Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Scary Moments from Star Wars

Well it's Star Wars day--so hurry up and put your favorite Star Wars quote in your facebook status. But hey, speaking of which, why hasn't anyone put "NOOOOOOO!" yet? Just kidding. In honor of Star Wars today here are some of my favorite scary moments from the film we all know and love. And if you don't love it- then get out.

The Sarlaac

I had a bad habit when I was younger of putting myself in the position of the peril our main characters were in- so you'll probably see a trend with why I am naming these moments some of the scarier of the bunch. The Sarlaac was no exception to this rule and I always found myself in anxiety heaven thinking about what it would be like to be slowly digested for over a thousand years. I'm not sure what that would feel like but I always felt really bad for all those random guys that fell in during the struggle. I sort of felt bad for the Sarlaac too--hopefully someone tossed in some laxatives or something to help him out.

The Rancor

I won't lie, I was terrified of this scene as a young one. Due to my unfortunate ability to put myself in Luke's position, I couldn't help but think that I would be much less successful than someone with actual Jedi abilities. I would probably end up like that slutty dancer/concubine--who would be hot if it wasn't for her large head strand things oh and if she wasn't green (or blue depending on how your TV perceived the colors). Actually I take that back, I wouldn't just stand there and scream until the thing ate me. But for real--this dude looked scary. And how bad did you feel for the pig guard that fell in by accident? The sound of his pig bones being crushed always made me wince. Seriously, never stand on or near that trap door. Oh and side note, I also used to feel a little bad for the Rancor when he made that sad puppy noise after getting the door slammed on his head. Poor scary beastie.

The Wampa

First off I didn't know the abominable snowman was called a "wampa". Second of all I usually ducked out of the room at this scene because the sight of his arm being cut off was pretty bloody and I was....little and stuff. This scene is sometimes too stressful for me to handle. Apparently the force doesn't work as well when your legs are frozen to the ceiling of the wampa's cave and all the blood flows straight to your head. Who knew? Good thing Luke pulls through--again!

Luke Enters the Secret Cave

This part freaked me out for a number of reasons. For one it was a dark and damp cave like atmosphere which usually equals pleasantness. Also, there were big snakes PLUS Darth Vader comes out of nowhere and FINALLY Luke cuts off his head to reveal---Luke's head! The sight of that head was frickin' scary to me the first time I saw it. And also, I had no idea what that meant till I was like 15 years old. Up until then I just assumed that Luke was just a manifestation of Vader's good side and that Luke never existed in the first place... I was way off! (I'm kidding yo) But seriously, I had no idea what that meant and made Emmy Doomas explain it to me, several times.

Plethora of Sea Creatures

I promised myself never to bring up films 1-3 but I'm making a special case for my fear of the water and the beasties that reside in it. This part had me shaking in my boots in the movie theater. Talk about one beastie after another- and they kept getting bigger and bigger. I hate things in the water- I do, so sue me. I can't help it if you don't agree with me on this selection, but just know that I HATED it and almost cried.

Taking off Vader's Helmet

The first time that I realized Luke was about to take off Vader's helmet I almost screamed. I had no interest in finding out what that guy looked like underneath his helmet. Good thing he only looked like Humpty Dumpty. Apparently really severe burns do heal over time. Thank god. But can you imagine the smell? Although we do know he airs it out now and again-
which was another traumatic moment if you ask me. But seriously, it could have been a lot worse.

Trash Compactor

Yet another scene where I found myself wondering what being smushed in a trash compactor would feel like. I sort of hate scenes like this where time is running out in the most agonizing of all ways. And even though we know they make it out okay, I can't help but worry that one of these times---that won't be the case. Also that giant octopus thing doesn't help at all.

Sand People

Fuck these things man. That scene is probably the most effective jump scare in a non horror movie. I always forget it happens too. Blasts! I really need to read up on Sand people history. They're so barbaric and why do they need gas masks? Is that part of their face? I never found the answer to that question--I need help from a true Star Wars nerd. Oooh...that's right! Anakin goes and kills a bunch of Sand people in Episode II? I blocked it out.

Imagining Sex with Jabba

This pretty much goes without saying--but I can honestly not think of anything more terrifying than having sex with Jabba the Hut.

"This is no cave"

I guess it could have been worse. After all, finding yourself in an unknown body cavity that is moist and making rumbling sounds, seems like really bad news to me. Thank goodness it was just some weird asteroid worm's mouth. But those little things with the wings? Yikes. Didn't see that one coming. And once again the closing of the mouth and praying that they get out in time is still anxiety provoking even today.

Honorable Mentions

Goodbye Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru (which I talked about in an earlier post here)

Bib Fortuna's face...and fingernails.

Black or striped Ewoks.

Tall Jawa's.

Luke in a diaper.

Droid torture chamber at Jabba's Palace.


M Pallante said...

Well done :)

Ed said...

Ohhh the Luke Enters the Secret Cave one used to terrify me. For a long time I thought Empire Strikes Back was my least favourite because it was so dark and scary. Then I realised that's what makes it the best one.

Nice choices.

JLG said...

WOW. Every one was scarier than the last. What's sad is that I can identify with each one of these scares. Even luke in the diaper.

Anonymous said...

Octopus-thing in the trash compacter was the one that traumatized me as a child!

My little brother was scared of Yoda. Like, running out of the room screaming scared. Of all the things in Star Wars to be terrified of, that was one that just never made sense to me...

Andre Dumas said...

Hahah actually that kind of makes sense. I too am sometimes scared of little things. Even though Yoda is mostly cute, I can understand where that trace of creepiness comes from...

ZedWord said...

Black Ewoks are scary? That's racist.

The French Waffle said...

The trash compacter is a standout for me. I remember back in one of my writing classes we actually spent 20 minutes looking up the creature's name. It's a dianoga, if anyone is interested. I am so totally one of the cool kids...

Bekah said...

You r a baby those parts arent even scary