Sunday, March 7, 2010

Digest Quickies: 5 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage.

Often when marriages fail, people will say the "spice is gone". Of course I'm not married nor have I ever been so I guess I'm not a good authority on the matter. However, I am a good authority on horror movies, cats and food so therefore you will just have to listen.

Watch the Sun Rise

Eben and Stella here are a great example of why sunsets work. Their marriage was falling straight down the tubes--a separation? A hop, skip and a jump away from divorce probably. But thanks to good old, crazy teethed vampires that speak in Elvish, Stella and Eben are forced to work together and essentially solve their problems, for the sake of staying alive. Sacrifices in the form of injecting vampire blood into the bloodstream, allowed for the ultimate rekindling of the flame. As Eben and Stella watched the sunset together they shared a romantic hug and a cry....and then Eben dissolved into ashes.

But hopefully you won't go that far- instead, a sunset preferably watched while sad beautiful music plays in the background, should be the deal sealer. You'll be back living together in no time.

Play Hide and Seek

Sometimes marriage problems get so intense and serious. So what better way to take the edge off then indulge in a few fun games? Although Saskia and Rex weren't really fighting, heck I even forget if they were married or just doing it, but their indulgence in a Hide and Seek type of game made me realize--that people need to have more fun. Instead of fighting, put on a blindfold (hey don't get kinky on me now) and play a little pin the tail on the donkey- or even smash a pinata! Or take a page from Saskia and Rex and one of you can go hide somewhere while the other searches. Of course I wouldn't do things exactly like Saskia and get yourself buried alive in some psychos garden.

Although the end result- Rex being buried alive near Saskia did in a sense bring them closer together so make your own conclusions.

Meet Some Strangers

Sometimes marriages turn into a 2 person show. By that I mean, old friends are forgotten and the married couple becomes a "we" aka annoying to your friends that aren't married. Solving this problem is easy- make some new friends! Find some people you wouldn't normally be befriends with, it'll force you to act differently and therefore it will cause you to see yourself and your marriage in a brand new light. You might want to be cautious when picking your new friends however, because they could end up wearing funny masks, tying you to chairs and killing you. Although if you want to look at the plus side- that too probably brought James and Kristen here together. But yeah best to avoid those kinds of people if you can.

Build Your House Over a Graveyard

Moving your family to a new part of town or even a new state can be good for a few reasons. It will open the door to new experiences, new friends and new places to go. Change is good! If you really want to make a big change, follow the example of the Freelings and build your new house over a graveyard. That way you will experience some really different things like, an evil tree swallowing your kind of ugly son, and poltergeists taking your youngest daughter to the other side. If that happens one of you will have to strap on a rope and go into the closet after her. The near death experience will surely bring your family closer together, just remember to get a good psychic, and always keep a kiddie pool full of warm water handy.

Practice Voodoo

Changing your religion can be a dicey situation. But for those of you not creepily invested in your religion, I would suggest trying out the magical art of voodoo. Take a page from Mama Cecile and Papa Justify. They are what now, 130 years old? And they have managed to stay together through thick and thin just by their voodoo practices. Their particular spell even allows for a bit of role playing. They have the power to become children, old men, and hot and sexy people like Kate Hudson and Peter Saarsgard- it's really a foolproof way to save your marriage and add that extra spice you've been looking for.


Scare Sarah said...

Good god, you should *sell* this advice!

Nice one.

Pax Romano said...

and if all else fails, take your family to some out of the way, upscale hotel in the mountains of Colorado...and go during the off season!

Andre Dumas said...

Dang it Pax I had meant to put in something about how you should never EVER become a caretaker of a hotel in the off season, if you want to get spice. Oh well, maybe that goes without being said...

James C. Sugrue said...

If having the ability to turn into a child is what saves your marriage, I'm pretty sure that the marriage shouldn't be saved.

But hey, who am I to judge? I've never lived in Utah, and I've never had to face the horrifying idea of my bride having 20 candles on her birthday cake.

forestofthedead said...

Whenever I want to get romantic with a lady, I take her to this cabin. I think all of my friends died there, but this time things should work out great. I imagine she'll be so excited she'll dance in the moonlight.