Friday, May 11, 2012

Where in the World?

Okay, okay I know. I can only use that "I'm lazy and addicted to the X-files" excuse only so many times. The fact is I'm just really in a slump. And also I've been doing things. Sort of. Mostly it's just a blur. I sleep, wake up, go to work, go home, get annoyed by some crazy bag lady wearing loud clunky wooden platforms who refuses to hold onto something on the train so she just keeps falling and clumping around all over the place, eat dinner, sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Seriously that lady was the worst. JUST HOLD ON TO SOMETHING.

Anyways, since I clearly have no time to do things like watch movies, I obviously don't have a ton to blog about. Which is sad because this blog is about watching movies. It was hard to say: was I not blogging because I didn't want to? Or was I not blogging because I didn't have time? A mix of both I suppose. Although I can't deny that I didn't start having all these crazy ideas about starting a new blog that's just about everything where everyone can be happy and drink wine and kiss cats and stuff. Pipe dream I guess. Or is it?!

I'm hoping that I'll get back into the swing of things but before we jump right into normalcy, I thought I'd give you a quick and awesome rundown of really where in the world I have been. Mostly this is to prove to myself that I didn't just waste an entire month of my life sleeping and eating.

1. The X-FILES

As you know I've become slightly addicted to the X-files. I'm somewhere in season 4 so things are getting confusing. Like all of a sudden Mulder doesn't believe in shit and Scully does? It's crazy man. My obsession led me to start writing a post about all the fantastic horror movies references and inspirations behind a few of the episodes. So far I only wrote down one, although I have a list about 10 episodes long. Oh well, accomplishing tasks is overrated anyways. Maybe someday if I'm lucky I'll start that one again.

Also look at this awesome new poster I bought for my cube at work.

I'm fairly certain that the 80% of people that pass by who do not watch the X-files think I'm some loony who has a boner for aliens. Mission accomplished.

2. Books

Remember when I rediscovered books after 2 straight of years of crazy, incessant movie watching? Well now let's just say that it is time for me now to rediscover movies. Books are my life and obviously my Kindle and I are still a fantastic couple. The most notable book as of late?

Seriously, I've gone on record maybe one too many times about how I don't love Stephen King as a writer (GASP I know) (I might as well just say I don't like the Evil Dead II.... oh wait). But whatever I think it's true. Amazing storyteller yes. Amazing writer? Eh. I guess... if you like that whole 1,000 million characters, raging boner for Maine, who needs an editor? type deal. This book though... this book is really, really quite brilliant.

I'm serious. If you have not read this pick it up right now. It's huge, but it's worth it, and it goes by incredibly fast. It's gripping, sad, romantic, creepy and even has cameos from your favorite characters in IT. Do it. seriously read this right now.


I took a vacation! I think it had been about 3 years since my last full blown vacation--and no my "stay-cation" last year didn't count. Last week, Emmy Doomas and I hopped on a plane to Pompano Beach, Florida and basked in the sun. Or that's what I told the voice inside my head while it was raining for 4 days straight.

But you know what? It did eventually get sunny and I got a little sunned. Emphasis on little. It was extremely relaxing and also a little bit creepy. Can any of you Floridians tell me why there is such a thing as a drive thru adult book store?

 I'm still confused about it.

4. Sneakers

Do you know what one of the best movies of all time is? Sneakers.

Not only does it have an extremely star studded and crazy cast (Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, Ben Kingsley, Dan Aykroyd, James Earl Jones, River Phoenix, David Strathairn) but it's just plain awesome. I can't stand how good this movie is. And no, it's not a horror movie okay? I took a break and watched other movies for a change alright?

God damn this movie makes me want to quit my job and pretend to rob banks and large corporations run by Ben Kingsley. It's one of those movies where no matter how many times you watch it (and I can attest to that as I've seen it about 103 times) you will always figure something new out. You'll always be excited even though you know what's going to happen. And you'll always be giddy when they reveal something neat using Scrabble letters.

Seriously I cannot wait till something cryptic happens in my life and then I have to take out Scrabble pieces to figure it out.

It's going to be the most magical moment ever.

5. The Celebrity Apprentice

I'd like to pretend that I didn't just write that but I can't. This show is my crack. I had never even watched it until this season but man is this shit entertaining or what? Who would have known how frickin annoying Lou Ferrigno could be?

I swear I can hear him say how he gives a "110% percent" in my nightmares. Every. Single. Night.

P.S. What the eff, "The fake" The Donald? You fire Lisa Lampanelli for crying too much and being too emotional in the board room? I'll have you know that some of the most manliest and tough men in the world cry and don't care...for instance...

Yeah so take that okay?

Well....I guess that was all I really did. I guess I did really waste my life after all. Oh well. Life is too short to..... do things...........

I promise that soon I'll watch a movie and then talk about it.


Verdant Earl said...

Sometimes I flip through all the crappy cable channels and think "Man, I hope Sneakers is on right now someplace". True story.

Donal Logue as a scientist! Timothy Busfield as a bad guy! Stephen Tobolowsky as...well, the guy that Stephen Tobolowsky mostly gets to play. Love that film!

CashBailey said...

Good to hear from you again, Andre. I'm sure we were all wondering where you got to.

Congrats on the vacation. I'm gearing up for one soon and I'm afraid I'll have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back into the world when it's all over.

Oh, and +1000000 for that ICHI picture.

Thomas Duke said...

I think the drive through adult book store is supposed to lessen the shame of going to an adult bookstore, but then, why not just buy stuff on the internet? Wouldn't it be even more awkward to try to describe what you want to the 19 year-old girl working the drive-thru? You'd have to shout it into the speaker so she can hear. I dunno. I guess it's for people on the go who know exactly what they want. "I need the new issue of KNOCKERS and I need it PRONTO! I have errands to run!"

I don't know if it's any more ridiculous than a drive-thru liquor store though.

To be perfectly honest, if I ever saw a drive-thru adult bookstore, I would HAVE to drive-thru and order something and make jokes along the way. That's an opportunity I couldn't turn down for some reason. SO many possibilities! "how much extra is it for you to throw some bacon on it?"

CashBailey said...

Andre, with those SUSPIRIA and THE WARRIORS posters in your cubicle how are you not constantly swamped with geek-guys elbowing each other out of the way to get to you?

Or maybe you are, I don't know. All I know is that I have never had a girl in my workplace who was that cool. I'm lucky if they know of any music more obscure than Nickleback.

As for THE X-FILES, I'd love to see remastered blu-ray releases for each season. The DVDs look fucking horrendous, and considering it was shot on film I'd love to see the original prints used.

That was some amazing television for a while, until it just went on far too long.

commodore sixty four said...

sneakers is awesome and is playing on HBO or showtime almost every other day, and i hate the x files and i know thats mulders poster so the people at work prolly just think your into really overrated cornball sci fi not aliens (although i did like the episode "Home")

Phil Fasso said...

I met Lou Ferrigno years ago at a horror con. He always does the Chiller show in NJ (in fact, I saw him again a few weeks ago). Yeah, Ferrigno is a dick in person. Nuff said.

Phil Fasso said...

I met Lou Ferrigno years ago at the Chiller convention in Jersey. He does that show all the time (in fact, I saw him there again a few weeks ago). Yeah, Ferrigno is a dick in person.

Spooky Sean said...

Stephen King is sometimes an engaging storyteller, but I agree, usually the quality of the tale is better than the execution. Case in point The Dark Tower series.
The tale itself is hard not to love. An alternate universe where medieval knight types are essentially cowboys. So, royal cowboys, oh, and there's magic, and giant monsters, and it also rips off the Lord of the Rings, so it gets all pastoral, and then all crazy, and dark, and mountainous.
And the last of the royal cowboys, (the rest having been murdered by an evil wizard, and a war against the royalty) is in search for a gigantic black tower, which holds the axis of every universe up. The tower is slowly breaking, and if it breaks, all existence will end. And people from our universe can go through doors, and enter into said alternate universe of royal cowboys, where The Dark Tower is found.
In execution, there is an evil pink train, a terrible anti-climatic ending, strange cowboy dancing, pop culture reference abuses like "sneetches" which are grenade balls that fly, and the usual array of terrible nursery rhymes as scare tactics.
And I won't even go into The X Files, save to say, be prepared to sigh a lot.

CashBailey said...

@Spooky Sean - Yeah, the DT series definitely gets unwieldy in places, and some of the creative directions are a real head-scratcher. But I still think that, at least, the first three books are some of the best stuff King has written.

The post-accident books are wildly uneven and the ending WAS a bit of a shark-jumping moment. It's why I think it's pure folly for anyone to try and adapt the series for TV or film.

deadlydolls said...

Good to see you back(ish). And eff that bag lady! Who wears wooden platforms anyway?