before the credits begin to role!! Like seriously, they pound your soul.

Pure brilliance. And don't forget how simply wonderful the film's score is.

What is it about this theme that I love so much? It sounds like something out of a Hitchcock movie and I may even be detecting early signs of some John Williams pieces. Of course I wouldn't be surprised since he did also steal the jaws theme from The Phantom of the Opera. But anywho I never expected to become such a fan girl of the theme from Godzilla, but look at me now.

Another moment of surprising brilliance; the shots of the all girls choir singing intermixed with shots of the aftermath of Godzilla's seemingly nuclear destruction.

An eerie remembrance from the days of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I've always been immensely interested by horror films that play so well to that decades fears--and nuclear warfare was certainly still on many people's minds. Godzilla in himself represents not just nuclear war but the after effects of it.

The film's last few lines are so telling, in that they warn of the possibility of Godzilla not being the only monster that exists. If we are not careful, another may rise, anywhere in the world and begin destruction once more.

I was also floored by the weight of the situation at the film's conclusion. Two enemies, turned partners, venturing off to the bottom of the sea to kill Godzilla? Then watching Serizawa tell Ogwata to be happy with Emiko, and he cuts his cord!! That is some Armageddon shit! I loved it. I loved Godzilla so much more than I ever thought possible. Clearly me and mutated dinosaurs are mean to be together, so why is the world keeping us apart?

The Black Cat: Dracula, Frankenstein ('s monster) and a Cat, All In One Movie. YES.

I’ll tell ya something. It felt extremely good to be watching The Black Cat that we were all intended to see and not this. Although both movies refer to Poe’s story of the same name, both films have little if anything to do with the original story. Fulci comes closer with a hanging cat, and securely bricklaying our heroine in the wall but, Edgar G. Ulmer‘s version has absolutely nothing to do with the story at all. In fact it has been said that Poe’s name was only attached to the film to gain popularity for the film. Resemblance to the original story or not, The Black Cat is absolutely wonderful. It’s almost shocking to see some of the creepy images this early on in movie history and certainly stands as a film that uses the art of shadows to it’s advantage. As you know from my Night of the Hunter review, shadows and “interesting” angles are representative of the German expressionism era, the Black Cat however branches out a little more and uses something very creepy known as dead women suspended in glass cases (most likely used for sexual gratification). Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm. And I know what you’re thinking and it is NOT like this.

It’s better. And not ruined by awful Mr. Freeze puns.

Our plot centers on Peter and Joan, a pair of honeymooners who have passed on the obligatory honeymoon to Niagra Falls, for the less romantic country of Hungary. On the train ride they share a train compartment with Dr. Vitus Werdegast played by the eternal Dracula, Bela Lugosi, who claims he is traveling to reacquaint with an old friend. Once in Hungary, the trio gets into a wild bus/car thing which gets into a horrible accident due to the “rain” but probably due more to their loose cannon of a Hungarian driver. Joan is badly injured and Vitus and Peter carry her to Vitus' friend's manor. Boris Karloff makes his entrance as the stony and menacing Poelzig, who reminds me of someone else but we’ll get to that later. Anyways. Poelzig is actually a Satan worshipper, and has been sacrificing young women and keeping them suspended in glass cases in his basement. We soon realize that Poelzig is less of a man to play chess with and more of a man to run away from immediately.

My favorite part about The Black Cat aside from the fantastic images,

the fabulous shadows

and the engrossing modern set pieces, is the fact that Bela Lugosi is really just Dracula in a really nice suit,

and Boris Karloff is just Frankenstein's monster with some phonics lessons under his belt. I suppose it speaks more to the fact that these men are incredibly iconic and as much as they may try to take on different roles- their pasts forever rule their careers. I really had a nice laugh about it all, because it was just pretty damn hilarious. Bela Lugosi is this odd yet entrancing kind of figure who has a creepy habit of stroking those that do not belong to him. He’s actually just like Dracula except instead of fearing crucifixes, he fears cats.

Boris Karloff does a bit better, since it’s unusual to hear him speak full sentences, but his first few appearances still brought back too many familiar feelings.

This screen grab of the two staring at each other is a prime example of how a few years have nothing on these guys. We may as well just call this film Frankenstein's monster without his shoes on vs Dracula.

But yes yes, I suppose these two do ending up moving away from their previous characters. We finally get to feel sympathetic for Bela Lugosi, and Boris Karloff is evil based on his own doings and not a mad scientist's. The main thing to focus on however, is that the ending of The Black Cat may be one of the first instances of the impending doom that is Saw and Hostel. The ending torture scene makes me cringe, even though we see nothing- but it still provides that feeling of skin crawling goodness. Of course we have evolved to showing everything possible, where as The Black Cat is classy and refined and old…..which is most likely why but whatever. The point is, it’s extremely interesting to see this kind of scene so early on in horror movie history. It's almost jolting to see such a scene in such an old and classic film. It reminded me of how amazing and eye opening it was to actually see a face being surgically removed in Eyes Without a Face.

Overall, The Black Cat is a film that one twitter friend referred to as shitting all over the Universal Monster movies. I agree that it is one hell of an enticing film that does not leave me on the fence about whether or not I like it based on the fact that is a classic. Not all films are great or classics just because they are in black and white- but The Black Cat is unquestionably tantalizing to my horror senses. Remember, do not accidentally rent Fulci’s the Black Cat unless you want to and make sure you see this instead. The women suspended in the glass cases are waiting for you.