Friday, July 31, 2009

Mother's Day: That's Funny...My Grandma Has a Gigantic Pair of Inflatable Boobs Hanging Around the House Too...

Ah yes the joys of a cult horror film. No one really expects them to be brilliant yet they do exude a certain entertainment that is hard to find anywhere perhaps they may be brilliant after all. Mother's Day like any other cult horror film is filled to the brim with absurdity and blood those who enjoy such matters I think would rather enjoy this film.

Mother's Day tells the tale of 3 college friends 10 years after graduation. They have made a pact to get together and spend one weekend out of the year together. Abbey is a bookish sort with the biggest and thickest glasses I've ever seen *insert "that's what she said joke here* Jackie has low self esteem and often gets walked on by men, and Trina is tall, blonde and annoying.

The girls set off on their surprise weekend getaway, this year Jackie gets to pick the spot and of course chooses the only place where there is a psychotic old lady who likes to watch her sons rape women- but I'm getting ahead of myself. The girls camp out leave a trail of empty beer cans so they can find their way back and get to skinny dipping almost immediately.

On their last night they are abducted by 2 crazies. One big guy with a bad set of fake hill billy teeth, and one shrimpier guy who likes to wear tight blue pants. They tie the girls up in sleeping bags and drag them to their house where Mother awaits. They tie up the girls to weight lifting equipment and take Jackie outside. Here they act out scenes to mother's liking then rape her and beat her up etc etc. Trina and Abbey end up escaping with Jackie on their back, but when Jackie dies from injuries sustained from raping, they decide to seek their revenge.

The movie does provide some high quality entertainment in the form of gore and just plain craziness. There's the prank the girls play on one of Jackie's old boyfriends at the beginning, the training session the Mother puts her sons through ala Rocky style, the way Abbey stabs one of the son's penis with a hammer, the old TV on the head with an already made hole at the bottom. The fake knife in the back trick, and of course, asphyxiating the old lady with a really nice set of inflatable boobs. The list goes on.

Although one of my favorite parts about these films are the questions. Why do they have to wait so damn long to escape? Why do they take their time escaping? What is the layout of this house, it's practically as confusing as the Full House layout... Why was a head that was decapitated still hanging in the closet and still fresh after 10 years? It's all rather strange. Anyways the movie provides laughs, and may be a little offensive with all the raping going on but it's nothing compared to Last House on the Left of course. If you feel like having a good laugh at the expense of others this is the movie for you.

The Sixth Sense: I Always Knew That Mischa Had Problems.

Ooh M. Night Shyamalan your first blockbuster may very well be your last. This movie is another where the first time I watched it I was scared out of my mind. I remember a particularly mean incident where I got up to go to the bathroom and all the cabinets were opened. My sister having ran into it before and done so. The nerve.

If you don't know the story it's as simple as saying that Cole sees ghosts, scary ones. Usually ones with bad wounds but also not limited to Mischa Barton throwing up oatmeal and mean ladies in pink bathrobes. Dr. Malcolm Crowe arrives one day to examine Cole and his inward personality. Together they uncover a way to help Cole and to help the ghosts.

One of the most genius parts about this movie, is that we don't entirely know what is going on until Cole's famous line in the hospital, "I see dead people". Before that the only real instance we had was the scary man in the tiny closet who ripped Cole's sweater and beat him up. BUT we never saw him. Not until Cole reveals his secrets do the ghosts reveal themselves which is an interesting and very telling detail.

I can't imagine having to see dead people all the time. Poor Cole...those ghosts can be real assholes sometimes. Only when Malcolm tells Cole that he should try to talking to them and see what they want, do we start to understand Cole's ability.
Mischa Barton of course being the trial run. This is one of my favorite parts but also interesting is that after this, the ghosts stop being scary all of a sudden. Very convenient.

Shyamalan also loves playing with color in this film, where red is the key. Things that are red are places where the living world crosses with the dead world. There is Cole's red fortress that he runs into when there is a ghost, the door knob to Malcom's office where he goes to do his work, Mischa's stepmother is the only guest at the funeral wearing red, and Cole's mothers nail polish is red when looking at the photos with the strange white spots.

The best and creepiest scenes are when Malcolm is listening to his old tapes where Vincent was left alone for a minute. That voice that comes out of that tape is pretty damn scary. The people hanging in the school always freaked me out, but that's probably because hanging people scare the Jesus out of me. Then when Cole is taking a whiz and the lady in the pink bathrobe walks by... ahhhh. Although sometimes I wonder if that scene would be as scary if there wasn't that jolt of guess is probably not. But no matter the ghosts are still scary enough to get a reaction.

My other favorite scene is the one I have posted down below. This scene usually makes me cry and Toni Collette is so amazing in it. It's not particularly scary but I find that it really sort of defines the movie as a whole. Cole's ability while incredibly scary is really a connection to another world that many feel they have lost. So all in all, M. Shyamalan's best work, and one of the scarier and more interesting horror films. I won't spoil the twist even though I'm sure everyone knows it even if they've never seen it...but you never do know...

The Orphange: Best New Find Hands Down.

Wow. This may be the scariest recent movie I've seen in a long time. A Spanish supernatural thriller produced by Guillermo del Toro, The Orphanage may keep me awake tonight. I definitely had to watch through my hands at parts especially one part in particular but we'll get to that later.

The orphanage is about Laura who once was an orphan there herself 30 years ago but was adopted. Now 37, Laura and her husband Carlos live there with their adopted son Simon. They have plans to renovate the orphanage and turn it into a home for physically disabled children. Simon talks often about his invisible friends and one day while at a visit to the beach, Simon eerily talks to a new friend in a dark and creepy cave. He begins drawing pictures of his friends, one being Tomas who wears a strange sack over his head.

Laura gets a visit from an old woman Benigna who has a file on Simon and wants to talk about his illness. We soon discover Simon is HIV positive but he will be fine as long as he takes his medication. Soon Simon starts acting strange and introduces a new scavenger hunt type game to Laura that his new friends showed him.

On the day of the welcome party for the new children, Simon wants to show Laura Tomas' little house but she says they cannot see it now. Simon gets angry and she slaps him then tells him he doesn't have to come down if he doesn't want to. Later on Laura goes to find Simon but soon discovers him missing. As she turns around in the hallway a boy wearing the strange mask and with the name tag Tomas confronts her and pushes her into the bathroom, locking the door.

Simon has soon been missing for 6 months, and Laura starts seeing and hearing strange things. No one believes her of course so she must take matters into her own hands to get Simon back.

I don't want to reveal too much about this plot because it is truly an experience. The movie is so beautiful and moving and terrifying in so many different ways that I'm still in awe in about it. This film like Pan's Labyrinth isn't afraid to show certain things that other movies, even slasher films refrain from showing. There is one scene in particular where it is surprising what is shown, especially because they seem to cover it up right before.

The most terrifying scene in the entire movie however is towards the end. There is a scene in the beginning that mirrors this perfectly, where Laura as a child is playing a sort of red light green light game. She says one two three knock on the wall and then turns around. The children get closer and closer each time and whoever touches her means she is kind if "it". Laura recreates this game in desperation in a dark room. Every time she said one two three knock on the wall the camera would slowly pan to look behind her just as she was doing. It was probably the most intense 5 minutes of my life. I'm not joking.

While there isn't a ludicrous twist ending like so many recent films are so fond of, the end was still surprising. It was incredibly moving and I was 2 seconds away from crying. There is a real sense of closure with this film which I find to be a bit absent in other horror movies. Especially those movies where there is "one last scare" or where you see the killers hand or something letting you know he's not really dead.

Other great scenes are; Laura meeting Tomas for the first time (watch the clip at the end), the medium being put into a trance and walking through the house, hearing the screaming of the children in the same scene, Tomas in general, and finding the "clues" with Laura. It's all so wonderful.

This movie had me on my toes the entire time. There is no murdering, no boobs, no excessive blood but it still had me unbelievably terrified. I would recommend this movie to anyone looking for a good scare. It's incredibly intelligent, beautiful, and even profound in some ways. See it, you won't regret it.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The People Under the Stairs: Where Ving Rhames Doesn't Kick Anyone's Ass...Sad Day.

If you've never heard of this movie you must rent it/ watch it on netflix ASAP. I am pretty confident in saying that this is the most fucked up family in horror movie history. Even the Firefly family doesn't make me cringe as much, heck they ARE pretty badass. This is a Wes Craven original- written, produced and directed and Ving Rhames is in it so if that doesn't sell you I'm not sure what will.

Poindexter (Fool) has learned that his family is being evicted from their "house" (crack den apartment) because they were 3 days late paying the rent. Their landlords require 3 months rent if you are late and Fool's family does not have the money. Faced with being put out on the street, Fool joins his sister's "friend" (pimp?) in a plot to rob their rich landlord.

The scene changes off and on again to the landlords. You may recognize Alice...It's A.J. Langer from My So Called Life as the daughter of Mother and Father Robeson. As Mrs. Robeson comes to collect Alice's dinner plate she flips out because the fork is gone. Alice pretends like she is looking for it while a white and long nailed hand comes out of the vent and gives it to her. Mrs. Robeson calls in Daddy Robeson and she tells him that Alice has been "feeding that thing inside the walls again". Daddy slowly gets his belt out..... creepy creeps.

So back to the big plan. Ving Rhame's accomplice poses as a muncipal worker and enters the house. But he never returns! Fool and Ving head inside and are corner by viscous dogs. The house is secured like none they've seen and offers a truly creepy vibe.

Skipping ahead a bit Ving Rhames is killed and Fool falls down the basement stairs. What he finds in the basement walls are hundreds of people. White faced some missing tongues, others eyes, and some even their ears. Sensing a pattern? Ma and Pa Robeson aren't married, they are brother and sister who have a habit of adopting children. If the children hear evil, see evil or speak evil they are given the appropriate punishment and forced to live in the basement under the stairs.

There is a lot more to the plot but you need to watch it or it won't be as wonderfully hysterical and unbelievable. Mr and Mrs Robeson are the creepiest craziest fucked up people I have ever seen. When Mr. Robeson runs around the house wearing some kind of bondage suit yielding a shotgun you know it's going to be a great piece of entertainment.

I think what draws me to this movie is that the atmosphere of the house reminds me of a nightmare. One of those nightmares where you are trapped and continously hiding from someone, and you keep having the dream over and over again. Something about the derelict walls and poor Alice being trapped inside the house really just makes me shudder.

The movie is also good for many many laughs, and there is plenty of blood for those in dire need of it. Also That Thing You Do fans can look forward to two cast members making cameos...Del Paxton and the "fan"

Here is a clip where fool is trying to escape from the shotgun of Mr. Robeson. I think the whole movie is on Youtube as well so you can watch it right this minute...which you should.


Thanks Trent from Pink Is The New Blog for doubling my hits in a matter of minutes!

The Emperor's Wing Man Makes an Appearance in Nosferatu.

I find that all silent movies are extremely creepy. The older ones have that unnatural like creepy zombie quality due to the projecter speed. Now a horror movie that is also a silent movie? Extremely creepy.

There is an "Are You Afraid of the Dark" episode called Midnight Madness in which a Nosferatu-like character comes out of the film and reeks havoc on a movie theater. There is a certain image of the vampires spidery white long nailed fingers wrapping around the side of the door that is particularly frightening. It wasn't until I began hearing things about this movie that I made the connection and perhaps that is why I find Count Orlok so scary. But then again Bravo has it on their countdown so everyone must be a little creeped out by him.

The film is a loose adaption of Bram Stoker's Dracula. A loose adaption because the studio could not buy the rights to the novel, so they had to tweak a few things like the characters' names and some of the story line. However, the basic gist is still there.

A man named Hutter travels to Transylvania to make a deal with a mysterious Count regarding real estate. Once arrived, the locals plead with him not to go to the castle but his ignorance leads him there anyways. Count OrLok strolls though the courtyard like he is expecting an old friend. At dinner, Hutter cuts his finger and Count Orlok tries to suck his blood. Hutter starts becoming suspicious and thanks to his handy book "The Book of Vampires" he realizes Count Orlok is "The bird of death".

Count Orlok is perhaps the scariest horror villain I have ever seen. The way he rises from the coffin in the ship scene, and when he walks into Hutter's room at night is just constant panic in my head. The way he moves is so creepy that it makes my skin crawl.

The movie can drag especially if you aren't used to silent movies, but I find that the creepiness of Orlok makes up for it. Other creepy parts are the villagers carrying the coffins down the street in a long line almost like a parade, Orlok staring out the window at Hutter's wife sleeping, and of course just Count Orlok's fingers in general. So watch this, if only for the unbelievable amount of creepiness...

Also why does Count Orlok look like that creepy guy who is friends with the Emperor from Return of the Jedi?

Well anyways, here is what I think, the creepiest scene of all...

Peeping Tom: Two Ginger's in One Movie? That's Just Crazy Man.

Peeping Tom in it's time was one of the most controversial films to date. Now it seems almost funny when we have things like Cannibal Holocaust to compare it to. It is an amazing film however and it keeps you thinking about it long after you watch it, which in my opinion is the mark of a truly great thriller.

So meet Mark, a photographer with a scarring childhood who gets a real kick out of filming his victims while killing them. An early form of snuff films perhaps? Mark appears normal on the outside albeit a bit strange and nervous when he interacts with other people, especially those who make him nervous. Case in point his downstairs neighbor Helen who is the creepiest ginger I've ever seen.. Mark shows Helen some home video footage of his father filming him as a child in various states of terror. In one instance his father throws a lizard on his bed and films while Mark screams and tries to get away. Mark reveals that his father was a psychologist who focused on fear and the nervous system. He kept Mark on constant surveillance even wiring his room so that he could always be watched and used for his experiments, even going so far as to film Mark saying goodbye to his dying mother and attending her funeral.

Female victims of Mark's start popping up and it's not long before the police make a connection. Each woman has the look of pure terror on their face and are stabbed in the throat. We find out soon enough that Mark kills the women with the pointed end of his tripod while filming them at the same time. He also has attached a mirror to the camera so his victims can watch their own deaths.

I don't want to reveal too much of the ending because I found it pretty breathtaking. But the most curious part about the film is the symbolism of being watched, and watching yourself. I read that the film is an allegory for a horror movie director. The director watches his victims or characters being killed in order to gain a reaction from the audience. Mark in turn tries to gain a reaction from his victims which then of course gains a reaction from the audience. It can be a bit confusing but when you think about the voyeurism involved in a camera it really is quite fascinating.

Mark and Norman Bates are often connected in this way. Both enjoy "watching" their victims to some extent. Both have some pretty messed up and frightening childhoods, and both have a hint of a double personality well a hint more in Mark's case, with poor Norman it is pretty clear there are two sides.

The strangeness of Mark's father is extremely interesting, and how Mark's adulthood was created due to his father's experiments. There are also a lot of really really great scenes and pictures in this; the juxtaposition of the mother's pointed walking stick, to Mark's pointed tripod, Helen's mothers blindness and how she still feels fear even though she cannot see Mark, the funny bits about the scene being changed from trunks to hats, and Mark's general creepiness.

I feel pretty confident I could go on and on about everything in this movie so I will spare you. If you haven't seen this you must check it out. It could easily make my favorites list with a few more viewings. Watch the scene below for a good idea of Mark's character.

What Psycho Did For Showers, Hostel Did For Vacationing To Eastern Europe.

I am not a huge fan of the increasing fad of "torture horror" films. I saw Hostel one night and Saw as well just to say that I did it. I don't enjoy the films because it's such a feeling of pointlessness to me. Give me story-lines and artistic blood patterns, villains with depth and heroes that aren't just dumb big boobed bimbos. But I digress. Hostel while in the torture genre is still a rather disturbing bit of film.

3 backpackers are in Europe doing the usual sex club, brothel thing. They meet a gross looking kid who claims there is a brothel filled with beautiful woman who will do whatever you want. The boys are captivated and go to the city. The stay in hostel with 2 seemingly perfect slave girls who tempt the boys into going to the spa and then having sex. What a vacation. The next morning their foreign pal goes missing but they receive a text from him with a strange picture of his head and a smokestack behind it saying he has left. We soon find his head is decaptitated. The boys decide to leave but somehow end up at the disco with the weird girls anyways. They are both drugged and Josh goes back to the hostel and Paxton gets locked in some kind of alleyway or something strange. Paxton wakes up and finds Josh gone. Josh has been tortured and killed by the Dutch business man they met earlier in the film on the train. Paxton decides to go to the weirdo slut girls and find out some info. They tell him they will take him to his friend.

They pull up at an old factory. Paxton goes in and sees room after room of people being tortured and killed. Then he gets attacked by some burly men and he too is put into a room undergoing a nauseating scene of torture. Paxton manages to kill his torturer and escape in the end committing a violent payback against the dutch business man who tortured and killed Josh.

The thing about this movie that makes me feel the most grossed out, is just the environment. Eastern europe is not given a very good name these days and this film certainly doesn't help. The disgusting atmosphere of the factory just makes me feel very uneasy. The torture scenes weren't as bad as I expected them to be, but the after scenes of the burly men chopping up bodies and hosing down bloody tables I think is more difficult to watch.

It is valiant the way that Paxton escapes and his payback at the end is very satisfying. The scene where he makes it into the locker room and dons a businessman's suit is also especially creepy. He talks with a man waiting to torture his victim and seeks advice from Paxton on how he should do it. Paxton suggests he make it quick as possible. Of course we later find that man taking a blow torch to an Asian girls eye so obviously he didn't listen.

But this idea of business men paying absurd amounts of money to kill someone is very creepy. Eli Roth says that his inspiration for the film came when he came across a Thai website giving patrons the ability to torture and kill someone for $10,000. That alone is terrifying and this movie only brings that terror further into your consciousness.

So all in all I think it one of the better torture movies although I still would pass up watching it again. Something about it just makes me feel sick, and I really don't think it's the gore.

Buy Hostel at Horror Movie Empire

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Silence of the Lambs: What? No One Else Is Creeped Out By the Guy With the Lazy Eye?

And yet again another movie that is not only a genius horror movie but a fantastic movie as well. This movie is on TV about oh everyday or so and I will sit down and watch it whenever I get the chance. There are so many great things going on that I'm not sure I'll be able to fit it all in. I can watch it over and over again and still be in awe every single time.

Clarice Starling is training to be an FBI agent when she is pulled from her training to do a special assignment. She has to interview a serial killer named Dr. Hannibal Lecter to see if he can provide the FBI with clues as to newly sought after serial killer, Buffalo Bill. Buffalo Bill's victims are found in water with a portion of their skin cut off and all are heavy set women. So Clarice is now apart of two serial killers lives and it can only get more interesting.

Lecter provides Clarice with mysterious clues and puzzles to help her find out the identity of Buffalo Bill. Lecter is attracted to Clarice but not in a sexual way. Rather, he seems to deeply appreciate her and understand what makes her who she is. Anthony Hopkins is at times unnerving with his calm and collected manner, but I still seem to find him somewhat alluring. He is a genius, not just because he is a former psychologist but because he seems to just know everything. So he eats people so what? I love the guy.

Buffalo Bill on the other there is a true whack job. He is a sexually confused man with some kind of speech impediment or maybe he's just half dumb. He likes to dress in drag and tuck in his junk and dance in the front of the mirror. The most memorable of his scenes of course being the "lotion in the basket" scene which I have included at the end if you've never seen it.

There are so many beautifully artistic scenes in this, my favorite albeit gross is when Hannibal attacks the two police officers and the other guards find one of the cops disemboweled and strung across the jail cell looking like some kind of terrible butterfly (fitting when you think of the motif of the moth or butterfly that runs throughout the film). Lecter's entire escape actually is amazing and so well thought out. Not to say that I am thinking about escaping from a prison anytime soon but just wow.

Then there's the ending. When Clarice gets the call that the FBI have found Buffalo Bill and yet she still goes to talk to one more person who may know something and that person is Buffalo Bill. Then the moment the moth flies in and she realizes that this is Buffalo Bill. Then the lights go off and Buffalo Bills night vision goggles kick on and you see everything from his point of view, his hand practically touching her head. ahhhh it's probably the most suspenseful scene in cinematic history.

This is certainly a classic and it turns conventions on its head as the iconic "killer" Hannibal Lecter isn't the true killer of the movie, he actually is more helpful than detrimental. So please see this if you haven't. It's a staple in movie history.

Night of the Living Dead: Whoever Spells Barbara like Barbra Deserves to Be Eaten By Zombies.

I just finished watching this for the first time (thanks to my newly aquired Netflix membership) and although I am not a zombie movie fan, I have to say that I was pleasantly entertained. People always talk about this movie as the messiah of the zombie film trend. Zombies are perhaps the most interesting of horror movie villains because of their pack like hunting and their strength in numbers. What is also interesting however is that Zombies are really just representations of ourselves.

The film opens with brother and sister Johnny and Barbra. They are off to the cemetery to put a cross on their father's grave. Barbra has an old fear of cemeteries and Johnny taunts her by saying "They're coming to get you Barbra!" Over Johnny's shoulder we see a strange figure hobbling. At first I didn't think there could be a zombie so soon. I'm used to horror movies taking a little long for the good stuff to happen so imagine my surprise when the zombie grabs Barbra immediatley. What a curve ball! Barbra escapes while Johnny isn't so lucky. She runs to an old farmhouse after being chased by the zombie and discovers a mutilated corpse upstairs. In her horror she runs outside where our hero, Ben pulls up in a pickup truck and pushes her back inside. They begin boarding up the house and soon discover a family and a young couple is holed up in the basement. The movie is not so unlike the end of The Birds in that the house is all boarded up with the predators on the outside, and there is nowhere to go. Once again hope seems a million miles away.

A TV keys our characters into what is happening. Apparently it is believed that some radiation from some exploded space thing is what is causing all these dead people to rise again, sounds a little like bullshit in my opinion. However they do offer a solution by specifically stating that a gunshot to the head will kill them for good. Ben plans an escape which doesn't go so well and pretty soon all the characters are goners. Ben seems to be the sole survivor until a group of gun toting men go around killing all the zombies and mistake Ben for one too.

Having all the characters die in the end is a powerful statement for a horror film, and it really makes things just feel hopeless. The zombie motif works wonders here as we realize that what we really have to fear is ourselves. Humans against humans equals death death death. Perhaps a social commentary on war in general? Or our habits of always coming into conflict with those closest to us? However you choose to interpret it, the zombie fad is quite interesting.

The film was great. It was very suspenseful because you too sort of feel like you are trapped inside the house, only you as the viewer are trapped into the movie. There are a few really great and memorable scenes. I enjoyed the beginning and our first glimpse at a zombie so soon into the film, as well as the scene where the little girl is eating her father's dead body and of course then the murdering of her mother with a garden spade.

Sometimes I wish people weren't so stupid in zombie movies. Ben keeps shooting the zombies in the chest. HELLO the news said you have to shoot them in the head, why is that so hard to understand? Then we have the Mom being all confused and upset about her daughter... umm..prettttty sure she was just eating your husband and therefore is a zombie and no longer your daughter. And of course there's Barbra seeing Johnny and jumping into his arms then being swept away by the sea of zombies. Sigh. People will never learn. Poor Babs, she never really had a hope to begin with.

So all in all it was a great experience. The zombies eating the humans was stomach churning and the eerie way that the zombies mass together and slowly walk is really amazing. Here is the scene where the little girl eats the Dad and so on...I also believe that you can watch the entire movie on Youtube for free, so log in and enjoy!

Buy Night of the Living Dead on Horror Movie Empire!

The Shining: Is It Weird That Delbert Grady Was My Favorite Character?

Stanley Kubrick is a man who knows how to make a person shake in their boots. This movie for many is the epitome of a scary movie and I know a few people who still refuse to watch it. While not really that gory, the film does something more terrifying here which is a psychological horror.

Jack Torrance has recently become the Overlook Hotel's new caretaker. Which means he and his family must live secluded in the hotel throughout the off season, which has the unfortunate problem of always getting monstrously snowed in. Danny the Torrance's son, has a special friend named Tony who lives in his mouth and whom he talks to through his finger. While being given a tour of the hotel, Mr. Hallorann the hotel chef, takes a liking to Danny and tells him that he has something that his grandmother used to refer to as the "Shining" some people have it, some people don't. What it really is, is a form of ESP that allows Danny and Mr. Hallorann to see some terrifying things. He lets Danny know that a lot of bad things have happened in this hotel, but that what he sees is just a picture, it's not real and it can't hurt him. Or can it?

Months and months go by and things are sort of OK. Despite Shelley Duvall being creepy and ugly and Jack Nicholson slowly losing his mind. Although I would go crazy too if I was married to Shelley Duvall. So poor little Danny gets exposed to some pretty messed up stuff. There is an ominous horror in room 237 and even though Mr. Hallorann tells him never to go in there, Danny's curiosity just can't be resisted. He shows up downstairs with horrible bruises and can only be described as "out of it". Jack Nicholson goes to investigate and we find a hot naked lady in a bathtub. This is what attacked poor Danny? The woman slinks over to Jack and starts macking it with him. Then Jack looks in the mirror. The sexy woman has become a disgusting and molding, rotten old granny who laughs and laughs. The site of her wrinkly and decaying body can only be described as the most disgusting thing you will ever see.

Now Jack starts seeing ghosts and having drinks with them, and Shelley Duvall walks in on a bizarre and disturbing scene between two men, one who is wearing a weird animal mask...
Things just start getting crazy. The twins in the hallway, frickin' Danny riding that big wheel around turning corners and not knowing what to expect. It is done well in so many many ways.

When I saw this for the first time I went to bed pretty scared. Our houses heating pipes would always make the sound of rushing water and whenever I closed my eyes I could only envision the blood pouring out of the elevator and flooding the lobby. It's little scenes like that, that make this movie truly memorable and scary.

I could go on and on about the meanings and symbols embedded in the movie but what it comes down to, is that this is truly a work of art. We start feeling the madness of it all just as Jack Nicholson does and in all fairness I too would love to just take an axe to a door every now and then. The ending is pretty powerful and makes you think about the entire movie all over again. The real horrors are inside of us, and they are alive forever...

The movie varies a lot from Stephen Kings novel of the same name, and book purists would want to watch the TV version starring Rebecca De Mornay, if they are in a tizzy about it. King's main beef with Kubricks version is that he makes Jack Nicholson the main character, when in the book the real villain or main character is the hotel itself. A valid point, although the hotel is what I think makes this movie scary. A lot of people think Jack Nicholson is responsible but I really understood that this hotel is one fucked up place.

Here is the big wheel scene with the twins and we get to hear a little bit from Tony, Tony Tone as well.

How Are You Even Suppose to Pronounce Se7en?

Se7en, like Poltergeist, stands on it's own as a great movie, not just a great thriller movie. Morgan Freeman is probably my favorite person in the world and Brad Pitt while hot is a complete douche bag in this movie but only adds to the films overall greatness I suppose. The movie takes place in one of those un-named cities. It is always raining and always extremely gloomy to add to the nightmare-like quality and also apoctolyptic quality too.

Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt are two dectectives working a case where all the murders are connected to one of the 7 deadly sins. The killer is hidden for much of the film, and is downright frightening and the gruesome murders are wonderfully imagined and almost breath taking to watch. We never get to watch him committing the murders but it is the outcome of them that makes them terrifying.

One of the greatest aspects of the movie is the growing friendship between the two dectectives. While at first Morgan Freeman despises Brad Pitt for his naive bad cop atttitude and way of doing things but then slowly the two start becoming a couple of real chums. The bromance story is well done, and the escalating murders up till the final two are so thrilling and suspenseful it's like porn for a thriller movie buff.

Kevin Spacey is the evil murderer who claims he is merely doing God's work. That scene when he's in the back of the cop car explaining his reasoning is the creepiest thing ever. He does amazing work in this film and it cannot go unnoticed. Also when they find his apartment and are reading his journals ahhhhh psycho psycho.

The final scene for many is the cherry on top of a perfect suspenseful movie. It's all so horrible you can't believe it. The audience is just as horrified as Morgan Freeman is when he opens the box and looks inside. That is some powerful stuff.

Bravo cites the "Sloth" murder as the scariest moment and while I agree, I do think that all of the murders are scary in their own way. The incredibly and digustingly fat man in the beginning, the woman who's face is mutilated and of course the unforgettable penis knife contraption. Gaaah. Crazy. Just crazy man.

So here is the scene of the Sloth murder. How they made this guy look like that we will never know. But it is one piece of horrifying cinema that will stay with me for a long time. If you haven't seen this movie rent it immediately. It is not only a great thriller but a great movie as well.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The Exorcist: If My Mother Did Suck Cocks In Hell I Wouldn't Want That Bitch To Tell Me.

Who doesn't like the Exorcist? It's a favorite horror movie of many and yet some people find it to be the funniest movie out there. I like to believe that this is because people are absolutely terrified but are too afraid to admit it. Usually when people are uncomfortable with something they play it off as laughing. I honestly cannot believe that there are people who are not terrified when they watch this movie. You are lying if you are not affected by it.

While it is a bit funny when the demon swears and shouts obscenities, there is always that voice in your head when you are like...oh. my. fucking. god.

Imagine if you will, going to the movie theater in 1973. Virtually nothing like this movie has ever been seen before. You settle in and try to figure out what could possibly be wrong with Regan. Then all of a sudden she starts forcing a crucifix violently into her nether regions shouting out to fuck jesus and then pushes her mothers head into her bloody crotch. Religious people probably fainted. In fact I think many people did faint during the pre screen and it wasn't long before the theaters started offering "Exorcist barf-bags". People were going berserk.

I first encountered this movie when my older sister was having a sleepover with her friends. I snuck behind the couch and slowly peered around it to get a glimpse. As soon as I heard that demonic voice for the first time I flipped a shit and high tailed it out of there. I didn't try to watch it again until it was on TV one night. Watching it was perhaps a terrible mistake as I spent the whole rest of the night not being able to fall asleep because I was convinced that a demon was going to possess me too.

So there isn't much else I can really say about this other than it is a staple in any horror movie fans itinerary. The effects and the language and pretty much everything were so groundbreaking for it's time that it still baffles many people. The thing that still freaks me out is that demonic face that pops up every now and then. Lets see if I can find a picture....ah yes here it is.

So whenever I'm scared about something this face always pops into my mind. This picture combined with a picture of Jaws are the two that will make my heart jump into my throat. I don't even know why it's so scary but I don't see why it has to randomly flash on the screen without any warning. A-holes. I read somewhere that many people thought those flashes to be a form of subliminal messaging. Of course for it to be subliminal the images would have to be shown to you below your level of awareness. And call me crazy but I am most definitely aware that I am being shown that image, Thanks. So here is a compilation of all the great scenes and all of their uncomfortableness. Enjoy and be terrified.

Buy The Exorcist at Horror Movie Empire!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Is It Possible Chucky Was Better Looking as a Doll?

Now why a child would ever want a doll that looked like this is beyond me, but bless Andy's heart the kid is cute. Chucky is a hilarious movie and a pretty OK horror movie.

Charles Lee Ray knows voodoo and he's not afraid to use it. He gets cornered in a toy story and transfers his soul into a "good guys" doll, the latest rage in toys. Karen Barclay and her son Andy have it a little rough. She is a single widowed mom and has to works crappy hours at a department store. It's Andy's birthday and more than anything Andy wants a good guys doll which he is already a little too obsessed with despite not having the man piece of the allure. The doll however, is much too expensive for Karen to afford. Sad day sad day... But wait Karen is in luck! Her trashy friend Maggie tells her there is a homeless peddler in the alley selling a good guys doll! Hallelujah Karen's prayers are answered. The hobo is pretty gross and I sure as hell wouldn't buy a toy from his nasty shopping cart if you paid me but hey it's for Andy and he is pretty cute.

Andy finally gets the doll of his dreams and soon odd things start happening. Someone or something pushes Maggie out the window while she is babysitting. Has Andy turned into a psycho serial killer? Of course not, it's the escaped killer Charles Lee Ray trapped inside the body of a creepy doll!

So Andy gets continuously blamed and I feel so bad for him because he tries to tell everyone that it's Chucky his doll doing all the bad things but no one seems to listen. Even though he's really cute and it breaks my heart in the beginning when he tries to make his mom breakfast in bed....gah I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

Karen catches on though due to her unfortunate encounter with Chucky after she tried to burn him in the fire and the fight to bring Chucky to his death begins.

Now what I love most about this and I'm sure why everyone else likes it as well is how rude and vulgar Chucky is. He says the greatest things. It turns the movie into an instant classic. Making a doll have the soul and mind of a serial killer is ingenious, and although you may think Chucky may be limited in his movements and how he can kill people, think again. Chucky is one serious doll. He has of coursed spawned many sequels, one of my favorites being The Seed of Chucky, and the movies only continue to be a hilarious laugh fest.

While Chucky does have a hard time dying and it can be a but exhausting to have a half burned and mutilated doll trying to kill you AGAIN it still is a pretty decent flick, although I think the humor comes first. Here is the clip that Bravo played, and Karens first encounter with the real Chucky.

Buy Child's Play at Horror Movie Empire

Hellraiser: So... What Was the Homeless Guy Eating Crickets in the Pet Shop All About Anyways?

Another Clive Barker masterpiece. I have yet to read this book which is called The Hellbound Heart but I will report back as soon as I do. First, a disclaimer; Many people associate Hellraiser with the character "pinhead" who is the lead cenobite. While the film has largely to do with Hell and the cenobites, pinhead only appears a few times. He is quite an amazing character nonetheless and I appreciate him more and more everytime I watch this.

So we begin with Frank Cotton who likes to wear no shirt and put together strange puzzle boxes. What comes out of the box once completed are the cenobites. Pinhead, Butterball, Chatterer, and "female cenobite" yeah, real original name for the girl one I know.. These are demons from Hell who torture the unfortunate puzzle solvers. Frank goes to hell, and his brother and his 2nd wife Julia move in. Julia has had an affair with Frank in the past and often wanders the house investigating old pictures and reminicising of their violent sexual past.

I must be clear that the dividing line between sexual pleasure and physical pain is extremely thin in this film for a reason. Pain is used as a source of pleasure so therefore Julia's relationship with Frank only mirrors this fact. Anyways, Franks bro is moving a matress and cuts his hand on a nail causing blood to spill on the floor where Frank died. The blood vanishes and Frank is reborn! But he is less than human, and only a disgusting blob of gross fleshy puss vomit boogers. Who should happen upon that site but Julia! Imagine seeing your former lover transformed into a pulsating booger. Unfortunate really.

Frank coerces Julia into finding him victims so that he can regenerate himself, and then they can escape the cenobites and be together forever. But honestly you think you can outrun a demon from hell? Think again Frankie. Julia agrees because she is a huge biotch and together they kill numerous men.

Our heroine before i forget is Kirsty Cotton who stumbles upon her muscly uncle and flips a shit. Who wouldn't? She finds the puzzle box and escapes with it only to later open it herself. The cenobites appear and stuff their fingers into her throat before she screams that she will lead them to Frank. This works but we soon learn Frank has killed his brother, (Kirstys father) and taken his skin. In his anger for being thrown to the Cenobites, he tries to stab Kirsty but stabs Julia instead. But why leave a meal uneaten? And so he takes Julia before being chained and ripped apart by the cenobites for good.

This movie is violent and at times nausea inducing but I still enjoy it immensely. Something about pulsating muscle ligaments really makes me want to barf, but at the same time stare with open eyes. The film really plays with the S&M thing and that makes it extremely powerful. I can't all put together in my head but I think it's pretty remarkable. It's a fantastic movie with a plot like you've never seen before. Pinhead is probably my favorite villain and if you don't do well with gore I wouldn't try this one out. However, it is a classic and if you haven't seen it you should be ashamed.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Poltergeist: No One Cares About Robbie.

Poltergeist is one of my top 5 favorite movies and horror movies of all time. It's such a great movie I don't think I can talk about it without having a heart attack. Where to begin......

Poltergeist tells the story of a family haunted by spirits in their surburban home. Their daughter Carol Anne especially attracts the ghosts to the point that they actually come and take her into their world. To get her back, the family contacts paranormal investigators and undergo some truly horrific experiences.

Sure there are the iconic scenes of the clown attacking Robbie, the evil tree taking him from the window, and of course the famous line "They're here" but I am also drawn to the incredible acting of Jo Beth Williams and some other not so noticed scenes that I find truly amazing.

One of my fave scenes is right after Carol Anne disappears and Craig T Nelson gets interviewed by the paranormal investigator. We only hear his voice and immediately notice how different he has become since his daughter's disappearance. The camera slowly begins to pan across the table and finally we get a look at him. The horror that the family has experienced is clearly drawn upon his face. Huge bags under his eyes, wide terrified eyes, the hysteria is just spelled out. I loove it.

My other favorite scene is when JoBeth Williams faces the hallway where at the end her children are screaming in their room. The camera produces the illusion of the hallway getting further and further away and you just get such a tremendous feeling of hopelessness. Then Jobeth's motherly grizzly kicks into high gear and she flies through the hallway, the music pounding out her footsteps. GAH it's brilliant. Whenever I'm in a hotel and I'm faced with a similiar hallway I like to run full speed down it just to relive the moment.

All of the family scenes are just done so well. You really feel the emotion pouring out of them as they hear Carol Anne's voice, the relief when Zelda tells them she is alive in the house and the sheer terror when she tells them who is in there with her.

I could on and on for years but the point is, this is one of the best. Whether it scares you or not it is truly a classic film that remains imbedded in your mind one way or another. Please Please watch it.

Here is one of many of JoBeth's amazing scenes.

Waxwork: I Can't Believe She Ate That!

My latest exploration of the Free Movies section on OnDemand, yielded this gem. I can't remember how I heard about it, possibly when I was reading up on the Evil Dead trilogy. Anywho, the movie stars Zach Galligan who is also our hero everyone's favorite movie Gremlins (and Gremlins 2 obviously).

The movie follow college students as they are invited to a creepy Wax Museum at midnight for a party. Big red flag there. Yeah I'll go to the wax museum party sure. yeeeah right. But all judgement aside. The students enter and two of them mistakenly go through the rope and end up actually in the display, and dead. Our first victim gets bitten by a werewolf and killed by the hunter, and our second gets carried away to the happy land of vampires. Once they die in the alternate world they magically become the victim in the display. The vampire scene is actually not so bad. I enjoyed the white tiled room and all the blood, quite fun quite fun. So our hero, Gremlins lad, starts getting suspicious and pulls out his friend Sarah who seems to be fond of S&M. They soon learn from Gremlins' grandfathers friend in a wheelchair that the owner of the wax museum is into black magic and once all the displays have claimed a victim they will all come alive and take the world for themselves. So they must burn the place down.

The final scene is truly classic, especially when the wheelchair guy bursts through the doors in his newly tank decorated wheelchair. The movie is pretty much a comedy horror, and it was extremely funny. I think it's more of a comedy than a horror actually and it was pretty entertaining at that. Cult horror movie fans unite, here is the beginning of the Vampire scene.

Black Christmas: Here's a Question. Was It Ever Possible To Call The House You are In's Phone? I Doubt It.

I first heard about this one because of the remake that was done in 2006. I've always heard great things about it, so I was extremely pleased to find the whole movie on p3nnyfearful's page on YouTube. And so I settled on the futon with my laptop and began the experience.

For the most part the movie does not disappoint. It takes place in a sorority house around Christmas time. The girls are fond of wine and presents and we are alerted to the fact that a mysterious man often calls the house. The callers voice is garbled and he spews vulgarities through the other line. The girls take it as a joke referring to him as the "moaner" but soon his calls start to make them upset. One by one the girls start disappearing. Boyfriends are accused, a young girl is found murdered in the park, parents are upset because their daughters aren't home for Christmas. Things are just nuts.

The killings in this movie are great. Not extravagently bloody but suspensful all the same. The best part about the film however, is that the killer is never found. We really only learn that his name is Billy, and that he obviously has had a troubled past. I haven't seen the remake but I've heard they delve too far into the mind of Billy and give him some disturbing history. Personally I think it adds more terror that he is never apprehended and that we know very little about him other than the fact that he is a murdering psycho.

I also enjoyed the sorority house setting. It reminded me of Scream 2 and the scary feeling of being in a big house all alone. I also love that it takes place around Christmas time because it's such a happy la la la time, it's unexpected and original. There is also quite a bit of comedy which I always appreciate in my horror films. It's definietly a classic and if you can stand certain vulgar words relating to a vagina then watch the clip below to get an idea of Billy and his psychosis. I would highly recommend the movie.

Buy Black Christmas at Horror Movie Empire

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Franklin Is Having a Bad Day.

This is another movie I had always been afraid of. Chainsaws? Massacre? Partially true? Yikes.
Turns out, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is actually one of the lesser bloody horror films out there AND only one person really dies by chainsaw. Poor Franklin in the wheelchair.
I know people in wheelchairs aren't suppose to be funny, but when Franklin rolls down the hill hahh ok ok sorry.
Oh What the heck I can't resist

OK so like most horror movies that claim they are based on a true story, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was merely based on the serial killer Ed Gein who Norman Bates was also partially based on.

That being said the film is still extremely terrifying. Leatherface is the iconic face of horror. And the age old story of a messed up family in the boonies of America is a storyline that never gets old. Rob Zombie nods to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre as his inspiration for House of 1000 Corpses, and it couldn't be more clear why. Something about being stranded in Texas with a house filled with bones and crazy cannibals is just unnerving.

There are moments watching this where I could actually smell the dirtiness and that is pretty impressive. That famous picture of the house with the windmill thing is haunting, and the big metal door that Leatherface makes his entrance from is especially terrifying. Bravo cites that scene in particular as being the #4 scariest movie moment. The sound effect of the hammer hitting that guy on the head is so gross. And what makes it better is that we got an eerie feeling from the beginning that something like that would happen, because the hitchhiker scene perfectly sets up all that is to happen. This dude lives around here?

If that was me I'd be peacing out of that town, heck see ya later all of Texas.

So this is a must see. Don't be scared of it because its truly groundbreaking and is solely responsible for many famous horror movies, and the starts of many horror movie directors' careers.
So watch Leatherface's introduction and don't try to tell me it doesn't give you chills.

Buy The Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Blu-ray at Horror Movie Empire

Pet Sematary: Gage Should Stick to Being Michelle Tanner's Friend.

I can't believe I only just saw this movie last month. I think I was afraid to go near it, because I thought pets died like crazy. Good thing I got over that fear. This movie makes #32 on Bravo's scariest moments list, and in all actuality is a pretty great flick. The Creed family moves to a nice quiet little Maine town. The nice old man neighbor next door takes the kids to see the Pet Sematary a Cemetery the children made for their pets that met unfortunate ends. Is this the pet Sematary the movie revolves around? Turns out no.

So then the little girls cat, Churchill gets run over when the girl and mom are out of town. The Dad is too heartbroken to tell his daughter the truth but the old man next door has a solution. Here he takes him to the real cemetery the movie talks about. An old Indian burial ground where those that are buried come back alive. While the old man warns him it's a bad idea he is all for the little not being hurt so they bury the cat. The cat comes back stinky and evil, hissing at everything. Who wants that kind of cat, I don't know.

What I enjoy most is the fact that Aaron from Full House is the little toddler Gage. Weird name I know. Gage has a bad habit of running towards the high way when big trucks are driving by at unquestionable speeds. One day he runs into the road and gets hit and killed. Poor Gage. The dad is beside himself with grief. The old man pleads with him not to bury him in the Indian Burial ground but the Dad does it anyway. Bad mistake. So here is where we get our scary moments.

Watch this movie if you haven't seen it. I was pleasantly surprised when I watched it. The stupidity of the Dad is insane, although I guess if Monkey, my cat died I would want her to come back to life too.

The best parts of the movie are; the famous achilles tendon slashing scene, and the mothers flashbacks to her nasty sister Zelda. The Zelda scenes are quite terrifying if I do say so myself. Zelda is played by a man. Which is funny, but the scene is so creepy all the funniness is wiped out. There are a few flashback scenes and each of them make me pee my pants. See for yourself. Not sure why it's in weird vintage style but you get the point.

Buy Pet Sematary At Horror Movie Empire.

Don't Investigate Bird Noises in The Attic When Your Town Is Being Invaded By Killer Birds.

The Birds is another movie I was exposed to at a young age. While it didn't really make me afraid of birds it did open my eyes further to the delights of Alfred Hitchcock. Birds are a great villain when you think about it. All those different species and flocks are striving for the wipeout of the human species. AND they can fly. pffffft amazing.

Melanie comes to Bodega Bay and meets Mitch, who buys lovebirds for his daughter. All is well until the birds start acting a bit strange. Nipping people at random and different flocks hanging out together? What is this madness?!

The Birds is a classic. If you're a Hitchcock newbie, Psycho and the Birds should be your first stop. The ending scenes in the house are pure terror. Melanie's scene in the attic, and the eventual escape from Bodega Bay are nail biting.

However, the best scene hands down is the school yard scene. Watch how Melanie smokes her cigarette while the crows start amassing slowly behind her. It's pure art. Once she realizes what is happening she attempts to get the kids to safety. The birds are not down with this idea and hysteria ensues. I can't find a good clip of it on youtube. So here is this little teaser trailer instead. It shows the madness of the situation in more than one way.

2001 Maniacs: I Had a Feeling Freddy Originally Came From the South.

One of my favorite past times is to watch random horror movies on free movies on demand. Oh Comcast you are a wonderful invention. So upon perusing I found this little gem which stars Freddy himself, Robert Englund. I would label this one under horror comedy not too far from the likes of Army of Darkness.

The plot revolves around 3 college lads who take a trip down to Daytona Beach for spring break. Along they way they meet a couple of ho's and a bi-sexual man. Driving through Georgia they come across a detour which takes them to Pleasant Valley (population 2001!). Our lads think it is just some crazies who are a little too into Civil War Reenactments but unfortunately that is not the case.

The lads are then joined by the 2 ho's and bi man and then also by a black man and an asian woman (who is played by a white actress). Racism and gay jokes enfold yadda yadda yadda. People start dissappearing and dying in the most gruesome of ways!

This is horror comedy violence at it's greatest. Some people have problems with the apparent racism and homophobia in this film, check out IMDB's page and look at the message board for some hilarity. But the fact here is these are some fucked up Civil War losers. The movie culminates in a "twist" ending which I'll just tell you because I don't think the movies goal is to be so plot centered... the whole town doesn't exist. Pleasant Valley is a graveyard that holds the 2001 civilians of the town that were murdered when the Union soldiers swept the town. So in there death they must reclaim 2001 lives, "an eye for an eye"

Some great parts to watch out for. Dr. Mambo (!) from Cabin Fever and Eli Roth's Cabin Fever character make a funny appearance. As does the creepy policeman from Cabin Fever. And of course the way the bi-sexual guy dies, and all the creative death scenes which are probably only rivaled by the Final Destination series.

Oh and one other point... This movie is full of BOOBS. I think it could probably be classified as a porn/ horror movie. Oh yes we have lesbian scenes, threesomes, S&M, masturbating, it's all there. So if that's your thing this movie is for you.

Otherwise it's a great source of entertainment. Oh and I also enjoy the current styles of fashion these civil war ho's possess. They must have shopped at Hot Topic...

Buy 2001 Maniacs at Horror Movie Empire!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Candyman: Wait, He Doesn't Actually Have Candy? Lame.

I loooove this movie and so does Bravo who rates it number 75. Clive Barker is an amazing writer/director/producer and this is a movie that often goes unnoticed. The film is based on one of Barker's short stories called "The Forbidden".

The film follows Helen who is a graduate student writing her thesis on urban legends. She begins investigating a legend called the candyman legend which you may also know as bloody mary. You stand in front of the mirror and say Candyman 5 times and he comes and kills you. Charming. Helen's research leads her to Cabrini Green, the projects in Chicago where a woman was murdered and many believe the murderer to be the Candyman himself. Upon investigating, Helen runs into the what she believes is the so called "Candyman"...only it's a guy who has dubbed himself that to scare people. He and his gang beat up Helen and she identifies him and all is well in Cabrini Green again except for the shootings and gang violence.

Of course the movie doesn't end that simply. Now the real Candyman is pissed because people stopped believing in him. He appears to Helen and calls for her to "be his victim". Helen wakes up bathed in blood and is charged with the murder of a baby boy. The Candyman starts possessing Helen every chance he can get and Helen continues to be blamed.

Part of the reason this is a great great movie is how it combines urban legends and truth. There is a part in the beginning where Helen's husband a professor is teaching about urban legends and talks about how most of them were created to address fears that we have. I guess that could be true. But who really had a fear about an alligator eating their butt on the toilet?

So the Candyman has a historical root and story which explains his bloody hook for a hand and the bees that come out of his mouth. I read that they actually put bees into Tony Todd's mouth. BEES IN THE MOUTH. That's some crazy shit.

I can just not talk about Clive Barker enough. If you are really into horror fiction read his stuff it puts Stephen King to shame. The scene below is when the real Candyman first appears to Helen in a parking garage. It's chilling and I love the music and Helen's tears and the whole entrancement thing, it's just superbly brilliant. Watch it if you've never seen it, and if you it again please.

Buy Candyman at Horror Movie Empire

Les DiaboIiques: Need To Get Me Some of Those Contacts.

Just finished watching this for the second time. Number 49 on Bravo's list is a classic suspense thriller. Black & white with no blood and still a great horror movie. The film tells the story of the wife and mistress (who are friends) who kill the abusive and douche bag husband. Things go wrong however when the body doesn't turn up, and the husband starts making dry cleaning appointments. The movie quickly veers into a mystery, how can the husband possibly be alive? 

The movie culminates in the famous scene that Bravo highlights on their countdown. It's surprising and suspenseful and I imagine I too would die of a heart attack if it happened to me. Not that I kill people or anything..

If you love Hitchcock, foreign movies, and tasteful horror films this is the one for you.  Keep an eye out for the pool scene, and the funny moments scattered brilliantly throughout. Also Nicole looks like Rizzo from Grease. Here is that famous final scene...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Cannibal Holocaust: Not a Good One to Watch While Eating Rat Kabobs.

In the horror movie world there is one film that is mentioned time and time again as the most disturbing film out there. After seeing it I can whole heartedly agree. Cannibal Holocaust was the first generation Blair Witch Project, in that it tricked a lot of people into thinking it was actually a real documentary where people were actually killed. In fact, the director, Ruggero Deodato actually had to go on trial to prove that the killings were in fact not real. He actually had to bring in the actors and actresses, and prove it in front of a judge. If that doesn't get you interested I don't know what will.

I wouldn't recommend this film for the faint of heart. Even I, who have no problem with blood and guts had to look away at times. There is a rape scene in this movie that is the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and yes I'm counting Last House on the Left. People that were offended by that movie should never ever EVER see this.

The movie follows the travels and documentary footage of filmmakers who set out into South America to film a cannibalistic tribe. They of course do not return and a famous anthropoligist ventures out to find out what happened. Obviously they are dead, but he does recover the lost footage and we get to watch it with him. What he finds is a horrible display of human nature. What we find is that the americans are just as savage if not more savage then the cannibals they are filming.

The film is also banned in 6 countries, because of its gross depictions, AND the actual slaughtering of real animals on film. There is one scene with a turtle that is very upsetting and I had to fast forward. I usually draw the line at the killing of animals. So anyways most peoples main problem is that yes they did actually kill the animals which is awful.

This is another movie that I never want to see again but yet still return to it for unknown reasons... perhaps because it's banned, or maybe just because Deodato does something extremely groundbreaking and terrifying. The trailer doesn't come close to doing it justice so here is the famous picture of the scene that makes people think this woman's death was real.
The director actually made this woman show the judge how they accomplished this. The illusion is made by having the actress sit on a bicycle seat and then hold the top part of the stake in her mouth. Illusion or not it's still terrifying.
Other gross out moments include; woman getting raped by a rock, woman getting raped by filmmakers, filmmaker getting raped by tribe, heads and penis's cut off, etc etc.. Like I said nothing tops this movie. Nothing.

Buy Cannibal Holocaust at Horror Movie Empire

Psycho: At Least He Keeps the Place Clean.

Ah so here is the movie that started my horror movie obsession. The first time I saw it I was in the 2nd grade. The night after watching it, I couldn't take a shower without looking out the curtain every minute. People say Psycho ruined showers like Jaws ruined going to the beach, and they couldn't be more right. 

This is my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie, and it's no surprise it makes #4 on Bravo's list, as well as countless others. 

The character of Norman Bates is perhaps the most perfect horror villain to ever be imagined. He is so nice and gentle, yet of course has a dark side/alternate personality.

Then of course there is the fact that our main character dies in the beginning of the film! Hitchcock did many groundbreaking things with this film and it will continue to be a masterpiece. If you haven't seen this you deserve to be punched in the head.

Other great aspects; the amazing music score, the shower scene cinematography, the mother's creepy voice, the ending picture, all the stuffed birds on the wall, the list goes on...

Here is my favorite trailer, of Alfred Hitchcock actually leading you through. It's quite spectacular in it's own right.

The Sentinel: A Birthday Party for Your Cat? Yes Please.

I saw this a few months ago. I was wandering Hulu's movie list, and was surprised to find they had this. Don't get it confused with the Michael Douglas movie...The Sentinel is a spectacular and extremely eerie film. 

The first I heard of it was on Bravo's Scariest Movie Moments. It made number 46, and it's clip intrigued me. The movie tells the story of Allison Parker a model who has just moved into a new apartment in Brooklyn. The top floor is occupied by a blind priest whose only activity is to sit and look out the window. As time goes on, Allison meets other residents including, 2 strange women, one who thinks it's funny to masterbate in front of Allison, (played by Beverly D'Angelo of course), then there's a crazy old man who throws birthday parties for his cats, and an old woman who has clearly lost her marbles. Things only get stranger when Allison finds out the only residents of the apartment are herself and the blind what can this mean?! Why the other residents are demons of course! I guess I shouldn't unveil anymore of the plot, but I can't resist.... one more interesting tidbit is that the apartment building is owned by the church and is a gateway to hell.  The blind priest ensures that the demons do not escape, but it time for a new guardian to be appointed and guess who's number one in line? 

It's a great movie filled with some unexpected and uncomfortable nudity, an interesting an engaging plot, and I can't help but love the crazy cat man. Whoever puts birthday hats on cats is a winner in my book. 

In terms of scariness, I did not have to watch with a pillow, the sound off, or through my hands. This is definietly a film not to be missed. Oh and the film also has Jeff Goldblum and Christopher Walken in it...crazy I know.

Suspiria: It's Raining Maggots and Blooood

This has got to be my number one favorite horror movie... Number 24 on Bravo's Scariest TV Moments and  probably Dario Argento's most famous and talked about movie to date. The movie follows Suzy Banyon, an American girl studying ballet in a prestigious German dance school. Slowly but surely she uncovers that the school was founded by a famous witch named Helena Markos, and that the school may never have left her control.

What I love most about it is it's nightmarish quality. The first time I saw this movie I felt really strange after it. Like I never wanted to watch it again but couldn't stop myself from doing so. The colors are simply amazing. Obviously and wonderfully fake red blood is one of the greatest parts about it. Argento creates more than a horror movie here- it's a work of art. People usually think I'm weird for saying that I think blood is beautiful but whatever it's true. Blood is used in this movie especially in the beginning in such a way that I really wouldn't mind a poster of it.  

Perhaps the most talked aspect is the opening death scene. I have to tell you, I have never rewound and re-watched something on youtube more than this opening scene. I have no words for it other than AMAZING. I'm a horror movie fan who appreciates much more than a gory slasher flick with boobs everywhere. I usually go for the unusual, the well made, the artistic horror movie and this is the dictionary definition of such a film. 

It has it's violent moments; a knife slashing into a heart, maggots falling from the ceiling, a dog ripping a man's throat but all of these aren't vomit inducing, look away aspects. They only add to the films impact of not being able to look away from the nightmare.

The music is also a signature move of Argento's and really adds to the nightmare. For some reason I downloaded a few of songs and everytime they come up on my Itunes in shuffle mode I shudder and switch to the next song.

The final thing I love about it is the storyline of the three mothers. Suspiria is the first part of the trilogy of the three mothers, in which there are three mothers, or three "sorrows". Here is wikipedia's little spiel about it;

 "The title Suspiria and the general concept of the "The Three Mothers" came from Suspiria de ProfundisThomas De Quincey's sequel to his Confessions of an English Opium Eater. There is a section in Suspiria De Profundis entitled "Levana and Our Ladies of Sorrow". The piece asserts that just as there are three Fatesand three Graces, there are three Sorrows: "Mater Lachrymarum, Our Lady of Tears," "Mater Suspiriorum, Our Lady of Sighs," and "Mater Tenebrarum, Our Lady of Darkness"

I have seen Inferno and will talk about that as well eventually, but I have yet to see the newly released La Terza Madre and I could not be more excited to do so. Once I get a job and can get netflix my dreams will come true...

Here is part one of the film which if it doesn't show you exactly what I mean by nightmarish, you have no soul. Pay attention to the tension of the music, the colors, and the way the rain pours down like blood.