Return of the Living Dead: Finally Talking About It!

I've been asked several times by readers and Twitter followers and homeless bums on the streets, why I haven't reviewed Return of the Living Dead yet. The truth is, I've written about it a few times just not on this here blog. But because I'm feeling especially saucy today and because I realize people just don't click on links because I tell them to--I will be reposting one of my favorite articles that I wrote way back in August of 2010, on the subject right here and right now. That way we can all hold hands and sing and be happy about stuff. AND maybe also eat sandwiches. Because really, what's a Monday without delicious sandwiches?

If there is one thing I’ve grown tired of lately, it’s the fan base of everyone’s favorite horror icon, the zombie. Since my horror craze started a bit later in my life, I was late at grasping the concept that at some point in time zombies were not annoying– they were terrifying. How was I suppose to know that before zombies became memorabilia for teenage horror fans, they were vehicles of social commentary? Who would have told me that once, long ago, zombies were not punch lines but actual walking corpses that managed to chill the blood of anyone watching? Luckily it doesn’t take a whole lot to learn these startling facts. A copy of Romero’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, or even Fulci’s ZOMBI 2 is enough to help you understand that zombies had a history and a life before they were downgraded to a joke.

If we think back on where zombies went wrong, I think a fair assumption to make is that the addition of zombie comedies played a major role. You could also say however that the DAY OF THE DEAD zombies who clearly represented the free thinking zombie and Bub the comedic relief zombie, also had a big hand in the eventual demise of the zombie. More so however, I think I would blame the masses–

well, the zombies I guess, for eating up every single piece of zombie hysteria that was thrown at them.

One would think that being a modern day zombie hater, would mean that by default, I would hate the grandaddy of all zombie comedies–RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. Don’t worry, I thought it too. I expected to roll my eyes at the joking and glorifying of the zombie race but instead, I grew interested. In the short time span that I’ve held RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD in my hands I have watched it about 3 times. Not because I was instantly taken with it, but because I respected it and wanted to understand why it didn’t fall victim to my automatic hate of zombies.

As far as I can tell, the main reason that RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD does not fall prey to its expected outcome is for the same reason I came to like it—it has respect. It’s quite easy to determine that the makers of the film have an appreciation and a respect for zombies that seems missed by most modern filmmakers today. Perhaps the most obvious way it does this is by keeping the zombies scary. There are moments in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD that have me wincing with semi-embarrassed fear. My favorite being when the paramedics turn on the headlights to find an eerily motionless horde of zombies starring back at them.

It was like a swift punch to my gut which then caused me to glance around and wonder if people were taking note of my inherent loser gene by being scared of a zombie comedy. But that’s the beauty of it. RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD while at times hysterically funny, never forgets that it is still a horror movie, and that’s what I love about it. Images of creepy midget zombies, half torso skeleton zombies, cadavers hanging by huge hooks put through their ears—it’s all scary and effective and more importantly, laughing is far from my mind.

On the flip side of the respect argument, the film also does something that is extremely hard to come by today. The joke and comedic aspect never has to do with the suggested ridiculousness of zombies. Rather, the comedy comes through the character’s reactions to the terror that the zombies are creating. Do you see? The respect is more present than ever by the very idea that the zombies are not the joke–we are.

Today it is common for the opposite to happen, as people start insinuating that zombies are just slow dead people and their only threat is their large number. Yes it’s very funny when a stumbling zombie ambles through the doorway and Mr. Tough Guy shoots him in the head as a mere afterthought. RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD however gives us grown men screaming their heads off and falling apart at the very idea of sawing off a dead guy’s head. Additionally, it barely has one instance where the living people are shown overcoming the dead. It’s always the dead in complete and mass control of their surroundings.

I’m sick of these zombie contingency plans and people asking me my survival techniques when the zombie invasion happens. My plan? Sit in a corner and cry—which is what everyone else will be doing. I’m sorry, but half of you people have never picked up a gun in your entire life and a much smaller number of you have ever killed someone OR more importantly, anything. I have a hard enough time putting a lobster into boiling water without feeling guilty, so I’m pretty sure that if I had to shoot any of my family members, or even my neighbor for that matter, I would rather shoot myself.

It’s harsh man, but in my opinion–the truth. RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD exemplifies this principle perfectly. There’s no burly hero, or even a shot of someone getting the better of the zombie. There is hopelessness and of course eventual resignation which solidifies the great amount of respect that the film has for zombies. Zombies aren’t the joke at all–our false sense of strength and intellectual capabilities are.

While I may have been dubious of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD’S appeal at first, I have eventually come to realize its greatness. Yes, Trash may dance naked in a graveyard,

and sometimes the zombies say silly things—

but through all of this, the film never looses sight of its initial inspiration-the zombie genre. Its respect is evident in more ways than one and it has me fully prepared to admit that the more realistic account of the zombie apocalypse is not NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD at all—it’s THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, as much as our inner hero doesn’t want to admit.

Cemetery Man: By Keeping Things the Same, We Can Change More Effectively.

At first I wasn't sure what to think about Cemetery Man. My mind teetered between awesome, okay and slightly on the slow side. I was also still finding it hard to swallow that Kyle Maclachlan was NOT the Cemetery Man. Don't blame me, blame Netflix and their fuzzy pictures of DVD covers. No I don't read details, details are for chumps!

I found the film to be surprisingly surreal and an almost classier and smarter version of the brand of humor found so commonly in films like Evil Dead II and Dead Alive. These feelings of indecision lasted all the way up until the very last frame. Somewhere between meh and yeah!, I had fallen for the mysterious power that exists so strangely beneath the surface of what I had originally anticipated as a typical zombie comedy.

When I first read the synopsis of Cemetery Man I immediately, as I so often do, began creating a version of what I thought the film would be like. Here is what I thought: I thought one day Rupert Everett was just a normal caretaker of a graveyard. I figured that one day for whatever reason, people started rising from their graves. Then of course I figured that Rupert Everett would just spend the rest of the film killing zombies. Oh how both wrong and right I was.

You see, Cemetery Man is largely about returning. The word zombies is replaced with the word "returners" and Francesco Dellamorte comes to stand for a returner as well. He is plagued with the idea of returning. Call it a Sisyphean cycle if you will--but Francesco seems to exist for the sole purpose of defending the cemetery from zombies. The returns don't stop there however, because Francesco's own personal hell involves the constant return of his one true love. She returns to him in different forms and there is always something funny about sex going on.

And whimsy little blue lights too.

Yes, there is a surprising amount of layering going on in Cemetery Man that I find to be quite tantalizing. Cemetery Man is also one of those films that people tend to get all uppity about regarding theories. Some believe that the line between reality and dreams is blurred once Francesco shoots his returning love for the very first time. An honorable theory as one can easily see how strangely surreal everything gets after that. Is it after that event, that Francesco's grip on reality really starts to crumble? Definitely. But what can we deduce about the route that the strange dream world goes? The good thing is--the possiblities are endless.

You could probably sit and think up about 10 different theories here that would all somehow end up working and making sense. I dig those kinds of movies. I also dig the fact that Cemetery Man creeps up on you and suddenly blinds you with intelligence at its end. This reminds me of the way I felt after watching Blood Simple. It was like I had been sitting there, entirely unmoved by anything and then BOOM. Some image, some final parting shot made me slap my head and exclaim, "Ooooh". A sudden burst of understanding and an immense appreciation for what I just saw.

Kubrick Stare?

Cemetery Man is NOT your typical zombie comedy but it contains subtle traces of class. Yes there is gore and yes there are utterly hysterical moments, but the film doesn't dwell on any one throughout its duration. My problem with Dead Alive and even Evil Dead II for me (emphasis on FOR ME. ) was that it did dwell on one of those two things for far too much of the film. Cemetery Man however is smart and you know that it's smart because it's Italian........and also because........it's smart.

It's one of those movies that on first glance seems very odd. There's a lot of questionable things happening that do little to ease the frustration of not knowing what the fuck is going on. You'll encounter things that are completely outrageous and awesome and so strange all at the same time (the hospital scene cough).

It's at these points in the film that you start truly realizing that Cemetery Man knows more than it's letting on. It's got depth---and I just still can't get over that last shot. It means so much thinking. It makes me want to instantly go back and then buy a chalkboard and start writing insane theories on it. By the way--I miss chalkboards. Wasn't clapping the erasers outside one of the staples of becoming a person in elementary school? Didn't it allow for bonding time and secret sharing? And now these dry erase boards think they can just come on in and steal people's childhoods? Gah.

Sorry.

Where was I? Oh yes. Cemetery Man has its ups and downs but ultimately, at least in my head, it's a gigantic up. I just find it to be such a refreshing take on the zombie comedy genre. It's got meat on its bones and isn't all about the splatter and gross out count. That rocks. I also like the fact that Rupert Everett is like Bruce Campbell but with a thinner neck (which is exactly the part that I don't like about Bruce Campbell. Plus, he's British. Win and win).

I mean, there's just so much to like. The way that Francesco so effortlessly shoots zombies in the head. How the zombies aren't even the real threat--the real threat is inside Francesco's head. The threat is himself? His insecurities about being impotent? His regret at never forming a true relationship with the women he immediately fell in love with? It's almost as if the zombies are just the chorus, while Francesco is the star. Sure the zombies ARE ridiculously awesome and at times ridiculously hilarious,

but unlike Dead Alive--that's not all there is.

Man, I could blab on and on about what I liked about Cemetery Man--and to think I was on the fence about it until that frickin snow globe. OH and BOY SCOUT ZOMBIES?

YES.

Final verdict is, Cemetery Man pulled the rug out from under me. I was not prepared to actually find meaning and intelligence in such a film but lo and behold---it lives. Now I need to go and dissect everything so I can make my own theories and sound all smart and stuff. Wish me luck.

Shock Waves: Fuzzy Bubble of Indifference Alert

I'm new to this whole Nazi zombie thing. Apparently it's a thing and not just a thing--there's a difference of course, but I'm not sure what it is yet. Regardless, Nazi zombies are pretty badass.

I'm not really sure what was happening with me today but I was kind of in this weird, fuzzy bubble of indifference. I watched Shock Waves on and off throughout the entire day, barely watching more than 20 minutes at a time. I realize this is not an ideal viewing pattern but the fuzzy bubble was so strong! It took a hold of me and made me do crazy things like spontaneous napping, abruptly deciding that the kitchen needed a scrub down and realizing that my pants were being bothersome. Finally, at 11:34 PM EST I finished Shock Waves and now I forget what happened. Fuzzy Bubble of Indifference 1-- Andre 0.

I don't think it's anything Shock Waves did per say, but I do think it's slightly on the disjointed side of things. There's plenty to get excited about but also plenty to not get excited about. The action proceeds like a steady stream of molasses bubbling out of a tube. There's no catalyst or anything that makes you want to stand up and dance or what have you. There are Nazis, they are elusive and show up and leave and then kill people. There's also Peter Cushing and---whoa, I just realized that I have no fucking clue what happened to Peter Cushing. Oh my god what happened to Peter Cushing?! Was I really in that big of a fuzzy bubble that I completely missed that entire part? Wow.

So as I saw it--some people are on a boat, then Nazi zombies wake up. The group meets Peter Cushing who is an old Nazi Commander hiding out on an island. He realizes that the group has awakened the troop of Nazis he had previously been put in charge of commanding. Zombie type soldiers created for the purpose of manning Uboats but soldiers who quickly got out of hand because obviously you can't order around zombies... So anyways the zombies come ashore and start killing people. Also they wear cool sunglasses or goggles and when you take them off and they're in the sunlight, they die. Hey Brooke Adams in this!

The best moments by far, are witnessing the Nazis rise slowly from the water one at a time.

It's a surprisingly artistic sort of set up that managed to even catch my attention despite the fuzzy bubble's hold on me. The Nazis were pretty sweet and the did look quite menacing at times. I wish they killed people with a little more oomph though. They usually just dragged someone under the water and that was that. No one turned into a zombie, or became a Nazi. It was just kind of meh. Their weakness is also kind of a let down. Really? That's all it takes for me to conquer a dead-alive Nazi?

In fact, what was interesting about Shock Waves was that most of the scares came from the discovery of the dead bodies and not from the zombies themselves.

Each discovery of a corpse was actually pretty neat and somehow original. Although I will say that everyone looked oddly different as a dead body than they did as a real person. One body in particular I thought was a completely different looking person. I even had to check IMDB to make sure there wasn't some random character that I had forgotten about. But hey, maybe when you die your hair does change color, how would I know?

Peter Cushing was the best part, that is until I looked away for a second, or was changing my pants and then noticed he was gone. Seriously, what happened to Peter Cushing?

His first appearance is his lovely voice echoing over the landscape of this great empty manor. He even speaks in these weird poetic riddles, like when they asked where he was he said, "I am close but far". I love that shit. Peter Cushing rocked my socks, plus he was skinny--like Christian Bale skinny....and then he disappeared. I'm half pouting right now to show my annoyance that I have no idea what happened to him. I'm currently in the process of writing a blues song about this terrible situation.

Anyways...Shock Waves was alright but for some reason I think that if a movie doesn't hold my attention than something must be wrong with it. Am I right in thinking this? Again, there were things to get excited about. There were moments of "Oooh that's cool". But these moments mostly had to do with showing the zombies walking under the water,

and pretty much anything involving the zombies. The people, what happened to the people---everything else was kind of a bore.

And I'm still confused about why the Nazi zombies arose in the first place but are we really surprised? I mean I did completely miss the outcome of one of the most important characters in the whole film after all. In fact, it might be better if you forget that this entire review even happened. Let's just turn away quietly.....and resume normal life mode.

The Walking Dead: Quietly Terrifying

The best zombie films start quietly, and evidently so do the best zombie shows. In what can sometimes be a genre that gets consistently overpowered by intense action scenes, and chaos surrounding the inevitable zombie apocalypse, the quiet and calm start to AMC's The Walking Dead is nothing short of unnerving.

I admit to having a less than warm reception when talk started happening about The Walking Dead. I blame this of course on the recent idolization of the zombie genre. Back when zombies were still considered to be terrifying---they were pretty cool but then people started getting major boners whenever the word zombie was mentioned, and they soon began to lose their appeal. Maybe it's because I want to hate everything that's popular, maybe it's because I feel like I have to. Whatever the reason, zombies and I seldom got along with each passing day.

The Walking Dead especially made me weary, as I found the sneak peeks to be a confusing notion of, "Wait a minute, haven't I seen this before? Is this the Americanized version of 28 Days Later?" I began to make assumptions in my head and began touting the show as just another car attaching itself onto the zombie train. Having not been familiar with the graphic novel the show is based on, I guess I couldn't really make those assumptions and sleep well at night. Once the pilot started to get rave reviews, and I realized that hey, I would like to have a critically acclaimed horror TV show back on the air--I started to relax a bit. Add that to the very comforting notion that AMC has been spitting out amazing show after amazing show and I was getting more excited by the day.

Now that the premiere has come and gone, I think most of us are doing the celebration dance of the century. The Walking Dead quietly made its mark---flooding our eyes with some of the subtlest images of horror imaginable. We are given a character that we can feel close to immediately, as we are kept in the darkness just as he has been. We like him have no real clue was is happening, or why. We feel connected and are practically able to share the smell of the rotting flesh with him.

Suffice to say it is a good sign when a movie or TV show is capable of giving me a mini panic attack. Filling my head with what if scenarios. What if I woke up alone, and frightened in a hospital and found a similar massacre? I often rave on and on about how a shark attack would be the scariest thing in the world, but now I'm not so sure. Complete isolation, unbearable loneliness and no possible idea of how it happened might just be a little worse.

I could not believe the nightmares that kept piling up. Practically every single shot was just as terrifying as the next. Finally, zombies had returned in their most terrifying form. Slow and ambling, menacing simply because of what they are--zombies so scary, I could kiss them. Even more wonderful was the reemergence of characters that we cared about. Characters that we rooted for, that we feel for and that practically made us cry. Finally we are given characters that show actual emotional upheaval at the very thought of killing their loved ones. Surprisingly for a show about the zombie apocalypse, The Walking Dead may just be the most realistic show out there.

So welcome to the best new show on cable. AMC has done it again, but who was really surprised? Needless to say, The Walking Dead has made me insanely eager about Sunday nights. And thank god, because church was getting really fucking boring.

Deathdream: If Someone Dies, Let Them Go.

I hadn't really heard much about Deathdream before putting it on my Netflix queue. In fact, I'm assuming I had heard nothing. My only prompts were its almost 4 star rating and that Bob Clark directed it. Clark, most notably known for A Christmas Story and to us horror nerds for Black Christmas, Clark is clearly a man of many talents. He is one of few directors that has the strangest assortment of different genres to his name. Don't forget he also is responsible for Baby Geniuses (1 AND 2) yeah....weird. Anyways.

Deathdream is about a family who recently finds out their son Andy has died during the Vietnam War. The mother distraught with grief and general craziness, spends the entire night wishing him back to life. As luck would have it, the family awakens in the middle of the night to find Andy standing quietly in the living room apparently alive. It is not long however before they start to realize that Andy has come back as a very, very different person and possibly one who is dead.

Another film with at least 10 different titles including Dead of Night, which my DVD came with. I'm not sure I can agree with any of these titles as they all suggest a certain mediocre way about them. Deathdream in particular is slightly misleading, as it forced me to believe that I would be watching Jacob's Ladder's younger brother. Fear not, that is not quite the situation. Deathdream is more closely aligned to the short story The Monkey's Paw by W.W. Jacobs. Plus it's pretty obvious that Andy is dead.

I wouldn't say that I necessarily found the movie to be terrifying or even a little bit chill inducing. This film seems to fall under a different category involving more of a deep sadness. The obvious message here is that soldiers are changed people when they return home from war. Often times this message gets misinterpreted as saying that soldiers are monsters which is a load of crap. One of my biggest annoyances with this world is the general public's unwillingness to examine the actual metaphor. They see what they want to see I suppose. In any case, the war seems to be the true villain here, and we find ourselves saddened at Andy's returned state and how it affects his family and those around him. Powerful stuff if you ask me. There's also an extremely powerful line that goes something like, "I died for you, why can't you die for me?" which Andy says right before killing someone. That actually was a rather chilling moment now that I think about it.

There are attempted scares though, and the film does an interesting job of creating a strange zombie/vampire hybrid when dealing with Andy. What he is, is never explained and it doesn't need to be. It's more important that we just realize how he has changed. I was a bit surprised at how quickly he turned from being semi normal to suddenly looking like a piece of rotting cheese though.

Not to say the makeup isn't extremely effective, quite the opposite as I felt it was maybe the best part about the film in terms of its scare factor. Tom Savini of course is responsible, and as a matter of fact, Deathdream was actually his first job as a special effects artist. I guess I just wished there would be more suspense and fear inducing moments rather than just OH SHIT he ate someone and his eyes look scary, ya know? Suspense gets attempted, but it never really seems to make it there. One scene involving the Doctor growing worried and suspicious of his surroundings definitely tries this, but the scene instead gets bogged down by an annoying music score and takes much too long to happen.

The film as a whole ends up being a little bit on the boring side. I found myself unaffected by the many scenes of Andy rocking in his rocking chair and just starring with his cold and empty look. Effective for the first time maybe but after awhile it became pretty clear that that was the most he would be doing. I would have enjoyed seeing other ways that Andy seemed different, ways not having to do with killing people or....dogs. Maybe just a few subtle hints here and there. It would also have been nice to find out what the hell happened. Since the army already notified the family that Andy was dead, wouldn't they be contacting them about the missing body or something? Finally, I would have liked to get a better hint of the kind of person Andy was before he returned home. Clearly he was not a zombie but we know virtually nothing about his character before he stumbles home and it'd be nice to get some sort of comparison somewhere.

Sure there are good moments involving a pretty narsty stabbing with a large needle, which apparently leaves a blood splatter pattern like this on the wall,

as well as a very cool and strangely surprising murder of a truck driver early on.

For the most part however I just felt kind of eh. Great message, a great sadness is evoked, but as a horror movie, Deathdream could be better. Andy's long and cold stares are a bit unnerving but it's all the dude really has. I do love his sunglasses though.

City of the Living Dead: Can't Say I Didn't Try.

Well here I am. Watching another Fulci film and trying to understand what exactly it is about them that does not sit well with me. As best as I can tell, I think my taste buds just do not take to Fulci the way others do. Some people like mushrooms, some people don't. Perhaps the better film to food analogy for me is that while most people dig really spicy Mexican food---I do not. Therefore while most people really dig Fulci films--I do not. See? Perfect sense. From a more logical stand point, I think my mind has a really hard time finding something to take away from a Fulci film. So far after seeing Zombi 2, The Beyond, Cat in the Brain, and The Black Cat (which was a mistake in more than one way) I can't remember ever feeling legitimately creeped out by anything. Nothing made me feel uneasy and I can't remember feeling very affected. It's weird for me to say that because I can very easily get creeped out- and what's more, a lot of people cite some of these films as being insanely creepy. So why dammit can't I feel the same way?

I used to think my main distaste for Fulci came from the fact that I am not a horror fan who thrives on the existence of gore and...stuff. I define myself as someone who can appreciate gore and who loves the aesthetic quality more than anything. When films rely solely on that gore I find that my attention wavers and I'm left with little to talk or get excited about. I would still believe this if it wasn't for that little nagging voice telling me that people love Fulci films who also do not necessarily care about gore. Therein lies my confusion. Something must be genetically wrong with me I guess.

Anyways. A priest hangs himself and opens up the gates of hell, allowing really strong zombies to roam the earth and kill people. That's all you really need to know. I've found that simplifying these Italian plots is the key to a better enjoyment, although it still doesn't make me feel any better about what the hell was going on.

First off let's get it out of the way. This movie made me feel really nauseous. Nothing upsets me more in this world than seeing a scene involving vomiting and reading IMDB trivia to find out that that was real vomiting. Vomiting up sheep entrails nonetheless. Yeah. This does two things to me. It makes me absolutely repulsed that an actress would actually do that and I get angry that I'll never be able to remove that image from my head. I knew that people talked about that scene as being gross (BJ-C even brought it up in our dual post) but I had no IDEA that there would be gross belching sounds and....realness. Ugh. I guess that experience put a damper on things. Then there's plenty of skulls being ripped open, rats eating brains, liquefied bodies with worms, and a snow storm of maggots.

There was even a little scene that suddenly made me realize how much I hate fingernail trauma.

Gah! I really hate that. But see all these things made me like the film even less. This gore is not enjoyable. I can't even begin to enjoy a film where the gore makes me feel physically ill. I just can't. And I rarely get physically ill, I should mention. I watched people eating poop for Christ's sake so don't get all judgey wudgey on me. Fulci's moments of gore are extended way beyond the normal boundaries of mankind. Forcing your audience to look at something disgusting for 5 minutes makes little sense to me.

Moving on to things I can appreciate. I really enjoyed that scene where all the bodies are waking up in the crypt and they come out all old and skeleton-like. We need more of that. I noticed this when watching Return of the Living Dead recently, walking skeletons are really neat. They've got stringy hair and are all decrepit--I love that. I'm sick of all these zombies who look like they just dropped dead yesterday. Even the ones who weren't skeletons were all pus filled and moldy. It felt genuine. As genuine as dead people that can walk gets I suppose. I also should say I did get creeped out one time, when we saw the priest hanging before the dreaded puke scene.

Don't you hate when you are starting your car up in the dark, and turn on the headlights and see a dead priest swinging from a rafter? Me too. I guess this stems from me hating seeing hanging people, but that really just was creepy as hell. I also enjoy when glass bleeds.

Now I know I said before that I'm done trying to make sense of things in these films, but I really can't get over the fact that the walking dead can be gotten rid of so easily. Just a stick in the stomach and poof--no more city of the living dead. I also can't figure out why that guy drilled through that guy's head. Talk about overreacting. Which brings up another important question, who the hell was that guy? I thought he was a dead person as soon as he came on the screen. Actually I rephrase that question, who the hell was anybody? I have no idea who was who or when they got introduced or what they were doing there. You've got our guy with a beard, guy that saves girl from coffin, Psychic girl, and other blonde girl. Then little kid, whose sister was....puking out intestines girl? I don't know. I don't know who anyone was. This is also bothersome.

Yes there was "atmosphere", fog machines, creepy monkeys or birds or something in the trees, and dead people. But let's get real--the dead people really don't make an appearance for quite some time. We see that one corpse rise pretty early on in the film and then nothing comes of it. Instead we get stupid characters, talking about stupid things. Bah I'm getting bitter again.

Basically, I find that I have once again come to a dead end when faced with a Fulci film. Berate me all you want but I can't help it if I don't like really spicy Mexican food. I don't even really like Mexican food THAT much. There, I said it. Next time, thanks to some recommendations via Twitter--I will watching some earlier Giallo of the Fulci. Let's see if this will solve my problems of self loathing and distaste. Fingers crossed. Oh! I forgot one more thing I really hate--that fucking music! It wasn't creepy to me it was just really really annoying. *Dun dun DRUM BEAT dun dun DRUM BEAT* It made me want to ram my head into a wall. Okay that's all.

Day of the Dead: Why Aren't We Talking About It More?

I've never been the biggest zombie lover and I'll tell you right here and now why that is. The only zombies I had been exposed to before my horror kick were the annoying kind. The REAL kind. Only the not real kind because it was just lame kids pretending to be a zombie ALL THE FUCKING TIME. For a while, and still kind of right now, kids are obsessed with zombies. During college there was this school wide game called Humans Vs. Zombies. Now I mean no offense to anyone that took part in this game but for those of us that did not, it kind of really sucked. When I am walking to class, the last thing I want to do is get violently shoved to the side by a "human" while he runs away from a pack of "zombies". It was ridiculous. It was annoying. And it greatly marred my opinion of zombies for a long time to come.

Then during my reincarnation into a horror fan, I watched George Romero's Night of the Living Dead and not long after, Dawn of the Dead and I realized that zombies weren't annoying---they were a vital part of the horror genre until teenagers started ruining it for everybody. Why do we have to treat zombies like a boy band? Why does every piece of clothing, jewelry and thong have to be cool and reference a zombie?

Zombie movies are getting out of control and while they may be entertaining they are starting to make me hate zombies. Which is why when I go back and see Romero's early zombie films I get excited--because it's a movement back to when zombies were to be feared, loathed and most importantly---dead and acting like it.

Sure I may cause a bit of a ruckus here with all you zombie lovers but I'm just tellin' it like it is. Day of the Dead is an interesting one for me because well.....because I LOVED it. I was completely and utterly amazed. Why had no one told me to see this? Why was I barely even aware that this was part of Romero's zombie series (don't laugh it's TRUE) (And sometimes I'm an idiot)? And the answer is; because it's just not talked about enough. And this begs the question- Why??????

I'm not a zombie expert obviously, but I found it completely fascinating that the zombies in Day of the Dead start behaving more like our present day zombies. They have a character and they start acting surprisingly human. The best evidence is when we see the zombies chained to the wall and they have a certain look of frustration and anger that they are chained and unable to move. I couldn't help but think back to the zombies in Night of Living Dead, completely void of emotion or any actions that would merely suggest a thread of reaction. Would they be acting in the same way? Somehow I couldn't imagine it. Rather, I pictured them just standing there trying to walk and getting the same old results BUT not caring. They were simply the walking dead and they did not make us laugh or cause us to name what our favorite zombie was. In a similar fashion to how each zombie film evolves to fit society's fears-- Romero's zombie films also evolve with the fads. Zombies soon become actual characters and vital parts to the story---they soon come to stand for entertainment.

With the introduction of Bub the zombie, we are given a glimpse into the future of zombie comedies. Giving a zombie oddly humane characteristics, is almost like dressing a dog in clothing.

It's absurdly funny but also depressing when you think about it. After all--do I really want to know that zombies are capable of human emotion once again? Don't I want them to just be dead and still walking? Well yes, but you can't deny the power of a dog in a top hat er---zombie shaving his face

Or listening to some really sweet jams.

That being said, even though I despise where zombies are being taken right now, I can understand that Day of the Dead is great. I really started to enjoy how the great science debate fanned out. Even the concept of donating a body to science was apparent and fantastically drawn. War vs. science. Gaining knowledge by taking the problem and figuring out how to use it vs just killing everything? It's all there and I loved it. We are still presented with the age old conundrum of what is more terrifying; the zombies or us? But then we are also handed the question of what happens when the zombies start acting like us. Double the trouble apparently. Perhaps Logan wasn't entirely right---but you can't deny that blowing all the zombies away won't solve the problem. And that's where the real thinking begins.

Now the zombies although a bit more humanized, were loads more terrifying. I attribute this to the fact that they were suddenly given a brand new set of disfigured and gross looking teeth. I'm telling you, it's all about the teeth.

That first scene when the group is searching Fort Meyers--and we get all those fantastic shots of dead bodies. And then the zombies slowly start coming out? Fantastic stuff. It's moments like that, that will continue to prove to us that these zombies while starting to go mainstream, do not fuck around. They are still terrifying and that is so important to me.

The gore and special FX were of course outstanding. I'm not one to get excited about the extent of gore and or/ intestines having a free for all--but this was great. This may as well have been zombies actually pulling apart someones body. I was convinced. Those moments of zombies eating and ripping apart someone while they are still alive? Holy crap. Where is this movie when people talk about holy crap? Not only the scenes towards the end with the disemboweling and decapitations...but what about those laboratory scenes?

Even the nightmare sequences,

the subtle moments of skin ripping? Wow wow wow.

To put it lightly- I whole heartily enjoyed this film. I may even go so far as to say that I enjoyed it more than both Night and Dawn? Is that wrong? I have a strange feeling that I'm not supposed to like this as much as I did. But it's the truth. I was engrossed the entire time and didn't surf on Facebook or Twitter which is pretty astounding. I was invested in each of the characters, and cheered loudly when those assholes were ripped apart.

I rooted for Bub and all his sharp shooting skills. And I loved the resourcefulness of our heroes.

I wasn't crazy about that abrupt ending though. That final getaway could have really been something you know? But I was also stressed out--and to instantly know that our heroes were OK was fine by me. Overall I couldn't have been happier with my final decision to go on ahead and watch Day of the Dead. But seriously why aren't we talking about this all of the time? I feel like I could write a thesis on its importance if I just had some caffeine and my dorm room back. Hmmmm sounds like a project for my vacation.