Thursday, January 9, 2014

What is a Jackal? I'm Glad You Asked!

Ever since Blogger introduced its nifty little stats button, I've been enthralled by seeing what people are searching to find my blog. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of people end up here by searching for miscellaneous naked people. All variations of ways to describe a vagina are usually in the top 5. Naturally my post on Aftermath (which I mistakenly titled 'Dead Vagina' in my links sidebar) has been the #1 viewed article for a while. Apparently I missed the part where everyone suddenly became very interested to know what a dead vagina looks like?

This past year however has seen some changes in the most viewed line up. Now my top keyword search list is filled to the brim with variations of, "what is a jackal" "jackal, omen" "wtf is a jackal?" Naturally my post about The Omen (aptly subtitled 'What Does a Jackal Giving Birth to a Human Actually Look Like? And Follow-up Question, is that Even Possible?) is what people land on. Unfortunately that post is a review about a horror movie not a lesson on jackals. Which naturally got me thinking---why not give the people what they need? Let's have a lesson on jackals!

Jackals are real animals. They are in the wolf family and look like this.

Jackals in mythology were representations of cunning wizards/sorcerers and are usually paired with phrases like; sly, tricky, miserable etc., The Jackal is also what Anubis' head is in Egyptian mythology.

Now, I can see why people are still trying to figure out what a jackal is. There really is no explanation anywhere for why Satan is having sex with a jackal and producing Damien. As far as I can the explanation is---shut up it's just a movie.

Really though. A jackal is a dog/wolf thing that Satan implanted his child in. The jackal somehow gave birth to Damien and then possibly stopped off at Baby Safe Haven or died in the hospital. I'm guessing the dying jackal collapsed on the hospital steps with Damien snuggled in her bosom. Just kidding. Here's what probably really happened. Satanists took Damien birthed from the jackal and brought him to the hospital, while at the same time killing Gregory Peck's actual child so that he would have no choice but to adopt a random baby that wasn't his and just pretend that it was his. See? Makes perfect sense.

I'm still unsure about why Satan chose a jackal but I'm guessing it was just a sort of dark/evil animal and also he probably had a thing for jackals. So what?

Any other questions?


BobSmash said...

Thank you, Mr. Wizard!

Anonymous said...

No no, Damien was born in the hospital because he had to be born at exactly 6 am. I'm guessing the Satanist cared for the jackal while it was pregnant and were running the show at the hospital.... Or at least were able to hide a jackal giving birth.