Thursday, November 4, 2010

Way To Go Moments: Everyone Who Didn't Listen to Ripley.

Way To Go

Way to Go Moments makes its joyous return with some people that I've been stewing over for MONTHS, maybe years who knows. Apparently in the future, everyone is a giant idiot (not too difficult to see that coming). No one listens to reason, people don't believe logical things and people still don't really like when a woman tries to take control.

The crew on the Nostromo thinks that just because someone is your friend means that you should let them back on the ship when they have a highly dangerous alien attached to their face. Ellen Ripley was the voice of reason. Sure she had terrible hair, but she was just following quarantine procedures. Imagine if the crew had listened to her--they would be enjoying a wonderful dinner and laughing about typical futuristic things, telling dirty jokes etc. In fact it would be exactly like this

except you know without that whole chestburster ordeal.

Things would be pleasant and less bloody. Not to mention that they could have entirely bypassed that whole alien loose on the ship thing. So way to go crew of the Nostromo for being real dickheads. Life before strife--that's what I always say. Or is it...brains before Kane? I can't remember.

But don't worry because the dickheads don't stop there. 57 years after the Nostromo, Ripley tries to tell the Weyland-Yutani Corporation that the reason she blew up the ship was because there was a fucking alien on it. An alien you say?! What is the meaning of this Ripley? Oh right I forgot, things are so far advanced in the future that we have things like you travel, stasis, cats that can survive on spaceships, entire colonies on different planets, guns that fire weird blue balls of electricity--yes you're right the idea of aliens existing is just too preposterous for me to handle.

Thanks to everyone's disbelief, the alien that doesn't exist turned into hundreds of aliens having a free for all and lots of people dying a painful death. It was nice knowing you, military dickheads. The moral of the story is simple--listen to Ripley. If Ripley tells you to let Kane die, you let Kane die. If Ripley tells you there are aliens--there are fucking aliens. And if Ripley tells you that all robots are assholes....oh wait-- I have to amend the golden rule. Listen to Ripley UNLESS she is being robot racist. Nobody likes a robot racist.

1 comment:

matango said...

One of the things I really like about Alien was the fact that in most movies Ripley would have been the officious asshole. She was sticking to the book and was shown to be right. In most Hollywood movies, her character would be butting up against the hero who "doesn't play by the rules but does what's right. She'd of course have a change of heart but be killed by the end of the movie. Cameron basically reversed her original characterization in the second movie and made her a standard Hollywood hero.