Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Scary Face Club: July Inductees

Can you smell that? It smells like school supplies and Doritos---OR also, a new meeting of the Scary Face Club which happens to be my 3rd favorite time of the year behind when Easter candy hits shelves and the end of Shark Week (FUCK that's happening soon isn't it?). For some reason the time between the last Scary Face Club and this one felt like so long. So much changed in my life between then and now it's dream. In the short time span of a month I became more successful, better looking and bought a new mascara. Hooray for life changes!

In any case, we've finally arrived at 5 new Scary Faces. Who will join the elusive and highly selective club this month? Let's find out!


(An American Werewolf in London)

By all accounts, David's random scary face is a total slap in the crotch. Not only are we not expecting it, but it also bears a strong resemblance to Pazuzu's face---the most evilest and terrifying face on the planet! I know John Landis is my man, but come on---low blow, low blow. And also....what is this face supposed to symbolize? That is not a werewolf face, I demand answers! Huh? It was a dream? Ugh, fine. Take the easy way out.

The Headless Horseman

(Sleepy Hollow)

When I revisited Sleepy Hollow recently, I couldn't help but notice how utterly terrifying Christopher Walken is in this. Sure, he only has his head for a few scenes---but man.....those teeth, those Christopher Walken eyes, that fuzzy hair--it's just plain mean. Let's just say that being headless may in fact suit him.


(Fright Night)

Even if you've never seen Fright Night, you probably have actually seen this scary face from it on more than one occasion. I'm pretty sure it's the most used image from this movie---prettttty sure. In any case, the thing about Amy's scary face is that even if you've seen it 100 times in a photo, when you see it coming at you without any real warning in the film---it's about 32 times scarier. You just don't expect that Joker-like mouth and those teeth...ooooh god the teeth. If I've learned anything while doing the Scary Face Club it's that a bad pair of teeth can really push a face into Scary Face territory. So remember parents--pay for those braces.

Count Orlok


I told you when we were voting on officers for the Scary Face Club that Count Orlok would eventually be getting a spot and look at that---I was right! There's no denying that Count Orlok's face is the grandaddy of scary vampire faces. This my friends is a face of legend....LEGEND. I still can see it when I'm trying to fall asleep at night. There's also a very unfortunate smudge on my laptop screen that looks exactly like Count Orlok when I turn my computer off. This has prompted me to never turn my computer off, therefore resulting in its eventual death sure to come much soon than it ever anticipated. Anyways...he may have an incredible fashion sense but goddamn it Count're fucking scary!

Large Marge

(Pee Wee's Big Adventure)

I can't believe I didn't even think of adding Large Marge until now. What was I thinking? Probably something about wine and pizza. In any case, I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that Large Marge is the cause of many, many reoccurring childhood and now adulthood nightmares. I've spoken before on the strange phenomena that would happen right before this scene started but I'll tell you again to save time. Right before this scene, I would always get a sudden urge to go to the bathroom or look for something that had mysteriously gone missing under the coffee table. Okay, you got me. I was just terrified of it and my sisters made fun of me for it. But really, it's truly one of the scariest things to ever happen in the world period. It made me feel so conflicted as a young one. I loved Pee Wee's Big Adventure but I despised and loathed the Large Marge scene! What's a girl to do? Lie about the whereabouts of your sock apparently.


Unknown said...

Oh Walken. Is there any face you can't make scary?

Patrick said...

I'd have to give it to Amy of Fright Night on this one. Dang but that bitch is hosting some scary on that face. Enough to make a man queasy. Total yuck mouth.

I also just realized that Christopher Walken is actually Count Orlock. He just put on a wig. Crafty bastard.

I haven't seen Pee Wee's Big Adventure since it first came out back in '85. Don't remember Large Marge at all but a repressed memory of that face might explain some things. Like how when I see big women driving trucks, I start to cry...

Okay, just youtubed the scene and now I'm working with a I feel a little better about the whole thing.

Great post, Andre. I always like to see what you're going to come up with when Scary Face time rolls around. Keep up the good work.

BRENT said...

Isn't Christpher Walken scary even before he filed his teeth pointy??!!!

Anonymous said...

Amy... brrr! Shivers up the spine for me. And that's not just because her's is a scary face, but that she reminds me of Carly Simon with that big ass mouth! Every time I see that face, I can't help but hear "Anticipation" in my mind.

To me, that's scarier than her being a vampire.


Anonymous said...

I'm torn between David and Court Orlok. They're both creepy.

The French Waffle said...

naturally I read this just before I head off to bed...great choices this month!

Spooky Sean said...

Large Marge always scares the crap out of me, because even though I know the claymation is coming...I don't know, somehow I'm still never prepared for it.

Nathan Forester said...

Chris Walken's Hessian Horseman for sure.

Isabella said...

I'll have to go w Amy fr fright night as the scariest face. Personally though, I've always thought that all Muppet puppets or whatever are soooo creepy. Dont know what it is, they just don't sit rt w me.