Goodnight Mommy: Nevermind, I Don't Want Kids Anymore.

Goodnight Mommy has been recommended to me by at least 2 people. Of those 2 people, 1 is famous and the other one I've never met in person. Those of you bad at math this equals= must see in my book. But honestly, I'm just really looking for a good movie you know? Unfortunately, I could only watch Goodnight Mommy on Amazon which means I can't take fun screenshots which is a shame because I had some really good ones in mind---and also this post probably won't be as funny now without them. Poo.

Goodnight Mommy is an Austrian 'Psychological Thriller' which in layman's terms means that the movie is not what you think it is about and also probably there is a twist. It's important to know what these genre tags really mean you know. SO, the movie is about twin boys who live in a secluded Austrian arty house and who get into shenanigans on a daily basis. One day their mother returns having just had plastic surgery and to them she seems different. Soon their suspicions escalate into dangerous and terrifying territories.

First of all---the BEST thing about this movie is how it brings me back to Eyes Without a Face.

There is nothing better and I repeat NOTHING BETTER than a creepy bandage mask that distorts an actor or actress' face. There is something so simplistically creepy about this that makes my insides squirm with excitement. I love it because it's not some otherworldly mask or some ingenious special makeup effect. It's bandages.

Second of all---I love me some psychological horror. Unfortunately this means that I can guess 'twists' within seconds of watching a movie and then I spend the whole movie checking off points in my theory that continue to be correct. Good news I won. The thing is though--knowing the twist right away doesn't ruin the movie. What happens as the movie progresses is terrifying whether you know the twist or not.

Also notable here is how our loyalties change throughout. In the beginning part of the film, we are made to be on the boys' side. 'Playing along' so to speak and questioning at least on some level that their suspicions may have some truth to them after all. But the really great part of this is that even if we trust their suspicions at least to some extent---what ends up happening is so off-putting and horrifying that we come away being on the mother's side by the end. Actually, maybe we are never meant to be on the side of the boys. I mean......little boys that fill an entire fish tank with cockroaches are no friend of mine OK? What the fuck.

Here are some other thoughts about this movie.

Gross. 

I continue to be amazed at how good foreign movies are at gore. This is not gore as we know it-- this is gore done with a steady hand that knows exactly what will make you cringe without being too over the top. There is a scene here involving superglue and scissors that made me climb out of my skin and cower in the corner, weeping. I still get the heebie jeebies  thinking about it.


The Red Cross

I don't know how they do things over in Austria, but if solicitors come a knocking and you don't answer apparently they just fucking come in? What the hell. If you can't pretend that you aren't home when the Jehovah's Witnesses come---what safety is left in this world? Ooh....that might just be a fantastic idea for a horror movie. Don't steal it.

Cat

Yes there is a cat in this and yes it ends up dead.


Holy Shit Balls

By the end, this movie becomes so unsettling that it's difficult to digest all at once. It kind of sadly reminded me of that movie where the kids lock their parents in the basement so that they won't get a divorce...what was that called..,OH yeah House Arrest.

What a shitty movie. The entire time you are thinking---'Well, I guess they can never let their parents out because then their parents will probably kill them'. And also, 'Wow this movie really sucks.' The same is true (except for the shitty part) of Goodnight Mommy in that at one point you determine that the boys have definitely gone too far and when that happens you come to the horrific realization that there is no turning back.


Overall, I was mostly impressed with Goodnight Mommy. It's very quiet in how it delivers its horror and it kind of sneaks up on you. You really need to stay with it I think in order to become affected here. It's the building up of the madness that really seals the deal. Sure, I came away with a few questions but they weren't deal breakers. Knowing more about certain aspects of the film won't make it any more or less great and that is important to note. It has some superb shots happening and I find overall that it's very understated in its attack but dang, does it sneak up on you in the end.

Feel free to discuss fun spoilery stuff in the comments!

Snowtown: Exploration Disturbia Returns

It's been a very long time since I sat down and watched a movie disturbing enough to make it on my "Exploration Disturbia" list. I may have even given up for awhile, purposely not seeking out anything remotely disturbing. Besides, what was there left to see? What could possibly shock me now? The funny thing was, I didn't even realize Snowtown might be a candidate. Netflix called it "grisly" but when was the last time Netflix spit truth bombs? They don't even know what the movie's title really is. Is it The Snowtown Murders? Snowtown? Snowtown Murders? Jeesh.

Well anyways, Netflix was right about the grisly part--and Snowtown has now made its way to ye olde list of very disturbing movies. Snowtown is a really, really fucking disturbing movie but not because  it's filled with gore, or people having sex with dead bodies or any of that typical stuff that comes along with the term "disturbing". Snowtown is disturbing because it is real. Real in the sense that it is based on the true murder case that happened in Southern Australia between 1992-1999 and also because the horror runs so very deep.

While Snowtown is based on the murders orchestrated by John Bunting, the film focuses more on Jamie Vlassakis---who represented a pawn basically for John. The film begins with Vlassakis and his brothers being watched by their mother's boyfriend who suddenly decides to take naked pictures of the boys. When the mother discovers what has happened she goes rightfully insane and forms a bond with a community of people all for bringing justice to pedophiles. Part of this community is John Bunting who immediately enters into the Vlassakis family by courting the mother. His primary target however seems to be Jamie, whom he prods and prods until Jamie expels anger and distress at what has happened to him.

John Bunting and a few of his closer friends, began hunting down pedophiles, drug addicts, obese people and homosexuals over a span of 7 years. Violently torturing them, killing them, stuffing their bodies into barrels and then leaving pre-recorded voicemails on the victims loved one's answering machines claiming that they're "going away". The film more or less chronicles the downfall of Jamie and the horror of John Buntings plan.

Jamie's character is a broken one. After being abused by his mother's boyfriend, he later gets raped by his older half brother. After this, John Bunting relentlessly forces Jamie to take up a life of violence--a life that Jamie seems to truly not want. It's interesting and terrifying to watch this strange cycle of abuse unfold. John Bunting may think he is helping Jamie conquer those that have wronged him---but in reality he is only further abusing him. Jamie for instance is forced to watch his half brother tortured and after watching him be repeatedly strangled to the point of almost suffocation, Jamie is overcome by disgust and rushes in to put his half brother out of his misery. The scene finishes with Jamie sobbing outside in the cold.

I think this character of Jamie above all else is what really got me in Snowtown. You feel for this kid and the terrible life he's been given. John Bunting may be a psychopath and the true star of the real murder case but in the film---Jamie almost becomes a sort of tragic hero.

It's a touchy subject though---after all what is so wrong about bringing justice against pedophiles? It's a topic that gets brought up constantly throughout the film. Yes, pedophiles are dangerous and scary but what is also scary is a close minded vigilante with a thirst for blood. And while we really only see Bunting torture and kill one victim---we get snippets of people he is about to murder. These people have mental illnesses, were in car accidents and are now physically and mentally disabled. These people yes are pedophiles but are still people. It's the age old question that Dexter tackles every episode. No matter the circumstances, is it right to kill another human being?

Aside from all the extensive moral dilemmas, Snowtown is really just a gripping and well done film. I admit--after discovering Netflix now has a subtitle button I had to use it and go back and watch a big chunk of the film over again. These Australian accents are thick--and some of the dialogue is mumbled or very low. Plus, if you aren't paying full attention, you'll miss so many things going on in this movie. Almost everything in this is quite subtle, so subtle that you might watch the whole thing and wonder when the murders happen. But once you understand the story---and tie it in to the actual case you'll suddenly realize how disturbing it truly is.

I recommend watching this only if you have a very thick skin. It's heavy. It's horrible. And at times, it's just too fucking real.

High Tension: I'm Fairly Certain the Killer was Quint

Well it only took me 3 years--but I finally watched High Tension the whole way through. Actually come to think of it, I don't think I've told anyone (Not even you GOD) what happened on that night so long ago when I put in the High Tension DVD for the first time. Gather round children, gather round.

Obviously when starting out in my horror movie watching career, I immediately became infatuated with French horror. I hit all the main stops...Martyrs, Inside, Frontiers, Them--and I was ready to round out the set by watching the infamous High Tension. I wasn't that pumped about it..mostly because I had mistakenly watched a Youtube review of it where the reviewer let spill the ending within the first minute or two of the review. Although I thought it an insanely overdone plot twist, I knew I could not ignore watching the film whether I wanted to or not.

Fast forward to one of those lonely and exciting nights of movie watching. Glass of milk, giant cupcake, cats, slipper socks you name it--I was ready to finally watch High Tension so people could stop bothering me about it. And then, a funny thing happened. I got to the part where Alexia's father's head pops off and I turned it off. Not because it was gory but because it annoyed me. Knowing the eventual turn of events made me incredibly sour and dubious of the movie's overall charm. What was the point I thought? And I didn't try again for 3 years.

Recently, I've been getting a few emails from readers who are kind enough to give me movie recommendations. Almost all of them suggest High Tension and every single time someone does I get all guilty in that "What movie? Oh...yeah I LOVE that movie.....that everyone totally loves a lot but I haven't seen" kind of way. I felt like I had seen it because I knew the route things were going so in my mind I pretended that I had seen it and just never talked about it.

I'm not sure what happened to me between then and now but tonight when I finally sat and watched the movie the whole way through--I became extremely intrigued. Instead of being bothered by the eventual ending I became interested in how we got to that ending. I wanted to delve into the why instead of the how the fuck is that possible? And it totally worked.

I'm going to start spouting off stuff about the ending, so unless you want things ruined you can leave now!

People's number one complaint about High Tension is that it doesn't make sense. How on earth can Marie be driving an old rape truck and a flashy sports car at the same time? How can she hit herself in the face with a spiky mallet thing? Why does she never die?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again---as movie watchers we need to be worrying a lot less about the how and more about the why. Why did the filmmaker choose to present the story in this fashion? What purpose does this method of storytelling serve? Okay, I feel like a college professor now but whatever. I'm serious. Turn off the logic button and just think about the bigger picture.

The old rapey guy in the rape truck who strongly resembles Quint is not Marie--but a manifestation of her sexual frustrations and anger. He symbolizes that part of her she so greatly detests. The part of her that thrives on emotions and gets angry at the world because the girl of her dreams is not a lesbian. He also symbolizes a terrorist because he kills a dog for no reason. Oh and a child...I guess.

Just stop taking things so literally audience. Jeez. Yes, the film is great also in that gooey blood and gore way but I think the main drive behind it at least for me, is this more psychological aspect. Has Marie always been a nut job? What is it about Alexia's family that suddenly pushes her over the edge? All these questions and more will visit my head tonight as I drift off into dream world. A magical land where Morgan Freeman buys me sandwiches and narrates my life to make it sound like I have a purpose other than eating sandwiches.

I'm not crazy about the other aspects of the story...it's kind of redundant. Even though it's only an hour and a half long it kind of feels like two hours. There's a lot of hiding and stupid decisions happening. It's not my favorite French film obviously but it does get a lot of points for making me think.

And also now I can join people in actual conversations and say things that are smart and maybe even right. I am also wondering....if it benefits one to know the ending before watching it? Hmmm no.... no I think definitely not. Perhaps it's best to watch it blind the first time--do some jumping jacks to get out the anger and frustration and then watch it again knowing the ending. I think you'll come away with some interesting conclusions and diagnoses on your own. Plus, the killer is totally Quint. Who's kidding who here?

Dogtooth: What a Feeling

I can't believe I forgot to watch Dogtooth after putting it on my "See this now" list. Nine months later after giving birth to my food baby and watching movies where CGI bees come out of Bradley Cooper's ear, I finally remembered to watch Dogtooth. What was I doing all that time? Oh right, being lazy and wearing no pants. Also maybe eating pizza, but who can say for sure?

Dogtooth is not a horror movie, but it does live in that little area of land known as Disturbia. Disturbing because of the subject matter and the weight of the situation, plus also there is cat trauma and tooth trauma! Double sad face.

You may remember that Dogtooth was nominated for an Oscar for best foreign language film. This means that I am almost certain that this is a great film and that there is a lot of nudity. It's better if you do not ask me how I come to certain conclusions in life. Trust me.

Dogtooth centers around a mother and father who have cut off their children from society. Their 3 "teenage" children live in an isolated house with tall fences and have been raised to learn the complete opposite of everything that is fantastic. For instant, a telephone is a salt shaker. A pussy is a bright light. And zombies are little yellow flowers. It is in fact, a very grim and disheartening commentary on censorship. By the way, I'll keep referring to the kids as "kids" because I'm pretty sure they are all about 30 years old.

As you may have guessed, even if all the (what are perceived as) negative aspects of life are blocked out---the violence, the hatefulness and the fun still find a way to worm their way in. Because if The Village taught us anything, it's that you can always send the blind girl over the wall if you don't want the surprise ruined and also---don't try to protect people from the real world. It's not okay.

I really enjoyed Dogtooth for the sheer amount of blatant craziness that it was exuding. It's the kind of movie that continues to keep you baffled well up until the end of its running time. You would think that after seeing the kinds of weird shenanigans these "kids" get up to, you would not be surprised when they then start doing a weird dance during their parent's anniversary dinner. But you would be wrong. You would also be wrong in saying that the eldest daughter doing her own rendition of the Flashdance dance was not the greatest thing on the planet. It is the greatest thing on the planet and you better believe it.

It's just that the levels of insanity seem to grow and grow as the movie progresses. But not in this extremely ridiculous way. More in a steady incline kind of way. The most painstaking part of it all though, is how we never get a clear cut explanation for why the parents are doing this. And I totally love that. Again, who needs explanation? The thing about censorship and those loonies that try to keep their kids away from TV is that no one ever really has a great reason. They mostly just want to protect their kids, or shield them from something they perceive to be evil or harmful to their development. What those parents don't know however, is that TV is very good for development. Where would I be in life for instance without the vast knowledge that giant pieces of meat and diapers are the most expensive items at the grocery store?

Without TV, how would I possibly know the correct way to hit a target while effortlessly dodging tennis balls being shot at me by a really scary, yet oddly attractive body builder?

Kids need these things in life. They need experiences and they need to make mistakes. Without them, the "bad' finds a way to get inside anyways. And plus, any parents that condone the slaying of a cat with garden shears should probably be killed. Just sayin'.

Dogtooth is a truly remarkable film. Despite it not being in the club of horror, it is insanely creepy and unnerving. It's almost like you feel that someone is playing a really clever and intricate joke on you. Like the actors will stop in the middle of their creepy, psuedo psychotic games and be like HAHA Andre we were just joking. But they're not you guys.

They're not.

Moral of the story is: don't try to protect your children, because in the end, you'll only harm them and cause them to bash their teeth in with a dumbbell.

Oooh also AWESOME ENDING huh? It's probably one of the most simple things you could think of, but it's so damn meaningful isn't it? People that have seen it--you know what I mean. Or do you? Tell me this, what is implied by that very last shot? SPOILER: is it that once freedom is achieved, it's too late? It's too scary to leave the confines of the trunk? Or maybe she's dead? SO MANY THINGS HAPPENING INSIDE MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

Anyways, watch Dogtooth. You'll be uncomfortable for about 90% of the film and during the other 10% you'll be laughing at the Flashdance re-creation and the Jaws and Rocky quoting.

La Casa Muda: The Silent House Is Mean

Don't you hate mean people? People that cut you in line, people that don't hold the door open for you. People that don't give me their seat on the train, even after puffing out my stomach so it looks like I'm a few months pregnant....the nerve! La Casa Muda while not a person, IS a creepy movie that is mean for several reasons. The most important being that it scared me unfairly at several different moments and now I feel all jittery and on edge. Of course my overall opinion of the film is slightly muddled and I have no idea if I liked it or not. Again, La Casa Muda is just plain mean!

La Casa Muda is a Uruguayan independent film made on a very small budget. It borrows a similar technique found in Hitchcock's Rope--the one continuous shot technique. Of course while Hitchcock employed several little tricks to break the filming up, La Casa Muda supposedly is the real deal. The story focuses on Laura and her father who have come to help in the renewal process of an old house. Laura soon starts to hear strange noises from above but after her father goes to check on it, Laura's real nightmare begins. This is a vague summary but I promise, it's all you really need to know.

It should be known that I greatly dislike AND love movies filled with high levels of tension. La Casa Muda is packed to the gills with high levels of tension. Therefore I both disliked and loved La Casa Muda. Because of its continuous shot motif, the angles used to show the story are very restrictive and allow for very little preparation time. By that I mean....the camera in many ways acts as the eyes of Laura so we are almost forced to be surprised and scared. La Casa Muda however also employs several other mean scare tactics, like having a blackout and using a Polaroid camera to observe the surroundings. Anticipating the next flash is extremely painful for my low tolerance of being scared...especially when a creepy little girl/ghost is suddenly in the room without warning!

Overall most of the film is filled with some extremely well done moments of suspense and good old fashioned creepiness. Sounds and footsteps above, creepy music, dolls strategically placed around the house, creepy photographs and paintings. It's exactly what I yearn for in every failed attempt at a creepy ghost-like story. I suppose some may get annoyed with how slowly it moves at times, but I tended to enjoy that slow build up immensely.

Of course with most movies that I really like, something must go wrong and such is the unfortunate case with La Casa Muda. If you wish to be unspoiled then you may skip this part...La Casa Muda falls prey to the common ailment of a ridiculous and confusing plot twist. To the point where barely anyone who has seen the movie can really tell you what happened. It's also the kind of plot twist that completely negates everything you just watched, which is my least favorite kind of plot twist. Although, once I dove a little deeper into the explanations people gave, I found myself feeling a little more open to how things turned out. This doesn't mean I wasn't still angry or confused, it just means that I think there is at least some point behind the ridiculous. At any rate, yes it's one of those endings so just be warned.

Alright I still don't know where I stand here. La Casa Muda has left me feeling conflicted and funny on the inside. But I still maintain it's a solid entry into the spooktastic world of creepy isolation. You'll all just have to find out for yourselves how you feel about it. This is actually being remade by the people that brought us Open Water. The remake stars Lizzie Olsen AKA the younger sister of Mary-Kate and Ashley. It got extremely positive reviews so all those of you who do not enjoy reading subtitles will hopefully get your chance soon. For those of us that can read--La Casa Muda is available to rent on Itunes.

Tell me how you felt if you saw it--I just don't know what to think!

Trollhunter: Put Your Hans in the Air

I've been excited to see Trollhunter for quite a long time now. So excited in fact that when I saw that it was available to watch instantly, I did an actual giant fist pump into the air. Before we go any further, I would like to take you on a magical trip to back when I was a wee one. When I was a wee one, my sister and I had a pretty impressive Troll collection. Norfin Trolls that is.

We kept our trolls in a Norfin Troll lunchbox and we had such wonderful additions as the policeman Troll, the ballerina Troll and the clown Troll. I also had a few Troll picture books.

Yes, Trolls for some reason were the apple of my eye.

Perhaps that is why I felt an almost immediate connection to the found footage mockumentary out of Norway dubbed Trollhunter. That and because I had heard it was fantastic. Plus I love the idea of incorporating country specific folk lore into horror movies and doing it well.

Trollhunter, definitely does this well. Three film students set out to make a news expose on the illegal poaching industry of Norway and end up trailing who they think is a powerful poacher by the name of Hans. Hans stays out all night, has a car with visible claw marks and is surprisingly mum about his nighttime activities. One night when the crew follows Hans into the woods they find out that the mysterious man is not quite a poacher after all. He's a Trollhunter.

Mockumentaries are definitely becoming the new zombie fad of horror these days. Trollhunter however manages to stay interesting, original and just plan cool. Trolls are seldom spoken of these days and seeing these monstrous creations come to life in front of your eyes is truly a sight to see. The trolls are done entirely with CGI but it's a Jurassic Park level of CGI---one that makes you excited rather than skeptical. The CGI is well done and doesn't take away too much from the film. Rather than filling us with a sour note of disbelief, Trollhunter makes us feel like children again hoping that Trolls haven't migrated to the United States.

There's also plenty to be insanely wowed by here. The first sighting of a Troll, the details surrounding the cover up operation and the TSS forms that must be filled out after every Troll death.

The idea that Trolls can smell the blood of a Christian man,

the different species of Trolls, the giant Troll syringe....I could go on for hours.

One of the greatest and most stress filled moments however is when our film crew and Hans take a trip into a mine that has been an active house for a clan of Trolls. Despite the Trolls not being inside at the moment, we get a giant sense of worry as soon as our characters take their first steps inside. The monstrous cave is filled with splotches of blood and bones, Troll stenches galore and just bad feelings all around.

When the group starts hearing troll sounds off in the distance our bad feelings are thrown into overdrive. They almost make it out as we see one giant mountain troll, followed by another, another and another. Deciding the only thing to do is flee back into the cave, the group hides out in a small crevice as the troll clan sits in front of them unaware of the four humans invading their home. It's a moment filled with just the right amount of suspense and dread and it ends in one of the greatest ways ever.

To top all these great moments off, we find that there is no hero better than the Trollhunter himself--Hans. Hans is a quiet badass. The kind of badass that wears bulky sweaters and indestructible metal suits to claim blood samples from trolls, and hangs troll tails from his camper. Hans' character is so great and likable that he becomes an instant candidate for having his own poster in my bedroom.

Next to my other heroes--Snake Plissken,

Earl Basset,

ZAP from American Gladiators,

and Boba Fett.

In short, Trollhunter is a movie you will not want to miss. It's funny, scary at times, suspenseful, entertaining and just plain awesome. Sure, the Trolls may not be Norfin style with jewels in their belly buttons, but they are big and scary. Plus they smell and sometimes have three heads. Why would you not want to see this again?