New Goal

Stop smoking crack.


Just kidding! My new goal is to start building up my collection of DVDs again. Back in the yester years of college life, I became obsessed with the thrill of obtaining small amounts of money for things that I paid a large amount of money to obtain. According to my broke college ass this was a WIN. However now on days that I feel lonely, sad and craving the desire to watch both Kill Bills.........this is a loss. Plus also what did I end up spending all that money on? Tostitos Cheesy Queso dip and beer? Mmm that sounds good...

Anyways.

I often sit here and mock those people who have DVD collections as big as a library (a library's book collection that is!). But secretly I am envious. Maybe not entirely envious of the people who choose to own every horror movie known to mankind...even the bad ones but I am very jealous of the fact that they have a collection of movies at their fingertips.

That is why I have made a new promise to myself to buy one movie that I view as insanely important in my movie watching career during every single pay period. Don't fret electric company, Comcast and probably fake real estate company run by drug addicts---I will be purchasing these movies at affordable prices. Before you know it, my horror collection will be a stunning salute to those things I hold near and dear to my heart.

And in the spirit of lazy blogging, I have also decided to write a bit on each movie I purchase and why I deemed it appropriate to add to my collection. Today we'll start with those movies I already have at my disposable. These are movies I have deemed way too important to sell for piteous amounts of money and it is this group of films that will be forming the foundation for my new movie collection. So let's introduce them.

I have been unsuccessfully trying to get my sister to watch this movie for the past 3 years. Even though I own it, I have still been unsuccessful. Why won't she listen to me when I wax poetic about how important it is to my LIFE?!

It's very possible that each month I will also buy a Hitchhock movie to compliment my movie collection. These are currently the only three I own---time to make ol' Hitchy proud and build this row up!

I haven't yet written about how much I love Black Swan or what it means to me as an almost exclusively visual horror movie viewer (whatever that means I just made it up right now. I think it means I like pretty things). However, someday I will write about it and it will be glorious.

Believe it or not, Suspiria only recently became a part of my movie collection. Although I did try to add it a few years ago and was appalled to find that the BRAND NEW copy I purchased had a weird piece of plastic embedded in the lens which made it unwatchable. I like to think this was God just telling me to suck it up and wait for this awesome edition to enter my hands because it comes with cool postcards and stuff.

Return of the Living Dead was given to me by my horror buddy Chris Hallock of All Things Horror, who had another copy of it for himself and knows the importance of helping out those horror fans with less impressive DVD collections. Bless you buddy!

Phantom of the Paradise is another movie sent to me via The Mike of From Midnight, With Love. How did I get to have such awesome horror friends? I love this movie and I'm so glad The Mike introduced me to its magical ways, otherwise I would be a very sad person not knowing that somewhere... this existed.


Hmmm I guess that's it. Dang my collection is more pitiful than I thought! Well then, stay tuned for some bi-weekly updates on what has recently joined my collection! Hooray!

Vacuum Horror

I bought a Vacuum last week. Uneventful life event you say? A lot you know. I'll have you know that for as long as I've been a "real" person, I've never owned a vacuum. To be fair, there is only one and a half rugs in my house. Well I guess 2 rugs if you count the rug that is positioned right in front of the front door. I do not count this rug however because the only useful purpose this rug serves is that it camouflages my cat's throw up. Why does she only choose to ralph on that rug and not the others? The world is a strange place.

ANYWAYS. I went to Target last week and hauled a vacuum into my shopping cart. I felt proud and big. You know, like a real person. My sister and I were eager to vacuum away the 4 or so years of cat hair, dust and cat puke however.....when we got it going we quickly realized that the vacuum totally sucked. Or rather I should say it totally didn't suck.

Instead, it decided to just regurgitate all the hair and dust out. Thinking we may have set it up wrong somehow, I decided to take it apart today and examine it. I found nothing wrong with it and proceeded to uselessly vacuum the rug today. See? This is why I refuse to become a real person...it just never works out in the end. One day you're all high and mighty because you finally bought a vacuum and the next you're knee deep in dust.

Yeah so I thought I'd just let you all know that vacuums are the worst. As evidenced by this scene from Dream Home. You're welcome.

Oh and also, I discovered that you can watch the entirety of Mr. Boogedy on youtube. You're welcome again.

And Then There Was This

Don't you love it when entire movies can be summed up in their opening moments? Or how about when opening moments are miniaturized versions of the entire film you are about to see? Wait, is that the same thing? Regardless, Lars Von Trier's, Melancholia kind of makes me want to die a little. But in a good way. 

These opening vignettes, these eerie painting-like pictures that move minuscule amounts and that are set against a backdrop of a soul crushing symphony---are quite possibly the best things I've seen in a while. The movie is good too, but these opening moments.....these are what keep me up at night. 

I think sometimes that the beauty of sadness is one of the most taboo subjects out there. People hate  sad. Worse--people really hate watching entire movies that are made up of overwhelming levels of sadness. Still worse---people hate to see beautiful actresses looking sad and ugly. Sadness IS ugly they think. No. No it's not---it's beautiful. And here is our proof. 

One day you'll watch Melancholia and finally get what it is that makes it so unbearable and yet so captivating at the same time. Perhaps you won't know until you too have experienced great loss, have been depressed or fallen to that unreachable place below the depths of despair. Yikes this is getting melodramatic. I don't mean to be. I simply mean that Melancholia speaks to a very simple idea of the inability humans have to relate to one-another---unless they have been through the same. 

This is a simple concept when you think about it. One that is clearly echoed throughout the movie and even right now as I'm talking to you-- because if you haven't seen Melancholia, then you have no earthly idea what I'm talking about. But one day you will.  You just will.