Play Misty For Me: Another Crazy Biotch Bites the Dust.

Lessons in life are sometimes hard to understand. That's why some movies are very good about shoving the lesson in your face so that you will never forget. For instance, Single White Female teaches not to room with a crazy bitch. Fatal Attraction teaches us not to have an affair with a crazy bitch. And Play Misty for Me teaches us to stay away from crazy bitches at all costs.

Clint Eastwood's directorial debut is an obvious influence on these films I have just mentioned, and although it is mildly dated, it still withholds the power to make us utterly terrified and incredibly angry at the craziness of that crazy bitch Evelyn! Clint plays Dave Garber, a late night DJ in Carmel, who reads poetry over the air and plays some nice slow jazz tunes.

He has a frequent caller who always calls in to say..."play Misty for me" and it's not long before he ends up in bed with her. Before you know it, she's stalking him, buying him groceries, and always coming over uninvited. Once Dave's old girlfriend steps back into the picture things really get out hand and Dave soon learns it's best to not have sex with random women, no matter how short their leather mini skirt is.

Perhaps one of the most startling things about this film is--how quickly Evelyn's craziness kicks in. It's pretty easy to see and realize that she is crazy from the moment she waltzes into Dave's apartment after their one night stand, ready and willing to cook him dinner. This raises an important and reoccurring question; why is Dave so easy going with her craziness? He continues to invite her in, even though he's a little freaked out? Come on. That was probably at times one of the more frustrating aspects of the film. The most frustrating being the part where the cops are in his apartment asking him about his "girlfriend" and he just shrugs it off!! Give them the deets Dave, what is wrong with you? I'm sick of people thinking that these bat shit crazy people are OK--when in fact no umm she just slit her wrists while she was "washing her face"

and trashed your apartment oh and stabbed your house cleaner. Yeah *shrug* she's not my girlfriend...just a girl. Ugh.

Other than that I did really come to appreciate how terrifying Evelyn was. Even though her personality snaps were very rapid and happened more randomly than they should have, she was still probably the best crazy bitch I have ever seen. Sorry Glen Close--Jessica Walker may have you beat. I just LOVED when she would randomly yell at people who asked if she was okay. Classic lines like, "Yeah! Get lost ASSHOLE" and "How about you go screw yourself" are in my book of awesome crazy bitch lines. That last scene where we realize that Anabel is Evelyn is one of the more suspenseful scenes I've seen. For those of you keeping score--yes that scene is featured on Bravo's other scariest movie moments list--"Even Scarier Movie Moments" and with right.

Sure the movie is by a lot of standards, "dated" but I still say it has some truly great unsettling moments. The blood is paint like--problematic for most but as you know an instant hit with me. Then there is of course the 5 hour long montage of love making and canoodling, courtesy of Roberta Flack and her rendition of "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". This is where things start to get dicey with me. The film is for the most part, incredibly slow moving--with a surprisingly few amount of tension building scenes. I felt like where we could have gotten some great, great stalker moments--we were instead treated to finding out how many different places Clint Eastwood and his honey could make love.

Certainly not his best film, (although one should never judge by someones first attempt) (For instance don't read my early posts...) (or judge me by them) but Play Misty for Me has it's moments, and I love looking at it as the mother of inspiration for Fatal Attraction and movies featuring stalker chicks who just won't take a hint.

Pacific Heights: Actually No I DON'T Want Your Creepy Doll House Michael Keaton!

What is it with the 90s and the irrational fear of creepy roommates and/or tenants? How hard is it to do some actual fact checking? And why didn't that first guy just put his credit check application in the MAILBOX?! Unbeknowst to many of you, Pacific Heights has been the most sought after movie on Netflix for at least 5 months. I've been watching it for months on my queue and it never switched from "EXTREMLY LONG WAIT" to "Now Available". Was this movie really that popular? Or was some creepy Michael Keaton fan just hoarding them all? You decide. Well as luck would have it a few days ago it's status did change and I promptly moved it to the top before it became an extremely long wait again- because you better believe it- it WAS an extremely long wait. As it turns out, Pacific Heights features Michael Keaton at his creepiest and it's not the best movie so I'm guessing that a crazed Michael Keaton fan really was hoarding all the copies.

So here's the deal; Melanie Griffith and her boyfriend Drake decide to buy a fixer upper and rent out the apartments. Fun project I guess- until one of there tenants a certain Michael Keaton locks himself inside the first floor apartment before paying his rent. He changes the locks, lets cockroaches run amok, and does construction at odd hours of the night. When Drake tries to do anything about it, Michael Keaton is always one step ahead- and it soon becomes very clear that this sinister man has an agenda and he's not afraid to use it. Plus he's a psycho and somehow retains ownership of the house by craziness. It's just crazy man.

The movie is pretty frustrating because it's one of those....everything possible goes wrong movies and sometime those can really stress me out. Michael Keaton is with no question one of the creepiest men alive- and putting him in a role that demands this creepiness is just cruel. Honestly who decided to cast him as Batman? Too creepy! There are moments in this movie that just make you cringe because that's how vile and creepy he really is! I know I'm using the word creepy a lot, but it's all I can muster when I look into his eyes.

The best part hands down is when Melanie Griffiths exacts her revenge. She really hit all the spots there! Although I question her decision of at first giving the maid all that money and then taking back most of it except a few hundred...what a biotch. And then there is of course the final confrontation with Michael Keaton- holy jeesh! But the part that I found to be really really unsettling was when Melanie goes down into the basement to get the power back on- and Michael Keaton's just sitting in his car smoking and looking at her...!?

And then there is his fantastic notion that building someone a doll house is the best way to make up for past deeds. Yeah because everyone over the age of 30 wants their very own doll house. Ugh. Overall some pretty decent moments of fright, but mostly a "thriller" with a slow build up. I'm glad I waited 6 months to see this! Not. It's not a bad movie- I just don't get why it was always unavailable! Load of crap if you ask me.

Eyes of Laura Mars: Well It's Official. Tommy Lee Jones Was Never a Stud Muffin.

My interest in watching this movie stems from trying to decipher the lyrics of one of my favorite Tori Amos songs, Gold Dust. There was the line, "Through the eyes of Laura Mars, how did it go so fast?" and I never frickin knew who or what Laura Mars was. Naturally I pretended to hear something else so that the lyrics were more fitting to my melodramatic teenage life at that time but I always wondered, who is Laura Mars? Why she is Faye Dunaway of course!

Eyes of Laura Mars is about the fashion photographer Laura Mars and her ability to see murders happen. She has visions both awake and asleep of brutal murders- but as of late every murder has in some way been attached to her and every one involves the stabbing of an eye with an ice pick.

The movie for the most part is melodramatic and a strange love shrine to Tommy Lee Jones, which, as a warm blooded mammal I have never been able to understand.

Even with his long flowing locks I wouldn't classify him as a Studdly McStuddlyson. So I'm not sure why he got casted in such a heroic, dreamy role but hey maybe it's just me. Despite that strange choice in casting (which is more than made up for with the casting of Raul Julia) I happen to enjoy the movie. It does seem to drag at a few parts but it is a pretty decent showing of a crime drama/murder mystery. Laura's visions are strange and I love how the police connected her photographs to actual unsolved murder photographs from 2 years previous- proof that her visions were not always concerned with the deaths of those closest to her. Of course having clairvoyent visions of murders happening isn't a new thing so that may have been why my snooze button was pressed a few times.

Things I loved; Laura Mars' photography. Can I get a poster of some of these? Half naked fashion models killing someone AND looking like models? Tyra Banks would be astounded- and why hasn't that been a challenge on America's Next Top Model yet? It is also very telling of the movie's subject matter that Laura Mars photographs brutal killings in order to sensitize the masses to violence when in actuality she is the one always experiencing brutal killings and becoming more and more sensitive to their nature. I also loved all the eye imagery. Camera lenses, ice picks through the eyes, the constant use of mirrors, seeing the truth and not seeing the truth- how even Laura's images are disadvantaged in that aspect- it's all very interesting and something I feel a lot of people miss when watching this movie.

Sure it's not a groundbreaking film by any means and Faye Dunaway seems to always be channeling a future role as Joan Crawford, screaming about no more somethings...

But I still enjoyed myself and I'm overjoyed that I can finally understand Tori's lyrics and take a whole new meaning from them.

One major major hate of this film though...having to look at limo driver's Tommy's face...

Wait a minute...I know him....Oh no! It's notorious murderer Charles Lee Ray from Child's Play! Ahhhh. Ugh. This man's face has always made me want to eat a baby. How ugly can one person be fo realz? As soon as I saw his face I knew he was responsible for something...even if it wasn't for the killings he just had to have done something. And I was partially right. Partially.

Overall a decent little film filled with deep themes and even a few tense moments. While it may be classified as a thriller, the addition of Charles Lee Ray turns it into an immediate horror film...har har. But seriously he is terrifying. Oh and is it wrong to love the theme song sung by Barbara Streisand? I'm putting it on my Itunes as we speak.